Weekly weigh-in: No one to blame but myself

Last week's weight: 185
This week's weight: 186
Difference: +1
Total weight lost: 85.8

When you eat a bagel with cream cheese, lots of s'mores, a giant burrito and lots of chips, you gain weight. I really shouldn't be surprised. I usually try not to be too hard on myself, but this week I'm mad. I was doing so well. It was a real struggle last weekend and early in the week, but I forced myself to make the right choices. By Wednesday morning, I'd lost a pound. But then I slipped. So to end the week having gained a pound is frustrating. I know what I need to do to lose weight. Why is it so hard to stop eating the foods that hinder those efforts? And, I'm all but certain now that I won't reach my goal of 90 pounds lost by July 1. I guess there's always a chance I'll lose 4.2 pounds in the next week, but that's not likely. It's just so disappointing because I really believed I could do it.

I know what's best for me

I wrote on Facebook earlier this week that I had reached my maximum stress tolerance level. Two days later, I experienced what I believe was a panic attack. I've only told two people about it and I really debated about whether I wanted anyone to know. Obviously, I've decided it's best to share what I'm feeling.

It happened Wednesday morning. I was getting ready for work, standing in front of the bathroom mirror putting on my makeup. As usual, I had lots of things running through my mind. Mornings are when I do my best thinking and problem-solving. Suddenly, I felt dizzy, sweaty, nauseous and I was having trouble breathing and my heart was pounding.

I didn't know what to think at first. I sat in the bed and tried to take a few deep breaths. About two minutes later, I was fine. It really seemed like it never happened. The rest of the day was normal. I got a little weirded out this morning because I wondered if it would happen again. But it didn't.

One of the people I told said he wasn't surprised at all. In fact, he said the surprise is that I've been keeping it together as well as I have. I'm starting to agree. Many of you already know that I've been dealing with several stressful events in the past three weeks. My dad passed away. My AC broke and I had to get a whole new one, which is costing a lot of money. I've been working extremely long days because of a big investigative story under way. And I had to rush one of my best friends to the doctor this week and now she's dealing with some serious health problems.

I'm stressed out! What's interesting, and the real point of this post, is that I know what I need to do to de-stress. I've managed to get through a lot of tough situations in my life. I know what works for me.

First, I need order. I need the things I can control to be under control. This always helps me deal better with the unexpected and the things I can't control.

Second, I need to stay busy in my downtime -- doing fun, lighthearted things. For example, I've made plans to see a really funny movie tomorrow night. I'm also thinking about something relaxing to do on Saturday and Sunday. Might even finally hook up the Wii again.

Finally, I need a break from it all. My brain is very good at compartmentalizing things. I took only three days off from work for my dad's funeral. I knew I was going to need more time, just not right then. Well, it's been almost a month. I need time now. I'm going to Richmond next weekend to visit my family and try to get some of my dad's affairs in order. But I'm thinking I will take a few days after that just for myself. (I still need approval from my boss, though.)

I don't know what I will do with those days, but mentally it feels like what I need. I might end up sitting at home. I might take a day trip. I might go somewhere for a couple of days. I might end up staying in Richmond with my family. It doesn't matter. There's something about knowing that I can use those days to do whatever I want that makes me feel better. I hope it works out because I truly believe that's what's best for me right now.

Thinking about my dad

I've spent quite a bit of time so far today (Father's Day) thinking about my dad. I had a lot of things in my head that I thought I wanted to say in this post, but when I sat down to start typing, I couldn't find the right words.

As you know, my dad passed away just a couple of weeks ago. I worried that today would be a sad one, but so far I've found that it's nice to take time to think about my dad. Honestly, I've been so busy with work lately that I haven't done that much. And when I have, my thoughts have been focused on handling his estate or my brother or my grandma.

Today, my thoughts are focused on what a good person my dad was. No, he wasn't perfect. But he did a lot of good things for a lot of people and I know they miss him. Plus, I know my dad would think it was ridiculous for me to waste any energy being sad. He would tell me not to worry about him and to live my life doing things that make me happy.

So that's my advice to everyone.

Weekly weigh-in: Slowly but surely

Last week's weight: 188.6
This week's weight: 185
Difference: 3.6
Total weight lost: 86.8

After a pretty dismal, but expected, result last week, I'm pleased to see the number on the scale be slightly lower than the final tally before my dad passed away. That 10-day period wasn't an easy time, so I wasn't too hard on myself. But I have tried to turn things around this week. I didn't eat as well as I should have, but I definitely kept my indulgences under control. I ate out twice, but I think I made pretty good choices. And, despite wanting gobs of ice cream and macaroni and cheese this week, I've managed to resist the temptation. I've given in a little with lowfat ice cream, but I've skipped the mac and cheese entirely.

