I'm so happy this morning. The number on the scale was better than expected -- 193.4. Yes, I'm finally ready to reveal how much I weigh. I had told myself I was going to do it when I got below 200 pounds, but then I chickened out. It's important for me to be able to talk about it because I think that is the final mental obstacle. If I can be comfortable with it, then I think it will be easier not to focus on the number. It's just a number and this process is all about how I feel.
And I feel fantastic. I'm jumping for joy this morning as I think about how far I've come. One year ago, I weighed in at 271.8 pounds, which means I've lost 78.4 pounds. I was hoping to get to 80 pounds lost by today, but I'm not upset that I didn't reach my goal. I'm honestly thrilled to be where I am. During the past month, I've splurged more than I have the entire year. So the fact that I still lost a little weight makes me happy.
This year has definitely been one of change for me. In the past, I'd say I was the kind of person who didn't deal with change well. And I probably haven't dealt with it well all the time this year. But I've come to understand the value of it. And even though I've had my share of emotional ups and downs through this journey, I've come to the end of the year feeling like a different person and feeling excited about everything that's happened in 2010.
As the year ends, I want to make one final list of things that made me happy this year.
1. Losing weight. Of course, that tops the list. Every time I fit into a smaller size or someone comments on the progress I've made, I feel good. And I'm probably the healthiest I've been since I was a kid.
2. Meeting new people. I'll never be a "social butterfly" but I've met some of the nicest people in the past year. I've been working hard at building relationships and trusting people. I truly appreciate the people who have come into my life this year. They inspire me daily.
3. Getting support and encouragement. This has been extremely important to my success. I have one friend who always knows the right thing to say just when I need to hear it. And that friend has been instrumental in getting me to embrace the change that has come into my life this year. But I've also found support from so many others, many of whom will never even know it. Everyone is always understanding of my efforts and just knowing that so many others struggle with the same issues I do has been helpful. Through my blog, I've also gotten encouragement from people I don't even know, which is truly surprising to me.
4. Trying new things. Where do I begin? This will sound crazy, but the one that sticks out most is oysters. I can't believe I ate them, and they weren't that bad. If you know me, you know I'm stubborn. I seriously would have never just eaten oysters before. The fact that I did it this year epitomizes my willingness to go outside my comfort zone. I've done so many things I would have never done before. Some work out well; some not so much. But all of the experiences have contributed to a fantastic year.
5. Being happy. I still struggle with this one from time to time, but overall I am a much happier person than I was a year ago. Losing the weight has been a factor, but it's really about changing the way I think about and approach life. And the feeling is addictive. Now, when I don't feel that excitement for the day ahead, I get upset with myself. I like thinking positive and feeling good.
So as this year ends, I'm hopeful for the future. I want to lose 40 more pounds in 2011. Unlike this time last year, I feel certain that I will do it. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. But I also accept that I am a work in progress.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tomorrow is the big day
In 24 hours, I will be weighing in for the final time in 2010. It will have been a full year since I began my weight-loss journey. I'm nervous, yet excited. A couple of months ago, I set a goal of reaching 80 pounds lost by the end of the year. Based on this morning's number on the scale, I won't quite make it. Depending on how today goes (I am eating dinner out tonight), I think I'll be at about 77 pounds. That's amazing!
A year ago, I didn't believe I could do it. In fact, if it hadn't been for my colleagues convincing me to join them in the Biggest Loser challenge at the office, I wouldn't have even tried. I would have continued down the same path I had been on. And it wasn't a good one. Instead, I've had an awesome year.
I thought I'd take this opportunity to review how I did it. The first week of January I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I spent the first six months of the year following the points system. I was strict and kept track of everything I put in my mouth. The success was immediate and steady. By July, I'd lost 50 pounds. I felt fantastic. A lot of the aches and pains I experienced previously had disappeared and I just felt better.
By the end of July, I knew it was time to get in shape so I started walking. The first time I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach, I thought I might pass out. But I stuck with it, walking The Loop or around my neighborhood a couple of times a week. My rate of weight loss slowed dramatically, but the shape of my body started to change rapidly. I've had to buy a new wardrobe twice in the past six months because everything keeps getting too big.
I've still been using the Weight Watchers online system to track my eating, but I haven't been as diligent in the past three months. It's obviously made a difference because I haven't lost a lot of weight. Keeping track is clearly the key to success. The good news, though, is that I've learned to make good choices even when I'm not keeping track. I am still losing weight, just much slower.
When I talk about how I did it, though, I have to stress that having support from friends, family and co-workers has been essential to my success. I've been surprised at how encouraging people have been. I was so afraid in the beginning to even talk about my weight and my goals. I was embarrassed and afraid I would fail. I didn't start this blog until June.
Now, I see that so many people struggle with the same issues. And those who don't clearly are more understanding than I thought they'd be. One of the great benefits of this journey is that I've made a bunch of new friends. I've used my weight loss as an excuse to make this year about trying new things. I can honestly say that this journey has resulted in me changing who I am and how I approach life (most of the time). I do all sorts of things now that I would have never done in the past. And I'm having the most fun.
Part of this journey also has involved finding inspiration and motivation. I've found both in the strangest places and sometimes from people when I least expected it. Most people probably don't even know that they've had a role in my success. All I can say is that if I've met you in the past year, you've probably inspired me in some way to keep at it. So thank you.
As I head into 2011, I want to return to the days of tracking everything. It's hard to do when I eat out a lot, but it's not impossible and I know it will help jump start my weight loss in the new year. I also want to step up my exercise. I'm still thinking about what my next goal will be. I'd like to get to 100 pounds lost by a certain date, but I want the goal to be reasonable, so I'm still debating what that date will be.
What's important is that I end the year knowing that I achieved something I never thought possible and I enter the new year believing that I will reach my next goal. I am at the point where losing weight is more about dealing with mental obstacles than physical ones.
A year ago, I didn't believe I could do it. In fact, if it hadn't been for my colleagues convincing me to join them in the Biggest Loser challenge at the office, I wouldn't have even tried. I would have continued down the same path I had been on. And it wasn't a good one. Instead, I've had an awesome year.
I thought I'd take this opportunity to review how I did it. The first week of January I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I spent the first six months of the year following the points system. I was strict and kept track of everything I put in my mouth. The success was immediate and steady. By July, I'd lost 50 pounds. I felt fantastic. A lot of the aches and pains I experienced previously had disappeared and I just felt better.
By the end of July, I knew it was time to get in shape so I started walking. The first time I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach, I thought I might pass out. But I stuck with it, walking The Loop or around my neighborhood a couple of times a week. My rate of weight loss slowed dramatically, but the shape of my body started to change rapidly. I've had to buy a new wardrobe twice in the past six months because everything keeps getting too big.
I've still been using the Weight Watchers online system to track my eating, but I haven't been as diligent in the past three months. It's obviously made a difference because I haven't lost a lot of weight. Keeping track is clearly the key to success. The good news, though, is that I've learned to make good choices even when I'm not keeping track. I am still losing weight, just much slower.
When I talk about how I did it, though, I have to stress that having support from friends, family and co-workers has been essential to my success. I've been surprised at how encouraging people have been. I was so afraid in the beginning to even talk about my weight and my goals. I was embarrassed and afraid I would fail. I didn't start this blog until June.
Now, I see that so many people struggle with the same issues. And those who don't clearly are more understanding than I thought they'd be. One of the great benefits of this journey is that I've made a bunch of new friends. I've used my weight loss as an excuse to make this year about trying new things. I can honestly say that this journey has resulted in me changing who I am and how I approach life (most of the time). I do all sorts of things now that I would have never done in the past. And I'm having the most fun.
Part of this journey also has involved finding inspiration and motivation. I've found both in the strangest places and sometimes from people when I least expected it. Most people probably don't even know that they've had a role in my success. All I can say is that if I've met you in the past year, you've probably inspired me in some way to keep at it. So thank you.
As I head into 2011, I want to return to the days of tracking everything. It's hard to do when I eat out a lot, but it's not impossible and I know it will help jump start my weight loss in the new year. I also want to step up my exercise. I'm still thinking about what my next goal will be. I'd like to get to 100 pounds lost by a certain date, but I want the goal to be reasonable, so I'm still debating what that date will be.
What's important is that I end the year knowing that I achieved something I never thought possible and I enter the new year believing that I will reach my next goal. I am at the point where losing weight is more about dealing with mental obstacles than physical ones.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Letting it go: Day 17
It's been two and a half weeks since my post about trying to let go of a certain obsessive-compulsive behavior. My apologies, again, for not being specific. But I figured it was time for an official check-in. I was rating each day in the beginning on a scale of 1 to 10. The best day I had was an 8; the worst was a 2. Overall, I've had quite a few ups and downs. But I think I've slowly made progress. The bad days are now the 5s. Still, no 10s, but yesterday was definitely a 9 and today is headed in that direction.
My point really is that I was giving myself 30 days to break a bad habit. I'm not there yet, but if the past two days are any indication, I think I'm getting close. Something just clicked, I think. I've been in several situations in the past two days where I could have let my OCD win, but I didn't. In fact, I was quite calm about it and made conscious choices not to do the thing that drives even me crazy.
I feel good about it. The irrational side of my brain seems quiet for now. I hope this is a sign of things to come. And a sign that I am in control of my thoughts and actions. Of course, who else would be?
My point really is that I was giving myself 30 days to break a bad habit. I'm not there yet, but if the past two days are any indication, I think I'm getting close. Something just clicked, I think. I've been in several situations in the past two days where I could have let my OCD win, but I didn't. In fact, I was quite calm about it and made conscious choices not to do the thing that drives even me crazy.
I feel good about it. The irrational side of my brain seems quiet for now. I hope this is a sign of things to come. And a sign that I am in control of my thoughts and actions. Of course, who else would be?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Can we control our happiness?
A friend posted on facebook this morning: "Starting to allow myself to be happy." And that got me to thinking ... for hours since I was driving from Richmond to Wilmington.
Do we have the ability to allow ourselves to be happy or, in that case, unhappy? I've known happiness this year. It feels fantastic. When I try to think about what made me happy, it's hard to pinpoint one thing. Happiness is a feeling I get and I know when it happens. But figuring out what causes it isn't easy. And I'm not sure it's within my control.
Trust me. I've been trying to will myself to be happy for weeks now, and it's not working. I spent several months this summer genuinely feeling happy. I felt excited about life and the future. I don't know what's changed, but I do know that I don't feel that same happiness. Being happy is truly addictive. So how do I get it back and then sustain it over time?
I don't know the answer yet, but I intend to put all of my mental energy behind it. I'm tired of feeling mopey. And I know that finding happiness has to come from within. I cannot allow my level of happiness to be affected by other people. You know my motto: "Everything you do, you do to make yourself happy." If that's true, then happiness is within my control. I need to start living by that motto. What have I got to lose?
Do we have the ability to allow ourselves to be happy or, in that case, unhappy? I've known happiness this year. It feels fantastic. When I try to think about what made me happy, it's hard to pinpoint one thing. Happiness is a feeling I get and I know when it happens. But figuring out what causes it isn't easy. And I'm not sure it's within my control.
Trust me. I've been trying to will myself to be happy for weeks now, and it's not working. I spent several months this summer genuinely feeling happy. I felt excited about life and the future. I don't know what's changed, but I do know that I don't feel that same happiness. Being happy is truly addictive. So how do I get it back and then sustain it over time?
I don't know the answer yet, but I intend to put all of my mental energy behind it. I'm tired of feeling mopey. And I know that finding happiness has to come from within. I cannot allow my level of happiness to be affected by other people. You know my motto: "Everything you do, you do to make yourself happy." If that's true, then happiness is within my control. I need to start living by that motto. What have I got to lose?
Friday, December 24, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: A slippery slope
I spent about an hour in the bed this morning thinking about what I was going to write today. I had a lot I wanted to say about feeling sorry for myself and starting to wonder why I'm even bothering. The good news is that I've forgotten most of it already. It was clearly a low point.
It's been a stressful week -- in a lot of ways. As usual, my emotions (good and bad) affected my eating and drinking. So I knew the number on the scale wasn't going to be good. I gained a pound and a half this week, bringing my total weight loss to 77.2 pounds. Not surprised that I gained, but it's still disheartening. I've tried to have the right attitude. It's the holidays; a little splurging is to be expected. I want to enjoy time with my family and friends, and I don't want to be obsessive about everything I eat. Plus, I know it drives others crazy when I won't eat whatever is being prepared.
So I'm trying to be calm about the whole thing and just go with the flow. It's only a week. I'll get right back on track next week. Or will I? That's what worries me. Obviously, the backsliding has been occurring more and more. Overall, I'm still losing weight but the progress is quite slow and I can tell that mentally I'm not being as vigilant as I should be about what I eat.
As the one-year anniversary of this journey approaches, I'm simply hoping I will be able to recover and return to my good eating habits in 2011. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to tell myself that losing more than 75 pounds this year (not sure what the final number will end up being, but probably not the 80 I'd hoped for) is a major accomplishment and something to be proud of. If I keep the right attitude about it, I'm sure I will not continue to slip.
It's been a stressful week -- in a lot of ways. As usual, my emotions (good and bad) affected my eating and drinking. So I knew the number on the scale wasn't going to be good. I gained a pound and a half this week, bringing my total weight loss to 77.2 pounds. Not surprised that I gained, but it's still disheartening. I've tried to have the right attitude. It's the holidays; a little splurging is to be expected. I want to enjoy time with my family and friends, and I don't want to be obsessive about everything I eat. Plus, I know it drives others crazy when I won't eat whatever is being prepared.
So I'm trying to be calm about the whole thing and just go with the flow. It's only a week. I'll get right back on track next week. Or will I? That's what worries me. Obviously, the backsliding has been occurring more and more. Overall, I'm still losing weight but the progress is quite slow and I can tell that mentally I'm not being as vigilant as I should be about what I eat.
As the one-year anniversary of this journey approaches, I'm simply hoping I will be able to recover and return to my good eating habits in 2011. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to tell myself that losing more than 75 pounds this year (not sure what the final number will end up being, but probably not the 80 I'd hoped for) is a major accomplishment and something to be proud of. If I keep the right attitude about it, I'm sure I will not continue to slip.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Swapping one addiction for another
If one more person comments about my facebook addiction, I might just scream. I know I'm addicted. Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe I've swapped eating with facebooking? I definitely think there's a correlation. In the past, I clearly ate when I was bored or frustrated or stressed or whatever. Now, I post on facebook. Instead of reaching for food, I dash off a comment or two about whatever is on my mind. What's wrong with that? Do I need to remind people that I've lost almost 80 pounds this year and am healthier now than ever? If you don't want to know what I have to say, hide my posts. I don't care. It won't hurt my feelings. I won't even know. I'm not hurting anyone and, more importantly, it stops me from eating. I have a lot of nervous energy. My brain spins all the time. It's an outlet for that anxiety. Why does it bother some people so much? I wish I could explain better how some random thread on facebook keeps one part of my brain busy, which actually helps me focus on other things. It's like when I was a reporter. I doodled in my notebooks all the time. You might have thought I wasn't paying attention to what people were saying or wondered how I got my quotes right. The doodling actually kept me more focused. Without it, my mind would be all over the place. Facebook does the same thing. It occupies brain space that would otherwise be spent running out of control (or to the fridge). Oh, and most of the time the people I'm friends with really make me laugh. I love the random posts that just make me smile or chuckle. It's like a little ray of sunshine in my day. Again, what's wrong with that?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
It happened again!
