Last week's weight: 189.2
This week's weight: 190
Difference: +0.8
Total weight lost: 81.8
I'm not exactly surprised that I gained a little this week. With the birthday celebrations and a visit with my family, I overdid it a bit the past two weeks. But I also fought really hard to overcome the food splurges by walking more and eating well the other days of the week.
My disappointment this week is in how I've approached food. Since Wednesday, I feel like I've been eating everything in sight. I don't know what's gotten into me. I haven't eaten really bad foods, but I everything hasn't exactly been good for me either. My concern is that I feel like I can't stop eating.
Today has been the worst and it started with me getting a bagel at Dunkin Donuts. I knew it was wrong and far more points than I normally eat for breakfast, but I simply couldn't stop myself. I snacked a lot at work today -- at least my choices were healthy, including an orange, a banana, a Kashi granola bar, Weight Watchers string cheese.
I hit rock bottom on the way home tonight. I couldn't figure out what I was going to eat for dinner. I weighed my healthy fast food choices. I considered stopping at the grocery store. I even thought about Chinese delivery. Then, I got in the drive-thru line at Zaxby's. There is nothing good for me there. I haven't eaten there since sometime in 2009. All I could think about was how good the chicken fingers, french fries, cole slaw and Texas toast would taste.
As I waited in line, I saw images of myself stuffing my face. I thought about how I'd feel. Initially, I thought I'd feel comfort. But then I realized I'd probably feel sick since I never eat that kind of food. And I would definitely feel guilty. I wondered if I ate that for dinner whether I'd be able to forgive myself.
Yes, there is good news. I pulled out of line and headed home. I still needed to eat something comforting, so I made a Kashi pizza. It's possible I'm going to eat the whole thing tonight, but at least the ingredients are good for me.
So the past couple of days I feel like I've been fighting a losing battle. I hope tonight's decision, though, means I'm winning the war.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Minor meltdown
I don't know what happened. I started the day off so well. When I posted this morning, I was feeling good about myself and the progress I've been making. I enjoyed a slight splurge this afternoon when I ate a cookie and a few Hershey's chocolate kisses. But that shouldn't have been a big deal. Nothing I couldn't burn off by walking a few miles.
When I got home from work, I headed out -- determined to complete three miles. That's my minimum walking distance most days. Shortly after completely the first mile, I was feeling a little light-headed. I figured it would pass, so I kept going. By the time I'd finished three laps around my neighborhood, which equals 1.8 miles, I couldn't go any farther.
I decided to quit and have a snack, thinking that the light-headedness might mean I needed to eat. I had a serving of Kashi crackers dipped in lowfat bruschetta. OK, that wasn't so bad. I certainly could have made worse choices. Feeling better, I headed back outside to finish the three miles. I did it, but it was a struggle.
My legs hurt. My back hurt. Even my head had started to hurt.
When I got done, I was starving ... still. Now, I'm ashamed to admit what I ate, but I'm going to because I think it's important to be honest. I had leftover steak ... about two servings worth. Then, I stuffed myself with about a third of a bag of baked potato chips.
I've seriously been thinking about what might have caused this food meltdown. I haven't really come up with an answer. Maybe the sugar from earlier in the day is the culprit. All I know is that something caused my to want to just eat and eat and eat. I'm feeling a little more relaxed about it now, but the night's not over. I can't be sure I want eat something else.
All that said, I'm going to try not to be too hard on myself. Obviously, I should look on the bright side ... I did walk three miles today and I could have eaten much worse. If I was going to binge, Kashi crackers, steak and baked chips were probably a good choice.
When I got home from work, I headed out -- determined to complete three miles. That's my minimum walking distance most days. Shortly after completely the first mile, I was feeling a little light-headed. I figured it would pass, so I kept going. By the time I'd finished three laps around my neighborhood, which equals 1.8 miles, I couldn't go any farther.
I decided to quit and have a snack, thinking that the light-headedness might mean I needed to eat. I had a serving of Kashi crackers dipped in lowfat bruschetta. OK, that wasn't so bad. I certainly could have made worse choices. Feeling better, I headed back outside to finish the three miles. I did it, but it was a struggle.
My legs hurt. My back hurt. Even my head had started to hurt.
When I got done, I was starving ... still. Now, I'm ashamed to admit what I ate, but I'm going to because I think it's important to be honest. I had leftover steak ... about two servings worth. Then, I stuffed myself with about a third of a bag of baked potato chips.
I've seriously been thinking about what might have caused this food meltdown. I haven't really come up with an answer. Maybe the sugar from earlier in the day is the culprit. All I know is that something caused my to want to just eat and eat and eat. I'm feeling a little more relaxed about it now, but the night's not over. I can't be sure I want eat something else.