Anyway, I'm not feeling particularly inspired by this week's loss. But I am glad to still be losing. That's really all I can ask for at this point. It is getting harder and harder. And I still need to lose 3.2 pounds over the next two weeks to meet my goal of 10 pounds lost by July 1. It won't be easy, but it's not impossible. I'm going to at least try.

Recipe: Pasta with shrimp and veggies

Ingredients
1/2 pound whole wheat pasta
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
3 zucchini
3 yellow squash
1 package (8 oz.) sliced mushrooms (You can use whichever kind you like best. I used baby portabellos.)
1 can (15 oz.) petite diced tomatoes
1/2 cup water
1 teaspoon Trader Joe's 21 Seasonings
3 tablespoons Newman's Own Light Italian salad dressing
Salt, pepper to taste
4 tablespoons shredded parmesan cheese

Slice and chop zucchini and squash into half-moon pieces. Place into a resealable bag with mushrooms. Add 2 tablespoons of salad dressing. Marinate in refrigerator for at least an hour. Place shrimp in a separate bag with remaining dressing and marinate for at least an hour. Cook pasta according to package directions. Put vegetables in a large pan with water. Cover and steam until tender. Drain. Add shrimp and saute until shrimp are done. Add tomatoes and 21 Seasonings. Heat through. Add cooked pasta and salt and pepper to taste. Makes four servings. Top each serving with a tablespoon of parmesan cheese.

Recipe: Shepherd's Pie

Ingredients
1 pound 93% lean ground beef
1 large package frozen mixed vegetables (carrots, peas, green beans, corn)
2 cans (15 oz. each) petite diced tomatoes
2 teaspoons Trader Joe's 21 Seasonings (you can use any mix of spices. This is just what I like the best.)
Salt, pepper to taste
1 bag Betty Crocker instant mashed potatoes (I used the kind that said 80 calories per serving.)
4 slices reduced fat provolone cheese.

Make the mashed potatoes according to the package directions. Add ground beef and one teaspoon of seasoning to skillet and brown. Add tomatoes. Place frozen vegetables in large casserole dish. Add one teaspoon of seasoning. Mix in ground beef mixture. Add salt and pepper. Place six dollops of mashed potatoes on top of mixture. Divide cheese into six servings and put on top of potatoes. Cover and bake at 350 degrees until veggies are cooked. Remove cover and let cheese brown slightly. Makes six servings.

Weekly weigh-in: Tackling tumultuous times

Last week's weight: 185.8
This week's weight: 188.6
Difference:  +2.8
Total weight lost: 83.2

Clearly, it was a tough week, but I'm really not too concerned about gaining a little. As most of you know, my father passed away last week. In fact, I didn't officially weigh-in on Friday because I was out of town for his funeral. For last week's weight, I'm using what I weighed the last time I weighed before going out of town.

Anyway, under the circumstances, I'm not at all surprised to have gained. Although I tried not to overdo it, I did indulge. While I was with my family, the food choices were not very good for me. People brought so much stuff, including pastas, fried chicken, brownies, pastries, etc. And, yes, I ate some of just about everything.

What I'm proud of, though, is that during an extremely stressful and emotional time, I didn't ever overeat. For example, I ate a small brownie every day for four days. But I could have eaten the whole pan on the first day. I ate Chinese food, but I didn't get the worst items on the menu. You get the picture.

My less-than-stellar eating habits have continued throughout this week, but I'm OK with my choices. I've considered everything I've eaten and made the choice to eat it. I knew I might gain a little. So what? I think I have adopted a healthy lifestyle. Like just about anyone, I overeat during times of stress, but I don't eat to excess.

I truly believe I will be right back on track tomorrow. I gave myself a little leeway because I felt like that's what I needed to get through a difficult time in my life. But now it's time to regroup. And, the most interesting part is that while I like the taste of all the bad foods, they actually don't make me feel very good. The sugar makes me sluggish and irritable and the fried foods just sit in my stomach like an icky blob.

I believe that getting through the past 10 days without simply stuffing my face every day is a sign that I have made changes that will last me a lifetime. And, for that, I'm thankful and happy.