I was feeling pretty good yesterday and today and then, all of a sudden this afternoon, my mood changed. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have just one more day before vacation, so I should be downright giddy. What's wrong with me?
I think it has something to do with not wanting to disappoint people. I've had to make a couple of decisions lately that I know are right, but I also know some people will be disappointed with my choices. I really do agonize before I decide something. People don't always get to see that side. Why do you think I don't sleep at night? I'm always thinking, analyzing.
Of course, I also got to thinking that maybe the changing of the seasons has something to do with my mood swings. A friend was talking about his dog being mopey. Mopey -- that's exactly the word I've been looking for to describe how I've felt lately. I'm trying to recover, but I feel mopey. And I don't like it. I've been grumpy with people at work. I've been too harsh with friends. I've even been tempted to go off on a few strangers.
The worst part is that I feel like my mood could shift at any given moment. One minute I'm on top of the world. The next, I'm biting someone's head off. Something's just a little off kilter. I'd like to figure it out. I suppose if I'm honest with myself I already know the answer. I don't want to admit it. Ugh!
I think it has something to do with not wanting to disappoint people. I've had to make a couple of decisions lately that I know are right, but I also know some people will be disappointed with my choices. I really do agonize before I decide something. People don't always get to see that side. Why do you think I don't sleep at night? I'm always thinking, analyzing.
Of course, I also got to thinking that maybe the changing of the seasons has something to do with my mood swings. A friend was talking about his dog being mopey. Mopey -- that's exactly the word I've been looking for to describe how I've felt lately. I'm trying to recover, but I feel mopey. And I don't like it. I've been grumpy with people at work. I've been too harsh with friends. I've even been tempted to go off on a few strangers.
The worst part is that I feel like my mood could shift at any given moment. One minute I'm on top of the world. The next, I'm biting someone's head off. Something's just a little off kilter. I'd like to figure it out. I suppose if I'm honest with myself I already know the answer. I don't want to admit it. Ugh!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Am I being paranoid?
I hadn't planned on blogging tonight, but I just realized this evening that I've used the word paranoid to describe my mood twice in the past week. That got me to thinking about whether being suspicious is the same thing as being paranoid. I guess not.
By nature (or maybe just through my upbringing), I am suspicious of people. It's always been what I would consider a flaw. I simply don't trust people. I think that's what made me a good reporter and now a good editor. The problem is that it always makes it hard for people to be my friend.
My mind can be devious and manipulative. Yes, I can admit it. So I suppose I expect the same of others. I think I'm a good person. I try not to do things to hurt others and I genuinely would walk through fire for people once their loyalty has been proven. Until then, however, my suspicious nature, which sometimes seems like paranoia, is off putting for some people.
I know that I have this flaw, which is why I think I get paranoid. But am I really? Maybe I have good reason to be suspicious. Maybe being suspicious makes me smart. Maybe it means protecting myself against harm. Of course, it also could mean that I'm not as open as I should be.
If I trust people with what I'm thinking and feeling, what's the worst that could happen? In today's instance, it actually could cause me problems at work. But if the person is trustworthy, I might find that I have a friend who can actually help me solve my problems. Last week's situation was more of a personal one, but posed a similar dilemma -- trust someone with what I'm feeling/thinking and risk getting burned. How do I decide?
PS -- It's been a week since my effort at letting go of a specific obsession. I've had ups and downs. Overall rating for the week: 5. I wish the number was higher, but the low points were downright insane. But it's a new week. Today's rating: 6. It's hard to kick an obsession when it seems like a constant part of my life.
By nature (or maybe just through my upbringing), I am suspicious of people. It's always been what I would consider a flaw. I simply don't trust people. I think that's what made me a good reporter and now a good editor. The problem is that it always makes it hard for people to be my friend.
My mind can be devious and manipulative. Yes, I can admit it. So I suppose I expect the same of others. I think I'm a good person. I try not to do things to hurt others and I genuinely would walk through fire for people once their loyalty has been proven. Until then, however, my suspicious nature, which sometimes seems like paranoia, is off putting for some people.
I know that I have this flaw, which is why I think I get paranoid. But am I really? Maybe I have good reason to be suspicious. Maybe being suspicious makes me smart. Maybe it means protecting myself against harm. Of course, it also could mean that I'm not as open as I should be.
If I trust people with what I'm thinking and feeling, what's the worst that could happen? In today's instance, it actually could cause me problems at work. But if the person is trustworthy, I might find that I have a friend who can actually help me solve my problems. Last week's situation was more of a personal one, but posed a similar dilemma -- trust someone with what I'm feeling/thinking and risk getting burned. How do I decide?
PS -- It's been a week since my effort at letting go of a specific obsession. I've had ups and downs. Overall rating for the week: 5. I wish the number was higher, but the low points were downright insane. But it's a new week. Today's rating: 6. It's hard to kick an obsession when it seems like a constant part of my life.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
My life ... starring me
I've spent most of today watching romantic comedies -- You've Got Mail, Love Actually and The Holiday. I've seen them all a million times and Love Actually is probably in my top five all-time favorites. Of course all three feature women looking for a happy ending ... and they all get it. One line from The Holiday stood out the most: "You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life."
I think that's exactly what this past year has been about for me. I've spent far too much time doing what other people want or simply not doing anything at all. Now, I do what I want. I try not to be too self-centered about it, but I am focused on what makes me happy. I hope that doesn't come at the expense of others' happiness, but I have to do what I think is best for me.
I want to be the star of my life. It's exciting and fun. And I don't need someone else telling me what to like, what to think, where to go, what to do. I actually think this is how I am the most different from a year ago. In The Holiday, it's called gumption. It's probably just confidence. Regular readers know I don't have it all the time, but I certainly display it far more often now than before. And I truly feel it.
The problem is that it doesn't always work out for me. I do something that I think takes courage on my part and then I don't get the desired result. That always makes me take a step back. But I'm starting to wonder if I should forget the little setbacks and keep jumping off those bridges. Yes, for me, many small steps feel like I'm leaping from a bridge. Sometimes, it's a short drop and I swim away unscathed. Other times, ... well, it's not pretty. I feel like I'm drowning in poor judgment, rejection and stupidity.
So how do I ensure that I continue to be the center of attention in my own life without losing perspective? And will my life have a happy ending ... whatever that might be?
I think that's exactly what this past year has been about for me. I've spent far too much time doing what other people want or simply not doing anything at all. Now, I do what I want. I try not to be too self-centered about it, but I am focused on what makes me happy. I hope that doesn't come at the expense of others' happiness, but I have to do what I think is best for me.
I want to be the star of my life. It's exciting and fun. And I don't need someone else telling me what to like, what to think, where to go, what to do. I actually think this is how I am the most different from a year ago. In The Holiday, it's called gumption. It's probably just confidence. Regular readers know I don't have it all the time, but I certainly display it far more often now than before. And I truly feel it.
The problem is that it doesn't always work out for me. I do something that I think takes courage on my part and then I don't get the desired result. That always makes me take a step back. But I'm starting to wonder if I should forget the little setbacks and keep jumping off those bridges. Yes, for me, many small steps feel like I'm leaping from a bridge. Sometimes, it's a short drop and I swim away unscathed. Other times, ... well, it's not pretty. I feel like I'm drowning in poor judgment, rejection and stupidity.
So how do I ensure that I continue to be the center of attention in my own life without losing perspective? And will my life have a happy ending ... whatever that might be?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
About last night
Where do I begin? Friday had been a pretty good day. Very busy at work and a little splurging at lunch. I knew it was going to be that kind of day, so I had decided early to not worry about what I ate or drank too much. Turns out eating at drinking weren't problems. Don't get me wrong, I ate plenty at dinner and had a few beers after, but I didn't overdo it. The problem was the OCD thing I'm trying to let go. Yesterday's rating was probably an 8 ... until last night. Then the rating plummeted to a 2 or 3. Ugh! I was doing so well all week. Oh well. I'll regroup today.
The other thing about last night is that I felt old. It's my own fault really. I was hanging out with a bunch of twentysomethings. I had a blast, except for the fact that someone told me I'm really a bitch at work. He actually wasn't mean about it and tried to explain that it's just that I'm so serious and focused. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Despite the insecurities I write about from time to time, I know that I'm really good at my job. I work hard and I don't like to fail. I set high expectations for myself and for others. Again, what's wrong with that?
Anyway, I'm trying not to take it too seriously because I know the comment wasn't meant to make me feel bad. Well, and I know it's kinda true. I'm just not sure I see it as a problem. :-) And the important point about last night is that I wore my new dress. I had a lot of fun and I, once again, went outside my comfort zone. So it was another successful day.
The other thing about last night is that I felt old. It's my own fault really. I was hanging out with a bunch of twentysomethings. I had a blast, except for the fact that someone told me I'm really a bitch at work. He actually wasn't mean about it and tried to explain that it's just that I'm so serious and focused. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Despite the insecurities I write about from time to time, I know that I'm really good at my job. I work hard and I don't like to fail. I set high expectations for myself and for others. Again, what's wrong with that?
Anyway, I'm trying not to take it too seriously because I know the comment wasn't meant to make me feel bad. Well, and I know it's kinda true. I'm just not sure I see it as a problem. :-) And the important point about last night is that I wore my new dress. I had a lot of fun and I, once again, went outside my comfort zone. So it was another successful day.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: What did I expect?
I was hoping for better, but I knew I would be lucky to lose anything this week. I lost a half pound, bringing my total to 78 1/2 pounds. And getting me ever closer to my goal of 80 pounds by the end of the year. The next two weeks are going to be filled with lots of holiday temptations, but I still think I can do it. Considering how much I've eaten and drank in the past couple of weeks, I know that losing even a few pounds this time of year is a miracle. But I've been enjoying myself and will use this as a sign that I can maintain my healthy habits for the rest of my life because even when I splurge I don't really overdo it.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
What a difference a week makes
This past weekend I found myself in a real slump. I spent two days feeling sorry for myself. I was thinking at the time that just a week earlier I was on cloud nine. I felt fantastic and full of hope. A week later, I felt like never leaving the house again. Now, almost another week later, I'm feeling great again. I've had ups and downs throughout this entire year, but this time seems particularly difficult.
It hasn't been easy, but I've been determined since Monday to turn things around. I've had four pretty good days. No, they haven't been perfect. But my emotions have been in check and the irrational part of my brain has taken over only briefly a couple of times this week.
One problem area is eating. As you know, I use the Weight Watchers points system to track what I'm eating. I haven't tracked in more than a week. I haven't eaten terribly, but it hasn't been good ... a lot of meals out and far more desserts in the past week than I've had in the entire year. I'm not kidding!
I went into the holiday season knowing that I needed to manage my expectations. That means I knew I'd probably overdo it from time to time and that my rate of weight loss probably wouldn't be high. My main goal has been to lose a few pounds, but enjoy myself. I think I'm doing that. I guess I'll find out for sure when I weigh-in Friday morning. I'm not sure what to expect. I've weighed every morning this week and the results have been wildly different -- varying by several pounds. I just hope I haven't gained.
Anyway, I'm going to try not to obsess about it tonight. Nothing I can do about it now. Speaking of obsessions, this entire week has been about letting go of an obsession. I'm still not ready to talk about it, but I'm doing OK. Today's rating: 6 -- not quite as good as Tuesday and Wednesday, but not bad and I feel I'm making progress.
Finally, I want to end this day thinking about what a good mood I've been in this week. Sometimes I have to fake it a little, but before I know it, I really do feel good. I have a work holiday party to go to Friday night, so I'm desperately hoping my good mood sticks around for at least one more day. I skipped it last year because I didn't want to go downtown and have to worry about walking and parking and socializing. Now, as most of you probably already know, I've fallen in love with downtown. I enjoy meeting new people. And I can't wait to celebrate a great year with my friends.
It hasn't been easy, but I've been determined since Monday to turn things around. I've had four pretty good days. No, they haven't been perfect. But my emotions have been in check and the irrational part of my brain has taken over only briefly a couple of times this week.
One problem area is eating. As you know, I use the Weight Watchers points system to track what I'm eating. I haven't tracked in more than a week. I haven't eaten terribly, but it hasn't been good ... a lot of meals out and far more desserts in the past week than I've had in the entire year. I'm not kidding!
I went into the holiday season knowing that I needed to manage my expectations. That means I knew I'd probably overdo it from time to time and that my rate of weight loss probably wouldn't be high. My main goal has been to lose a few pounds, but enjoy myself. I think I'm doing that. I guess I'll find out for sure when I weigh-in Friday morning. I'm not sure what to expect. I've weighed every morning this week and the results have been wildly different -- varying by several pounds. I just hope I haven't gained.
Anyway, I'm going to try not to obsess about it tonight. Nothing I can do about it now. Speaking of obsessions, this entire week has been about letting go of an obsession. I'm still not ready to talk about it, but I'm doing OK. Today's rating: 6 -- not quite as good as Tuesday and Wednesday, but not bad and I feel I'm making progress.
Finally, I want to end this day thinking about what a good mood I've been in this week. Sometimes I have to fake it a little, but before I know it, I really do feel good. I have a work holiday party to go to Friday night, so I'm desperately hoping my good mood sticks around for at least one more day. I skipped it last year because I didn't want to go downtown and have to worry about walking and parking and socializing. Now, as most of you probably already know, I've fallen in love with downtown. I enjoy meeting new people. And I can't wait to celebrate a great year with my friends.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Plus 1s everywhere
I got a little bummed at one point today when I was asking a colleague whether she was still planning to attend our newsroom holiday party Friday night. She said she was pretty sure she was still coming, plus 1. I don't know why the plus 1 comment was a problem today ... she is bringing her husband, so it wasn't exactly a surprise. But it made me think of the long list of "plus 1" responses on the facebook event page. Should I write "minus 1"? That's how I feel sometimes. It's a topic I've refrained from writing about in this blog mostly because I figure it's nobody's business whether I'm dating anyone. I talk about a lot of personal stuff. Some things just aren't for public consumption. But it's been on my mind this afternoon, so I figured I should write about it. I am, after all, trying to be less OCD about things. On that front, my Letting it go: Day 3 rating is an 8 ... again. I'm really proud of myself the past two days (and most of Monday). I made up my mind about something and I'm sticking to it. It feels good and healthy. And I'm not going to let the plus 1s bother me. I know I'm going to have a great time!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Controlling my thoughts
I had a bit of a meltdown over the weekend. I didn't eat poorly or anything like that, but mentally I was a mess. I think I've discovered that every now and then, I get a little crazy and then I'm OK. Monday wasn't so bad and today I feel like I'm back to normal. I feel fantastic and my positive attitude has returned. The irrational part of my brain took over briefly Monday night, but I was fine the rest of the day. And today I haven't let my obsessive-compulsive behavior get the better of me ... not even once. (Letting it go: Day 2 rating is an 8 ... I've had to work at it, but I've done well.)
Anyway, I'm willing myself to get past this bad patch. I refuse to let negative thoughts dominate. One of the things that helped me get refocused was a social event Monday night. I met about 20 fantastic women who were so nice and encouraging ... in ways that they probably didn't even realize. Many of them don't know about my weight-loss efforts, yet being around them inspired me to reshape my thoughts. Part of the evening focused on swapping clothes we no longer wanted. At first, I didn't even look at the clothes. I couldn't face the idea of seeing so much stuff that would never fit me or just having to think about it. But I got talked into taking a peek. To my surprise, I found a wool dress in my size and I really liked it. I didn't want to try it on and several of the women said it looked too big for me. But it's the smallest size I've fit into so far. So I took it and tried it on at home tonight. It is a little big. (I'll probably wear it anyway, though.) I was shocked. But I was encouraged by the thought that others clearly view me differently than I do myself. And apparently, they are seeing the real me. Those women knew the dress was too big. My brain told me it was going to be too small, which is why I couldn't try it on at my friend's house.