All that said, I'm going to try not to be too hard on myself. Obviously, I should look on the bright side ... I did walk three miles today and I could have eaten much worse. If I was going to binge, Kashi crackers, steak and baked chips were probably a good choice.
Confidence is building
I did an unofficial weigh-in this morning and the result was better than expected. The scale says I've lost a pound since last week. That would be fabulous given that there was some splurging over the weekend when I was visiting my family. I tried not to over do it and I've kept up with my walking -- 11 miles since Saturday.
If I don't blow it between now and Friday morning, I will be at my lowest weight since I started this journey. That's an amazing feeling, especially given the hurdles in the past six months.
My confidence also is growing because I've bought new clothes. I'm wearing a new dress and shoes for the second day in a row. I feel a little self-conscious in dresses and skirts, but I do seem to be hooked on them. Deciding to wear them is part of the mental journey. It's about realizing how much better I look now and how much better I feel about myself.
So, for the first time in months, I feel the tide turning. All signs are that I'm headed in the right direction again.
If I don't blow it between now and Friday morning, I will be at my lowest weight since I started this journey. That's an amazing feeling, especially given the hurdles in the past six months.
My confidence also is growing because I've bought new clothes. I'm wearing a new dress and shoes for the second day in a row. I feel a little self-conscious in dresses and skirts, but I do seem to be hooked on them. Deciding to wear them is part of the mental journey. It's about realizing how much better I look now and how much better I feel about myself.
So, for the first time in months, I feel the tide turning. All signs are that I'm headed in the right direction again.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Weekly weigh-in: A day early
This week's weight: 189.2
Last week's weight: 189.2
Difference: 0
Total weight lost: 82.6
I'm headed out of town this afternoon and, for once, I'm not taking the scale with me. So I weighed in a day early. As I've been saying all week, I knew I couldn't expect to lose this week. There was too much splurging. I'm just happy I didn't gain. Staying the same this week feels like a success. And I'm happy that I met my goal of walking at least 15 miles (15.4 to be exact) this week.
My goal while I'm visiting my family this weekend is to make smart choices. I know I'll eat and drink a few thinks beyond the norm, but I think that's OK as long as I don't go overboard. Plus, my mom's cooking things that are good for me or we've agreed to eat out at places where I won't go crazy. And I've bringing my tennis shoes and workout clothes in hopes of keeping up with my walking.
All-in-all it's been a good week. I've been to two parties and celebrated my birthday without gaining weight. I can live with not losing.
Last week's weight: 189.2
Difference: 0
Total weight lost: 82.6
I'm headed out of town this afternoon and, for once, I'm not taking the scale with me. So I weighed in a day early. As I've been saying all week, I knew I couldn't expect to lose this week. There was too much splurging. I'm just happy I didn't gain. Staying the same this week feels like a success. And I'm happy that I met my goal of walking at least 15 miles (15.4 to be exact) this week.
My goal while I'm visiting my family this weekend is to make smart choices. I know I'll eat and drink a few thinks beyond the norm, but I think that's OK as long as I don't go overboard. Plus, my mom's cooking things that are good for me or we've agreed to eat out at places where I won't go crazy. And I've bringing my tennis shoes and workout clothes in hopes of keeping up with my walking.
All-in-all it's been a good week. I've been to two parties and celebrated my birthday without gaining weight. I can live with not losing.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Fessing up
This week's weigh-in probably isn't going to go well. Today is my birthday and I rationalized several splurges because of it. They included pizza, chocolate, bang bang shrimp, salmon in a butter sauce and two blueberry martinis. All were worth it. I have a tinge of guilt, but mostly I feel happy about how my birthday turned out.
The day started with lots of birthday wishes from friends far and near and ended with a lovely dinner with a friend. The blueberry martinis at Bonefish Grill are now my second favorite fruity drink. (My first favorite is the lychee martini at Indochine.)
Anyway, today's splurges coupled with the wine and beer from two parties this past weekend will probably have a negative effect on the scale. But I think that's OK. I've walked more than 15 miles this week and I've eaten well otherwise.
Life is about balance. And I finally feel like I'm achieving that again. It's OK to celebrate on my birthday. I just can't do it every day. I also want to be honest with myself about what I'm eating and drinking and why. For example, the pizza at lunch was more about using food as comfort because it was my birthday. That was a poor choice. The martinis were about celebrating my birthday and having fun on my birthday. That was a good choice.
As I move forward, I know that if I'm going to achieve my goals, I have to deal with the emotional connection I have to food. I don't really know how to do that, but I'll keep trying. And it's been a good birthday, so that makes me happy.
The day started with lots of birthday wishes from friends far and near and ended with a lovely dinner with a friend. The blueberry martinis at Bonefish Grill are now my second favorite fruity drink. (My first favorite is the lychee martini at Indochine.)
Anyway, today's splurges coupled with the wine and beer from two parties this past weekend will probably have a negative effect on the scale. But I think that's OK. I've walked more than 15 miles this week and I've eaten well otherwise.