So I feel better. I've still got work to do to get back to my happy place, but I'm so much closer than I was two days ago. Continuous progress ... that's all I can ask for.
Anyway, I'm willing myself to get past this bad patch. I refuse to let negative thoughts dominate. One of the things that helped me get refocused was a social event Monday night. I met about 20 fantastic women who were so nice and encouraging ... in ways that they probably didn't even realize. Many of them don't know about my weight-loss efforts, yet being around them inspired me to reshape my thoughts. Part of the evening focused on swapping clothes we no longer wanted. At first, I didn't even look at the clothes. I couldn't face the idea of seeing so much stuff that would never fit me or just having to think about it. But I got talked into taking a peek. To my surprise, I found a wool dress in my size and I really liked it. I didn't want to try it on and several of the women said it looked too big for me. But it's the smallest size I've fit into so far. So I took it and tried it on at home tonight. It is a little big. (I'll probably wear it anyway, though.) I was shocked. But I was encouraged by the thought that others clearly view me differently than I do myself. And apparently, they are seeing the real me. Those women knew the dress was too big. My brain told me it was going to be too small, which is why I couldn't try it on at my friend's house.
So I feel better. I've still got work to do to get back to my happy place, but I'm so much closer than I was two days ago. Continuous progress ... that's all I can ask for.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Letting it go: Day 1
Those who know me best already know that I have some obsessive-compulsive issues I need to deal with. A few examples: I don't use the tap water at home for cooking or drinking, but I use it to brush my teeth and I drink it elsewhere. I use my bath towels only once before I wash them again. I have to wear shoes or at least socks when I'm at someone else's house even though I rarely do at my own house. I rinse the silverware when I take it out of the dishwasher but not the dishes. I used to not even use the dishwasher because I felt like the dishes weren't clean. I've already overcome that -- somewhat. My obsessive nature extends beyond those types of things into what I think about. When I fixate on something, I simply cannot let it go. It's always in the back of my mind and often at the front of my mind. It could be a big thing or small thing. There's really no rhyme or reason to my obsessions.
I woke up this morning and decided it's time to let something go. And if you're a regular follower on facebook, you know I'm obsessed with the Zac Brown Band. One of my favorite songs is called "Let It Go."
The chorus goes:
You keep your heart above your head and your eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go
I don't want to say what I'm working on because I'm not sure I will be successful. I share a lot about myself in this blog, so I hope you'll indulge me and let me keep this to myself for now. But I am going to rate my success each day. A 1 means it was not a successful day. A 10 means I'm cured. Seriously, a 10 means this obsession was not part of my thought process and it was only thought about at the end of the day as part of this experiment. I probably won't blog about it every day, but I'll keep you updated throughout the week.
Today so far, I'd give a 5. Not top of mind, but I didn't exactly let the obsession go. And I'm headed to a friend's house for a little social gathering, which will make giving up the obsession even harder. My goal is to stay at a 5 for today. The good news is that I've felt better about myself today than I have in about a week, so I think this is going to be good for me. Wish me luck!
I woke up this morning and decided it's time to let something go. And if you're a regular follower on facebook, you know I'm obsessed with the Zac Brown Band. One of my favorite songs is called "Let It Go."
The chorus goes:
You keep your heart above your head and your eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go
I don't want to say what I'm working on because I'm not sure I will be successful. I share a lot about myself in this blog, so I hope you'll indulge me and let me keep this to myself for now. But I am going to rate my success each day. A 1 means it was not a successful day. A 10 means I'm cured. Seriously, a 10 means this obsession was not part of my thought process and it was only thought about at the end of the day as part of this experiment. I probably won't blog about it every day, but I'll keep you updated throughout the week.
Today so far, I'd give a 5. Not top of mind, but I didn't exactly let the obsession go. And I'm headed to a friend's house for a little social gathering, which will make giving up the obsession even harder. My goal is to stay at a 5 for today. The good news is that I've felt better about myself today than I have in about a week, so I think this is going to be good for me. Wish me luck!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Fighting self-doubt
This past week has really done a number on my self-esteem. I can't remember the last time it was this low. I've been trying for days to snap out of it, but it's not working. In fact, yesterday was the worst day so far. And I don't like the way I feel -- very calm on the outside, but a wreck on the inside.
Two quotes from my favorite book, "Winesburg, Ohio," come to mind:
"You are destroying yourself. You have the inclination to be alone and to dream and you are afraid of dreams. You want to be like others in town here. You hear them talk and you try to imitate them."
"You must try to forget all you have learned. You must begin to dream. From this time on you must shut your ears to the roaring of the voices."
I think there were a lot of things this past week that combined to let self-doubt creep into my head. One was a visit from my mother. I hope she will not take offense at my writing about it. I did, after all, try to tell her how I felt. I enjoyed her visit, which mostly included Christmas shopping and lots of eating out. It felt good to splurge and try new restaurants.
The problem is how many times she said something about how she's glad I'm different now. She had various ways of saying it, but it registered in my head the same way each time -- I was no fun to be around before. I'm sorry that I didn't try new foods before. I'm sorry that I didn't have as much energy before. I'm sorry that I never wanted to go to new restaurants before. I'm sorry that I was apparently a dud before. And she's not the only one who makes those sorts of comments. I know I'm different. I don't need you to point it out in a way that makes me seem like I was terrible to be around before.
We really came close to having an argument the last night she was here when we were at dinner. We were debating getting dessert. She actually asked if I was sure I wanted to eat dessert. I know I talk about the effects of splurging, but it's not the same hearing it from someone else. I've come all this way and don't need my mother questioning what I eat. I've lost 78 pounds by deciding for myself. Just hearing her say that made something click in my head.
She said she only brought it up because she knows how hard I am on myself after the fact. But it's my decision to make. It came across as if one nice dinner, including dessert, was going to cause me to gain back everything I've lost. I question my decisions enough. I don't need others doing it. And I certainly don't need others watching what I eat. I'm self conscious enough and often worry that people are judging me when I eat a cookie or piece of cake. It's been almost a year. I think I've proven that I'm in control of my eating habits and my weight.
So another thing that happened is that I bought more new clothes. Buying clothes in smaller sizes should make me feel so good. And it usually does. But sometimes it messes with my mind. Looking at myself in the dressing room mirror isn't easy. Deciding to buy something that doesn't look like a tent is even harder. I know the clothes look good, but I constantly struggle with the idea that people are looking at me. Sometimes, I think that makes me sound self-centered because I know it's not all about me.
In some ways, my self-esteem issues stem from what I see in the mirror. Sometimes, I can see big changes. But mostly I don't think I look any different than I did a year ago. I know that's crazy, especially since I see pictures of myself and am surprised at how I look. I feel like I'm not even looking at myself.
Finally, my recent self-doubt also is linked to something not related to my weight loss. Of course, it's about work. My year of weight loss came at exactly the same time as a year of change in my career. I constantly struggle with the idea that I'm not good enough. I think I project confidence, but in my head it's a different story.
The self-doubt ultimately creeps in when I have too much time by myself, which means I spend too much time thinking about all of these things. I've spent a lot of time alone in my life. Even just a few hours seems to make my brain freak out. Why is it so hard for me now?
Two quotes from my favorite book, "Winesburg, Ohio," come to mind:
"You are destroying yourself. You have the inclination to be alone and to dream and you are afraid of dreams. You want to be like others in town here. You hear them talk and you try to imitate them."
"You must try to forget all you have learned. You must begin to dream. From this time on you must shut your ears to the roaring of the voices."
I think there were a lot of things this past week that combined to let self-doubt creep into my head. One was a visit from my mother. I hope she will not take offense at my writing about it. I did, after all, try to tell her how I felt. I enjoyed her visit, which mostly included Christmas shopping and lots of eating out. It felt good to splurge and try new restaurants.
The problem is how many times she said something about how she's glad I'm different now. She had various ways of saying it, but it registered in my head the same way each time -- I was no fun to be around before. I'm sorry that I didn't try new foods before. I'm sorry that I didn't have as much energy before. I'm sorry that I never wanted to go to new restaurants before. I'm sorry that I was apparently a dud before. And she's not the only one who makes those sorts of comments. I know I'm different. I don't need you to point it out in a way that makes me seem like I was terrible to be around before.
We really came close to having an argument the last night she was here when we were at dinner. We were debating getting dessert. She actually asked if I was sure I wanted to eat dessert. I know I talk about the effects of splurging, but it's not the same hearing it from someone else. I've come all this way and don't need my mother questioning what I eat. I've lost 78 pounds by deciding for myself. Just hearing her say that made something click in my head.
She said she only brought it up because she knows how hard I am on myself after the fact. But it's my decision to make. It came across as if one nice dinner, including dessert, was going to cause me to gain back everything I've lost. I question my decisions enough. I don't need others doing it. And I certainly don't need others watching what I eat. I'm self conscious enough and often worry that people are judging me when I eat a cookie or piece of cake. It's been almost a year. I think I've proven that I'm in control of my eating habits and my weight.
So another thing that happened is that I bought more new clothes. Buying clothes in smaller sizes should make me feel so good. And it usually does. But sometimes it messes with my mind. Looking at myself in the dressing room mirror isn't easy. Deciding to buy something that doesn't look like a tent is even harder. I know the clothes look good, but I constantly struggle with the idea that people are looking at me. Sometimes, I think that makes me sound self-centered because I know it's not all about me.
In some ways, my self-esteem issues stem from what I see in the mirror. Sometimes, I can see big changes. But mostly I don't think I look any different than I did a year ago. I know that's crazy, especially since I see pictures of myself and am surprised at how I look. I feel like I'm not even looking at myself.
Finally, my recent self-doubt also is linked to something not related to my weight loss. Of course, it's about work. My year of weight loss came at exactly the same time as a year of change in my career. I constantly struggle with the idea that I'm not good enough. I think I project confidence, but in my head it's a different story.
The self-doubt ultimately creeps in when I have too much time by myself, which means I spend too much time thinking about all of these things. I've spent a lot of time alone in my life. Even just a few hours seems to make my brain freak out. Why is it so hard for me now?
Friday, December 10, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: Pleasantly surprised
I had a few bad weeks, but the scale is once again working in my favor. For the second straight week, I've lost more than a pound -- 1.2 pounds this week. That brings my total to 78.2 pounds (and ever closer to my goal of 80 pounds by Dec. 31). Woohoo! I haven't done as well as I should keeping track of what I've been eating, but I've tried not to overdo it too much. The past two weeks have involved eating out a lot (and drinking) but I've tried to make smart choices. Still, five of the past seven days have included some sort of splurging (beer, wine, steak, cake, thai food, etc.). What I think I've done better this week (except for the one night when I gorged on thai fried rice) is not eat or drink so much. I'm also surprised about the number on the scale this morning because it's really been a bad week. I've been in a terrible mood pretty much every day since Monday and my stress level has been extremely high. But I'm going to try to put that behind me and just enjoy this week's success.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Thankful
I don't know how she did it, but a friend created a word cloud of my blog from this year. After reading my earlier post, she thought it might cheer me up. It did.
The biggest word: thankful. (click here to see the cloud)
I am thankful for how far I've come this year, personally and professionally. I've lost 77 pounds and I'm in better shape than ever before. I still have a way to go, but I know I will get where I want to be. Professionally, I've undergone a lot of growth as well in the past year. I've taken on a new job and learned a lot about different aspects of my profession. It hasn't always been easy, but it's been a journey -- just like losing weight.
I am thankful for the friends I've made this year, especially those who understand my low points and do whatever they can to help me get through them. Sometimes, all it takes is a positive comment from someone when you least expect it. Other times, it's been great to have friends (new and old) who let me prattle on about whatever is on my mind. The people I appreciate most are those who aren't annoyed when I get obsessed with a particular topic. Instead, they find it refreshing that I've chosen to trust them with what's important to me.
I am thankful that I'm a different person, the kind of person who can be having a bad day but still find things to be happy about. Today is one of those days, but I am ending the day thinking about the positive things that happened today.
So I am thankful.
The biggest word: thankful. (click here to see the cloud)
I am thankful for how far I've come this year, personally and professionally. I've lost 77 pounds and I'm in better shape than ever before. I still have a way to go, but I know I will get where I want to be. Professionally, I've undergone a lot of growth as well in the past year. I've taken on a new job and learned a lot about different aspects of my profession. It hasn't always been easy, but it's been a journey -- just like losing weight.
I am thankful for the friends I've made this year, especially those who understand my low points and do whatever they can to help me get through them. Sometimes, all it takes is a positive comment from someone when you least expect it. Other times, it's been great to have friends (new and old) who let me prattle on about whatever is on my mind. The people I appreciate most are those who aren't annoyed when I get obsessed with a particular topic. Instead, they find it refreshing that I've chosen to trust them with what's important to me.
I am thankful that I'm a different person, the kind of person who can be having a bad day but still find things to be happy about. Today is one of those days, but I am ending the day thinking about the positive things that happened today.
So I am thankful.
Emotional eating
Since I started this journey, I've fought hard against emotional eating. But today I just couldn't fight it. It's been a bad day. Lots of little things and when you put them all together, I just want to cry. I haven't. But I've felt like I could burst into tears at any moment today. Seriously. That's so not like me. I'd say that 99 percent of the time, I'm tough as nails.
I really can't believe how much I ate at dinner ... and I've already eaten the leftovers. I actually feel kinda sick, which then just makes me feel stupid for eating in the first place. I think the problem is that I've allowed my emotions to be affected by other people. That's not necessarily a bad thing, especially since I've spent a lot of my life not being affected by others. I think I need to find a happy medium.
When I have one of these moments, I usually spend time thinking about the cause or how I can respond differently next time. Mostly right now, though, I just wish this day didn't happen. And I wish I had some hope that tomorrow will be better. I don't think it's going to be bad. But I also don't see anything on the horizon that will put a little pep in my step.
I've said it before. Sometimes I just want something good to happen. I know. Good things happen to me all the time. I really have nothing to complain about. I even had a friend who I don't get to see that often tell me that she can't believe the difference in my attitude. She noted that we used to sit around and complain about everything. Now when we get together, she said, I seem so happy and upbeat and cheerful. That was nice because that's how I want people to see me. Well, and, of course, I really want to feel that way.
So what's going to make me feel that way? It's complicated. But I know it when it happens. And, apparently, everyone else notices as well.
I really can't believe how much I ate at dinner ... and I've already eaten the leftovers. I actually feel kinda sick, which then just makes me feel stupid for eating in the first place. I think the problem is that I've allowed my emotions to be affected by other people. That's not necessarily a bad thing, especially since I've spent a lot of my life not being affected by others. I think I need to find a happy medium.
When I have one of these moments, I usually spend time thinking about the cause or how I can respond differently next time. Mostly right now, though, I just wish this day didn't happen. And I wish I had some hope that tomorrow will be better. I don't think it's going to be bad. But I also don't see anything on the horizon that will put a little pep in my step.
I've said it before. Sometimes I just want something good to happen. I know. Good things happen to me all the time. I really have nothing to complain about. I even had a friend who I don't get to see that often tell me that she can't believe the difference in my attitude. She noted that we used to sit around and complain about everything. Now when we get together, she said, I seem so happy and upbeat and cheerful. That was nice because that's how I want people to see me. Well, and, of course, I really want to feel that way.
So what's going to make me feel that way? It's complicated. But I know it when it happens. And, apparently, everyone else notices as well.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: Lucky 7s
I have now lost exactly 77 pounds since January. Yes, 77 pounds!!!! This week's weigh-in went well -- 1.8 pounds lost. That's especially good news since my rate of weight loss has slowed significantly in the past couple of months. I know that's to be expected because I don't have nearly as much weight to lose now. I even gained last week. I know part of the slow progress has to do with me splurging a lot more than I did in the beginning. I'd like to think that I've been building muscle as well because I've exercised a lot more than in the beginning of the year. Anyway, I feel like this past week went well. I overdid it a little Thursday night for dinner (steak, mashed potatoes, wine ... and two cookies), but the rest of the week was pretty much on track. I didn't deprive myself of anything, but I made sure I kept portions small and accounted for all snacking.
As most of you know, I'm using Weight Watchers online to help me keep track of my eating. One problem this week is that WW completely revamped it's program. It still uses the points system, but the points have changed for just about everything. And I'm skeptical about how things that used to be multiple points are now zero. Supposedly it has something to do with the science of it all, but I'm not sold yet. It's really hard getting used to the new system. I had gotten to the point where I knew the points for just about everything and could keep track in my head all day. And the system was clearly working for me. Now, everything has changed. I don't like change ... even though I have spent most of this past year trying to get better at accepting it. So I will in this case, too.
Looking ahead to the coming weeks, I feel pretty good. I know I'll probably splurge from time to time. I've accepted that I won't be able to resist holiday cocktails and cookies. My goal is moderation. Just as a reminder, my short-term weight-loss goal right now is to have lost 80 pounds by Dec. 31. I'm feeling confident about it.
As most of you know, I'm using Weight Watchers online to help me keep track of my eating. One problem this week is that WW completely revamped it's program. It still uses the points system, but the points have changed for just about everything. And I'm skeptical about how things that used to be multiple points are now zero. Supposedly it has something to do with the science of it all, but I'm not sold yet. It's really hard getting used to the new system. I had gotten to the point where I knew the points for just about everything and could keep track in my head all day. And the system was clearly working for me. Now, everything has changed. I don't like change ... even though I have spent most of this past year trying to get better at accepting it. So I will in this case, too.
Looking ahead to the coming weeks, I feel pretty good. I know I'll probably splurge from time to time. I've accepted that I won't be able to resist holiday cocktails and cookies. My goal is moderation. Just as a reminder, my short-term weight-loss goal right now is to have lost 80 pounds by Dec. 31. I'm feeling confident about it.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Things to do before I'm 40
I've been thinking for a couple of months that I wanted to start a Bucket List ... you know, stuff I want to do before I die. Thinking about dying seems kind of ominous, so I'm going to focus on things I want to do before I turn 40. I'm 37 and 7 months now, so that gives me almost 2 1/2 years. I'm going into this realizing that I may not accomplish everything on the list, but I hope I at least do some of the things. Part of the challenge will be to not do any of them by myself (well, unless they are clearly things you would normally do solo). As you know, I've spent a lot of time this year working on my personal relationships. Achieving these milestones with my friends will be fun and a good test of whether I really have changed.
So here's my list. I'll keep adding to it over time and, of course, let you know when I mark something off.
1. Visit Italy. I don't know where exactly I want to go, but I want to see vineyards and drink wine and look at beautiful architecture.
2. Skydiving. I think I've only told one person ever that I want to do this and that was just a week ago. I've thought about it for years and I think it would be the most fun.
3. Take a hot air balloon ride. Ever since watching the Wizard of Oz as a kid, I've wanted to do this. It just seems cool. Of course, there'd need to be champagne and a picnic.
4. Run a 5K. I'm pretty sure I'm going to walk one soon. But I want to run. I'm not even close to that yet, but I'll get there eventually.
5. See the Grand Canyon. No special reason. Just something I've always wanted to do. And I want to listen to Eddie From Ohio's "Under David's Feet" while looking at it. (Of course, this song could also have something to do with my desire to visit Italy.)
6. Own a red Mustang convertible. I've owned two red Mustangs previously, but I've always wanted a convertible. And it has to be cherry red. (BTW, I drive a burgundy Ford Escape right now.) This seems unlikely since I'll still be paying for my current car, but you never know.
7. Highlight my hair. Sounds silly, right? I've thought about it for years. Just too chicken to actually do it. But the gray is really starting to show. It's probably time.
8. Sing karaoke. Don't laugh. I actually love to sing. I just don't do it in front of other people because I think I'm terrible at it. Doesn't matter anymore. I want to be able to say I've done it.
9. Plant a garden. I'll probably have to start small, a few herbs or something. But I sure would love to grow something in my yard and then eat it.
10. Paint my walls. If I'm still living in my current house, the walls need to be painted. I've lived here 7 1/2 years and they are all still white. I'd give anything for some color. But I have no idea what I'm doing, so I need someone to help me.
So here's my list. I'll keep adding to it over time and, of course, let you know when I mark something off.
1. Visit Italy. I don't know where exactly I want to go, but I want to see vineyards and drink wine and look at beautiful architecture.
2. Skydiving. I think I've only told one person ever that I want to do this and that was just a week ago. I've thought about it for years and I think it would be the most fun.
3. Take a hot air balloon ride. Ever since watching the Wizard of Oz as a kid, I've wanted to do this. It just seems cool. Of course, there'd need to be champagne and a picnic.
4. Run a 5K. I'm pretty sure I'm going to walk one soon. But I want to run. I'm not even close to that yet, but I'll get there eventually.
5. See the Grand Canyon. No special reason. Just something I've always wanted to do. And I want to listen to Eddie From Ohio's "Under David's Feet" while looking at it. (Of course, this song could also have something to do with my desire to visit Italy.)
6. Own a red Mustang convertible. I've owned two red Mustangs previously, but I've always wanted a convertible. And it has to be cherry red. (BTW, I drive a burgundy Ford Escape right now.) This seems unlikely since I'll still be paying for my current car, but you never know.
7. Highlight my hair. Sounds silly, right? I've thought about it for years. Just too chicken to actually do it. But the gray is really starting to show. It's probably time.
8. Sing karaoke. Don't laugh. I actually love to sing. I just don't do it in front of other people because I think I'm terrible at it. Doesn't matter anymore. I want to be able to say I've done it.
9. Plant a garden. I'll probably have to start small, a few herbs or something. But I sure would love to grow something in my yard and then eat it.
10. Paint my walls. If I'm still living in my current house, the walls need to be painted. I've lived here 7 1/2 years and they are all still white. I'd give anything for some color. But I have no idea what I'm doing, so I need someone to help me.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
The music of my life
As you know by now, I don't just talk about losing weight on this blog. It's simply become a way for me to express myself, which often means I don't end up with the thoughts going around and around in my head. And regular readers know that I talk about music a lot. It's been a big part of my life since I can remember. In fact, there are probably hundreds of songs that trigger specific memories -- some good, some not. For example, one night a couple of years ago, I heard Billy Joel's "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" in a bar and almost started crying. Seriously.
My earliest memory involving music had to be when I was about 4 years old. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember listening to Chubby Checker's "The Twist" and Elvis Presley's "Hound Dog." I still love both of those songs.
Over the years, music became a bigger and bigger part of my life. I think it was mostly because my mom sold advertising for radio stations during my formative years. The two stations I remember most played country and classic rock, so naturally that's what we listened to most of the time. I loved Alabama, George Jones, the Oak Ridge Boys, Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, etc.
As I grew into my pre-teen and teen years, I liked all of the popular artists and bands. I can still remember how excited I was the Christmas I got a stereo and albums by Madonna and Bruce Springsteen. Oh, and let's not forget about Prince. I'm pretty sure I was listening to "Let's Go Crazy" when I spilled purple nail polish on my bedspread.
Then high school came along and I really tried a bunch of different styles. Yes, I can admit it ... I loved Poison. One time I begged my mother to take me to see them in concert. I think I even agreed to clean the house for a year without complaining. (She didn't take me.) Beyond the hair bands, I did have a heavy metal phase. But it was short-lived.
It was about this time that I knew my musical tastes were pretty varied. The summer before 10th grade, I went with my mom and stepdad to see Robert Plant in concert. I played the CD over and over for weeks. Oddly enough, I barely knew who Led Zeppelin was at the time. The opening act was Cheap Trick, which also became a favorite. That same summer, I saw INXS in concert. I think I still know every word to "Never Tear Us Apart." The opening act was Ziggy Marley, which then led me to Bob Marley.
Then, in 10th grade, I discovered REM. Even though I don't listen to them that often anymore, I will probably forever consider them my all-time favorite band. My closest friends didn't listen to them, so I made new friends. Those relationships didn't last long, but my love for this music did.
By the time I got to college, I liked a little bit of everything. There was a time when I carried about a dozen CDs in my backpack so we could play them while putting out the student newspaper. I don't remember all of the CDs, but I know the stack included Dave Matthews, Tom Petty, Neil Young, The Cranberries, Live, Paul Simon, Billy Joel and Van Morrison. (Maybe one day I'll write about which song from each group had the greatest impact on my life. For example, "Ants Marching" was always one of my favorite Dave Matthews songs because a friend played it on his guitar for me on my 22nd birthday. Truth is, I never liked the song that much, but I'll never forget that birthday.)
For the record, I had a grunge rock phase during college. I still love Pearl Jam, but at the risk of being shunned, I'll admit that I never loved Nirvana. It was during this time, about midway through college, that I was introduced to Neil Young. That same friend turned me on to Nanci Griffith, whose songs I find to be inspirational, comforting and only occasionally depressing. But that did begin my love of folk music.
Toward the end of college, a whole new world opened up to me -- local music. A friend was a big fan of a local singer -- a guy with his guitar. He played at the bar where this friend was a bartender. Turns out, the guy was starting a band right about that time. After seeing dozens of solo and group performances, I will forever be a big fan of the Pat McGee Band. (They tried to make it big, but have since disbanded. I hear Pat's still out there playing on his own, though.) Pat, I can call him that because at the time I did actually know him, and my bartender friend were friends with another band, Eddie From Ohio. They're basically a folk band from Virginia, my home. Well, if you follow this blog, you know I still listen to EFO almost every time I walk/run. (If you like folk music with a twist, let me know and I'll burn you a CD of my favorite songs. I highly recommend them.)
So it's been almost 15 years since college. Until recently, I hadn't found a single musical influence that would have the same effect as the others. That brings me to today. Since June, I've been listening to Zac Brown Band almost nonstop. I mix it up every now and then, but not much. I have both of the band's CDs and there isn't a song I don't like. Sure I have my favorites, but they are all good. I guess that's what has me thinking about how music is such a big part of my life. Every song has meaning. If it doesn't, I don't listen.
Finally, I was thinking about my all-time favorite artists/bands and found it difficult to narrow the list. So I figured counting how many CDs I own by a particular artist would surely be a sign. Here are the top 5 followed by the number of CDs I own by each: REM (8), Nanci Griffith (8), Eddie From Ohio (7), Neil Young (7) and Van Morrison (5). The only one on the list that surprises me a little is Van Morrison. I would have thought the Grateful Dead or U2 or Dave Matthews or Billy Joel might have been on the list, but I only own three or four CDs from each of them. Are you surprised by anyone on my list of favorites?
My earliest memory involving music had to be when I was about 4 years old. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember listening to Chubby Checker's "The Twist" and Elvis Presley's "Hound Dog." I still love both of those songs.
Over the years, music became a bigger and bigger part of my life. I think it was mostly because my mom sold advertising for radio stations during my formative years. The two stations I remember most played country and classic rock, so naturally that's what we listened to most of the time. I loved Alabama, George Jones, the Oak Ridge Boys, Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, etc.
As I grew into my pre-teen and teen years, I liked all of the popular artists and bands. I can still remember how excited I was the Christmas I got a stereo and albums by Madonna and Bruce Springsteen. Oh, and let's not forget about Prince. I'm pretty sure I was listening to "Let's Go Crazy" when I spilled purple nail polish on my bedspread.
Then high school came along and I really tried a bunch of different styles. Yes, I can admit it ... I loved Poison. One time I begged my mother to take me to see them in concert. I think I even agreed to clean the house for a year without complaining. (She didn't take me.) Beyond the hair bands, I did have a heavy metal phase. But it was short-lived.
It was about this time that I knew my musical tastes were pretty varied. The summer before 10th grade, I went with my mom and stepdad to see Robert Plant in concert. I played the CD over and over for weeks. Oddly enough, I barely knew who Led Zeppelin was at the time. The opening act was Cheap Trick, which also became a favorite. That same summer, I saw INXS in concert. I think I still know every word to "Never Tear Us Apart." The opening act was Ziggy Marley, which then led me to Bob Marley.
Then, in 10th grade, I discovered REM. Even though I don't listen to them that often anymore, I will probably forever consider them my all-time favorite band. My closest friends didn't listen to them, so I made new friends. Those relationships didn't last long, but my love for this music did.
By the time I got to college, I liked a little bit of everything. There was a time when I carried about a dozen CDs in my backpack so we could play them while putting out the student newspaper. I don't remember all of the CDs, but I know the stack included Dave Matthews, Tom Petty, Neil Young, The Cranberries, Live, Paul Simon, Billy Joel and Van Morrison. (Maybe one day I'll write about which song from each group had the greatest impact on my life. For example, "Ants Marching" was always one of my favorite Dave Matthews songs because a friend played it on his guitar for me on my 22nd birthday. Truth is, I never liked the song that much, but I'll never forget that birthday.)
For the record, I had a grunge rock phase during college. I still love Pearl Jam, but at the risk of being shunned, I'll admit that I never loved Nirvana. It was during this time, about midway through college, that I was introduced to Neil Young. That same friend turned me on to Nanci Griffith, whose songs I find to be inspirational, comforting and only occasionally depressing. But that did begin my love of folk music.
Toward the end of college, a whole new world opened up to me -- local music. A friend was a big fan of a local singer -- a guy with his guitar. He played at the bar where this friend was a bartender. Turns out, the guy was starting a band right about that time. After seeing dozens of solo and group performances, I will forever be a big fan of the Pat McGee Band. (They tried to make it big, but have since disbanded. I hear Pat's still out there playing on his own, though.) Pat, I can call him that because at the time I did actually know him, and my bartender friend were friends with another band, Eddie From Ohio. They're basically a folk band from Virginia, my home. Well, if you follow this blog, you know I still listen to EFO almost every time I walk/run. (If you like folk music with a twist, let me know and I'll burn you a CD of my favorite songs. I highly recommend them.)
So it's been almost 15 years since college. Until recently, I hadn't found a single musical influence that would have the same effect as the others. That brings me to today. Since June, I've been listening to Zac Brown Band almost nonstop. I mix it up every now and then, but not much. I have both of the band's CDs and there isn't a song I don't like. Sure I have my favorites, but they are all good. I guess that's what has me thinking about how music is such a big part of my life. Every song has meaning. If it doesn't, I don't listen.
Finally, I was thinking about my all-time favorite artists/bands and found it difficult to narrow the list. So I figured counting how many CDs I own by a particular artist would surely be a sign. Here are the top 5 followed by the number of CDs I own by each: REM (8), Nanci Griffith (8), Eddie From Ohio (7), Neil Young (7) and Van Morrison (5). The only one on the list that surprises me a little is Van Morrison. I would have thought the Grateful Dead or U2 or Dave Matthews or Billy Joel might have been on the list, but I only own three or four CDs from each of them. Are you surprised by anyone on my list of favorites?