Life is about balance. And I finally feel like I'm achieving that again. It's OK to celebrate on my birthday. I just can't do it every day. I also want to be honest with myself about what I'm eating and drinking and why. For example, the pizza at lunch was more about using food as comfort because it was my birthday. That was a poor choice. The martinis were about celebrating my birthday and having fun on my birthday. That was a good choice.
As I move forward, I know that if I'm going to achieve my goals, I have to deal with the emotional connection I have to food. I don't really know how to do that, but I'll keep trying. And it's been a good birthday, so that makes me happy.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Building momentum, I think
The obsession I had for walking last summer seems to be taking hold once again. It's starting to feel like one of those things I just have to do. On days when I don't walk, I actually feel depressed. So I guess it's good that I've walked for three days straight -- 5 miles Saturday, 5 miles Sunday and 3 miles today.
I'm suffering from a few aches and pains, though. The muscles in my back are hurting. That hasn't happened before, so I don't know if I should be worried. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong or different. Any thoughts? The good part is that after I walk, I'm exhausted ... but in a good way. The sense of accomplishment is amazing. And I just feel better.
As you know, I decided yesterday that I was going to do something every day this week (because my birthday is Wednesday) to make myself happy. Today, I used my favorite bath gel and lotion after my walk. I know that sounds like a small thing, but I have a very limited quantity of both left because Origins stopped making it about a year ago. I hardly ever use it anymore because I'm saving it for special occasions. Today, even though no one else will even smell it, I decided I was worth it. I used it just for me.
Finally, the eating is going well. A few little splurges here and there, but nothing crazy. I might have had a little too much wine and beer over the weekend, but I'm hoping the walking will make up for that. I feel like I've been building momentum the past three weeks. I'm finally seeing food and exercise in the way I used to a year ago. I just hope it pays off on the scale.
I'm suffering from a few aches and pains, though. The muscles in my back are hurting. That hasn't happened before, so I don't know if I should be worried. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong or different. Any thoughts? The good part is that after I walk, I'm exhausted ... but in a good way. The sense of accomplishment is amazing. And I just feel better.
As you know, I decided yesterday that I was going to do something every day this week (because my birthday is Wednesday) to make myself happy. Today, I used my favorite bath gel and lotion after my walk. I know that sounds like a small thing, but I have a very limited quantity of both left because Origins stopped making it about a year ago. I hardly ever use it anymore because I'm saving it for special occasions. Today, even though no one else will even smell it, I decided I was worth it. I used it just for me.
Finally, the eating is going well. A few little splurges here and there, but nothing crazy. I might have had a little too much wine and beer over the weekend, but I'm hoping the walking will make up for that. I feel like I've been building momentum the past three weeks. I'm finally seeing food and exercise in the way I used to a year ago. I just hope it pays off on the scale.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Happy birthday to me
I'll be celebrating my 38th birthday on Wednesday, so naturally that got me thinking about the past year. I spent my birthday last year at work because it was election night. At the time, I'd lost just 30 pounds. Now I'm up to almost 83 pounds lost. Wow. That's an amazing feeling.
And I'm so happy that my renewed commitment to losing weight seems to be taking hold. Three weeks and counting. I've been making much better food choices and walking. Two laps around The Loop at Wrightsville Beach yesterday and today. The second laps is a struggle, but I'm always proud when I do it.
The effort I've been putting in lately has me feeling pretty good -- better than I have in quite some time. So I've decided to celebrate my birthday "week" by doing something that makes me happy every day.
I'm starting today with cooking. I'm making myself brunch -- cheese omelet, sweet potato pancake (frozen, but yummy) and fresh fruit. Then, I'm making two new dishes so I'll have something healthy but tasty for lunch and dinner all week. One is chicken breast stuffed with proscuitto and cheese and the other is chicken, rice, carrots, celery and mushrooms in the crockpot. The hardest part will be deciding which one to eat for dinner tonight.
And I'm so happy that my renewed commitment to losing weight seems to be taking hold. Three weeks and counting. I've been making much better food choices and walking. Two laps around The Loop at Wrightsville Beach yesterday and today. The second laps is a struggle, but I'm always proud when I do it.
The effort I've been putting in lately has me feeling pretty good -- better than I have in quite some time. So I've decided to celebrate my birthday "week" by doing something that makes me happy every day.
I'm starting today with cooking. I'm making myself brunch -- cheese omelet, sweet potato pancake (frozen, but yummy) and fresh fruit. Then, I'm making two new dishes so I'll have something healthy but tasty for lunch and dinner all week. One is chicken breast stuffed with proscuitto and cheese and the other is chicken, rice, carrots, celery and mushrooms in the crockpot. The hardest part will be deciding which one to eat for dinner tonight.
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