Friday, November 26, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: It could have been so much worse
So I've been droning on all week about how my eating and drinking habits haven't been so good lately. With Thanksgiving this week as well, I was prepared when I stepped on the scale this morning. Yes, I gained. But only 1.2 pounds. Honestly, under the circumstances, I can live with that. I hate that I let things get out of control recently, but I think I'm back on track. Of course I splurged yesterday, but I didn't actually go crazy. That made me feel good. It made me think I can get back on track. So I'm starting fresh today. My total weight loss since January stands at 75.2 pounds. I'm making a new, small goal -- reach 80 pounds lost by Dec. 31. That's five weeks, which means less than a pound a week. I know I can do it!!!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
A day of firsts
I started the day reflecting on what I'm thankful for this year. Something I didn't exactly put on the list, but is true, is that I'm thankful I do things out of the ordinary now. I know I say this all the time, but I am a different person compared to a year ago. And today was filled with lots of little things that prove just how different I am.
- I had Thanksgiving dinner (which was actually an oyster roast and there was no turkey) at the home of people I had never met before today. It was a friend's 40th birthday and on a whim she invited me. I felt really uncomfortable at first, but once I was committed, I decided to just go with it. The hosts turned out to be the nicest people and this turned out to be a seriously fun Thanksgiving.
- I ate oysters. Before today, the last time I ate an oyster was in college and it involved tequila shots and a dare. My mom used to make me eat oysters growing up and I hated them. I went to today's shindig thinking I wouldn't eat them. But shortly before I got there, something in my head told me that I had to try one. This whole year has been about trying new things. I ended up eating about a half dozen. It was fun shucking them and the rosemary butter was to die for ... but I also tried the garlic butter and the hot sauce.
- I tasted 10 pies at one time. Part of the plan for the dinner was to have a pie bake-off, so lots of people made pies. I tasted every one ... and liked them all. Normally, I would not have eaten most of them ... but I was in the mood to branch out.
- I made a pie. I never did that before. It was chocolate and almond. I think people liked it. I sure did
- I tried homemade dandelion wine. It was pretty potent and it didn't smell so good. But it didn't taste too bad. Still, it probably wouldn't be my first choice. The important part is that I tried it.
What I'm thankful for
I can honestly say that I don't ever remember making a list of things I'm thankful for. I don't know why exactly, but it probably has something to do with not appreciating the good things in my life. Until this year, I've allowed the negative to take center stage. For regular readers, though, you know that I'm different now. I've spent this year working on myself ... in a lot of ways. Of course, there are many things I'm thankful for this year, but here are my top five.
1. I'm thankful for my weight loss. I've lost about 75 pounds since January, and I'm probably the healthiest I've been in my whole life. I am thankful for having the strength to finally take control of my eating habits and pursue this journey. But I'm more thankful for the people who have supported me along the way. Without constant encouragement, I don't think I would have made it.
2. I'm thankful for my friends -- new and old. My weight loss journey has spawned another journey -- one that has me working to develop personal relationships with people. It's not easy for me, but it is quite rewarding. So I say thank you to my old friends who've accepted the changes I'm making in my life and thank you to all those new people who've accepted me into their lives. You all constantly prop me up and make me a better person.
3. I'm thankful for my family. Although I don't see them often, I know they are always there. It's been a year of ups and downs for many of my family members, but, like so many others, they've been there to support me in my efforts this past year.
4. I'm thankful I have a job I love. I love what I do and it makes me happy. I am fulfilled by what I do. And I'm thankful I work with such a great group of people.
5. I'm thankful I'm a happier person. This past year has taught me that I'm capable of a lot more than I ever gave myself credit for. It's also taught me that I have two choices about how I approach life. I'd like to think that I choose to be happy. Even when I'm facing setbacks or obstacles, most of the time I can step back and think about what's good in my life. It's hard to explain, but the inside of my brain actually feels different compared to a year ago.
So I'm ultimately thankful to be enjoying my life. I feel like I'm on the right path and exactly where I'm supposed to be.
1. I'm thankful for my weight loss. I've lost about 75 pounds since January, and I'm probably the healthiest I've been in my whole life. I am thankful for having the strength to finally take control of my eating habits and pursue this journey. But I'm more thankful for the people who have supported me along the way. Without constant encouragement, I don't think I would have made it.
2. I'm thankful for my friends -- new and old. My weight loss journey has spawned another journey -- one that has me working to develop personal relationships with people. It's not easy for me, but it is quite rewarding. So I say thank you to my old friends who've accepted the changes I'm making in my life and thank you to all those new people who've accepted me into their lives. You all constantly prop me up and make me a better person.
3. I'm thankful for my family. Although I don't see them often, I know they are always there. It's been a year of ups and downs for many of my family members, but, like so many others, they've been there to support me in my efforts this past year.
4. I'm thankful I have a job I love. I love what I do and it makes me happy. I am fulfilled by what I do. And I'm thankful I work with such a great group of people.
5. I'm thankful I'm a happier person. This past year has taught me that I'm capable of a lot more than I ever gave myself credit for. It's also taught me that I have two choices about how I approach life. I'd like to think that I choose to be happy. Even when I'm facing setbacks or obstacles, most of the time I can step back and think about what's good in my life. It's hard to explain, but the inside of my brain actually feels different compared to a year ago.
So I'm ultimately thankful to be enjoying my life. I feel like I'm on the right path and exactly where I'm supposed to be.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I'm being tested!
After today, it is abundantly clear that I have done something to mess up my karma. I'm starting to wonder how much stress I can take before I actually crack and eat everything in sight. There are so many things adding up and the result is that I'm not handling them well.
My eating habits have gradually over the past couple of weeks gotten worse. Now, I'm paying for it. I've gained 5 pounds since Friday. Scientifically speaking, I probably haven't really gained 5 pounds. There are any number of reasons for seeing a higher number on the scale. But this is a good time for me to reassess where I am and the fact that I seem pretty close to being out of control again.
Eating is an emotional response. I can feel the stress seeping into the part of my brain that has kept me on track with my weight loss all these months. And I don't know how to stop it. I think every day that I'm going to do better, but then something happens and I eat poorly. The problem is that I'm just not making the right choices. Early in this journey, even when I was overwhelmed or things felt out of control, I chose wisely.
I guess my hope is that this is a phase -- that I'll snap out of it soon. But what if I don't. I keep thinking that something's going to happen to help me get back to where I was. I want to make the smart choices. I want the irrational voice in my head to go away.
My eating habits have gradually over the past couple of weeks gotten worse. Now, I'm paying for it. I've gained 5 pounds since Friday. Scientifically speaking, I probably haven't really gained 5 pounds. There are any number of reasons for seeing a higher number on the scale. But this is a good time for me to reassess where I am and the fact that I seem pretty close to being out of control again.
Eating is an emotional response. I can feel the stress seeping into the part of my brain that has kept me on track with my weight loss all these months. And I don't know how to stop it. I think every day that I'm going to do better, but then something happens and I eat poorly. The problem is that I'm just not making the right choices. Early in this journey, even when I was overwhelmed or things felt out of control, I chose wisely.
I guess my hope is that this is a phase -- that I'll snap out of it soon. But what if I don't. I keep thinking that something's going to happen to help me get back to where I was. I want to make the smart choices. I want the irrational voice in my head to go away.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
A happy day
I started my day thinking I might spend it in my pajamas in bed. After two cups of coffee and about an hour of thinking, I knew I had to take control. I added two Bonnie Raitt CDs to my iPod and headed for The Loop. Thanks to the gorgeous weather and good music, I walked two laps. For those who don't remember, that's almost 5 miles. I felt great and loved being outside. And having the time to think and get my head together was just what I needed. Little did I know that I'd end up back at the beach a couple of hours later. My point: I started the day having trouble getting out of bed, but once I did, I couldn't sit still. And the day ended up much better than I thought.
One thing I realized today is that I had stopped making my list of things that made me happy each day. I knew I wouldn't blog about it forever but I was still making a note in my head each night. I don't know why I stopped, but I do think that's when things really started getting off track. So here's my list of five things that made me happy today.
1. I walked almost 8 miles today. I did The Loop twice this morning and then later in the day I walked from Johnnie Mercers Pier to Shell Island and back. I still want to incorporate running into my physical activity, but, for now, I'm just happy to be moving ... and to feel so compelled to do it. I missed four days last week and I almost felt like I just had to go today. Of course, who knew I'd try to make up for the four days all at once?
2. I tried a new recipe for dinner -- whole-wheat pasta with prosciutto, mushrooms and spinach. It was delicious, easy to make and good for me.Yummy food always makes me happy.
3. I watched Casablanca. It always puts me in a good mood and I just love the song "As Time Goes By." It will probably be stuck in my head for days. Plus, what woman doesn't want Humphrey Bogart pining after her?
4. There were several points in the day when I could have let negative thoughts/conversations or other obstacles take over. But I didn't. This is a real mental success. One of my goals is to change the way I react to adversity. Part of that is adjusting the way I think and not letting things get to me. Today I overcame each challenging moment and found things that made me happy.
5. Sunday nights always make me happy because that's when I change my sheets. I always sleep better on clean sheets. OK, that makes me sound crazy. But clean sheets make me happy. And I truly am trying to appreciate the little things more.
One thing I realized today is that I had stopped making my list of things that made me happy each day. I knew I wouldn't blog about it forever but I was still making a note in my head each night. I don't know why I stopped, but I do think that's when things really started getting off track. So here's my list of five things that made me happy today.
1. I walked almost 8 miles today. I did The Loop twice this morning and then later in the day I walked from Johnnie Mercers Pier to Shell Island and back. I still want to incorporate running into my physical activity, but, for now, I'm just happy to be moving ... and to feel so compelled to do it. I missed four days last week and I almost felt like I just had to go today. Of course, who knew I'd try to make up for the four days all at once?
2. I tried a new recipe for dinner -- whole-wheat pasta with prosciutto, mushrooms and spinach. It was delicious, easy to make and good for me.Yummy food always makes me happy.
3. I watched Casablanca. It always puts me in a good mood and I just love the song "As Time Goes By." It will probably be stuck in my head for days. Plus, what woman doesn't want Humphrey Bogart pining after her?
4. There were several points in the day when I could have let negative thoughts/conversations or other obstacles take over. But I didn't. This is a real mental success. One of my goals is to change the way I react to adversity. Part of that is adjusting the way I think and not letting things get to me. Today I overcame each challenging moment and found things that made me happy.
5. Sunday nights always make me happy because that's when I change my sheets. I always sleep better on clean sheets. OK, that makes me sound crazy. But clean sheets make me happy. And I truly am trying to appreciate the little things more.
Regaining control
After the craziness of last week, I knew I needed to take a step back and take a deep breath. So I put on my pajamas at 3 o'clock Saturday afternoon and ended up asleep by 9. Ten hours later, I feel well-rested physically, but my brain still feels like it needs another 10 hours of sleep. In fact, I'm still sitting in bed as I write this. I'm sure I'll get up eventually.
The good news is that I'm feeling much calmer and back in control of my thinking. I'm back on track with my eating, having made the most delicious and healthy spaghetti for dinner last night. I haven't walked/run in four days. That's the longest I've gone in months probably. It's shaping up to be a nice day. Maybe I'll hit The Loop later. I know it will make me feel better. One problem, however, is that I seem to have pulled a muscle in my left leg. No, it didn't happen running. I can't even tell you when/how it happened. But it's been hurting for two days.
The bad news is that the scale is not cooperating. I'm definitely paying for last week's excess, which is frustrating but I know I have no one to blame but myself. I made the choices I made and have to take responsibility for those decisions. Sure, I let others influence my choices, but I didn't have to listen. Now, I must suffer the consequences.
Finally, the thought I hope to carry with me into the coming week is that my problems are so small compared to those of others. I do spend a lot of time on self-reflection, which means I'm focused on my own issues and problems most of the time. But I've had two experiences in the past two days that have reminded me that others are dealing with things far worse. So when I'm tempted to lament too much, I will think about those people, keep my chin up and simply deal with whatever my problem is.
The good news is that I'm feeling much calmer and back in control of my thinking. I'm back on track with my eating, having made the most delicious and healthy spaghetti for dinner last night. I haven't walked/run in four days. That's the longest I've gone in months probably. It's shaping up to be a nice day. Maybe I'll hit The Loop later. I know it will make me feel better. One problem, however, is that I seem to have pulled a muscle in my left leg. No, it didn't happen running. I can't even tell you when/how it happened. But it's been hurting for two days.
The bad news is that the scale is not cooperating. I'm definitely paying for last week's excess, which is frustrating but I know I have no one to blame but myself. I made the choices I made and have to take responsibility for those decisions. Sure, I let others influence my choices, but I didn't have to listen. Now, I must suffer the consequences.
Finally, the thought I hope to carry with me into the coming week is that my problems are so small compared to those of others. I do spend a lot of time on self-reflection, which means I'm focused on my own issues and problems most of the time. But I've had two experiences in the past two days that have reminded me that others are dealing with things far worse. So when I'm tempted to lament too much, I will think about those people, keep my chin up and simply deal with whatever my problem is.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: Out of control
This week has been a whirlwind of activity, which has meant eating and drinking too much. In fact, I'd say things have been out of control this week. Everything. Just plain chaos on so many fronts. And I've been left asking myself "What was I thinking?" on more than one occasion. Living in the moment is a lot of fun ... until it isn't. I have a couple of regrets from this week, but I'm hoping I can look back and laugh one day.
Anyway, I didn't actually weigh in this morning like I usually do. It's a long story as to why. Let's just say life got in the way. But I've recorded my weight every week since January, so I didn't want to miss one. I figured weighing when I got home from work was better than not at all. The result was pretty good -- 1.8 pounds lost. That finally allowed me to cross the 75-pounds-lost mark. I'm now at 76.4!!!!!!
The overindulgence of the past few days is bound to catch up eventually, though. I'm excited about this week's number, but I'm prepared for the scale to strike back in the coming week.
Anyway, I didn't actually weigh in this morning like I usually do. It's a long story as to why. Let's just say life got in the way. But I've recorded my weight every week since January, so I didn't want to miss one. I figured weighing when I got home from work was better than not at all. The result was pretty good -- 1.8 pounds lost. That finally allowed me to cross the 75-pounds-lost mark. I'm now at 76.4!!!!!!
The overindulgence of the past few days is bound to catch up eventually, though. I'm excited about this week's number, but I'm prepared for the scale to strike back in the coming week.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Not ready to make nice
Who knew that Dixie Chicks song would be the one to inspire me to run? If you're a regular reader, you probably know this already. I have decided to incorporate running into my routine. I started walking at the end of July and that has become much easier. I'm still not very fast, but I'm up to 5 miles without wanting to pass out. Instead of walking farther, I want to get faster and stronger, which I think will happen with running.
A friend recommended I start with 30 minutes -- 9 minutes walking, 1 minute running -- for a week. I tried that for the first time yesterday and it didn't work out so well. It ended up being more like 5 minutes walking, 30 seconds running. But my total time was 45 minutes. Today, I tried 4 minutes walking, 30 seconds running. And I went for 32 minutes total. It went OK. My legs just won't run for 1 minute, so I figure this is a good start. I really have no idea what I'm doing, though. What I do know is that my legs and other muscles can tell a difference. Nothing actually hurts, but I did push a few muscles. That's good, right?
Part of my plan was to create a playlist on my iPod that would motivate me to run. I already think I need to revise it because I played it yesterday and it just didn't inspire me. Today, I put the iPod on shuffle and I felt a surge of energy when "Not Ready to Make Nice" started to play. Again, regular readers know that music is very important to me. Every song has meaning and evokes emotion. I'll get the list right eventually.
For now, I'm just happy to be moving and happy to be out of my funk. I felt much better on Saturday and yesterday was good. But I was worried that last week's negative thinking might creep back in. Nope. I feel better than ever. Oh, and a really cool thing happened at the grocery store tonight ... I saw myself on one of those closed-circuit TVs. I honestly saw a different person from the one I normally see in the mirror. That's a good sign.
A friend recommended I start with 30 minutes -- 9 minutes walking, 1 minute running -- for a week. I tried that for the first time yesterday and it didn't work out so well. It ended up being more like 5 minutes walking, 30 seconds running. But my total time was 45 minutes. Today, I tried 4 minutes walking, 30 seconds running. And I went for 32 minutes total. It went OK. My legs just won't run for 1 minute, so I figure this is a good start. I really have no idea what I'm doing, though. What I do know is that my legs and other muscles can tell a difference. Nothing actually hurts, but I did push a few muscles. That's good, right?
Part of my plan was to create a playlist on my iPod that would motivate me to run. I already think I need to revise it because I played it yesterday and it just didn't inspire me. Today, I put the iPod on shuffle and I felt a surge of energy when "Not Ready to Make Nice" started to play. Again, regular readers know that music is very important to me. Every song has meaning and evokes emotion. I'll get the list right eventually.
For now, I'm just happy to be moving and happy to be out of my funk. I felt much better on Saturday and yesterday was good. But I was worried that last week's negative thinking might creep back in. Nope. I feel better than ever. Oh, and a really cool thing happened at the grocery store tonight ... I saw myself on one of those closed-circuit TVs. I honestly saw a different person from the one I normally see in the mirror. That's a good sign.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The best $350 I've ever spent
OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but not much. Do you know how discouraged I was feeling yesterday and just how close I felt to being unable to overcome this latest mental hurdle? It wasn't pretty inside my head. But a bit of shopping therapy has done wonders for me today.
Yes, I spent $350 I don't have thanks to credit cards. But it was so worth it. I bought a wool winter coat, three sweaters, two pairs of shoes, a dress, a pair of jeans and a few other items. Given how much stuff I bought, I don't think I spent that much. Anyway, the important part is what happened when I was trying on the clothes and shoes. For the first time, I actually took smaller sizes into the dressing room and they fit, except in two instances they were too big. All of these new clothes are a size 14, except for the coat, which is an XL. (Yes, I didn't even have to get a plus size.) That feels amazing, especially since I've said my goal is to get to a size 12.
What's even better is that when I was trying on the clothes, I thought they looked good. I didn't feel like a big blob in everything. Instead, I noticed that I liked things to be form-fitting. I know I went a little overboard with my spending. But it felt so good to buy smaller clothes. And it's clearly just what I needed to get me over this bump in the road. I feel like someone has pressed the reset button on my brain. Thank goodness!!!
Yes, I spent $350 I don't have thanks to credit cards. But it was so worth it. I bought a wool winter coat, three sweaters, two pairs of shoes, a dress, a pair of jeans and a few other items. Given how much stuff I bought, I don't think I spent that much. Anyway, the important part is what happened when I was trying on the clothes and shoes. For the first time, I actually took smaller sizes into the dressing room and they fit, except in two instances they were too big. All of these new clothes are a size 14, except for the coat, which is an XL. (Yes, I didn't even have to get a plus size.) That feels amazing, especially since I've said my goal is to get to a size 12.
What's even better is that when I was trying on the clothes, I thought they looked good. I didn't feel like a big blob in everything. Instead, I noticed that I liked things to be form-fitting. I know I went a little overboard with my spending. But it felt so good to buy smaller clothes. And it's clearly just what I needed to get me over this bump in the road. I feel like someone has pressed the reset button on my brain. Thank goodness!!!
Be it resolved ... no more whining!
I slept great last night and woke up feeling much better. So I am resolving to quit my whining and complaining. And to simply get back on track. I don't like the way I've been feeling the past few days, so I'm just not going to feel that way. I like when I'm happy, so I'm only going to do things today that make me happy. I'm starting with a hearty, but healthy, breakfast -- a cheese omelet and sweet potato pancakes. And then we'll see where the day leads.
You're probably tired of hearing this by now, but I know that a big part of my weight loss journey is about changing the way I think and how I view food. I had a setback this week. That's OK. It was bound to happen sooner or later. It's been almost a year. Can you believe that? I've faced struggles throughout this process, but none as bad as this week. I don't even really know what caused this week's crash. I'd like to figure it out so I can avoid the trigger in the future, but I don't want to dwell on it too much. I think it's more important at this point to move on.
As usual, I am thankful for all of the support I've gotten from friends this week. So many people have offered encouragement and advice on how to get through this bad patch. Well, now I'm listening. I am proud of what I've accomplished so far and I know I am in control of this journey. I also know that I will achieve my goals. No more self-loathing ... at least not today!
You're probably tired of hearing this by now, but I know that a big part of my weight loss journey is about changing the way I think and how I view food. I had a setback this week. That's OK. It was bound to happen sooner or later. It's been almost a year. Can you believe that? I've faced struggles throughout this process, but none as bad as this week. I don't even really know what caused this week's crash. I'd like to figure it out so I can avoid the trigger in the future, but I don't want to dwell on it too much. I think it's more important at this point to move on.
As usual, I am thankful for all of the support I've gotten from friends this week. So many people have offered encouragement and advice on how to get through this bad patch. Well, now I'm listening. I am proud of what I've accomplished so far and I know I am in control of this journey. I also know that I will achieve my goals. No more self-loathing ... at least not today!
Friday, November 12, 2010
I tried to fight it
So I finally cracked today, sort of. As I wrote yesterday, I've been craving all sorts of terrible foods. I know it's not about the foods. It's really about about my emotions. This whole week has been a struggle. Even though I walked more than ever before, I've wanted to eat everything in sight. I thought I was back on track today at work. I was diligent about what I ate and when. It was a struggle all day, but I made it. Then, I stopped at the grocery store on the way home. The plan was to get something healthy and tasty (and not too far off track) for dinner.
I had a plan.
It was working out OK, except I was stopping to check the calorie and fat count for every kind of pre-made macaroni and cheese I saw. But I didn't put any in the cart. Then I spotted the potato chip aisle. I went by at first, even making it through the rest of my shopping. As I was headed to the checkout, though, I couldn't resist. The good news is that I bought baked potato chips. Seriously, I could have made a much worse choice. The bad news is that I opened the bag in the car on the way home. It's not a long drive, so I don't think I ate that many.
It's not about what I ate.
It's about the mental process behind it. I clearly have emotional issues with food. Although I felt horrible for eating the chips, I actually feel better. I feel more relaxed and the craziness in my head seems to have subsided (for now, at least). I can honestly say this is the first time since January that I let that part of my brain take over. I've fought it for so long and I was beginning to think that my new way of seeing food was permanent. I thought it had finally taken hold and I didn't have to fight it.
I was wrong.
I'm not sure how to proceed. I'd like to think that this was a one-time thing. But my mind isn't in the right place yet. I want to move on, forget it and not let it happen again. Actually, what I really want is to figure out how to deal with it. I want to know exactly what happened this week that let the old me emerge.
And how do I make it stop?
I had a plan.
It was working out OK, except I was stopping to check the calorie and fat count for every kind of pre-made macaroni and cheese I saw. But I didn't put any in the cart. Then I spotted the potato chip aisle. I went by at first, even making it through the rest of my shopping. As I was headed to the checkout, though, I couldn't resist. The good news is that I bought baked potato chips. Seriously, I could have made a much worse choice. The bad news is that I opened the bag in the car on the way home. It's not a long drive, so I don't think I ate that many.
It's not about what I ate.
It's about the mental process behind it. I clearly have emotional issues with food. Although I felt horrible for eating the chips, I actually feel better. I feel more relaxed and the craziness in my head seems to have subsided (for now, at least). I can honestly say this is the first time since January that I let that part of my brain take over. I've fought it for so long and I was beginning to think that my new way of seeing food was permanent. I thought it had finally taken hold and I didn't have to fight it.
I was wrong.
I'm not sure how to proceed. I'd like to think that this was a one-time thing. But my mind isn't in the right place yet. I want to move on, forget it and not let it happen again. Actually, what I really want is to figure out how to deal with it. I want to know exactly what happened this week that let the old me emerge.
And how do I make it stop?
Weekly weigh-in: Discouraged
For the first time since January, I honestly feel discouraged. I've been disappointed before. But I feel like my old way of thinking is starting to creep back into my head. You know, the voice that says, "What's the point? Just eat whatever you want. Why are you putting yourself through all of this? Where's it getting you?" I don't like it, but I don't know how to stop it. I'm not exactly sure what number I expected to see on the scale today, and maybe that's part of the problem. Every week until this one, I had a good idea of where I stood. I knew whether I was going to gain or lose. And the few weeks when I gained were no surprise. This week, I did lose two-tenths of a pound. OK, at least I lost something. But I also walked 16 1/2 miles since last Friday. And my eating habits weren't bad. The worst part of it is that I still haven't hit the 75 pounds lost goal. I'm at 74.6. Physically, I feel better and stronger than ever. Mentally, not so much. I think I just need something good to happen.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
On the verge of cracking
Today is the closest I've come to eating the worst foods possible since I started this journey in January. And, unfortunately, the day's not over yet. I don't know what's going on, but I'm craving everything bad ... pizza, Chinese, barbecue, french fries, a steak and cheese. And my emotions are all over the place. Some of you might be saying that sounds like PMS. Could be. But I've made it through 10 months without cracking, so why is today so bad?
I think it's because I've allowed my brain to focus on other things lately. You could say that I haven't been keeping my eye on the ball. In fact, I've been distracted by a lot of other things. Mostly good, but still distractions. This is probably a good lesson as I go forward -- winning this battle requires constant attention and commitment.
And the good news is that other than two small splurges on snacks (half of a medium-size blueberry muffin and a half piece of pumpkin bread), I haven't actually gotten off track today. Instead, I came home from work and walked 3 miles. I vowed that I wasn't going back in my house until I felt better. But I had to give up eventually because my left leg/ankle were hurting so bad that I could barely take another step.
Now, of course, I'm blogging ... hoping something will click and the urge to order delivery will pass. It was particularly difficult seeing the pizza delivery guy drive by during my walk. My brain keeps saying: "It's just one day. Just eat whatever you want and worry about it tomorrow." OK, that probably wouldn't be the end of the world. The problem is that food is an addiction and once I let those words win, I'll be hearing them all the time and letting them win all the time.
So I'm headed to the kitchen to eat my leftover whole-wheat pasta with butternut squash and asparagus. And I might have to go to bed after that so I won't be tempted to eat something else ... something worse. Then maybe tomorrow will be better.
I think it's because I've allowed my brain to focus on other things lately. You could say that I haven't been keeping my eye on the ball. In fact, I've been distracted by a lot of other things. Mostly good, but still distractions. This is probably a good lesson as I go forward -- winning this battle requires constant attention and commitment.
And the good news is that other than two small splurges on snacks (half of a medium-size blueberry muffin and a half piece of pumpkin bread), I haven't actually gotten off track today. Instead, I came home from work and walked 3 miles. I vowed that I wasn't going back in my house until I felt better. But I had to give up eventually because my left leg/ankle were hurting so bad that I could barely take another step.
Now, of course, I'm blogging ... hoping something will click and the urge to order delivery will pass. It was particularly difficult seeing the pizza delivery guy drive by during my walk. My brain keeps saying: "It's just one day. Just eat whatever you want and worry about it tomorrow." OK, that probably wouldn't be the end of the world. The problem is that food is an addiction and once I let those words win, I'll be hearing them all the time and letting them win all the time.
So I'm headed to the kitchen to eat my leftover whole-wheat pasta with butternut squash and asparagus. And I might have to go to bed after that so I won't be tempted to eat something else ... something worse. Then maybe tomorrow will be better.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Getting fit
I did quite a bit of walking this past weekend and I continued today. Sometimes, I feel like it's become an obsession. I've written before about how I tend to be a little OCD about things. OK, maybe a lot in some cases. Anyway, I really want getting fit to be an obsession because I know that once I fixate on something I won't let it go until I've achieved whatever I define as success.
In this case, of course, I'm already achieving greater success than I thought possible. The first time I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach in July, I couldn't make it all the way around without taking a break. I felt light-headed and breathing wasn't easy. Now, I can walk two laps, which is almost 5 miles. I'm pretty slow, but I consider the improved endurance a good sign. Seriously, I can walk 5 miles without passing out. I can remember not wanting to walk a block downtown to go to lunch or dinner with friends. In fact, I'm sure I said no to quite a few events in the past simply because I would have had to walk too far. Now, I feel like I could walk anywhere, anytime. And I would never dream of skipping an event because I might have to park too far away. I've come a long way.
What's most important is that I feel like I'm getting fit. I feel healthier every day. This weekend is the first time when I've been able to feel it. Once again, I think a lot of it is psychological. Of course, I've felt better for quite some time. But mentally something clicked this weekend. I feel strong and in control of this process and more committed than ever. I'm still struggling, though, with what the next step is. I want to get faster, stronger and more toned. I just don't know how to get there and, honestly, how to force myself to get there.
In this case, of course, I'm already achieving greater success than I thought possible. The first time I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach in July, I couldn't make it all the way around without taking a break. I felt light-headed and breathing wasn't easy. Now, I can walk two laps, which is almost 5 miles. I'm pretty slow, but I consider the improved endurance a good sign. Seriously, I can walk 5 miles without passing out. I can remember not wanting to walk a block downtown to go to lunch or dinner with friends. In fact, I'm sure I said no to quite a few events in the past simply because I would have had to walk too far. Now, I feel like I could walk anywhere, anytime. And I would never dream of skipping an event because I might have to park too far away. I've come a long way.
What's most important is that I feel like I'm getting fit. I feel healthier every day. This weekend is the first time when I've been able to feel it. Once again, I think a lot of it is psychological. Of course, I've felt better for quite some time. But mentally something clicked this weekend. I feel strong and in control of this process and more committed than ever. I'm still struggling, though, with what the next step is. I want to get faster, stronger and more toned. I just don't know how to get there and, honestly, how to force myself to get there.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: Better than expected
When was the last time I said that about my Friday morning weigh-in? But it was, indeed, better than expected. I was on vacation last weekend and indulged in all the wrong foods and drinks. Then, there was Election Day on Tuesday. Between the two, I had pancakes, bacon, fudge, pizza, cake, beer, etc., etc. I was fully prepared not to lose any weight this week and to possibly gain a little. But the scale was my friend this morning -- 1.4 pounds lost. That brings me to a total of 74.4 pounds. Wow! I'm amazed each time I think about that number. And I could not have asked for a better result this week.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Feeling out of sorts ... and liking it
The past few weeks have gone by in a flash, and I feel like I barely recognize the person I've become. When I look in the mirror, I still see the same old me ... most of the time. It's my attitude and approach to life that are so completely different.
I had an experience today that would not have been possible a year ago. I made a new friend and it happened in what I think is a weird way. Someone I know simply recommended her as a friend on facebook. I sent the request and poof ... a couple of weeks later, we're having lunch and chatting as if we've known each other forever. And she's the second new friend I've made in the past month. I'm 37 years old and it sounds so strange to be talking about making new friends. I can't even really explain the need to do it. A year ago, I would have never "friended" someone on facebook I didn't actually know already and I certainly wouldn't have met the person for lunch and shared personal information about myself. The old me would have just not been able to do it and if I had, I would have been so stressed ... probably to the point of feeling sick. Today, I felt so comfortable and at ease.
Of course, my new friend deserves a lot of credit. She's very easy to talk to and didn't seem to mind that I might have sounded a little crazy every now and then. Unfortunately, there's still that small part of my brain wondering if she thinks I am crazy. But I'm trying to ignore those voices. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the progress I'm making. I've said it before: My journey is not just about losing weight. It's about discovering who I am and being happy with myself.
I am happy with myself today, so here's my list of five things that made me happy today.
1. I made a new friend. Not just because she's a nice person and fun, but also because it meant doing something I wouldn't normally do. I went outside my comfort zone and I liked it.
2. I won a newsroom award for planning our election coverage. I have a whole team of people who really deserve all of the credit. I'm happy I won, but I'll be even happier when I reward my team in some way for carrying out the plan.
3. I'm happy about the direction some things are going at work. As usual, I'm not going to reveal a lot of details about my job in this blog. But I feel like things are on the right track and progress will be made. Continuous improvement is important to me.
4. I blogged for the first time in a few days. I was feeling out of sorts, confused, tired, etc. and just couldn't focus on blogging the past couple of days. I'm happy I did it today. It always helps me organize my thoughts.
5. I got an unexpected e-mail from someone. Not ready to share the details, but it did make me happy.
I had an experience today that would not have been possible a year ago. I made a new friend and it happened in what I think is a weird way. Someone I know simply recommended her as a friend on facebook. I sent the request and poof ... a couple of weeks later, we're having lunch and chatting as if we've known each other forever. And she's the second new friend I've made in the past month. I'm 37 years old and it sounds so strange to be talking about making new friends. I can't even really explain the need to do it. A year ago, I would have never "friended" someone on facebook I didn't actually know already and I certainly wouldn't have met the person for lunch and shared personal information about myself. The old me would have just not been able to do it and if I had, I would have been so stressed ... probably to the point of feeling sick. Today, I felt so comfortable and at ease.
Of course, my new friend deserves a lot of credit. She's very easy to talk to and didn't seem to mind that I might have sounded a little crazy every now and then. Unfortunately, there's still that small part of my brain wondering if she thinks I am crazy. But I'm trying to ignore those voices. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the progress I'm making. I've said it before: My journey is not just about losing weight. It's about discovering who I am and being happy with myself.
I am happy with myself today, so here's my list of five things that made me happy today.
1. I made a new friend. Not just because she's a nice person and fun, but also because it meant doing something I wouldn't normally do. I went outside my comfort zone and I liked it.
2. I won a newsroom award for planning our election coverage. I have a whole team of people who really deserve all of the credit. I'm happy I won, but I'll be even happier when I reward my team in some way for carrying out the plan.
3. I'm happy about the direction some things are going at work. As usual, I'm not going to reveal a lot of details about my job in this blog. But I feel like things are on the right track and progress will be made. Continuous improvement is important to me.
4. I blogged for the first time in a few days. I was feeling out of sorts, confused, tired, etc. and just couldn't focus on blogging the past couple of days. I'm happy I did it today. It always helps me organize my thoughts.
5. I got an unexpected e-mail from someone. Not ready to share the details, but it did make me happy.
Monday, November 1, 2010
A true sense of accomplishment
It's been three months since I decided to "reward" myself by walking The Loop at Wrightsville Beach. Today, I walked it twice. That's almost 5 miles. I was slow, but I feel fantastic. I'm so glad I pushed myself to do it. Just like after the first time, I can't wait to do it again. I'm feeling such a sense of achievement.
And I have my friend Diana D'Abruzzo to thank. Like me, she's trying to lose weight and she blogs. Her weight loss journey spans years and she's the one who convinced me to start this blog. Her post today about her struggles made me cry, but it also inspired me because Diana's so strong and brave. She's very open in her blog, even posting her weight. I admire her so much and I really don't think she even knows how much she motivates others. Diana walks/runs miles. I want to be like her, so I pushed myself harder today.
While I was walking, I was thinking again about all of the people who've supported my efforts. Sometimes, I don't think people even realize how something they've said has inspired or motivated me to keep going. I am so appreciative of everyone who simply says, "You're doing a great job." It's nice when people recognize how hard I'm working and how hard this journey is.
Yes, I'm having so much fun and enjoying my life. But the mental hurdles definitely outweigh the physical hurdles at this point. Just this weekend, I caught my reflection in a window and cringed. My mood immediately changed. I've been thinking about it since. On the other hand, I actually allowed my family members to take pictures of me. For so long, I've basically refused to be in photos. Now, I don't mind it as much. My point: Every time I start to feel like I'm not achieving the results I want, I resolve to work harder and to push myself more.
I will reach my goal ... whatever that is. I am hoping to set a final goal by the end of the year. I think it's time to realize that the changes I've made are for good and that I can get to whatever weight I want. I'm more determined than ever to get there.
And I have my friend Diana D'Abruzzo to thank. Like me, she's trying to lose weight and she blogs. Her weight loss journey spans years and she's the one who convinced me to start this blog. Her post today about her struggles made me cry, but it also inspired me because Diana's so strong and brave. She's very open in her blog, even posting her weight. I admire her so much and I really don't think she even knows how much she motivates others. Diana walks/runs miles. I want to be like her, so I pushed myself harder today.
While I was walking, I was thinking again about all of the people who've supported my efforts. Sometimes, I don't think people even realize how something they've said has inspired or motivated me to keep going. I am so appreciative of everyone who simply says, "You're doing a great job." It's nice when people recognize how hard I'm working and how hard this journey is.
Yes, I'm having so much fun and enjoying my life. But the mental hurdles definitely outweigh the physical hurdles at this point. Just this weekend, I caught my reflection in a window and cringed. My mood immediately changed. I've been thinking about it since. On the other hand, I actually allowed my family members to take pictures of me. For so long, I've basically refused to be in photos. Now, I don't mind it as much. My point: Every time I start to feel like I'm not achieving the results I want, I resolve to work harder and to push myself more.
I will reach my goal ... whatever that is. I am hoping to set a final goal by the end of the year. I think it's time to realize that the changes I've made are for good and that I can get to whatever weight I want. I'm more determined than ever to get there.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Weekly weigh-in and some other ramblings
So I'm a day late (or technically two days late since it is 2 a.m. Sunday) reporting my weekly weigh-in results. At my official weigh-in on Friday morning, I had lost 1.4 pounds last week. That put me at 73 total. I didn't quite hit my goal of 75 pounds by Oct. 29, but I was so close. I feel good about it. I've come a long way.
What I don't feel good about is how far off track I've gotten in the past two days. I've eaten and drank way too much and way too many things that weren't good for me. I am on a mini vacation with my family, so I knew there would be splurging. I guess I'm OK with it. I just wish I had the will power to resist those bad things. And, unfortunately, once I get off, it's not pretty. I've made a few wise choices, but overall not a good couple of days. I'm really afraid of what the scale will say when I get back to Wilmington Monday.
I've also been facing some mental hurdles since arriving in Richmond on Friday afternoon. I've spent so much time working on my attitude and training my brain to be positive. It's really hard for me to be around negative people. I don't mean to offend anyone. I just don't have the patience for complaining and bickering. It's so annoying. If something's wrong, fix it. Figure it out.
Oddly enough, I've also had a lot of time to think. I feel like the noise in my head is getting out of control again. My brain was so quiet and calm for so many days, maybe even weeks. Now my brain seems to be obsessing about every little thing. That's something I've been fighting so hard. Just this once I wish there was a switch to turn off my brain or at least a way to erase the stuff I don't want to think about.
I'm sure that stuff is the reason I'm blogging at 2 a.m. instead of sleeping. I feel so tired and sleepy. When I close my eyes, though, my brain feels like it's going to explode. So many thoughts go through my mind at once. And they are so loud. When I get back to Wilmington, it looks like I've got some work to do to recapture my inner peace. But I'll get there again.
What I don't feel good about is how far off track I've gotten in the past two days. I've eaten and drank way too much and way too many things that weren't good for me. I am on a mini vacation with my family, so I knew there would be splurging. I guess I'm OK with it. I just wish I had the will power to resist those bad things. And, unfortunately, once I get off, it's not pretty. I've made a few wise choices, but overall not a good couple of days. I'm really afraid of what the scale will say when I get back to Wilmington Monday.
I've also been facing some mental hurdles since arriving in Richmond on Friday afternoon. I've spent so much time working on my attitude and training my brain to be positive. It's really hard for me to be around negative people. I don't mean to offend anyone. I just don't have the patience for complaining and bickering. It's so annoying. If something's wrong, fix it. Figure it out.
Oddly enough, I've also had a lot of time to think. I feel like the noise in my head is getting out of control again. My brain was so quiet and calm for so many days, maybe even weeks. Now my brain seems to be obsessing about every little thing. That's something I've been fighting so hard. Just this once I wish there was a switch to turn off my brain or at least a way to erase the stuff I don't want to think about.
I'm sure that stuff is the reason I'm blogging at 2 a.m. instead of sleeping. I feel so tired and sleepy. When I close my eyes, though, my brain feels like it's going to explode. So many thoughts go through my mind at once. And they are so loud. When I get back to Wilmington, it looks like I've got some work to do to recapture my inner peace. But I'll get there again.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Why I blog
So I've been surprised several times lately to hear people make a comment about something I wrote in this blog. I didn't even know the person was reading my blog. Of course, I want people to read it, but that's not why I do it. I blog because it's like therapy.
Being able to express what I'm thinking and feeling is a huge step in my weight-loss journey. I've always been very guarded and I don't share stuff about myself easily. That's probably surprising to some people because it's something I work on every day now. I want to trust people. So I've tried to be open and honest with this blog. I've given away more about myself than I ever believed possible.
But it's not easy. I really struggle sometimes with the idea of exposing my weaknesses. And there have been times when I've written a post only to delete it minutes later. There have also been times when I've written something and regretted it later, but I didn't delete it. I think that's progress.
I've found that blogging helps me organize my thoughts, stay on track and face my fears. Sometimes just writing about something allows me to let it go. I was scared to death when I started. I was so embarrassed by every word I wrote. I stressed all the time about what I was saying.
Now, I just type. I write what I'm thinking and feeling. I still get self-conscious when people mention something I've written, but I also feel really good when someone tells me they could relate. I can only hope that others read my posts and realize that we all have issues. We all have weak moments. We all struggle to do the right thing.
Most recently, blogging has helped me stay positive. It's forced me to think about what makes me happy. I even had a great compliment from someone I truly respect today. He said he could really see a difference in my attitude. And I tried to tell him how good I feel about my life right now. I genuinely feel happy.
So I got to thinking today about who's actually reading my blog. I really have no idea. But it turns out there are statistics available. I don't know why I never noticed the tab. It's pretty prominent. And I love studying numbers.
Here's what I found out:
Being able to express what I'm thinking and feeling is a huge step in my weight-loss journey. I've always been very guarded and I don't share stuff about myself easily. That's probably surprising to some people because it's something I work on every day now. I want to trust people. So I've tried to be open and honest with this blog. I've given away more about myself than I ever believed possible.
But it's not easy. I really struggle sometimes with the idea of exposing my weaknesses. And there have been times when I've written a post only to delete it minutes later. There have also been times when I've written something and regretted it later, but I didn't delete it. I think that's progress.
I've found that blogging helps me organize my thoughts, stay on track and face my fears. Sometimes just writing about something allows me to let it go. I was scared to death when I started. I was so embarrassed by every word I wrote. I stressed all the time about what I was saying.
Now, I just type. I write what I'm thinking and feeling. I still get self-conscious when people mention something I've written, but I also feel really good when someone tells me they could relate. I can only hope that others read my posts and realize that we all have issues. We all have weak moments. We all struggle to do the right thing.
Most recently, blogging has helped me stay positive. It's forced me to think about what makes me happy. I even had a great compliment from someone I truly respect today. He said he could really see a difference in my attitude. And I tried to tell him how good I feel about my life right now. I genuinely feel happy.
So I got to thinking today about who's actually reading my blog. I really have no idea. But it turns out there are statistics available. I don't know why I never noticed the tab. It's pretty prominent. And I love studying numbers.
Here's what I found out:
- There are a lot more people reading what I write than I expected. My blog has had more than 800 page views so far this month and more than 2,600 since I started in July. Also, October is my best month so far. I think that's pretty good since I guessed that maybe a handful of people were reading each post.
- The two most viewed posts were the ones where I posted before and after photos. No surprise there.
- I get a lot of page views from people clicking on the links I post on facebook. In the beginning I felt weird about "advertising" my posts. But now it feels normal. How else will my "friends" know when I've written something new?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The wheels are turning
So several things have happened this week that have really got the wheels in my brain turning. I have so many things to think about that I don't know where to begin. Honestly, my brain is overloaded. And, interestingly, most of it's not bad stuff. It's just stuff. And it's new stuff. I know, I'm babbling. That's what it's like in my head right now. The neurons all seem to be firing at once. Maybe it's just too much caffeine.
The really good news is that I've stayed on track with my eating since last Friday. I haven't exercised as much as I should, but I've done better than normal. So that's good. And when I did a pre-weigh-in tonight, the results were good -- 1.4 pounds lost since last week. Let's hope the scale says the same thing on Friday morning ... or something even better. I'm so close to the 75 pounds lost mark. As of tonight, I'm at 73 pounds. Wow. Wow. Wow. When it comes to the big picture, I have a lot to be happy about.
I'm also starting to notice a few patterns now that I've been writing down my list for more than a week. Common themes include people who make me laugh, doing more physical activity, meeting new people, successes at work and losing weight. Yeah, those are pretty much the things that make me happy right now. Sounds pretty easy when you look at that list.
Here's my specific list for today.
1. For the first time in quite a few weeks, I dragged myself out of bed early enough this morning to walk before work. I've been so full of energy all day. I walked 1.8 miles, but could have done more if I had more time. I've been in a good mood all day and I think it's because of the walking.
2. For those not in journalism, this probably won't mean a lot. But it really made me happy. We had a designer at work put together advance layouts for Tuesday and Wednesday next week (Election Day and the day after). He's really fantastic. You give him vague instructions and he creates something wonderful. I'm so excited now for Election Day just because I know the papers are going to be so good.
3. I did one more thing to learn more about my community and to try to understand the people we cover in the newspaper. I attended a summit of downtown business/community leaders. The event wasn't all that exciting. But I did get three story ideas and sat next to an excellent backseat commentator who kept me laughing the whole time. Have I mentioned that people who make me laugh also make me happy?
4. Weight loss seems to be going well this week. See my comments above for the specifics. But I am happy to see results. I can only hope I see them on Friday morning for my official weigh-in.
5. I wrote a note on my brother's facebook wall and he actually replied. For those who don't know, he's almost 21. We don't communicate much. The only way I know what he's doing is facebook. And I think it's just sort of understood that his 37-year-old, uncool sister won't be commenting on his posts. I was really beyond happy. He might even make time to visit with me when I go home to Richmond this weekend. That would be so amazing.
The really good news is that I've stayed on track with my eating since last Friday. I haven't exercised as much as I should, but I've done better than normal. So that's good. And when I did a pre-weigh-in tonight, the results were good -- 1.4 pounds lost since last week. Let's hope the scale says the same thing on Friday morning ... or something even better. I'm so close to the 75 pounds lost mark. As of tonight, I'm at 73 pounds. Wow. Wow. Wow. When it comes to the big picture, I have a lot to be happy about.
I'm also starting to notice a few patterns now that I've been writing down my list for more than a week. Common themes include people who make me laugh, doing more physical activity, meeting new people, successes at work and losing weight. Yeah, those are pretty much the things that make me happy right now. Sounds pretty easy when you look at that list.
Here's my specific list for today.
1. For the first time in quite a few weeks, I dragged myself out of bed early enough this morning to walk before work. I've been so full of energy all day. I walked 1.8 miles, but could have done more if I had more time. I've been in a good mood all day and I think it's because of the walking.
2. For those not in journalism, this probably won't mean a lot. But it really made me happy. We had a designer at work put together advance layouts for Tuesday and Wednesday next week (Election Day and the day after). He's really fantastic. You give him vague instructions and he creates something wonderful. I'm so excited now for Election Day just because I know the papers are going to be so good.
3. I did one more thing to learn more about my community and to try to understand the people we cover in the newspaper. I attended a summit of downtown business/community leaders. The event wasn't all that exciting. But I did get three story ideas and sat next to an excellent backseat commentator who kept me laughing the whole time. Have I mentioned that people who make me laugh also make me happy?
4. Weight loss seems to be going well this week. See my comments above for the specifics. But I am happy to see results. I can only hope I see them on Friday morning for my official weigh-in.
5. I wrote a note on my brother's facebook wall and he actually replied. For those who don't know, he's almost 21. We don't communicate much. The only way I know what he's doing is facebook. And I think it's just sort of understood that his 37-year-old, uncool sister won't be commenting on his posts. I was really beyond happy. He might even make time to visit with me when I go home to Richmond this weekend. That would be so amazing.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I just can't let it go
Something happened today that actually made me angry. In fact, my jaw muscles are still clenched thinking about it now. I don't get angry very often. I get frustrated. I get overwhelmed. I get flabbergasted. But I don't really get angry. Angry for me means I want to lock myself in a room and throw things. Of course, I've never done that. But that's what it's like in my head at that moment. Anyway, I'm having trouble letting it go. I'm just so mad. I want to stomp my feet. I want to scream. And then I want to kick myself because I could have prevented the problem a week ago and didn't. Yes, I blame myself.
All that said, lots of good things happened today. So here's today's list of things I'm happy about.
1. I went to a forum tonight for local candidates. I felt like a nerd for spending two hours of my time there, but I take voting very seriously. I want to be informed. Truth is, I laughed more during the forum than I do while watching TV. It didn't hurt that two of our reporters were there to help keep me entertained. I definitely found some candidates I like and some I don't. But it made me happy to see them in person and really try to pay attention to what they were saying.
2. I started my day amused and I'm ending it amused. I may have mentioned this before, but I'm easily amused. It's usually something witty someone said. That's really all it takes to make me smile or smirk. It's those little things that make the day more interesting.
3. This is really going to make me sound like a loser, but oh well. And I hope the people affected by this don't mind being part of the plan. I decided recently that I'm going to try to go to lunch once a week with someone who doesn't work at the StarNews. Three weeks so far and I made plans today for next week. I swear it's not as calculated as it sounds. It's just that part of my journey is going outside the box. Plus, the people I've chosen so far are important to my job. And it turns out it's fun to not work straight through lunch every day and to talk to people about other stuff, including what's important to them. So I'm happy to be focused on new people.
4. I was really happy this morning when I was trying to decide what to wear to work. I have a vest that I used to love. Of course, I haven't been able to wear it for about 10 years. I can't even believe I still own it. When I first started losing weight, I tried it on every couple of weeks. Too small. Then I went about two months without trying it on. For some reason, I put it on this morning. Too big. That felt so amazing. It was the one piece of clothing from way back that used to fit but didn't now. IT'S TOO BIG! Yes, I'm happy.
5. I asked one of my reporters for advice today and ended up with a solution to two problems. I'm happy that I trusted the person and I really feel like I got a different perspective on things. Maybe I should talk to the reporters more. Haha.
All that said, lots of good things happened today. So here's today's list of things I'm happy about.
1. I went to a forum tonight for local candidates. I felt like a nerd for spending two hours of my time there, but I take voting very seriously. I want to be informed. Truth is, I laughed more during the forum than I do while watching TV. It didn't hurt that two of our reporters were there to help keep me entertained. I definitely found some candidates I like and some I don't. But it made me happy to see them in person and really try to pay attention to what they were saying.
2. I started my day amused and I'm ending it amused. I may have mentioned this before, but I'm easily amused. It's usually something witty someone said. That's really all it takes to make me smile or smirk. It's those little things that make the day more interesting.
3. This is really going to make me sound like a loser, but oh well. And I hope the people affected by this don't mind being part of the plan. I decided recently that I'm going to try to go to lunch once a week with someone who doesn't work at the StarNews. Three weeks so far and I made plans today for next week. I swear it's not as calculated as it sounds. It's just that part of my journey is going outside the box. Plus, the people I've chosen so far are important to my job. And it turns out it's fun to not work straight through lunch every day and to talk to people about other stuff, including what's important to them. So I'm happy to be focused on new people.
4. I was really happy this morning when I was trying to decide what to wear to work. I have a vest that I used to love. Of course, I haven't been able to wear it for about 10 years. I can't even believe I still own it. When I first started losing weight, I tried it on every couple of weeks. Too small. Then I went about two months without trying it on. For some reason, I put it on this morning. Too big. That felt so amazing. It was the one piece of clothing from way back that used to fit but didn't now. IT'S TOO BIG! Yes, I'm happy.
5. I asked one of my reporters for advice today and ended up with a solution to two problems. I'm happy that I trusted the person and I really feel like I got a different perspective on things. Maybe I should talk to the reporters more. Haha.
Monday, October 25, 2010
The happy list returns
I took a break from blogging over the weekend, so I didn't actually write down the things that made me happy each day. But there were plenty of things. I had a nice weekend. Very relaxing and I walked/jogged a lot more than normal. I also made a couple of new things to eat -- pumpkin smoothies and pumpkin crepes. Both were very yummy.
Anyway, here's today's list.
1. I had a nice lunch with a new acquaintance -- someone we often write about in the newspaper. I was happy to meet the person and get to know more about what he does. I definitely have a different perspective and genuinely enjoyed meeting someone new.
2. I was reminded by a note from a friend today of the moment I decided I was going to try to focus on things that make me happy. It's funny because I can remember asking the person (who was an intern at the paper this past summer) why he's so happy all the time. Somehow, his positive attitude rubbed off in just a couple of months. When I'm struggling to be happy and positive, I think about what he would say and I feel better.
3. I got a new picture taken today. It caused quite a bit of commotion in the office because I don't think it was very good and I didn't want to post the one where I'm really smiling. I eventually posted it on facebook, but I'm not happy about it. What I am happy about is how supportive so many friends were. There were so many compliments about how far I've come. Sure, I kind of asked for the attention by posting on facebook ... but people didn't have to say anything. So I was flattered and happy people took the time. It meant a lot.
4. I found myself in a frustrating and difficult situation today. I'm happy that I didn't lose my cool and I was the one who offered a solution. I really am happy when I get backed into a corner and I'm not defensive.
5. Finally, I'm happy I didn't have to cook dinner. I had leftover chicken with potatoes, artichokes and mushrooms. It was delicious and wonderful comfort food on this rainy night. Yes, sometimes something as simple as not having to cook dinner makes me happy. Oh, and I think I'm going to make more pumpkin crepes for dessert. Who wouldn't be happy about that?
Anyway, here's today's list.
1. I had a nice lunch with a new acquaintance -- someone we often write about in the newspaper. I was happy to meet the person and get to know more about what he does. I definitely have a different perspective and genuinely enjoyed meeting someone new.
2. I was reminded by a note from a friend today of the moment I decided I was going to try to focus on things that make me happy. It's funny because I can remember asking the person (who was an intern at the paper this past summer) why he's so happy all the time. Somehow, his positive attitude rubbed off in just a couple of months. When I'm struggling to be happy and positive, I think about what he would say and I feel better.
3. I got a new picture taken today. It caused quite a bit of commotion in the office because I don't think it was very good and I didn't want to post the one where I'm really smiling. I eventually posted it on facebook, but I'm not happy about it. What I am happy about is how supportive so many friends were. There were so many compliments about how far I've come. Sure, I kind of asked for the attention by posting on facebook ... but people didn't have to say anything. So I was flattered and happy people took the time. It meant a lot.
4. I found myself in a frustrating and difficult situation today. I'm happy that I didn't lose my cool and I was the one who offered a solution. I really am happy when I get backed into a corner and I'm not defensive.
5. Finally, I'm happy I didn't have to cook dinner. I had leftover chicken with potatoes, artichokes and mushrooms. It was delicious and wonderful comfort food on this rainy night. Yes, sometimes something as simple as not having to cook dinner makes me happy. Oh, and I think I'm going to make more pumpkin crepes for dessert. Who wouldn't be happy about that?
Before and after photos
So I've been having a photographer at work take a new headshot every time I lose 25 pounds. I'm not quite at 75 pounds, but pretty close. So he did the new photo today. I don't love it. And he wanted me to use one where I'm pretty much laughing. I just couldn't do it. Here are all four photos. I'm not feeling quite as good about it as I thought I would. Oh well, maybe I'll feel different when I get the next one taken.
 | |
| 72 pounds lost |
 | |
| 50 pounds lost |
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| 25 pounds lost |
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| 0 pounds lost |
Friday, October 22, 2010
The happy list
I know today's not over, but I am about to turn off my computer for the day. (Well, probably for the day.) So here's today's list of things that made me happy.
1. It's Friday. I got a lot of work done in the office today, which means I'm mentally prepared to relax for the next two days. And I left after only 8 1/2 hours. Yes, that makes me happy.
2. I'm happy that a week from today I'll be in Richmond visiting my family. The trip will be brief, but I haven't seen my dad, grandmother and brother since April.
3. I did a nice thing for one of my reporters today. He's been taking on extra assignments all week, which has made me very happy. Today, I did a small piece of his job.
4. I ate two bites of the most delicious crustless pumpkin pie. It was basically pumpkin pie filling baked inside pumpkins. It was so yummy and, apparently, pretty good for me. It was made from real pumpkin, honey, molasses and spices. The only thing that would have made me happier at that moment would have been to eat more ... but I didn't.
5. I lost a pound this week. I know I said I was disappointed in my post this morning, but overall I am happy. The big picture is that I lost another pound. As long as I'm losing each week, I'm making progress. And I wore a pair of jeans in a size I haven't worn since high school. And I got a lot of compliments. Very happy and flattered.
1. It's Friday. I got a lot of work done in the office today, which means I'm mentally prepared to relax for the next two days. And I left after only 8 1/2 hours. Yes, that makes me happy.
2. I'm happy that a week from today I'll be in Richmond visiting my family. The trip will be brief, but I haven't seen my dad, grandmother and brother since April.
3. I did a nice thing for one of my reporters today. He's been taking on extra assignments all week, which has made me very happy. Today, I did a small piece of his job.
4. I ate two bites of the most delicious crustless pumpkin pie. It was basically pumpkin pie filling baked inside pumpkins. It was so yummy and, apparently, pretty good for me. It was made from real pumpkin, honey, molasses and spices. The only thing that would have made me happier at that moment would have been to eat more ... but I didn't.
5. I lost a pound this week. I know I said I was disappointed in my post this morning, but overall I am happy. The big picture is that I lost another pound. As long as I'm losing each week, I'm making progress. And I wore a pair of jeans in a size I haven't worn since high school. And I got a lot of compliments. Very happy and flattered.
Weekly weigh-in: Disappointed, but not discouraged
So this morning's weigh-in didn't go quite as well as I'd hoped. I set out last Friday wanting to lose 1.4 pounds this week. I lost a pound. I'm disappointed, but still happy to be losing. I've now lost 71.6 pounds since the beginning of the year. Seriously, how could I not be happy about that?
After this week, it also seems less and less likely I'll reach my goal of losing a total of 75 pounds by next Friday. It's not impossible, but it is highly unlikely that I will lose 3.4 pounds next week. I've accepted it. I'm really close to the goal and that's good enough for now. I am proud of myself for simply making it as far as I have. And I'm proud of myself for recently trying to push myself to do more physical activity. I am still progress and that's all that matters.
Now, to the reason why I'm actually in a good place about today's weigh-in. I'm wearing a pair of the new jeans I bought last weekend. They are a size I haven't worn since high school. They make me feel fantastic (and, I must admit, a little self-conscious). Honestly, I've barely worn jeans in the past 10 years. Nothing ever seemed to fit right and they were just uncomfortable. But I love my new jeans and I can't wait until I can buy an even smaller size.
After this week, it also seems less and less likely I'll reach my goal of losing a total of 75 pounds by next Friday. It's not impossible, but it is highly unlikely that I will lose 3.4 pounds next week. I've accepted it. I'm really close to the goal and that's good enough for now. I am proud of myself for simply making it as far as I have. And I'm proud of myself for recently trying to push myself to do more physical activity. I am still progress and that's all that matters.
Now, to the reason why I'm actually in a good place about today's weigh-in. I'm wearing a pair of the new jeans I bought last weekend. They are a size I haven't worn since high school. They make me feel fantastic (and, I must admit, a little self-conscious). Honestly, I've barely worn jeans in the past 10 years. Nothing ever seemed to fit right and they were just uncomfortable. But I love my new jeans and I can't wait until I can buy an even smaller size.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Not feeling so happy, but sticking with it
I've been in a funk today. Nothing specific, except that I had a migraine for most of the day. And I have so much work to do that it's all just a little overwhelming right now. Anyway, I'm having trouble thinking of five things that made me happy today, but I'm going to try. I'm committed to finding the good in every day, so here goes.
1. Oddly enough, my headache went away after I came home, put on my pajamas and vegged in front of the TV. So I'm happy I no longer have a migraine.
2. I ate well today. Nothing off track.
3. I got a tour of the new Wilmington Convention Center, and I enjoyed the behind-the-scenes look. And I was happy a reporter took notes and photos and was willing to blog about it afterward.
4. I'm happy it's Thursday and one of my favorite shows is on TV -- The Big Bang Theory.
5. I wore a ring today that I've never actually been able to wear on my ring finger. When I bought it years ago, it would only fit on my pinky. I never wore it. Now it really fits.
I think writing the list is helping. I'm actually smiling after writing the last one.
1. Oddly enough, my headache went away after I came home, put on my pajamas and vegged in front of the TV. So I'm happy I no longer have a migraine.
2. I ate well today. Nothing off track.
3. I got a tour of the new Wilmington Convention Center, and I enjoyed the behind-the-scenes look. And I was happy a reporter took notes and photos and was willing to blog about it afterward.
4. I'm happy it's Thursday and one of my favorite shows is on TV -- The Big Bang Theory.
5. I wore a ring today that I've never actually been able to wear on my ring finger. When I bought it years ago, it would only fit on my pinky. I never wore it. Now it really fits.
I think writing the list is helping. I'm actually smiling after writing the last one.
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