As expected, I woke up this morning feeling awful and completely regretting yesterday's binge. First thing I did, though, was throw the bag of Cheez Doodles (not that there were many left) in the trash. Then, I set out to make a plan for what I'm going to eat today. When I look at it, it seems like a lot of food. There are plenty of snacks since it's a Sunday and I'll be sitting around at home a lot today. (That's usually when I'm tempted to snack.) I'm also going to start the day with a walk around my neighbor, but I needed a cup of coffee first. Here's what I plan to eat today, including the number of Weight Watchers plus points for each.
BREAKFAST (9 a.m.)
One serving of leftover egg white, canadian bacon and hash brown casserole (4 points)
Banana (0 points)
SNACK (11 a.m.)
Cucumber slices (0 points)
Weight Watchers string cheese (1 point)
Apple or peach (0 points)
LUNCH (1 p.m.)
1 can Progresso Light Chicken Noodle Soup (4 points)
SNACK (3 p.m.)
1 single-serve container Greek yogurt (3 points)
1 pouch 100 calorie Nabisco chocolate-covered pretzels
(3 points)
DINNER (6 p.m.)
2 homemade chicken fajitas (5 points)
SNACK (8 p.m.)
94% fat-free popcorn, single-serve bag (3 points)
Weight Watchers dark chocolate raspberry popsicle (2 points)
That's a total of 25 points and I get 29 a day, which means I could turn my yogurt into a milkshake by adding a little lowfat ice cream and skim milk. Or I could add a side of corn to dinner. This looks like a good plan and one I can live with.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
A message from my dad
I suppose it's only natural that when a loved one passes, you find yourself thinking about the person at odd times. This happened to me today.
For almost two months, I've pretty much been living out of a suitcase. In early May, I made a trip to Richmond to celebrate my birthday with my family. Then, just a few weeks later, my dad passed away. I had never unpacked everything from before.
Anyway, two more trips to Richmond later and I finally decided to unpack this afternoon. In one of the zipper pockets, I found the birthday cards from my family. Of course, seeing the one from my dad was a little emotional.
But it's also inspirational. The message inside says: "Nothing could have prepared me for the joy of seeing you come into your own. From the beginning, you had a quiet strength and determined spirit about you. But seeing those qualities revealed fully in the beautiful woman you've become is more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. You're everything a parent could hope for in a daughter. How lucky I am to call you mine."
It's been a difficult day, with my emotions all over the place. But strength and determination are definitely characteristics I embody. And I think seeing my dad's card today is just what I needed to remind me how far I've come and that I am strong enough and determined enough to achieve my goals.
For almost two months, I've pretty much been living out of a suitcase. In early May, I made a trip to Richmond to celebrate my birthday with my family. Then, just a few weeks later, my dad passed away. I had never unpacked everything from before.
Anyway, two more trips to Richmond later and I finally decided to unpack this afternoon. In one of the zipper pockets, I found the birthday cards from my family. Of course, seeing the one from my dad was a little emotional.
But it's also inspirational. The message inside says: "Nothing could have prepared me for the joy of seeing you come into your own. From the beginning, you had a quiet strength and determined spirit about you. But seeing those qualities revealed fully in the beautiful woman you've become is more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. You're everything a parent could hope for in a daughter. How lucky I am to call you mine."
It's been a difficult day, with my emotions all over the place. But strength and determination are definitely characteristics I embody. And I think seeing my dad's card today is just what I needed to remind me how far I've come and that I am strong enough and determined enough to achieve my goals.
A big mistake
I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself.
I actually got in the car this afternoon, drove to Food Lion and bought a bag of Cheez Doodles. I've been thinking about them for a couple of weeks. I kept trying to resist them, but I just snapped today. I actually opened them in the car on the drive back home and ended up eating half the bag.
I feel a little sick now. I guess I deserve that.
And I'm really unhappy with myself. With all my talk about refocusing, I feel like a failure for giving in. It's not even that I splurged on something I haven't eaten in more than a year and a half. It's why I did it that bothers me.
For as long as I can remember, I've used food as comfort. Pasta, pizza, chips ... you get the picture. I used to eat lots of those things. I would just gorge. And that's how I ended up weighing more than 271 pounds. What scares me is that I ate the Cheez Doodles today and I don't feel any better, which makes me want to eat something else bad for me.
I know. I don't really want to do that. I also know that beating myself up isn't the answer. I've tried not to be too hard on myself when I indulge because it's usually with a clear purpose and I made a choice to splurge knowing the consequences.
Today feels different. I seriously considered not blogging about it (still not entirely sure I'm going to hit publish as I type right now) because I didn't want anyone to know what I had done. I'm ashamed that I couldn't stop myself from binging.
I wish I knew why those foods are so much more appealing than the stuff that's good for me. It was so easy that I'm scared to death I'll slip right back into my old habits. Sometimes, I get so tired of having to be so vigilant. But see what happens when I let my guard down.
I actually got in the car this afternoon, drove to Food Lion and bought a bag of Cheez Doodles. I've been thinking about them for a couple of weeks. I kept trying to resist them, but I just snapped today. I actually opened them in the car on the drive back home and ended up eating half the bag.
I feel a little sick now. I guess I deserve that.
And I'm really unhappy with myself. With all my talk about refocusing, I feel like a failure for giving in. It's not even that I splurged on something I haven't eaten in more than a year and a half. It's why I did it that bothers me.
For as long as I can remember, I've used food as comfort. Pasta, pizza, chips ... you get the picture. I used to eat lots of those things. I would just gorge. And that's how I ended up weighing more than 271 pounds. What scares me is that I ate the Cheez Doodles today and I don't feel any better, which makes me want to eat something else bad for me.
I know. I don't really want to do that. I also know that beating myself up isn't the answer. I've tried not to be too hard on myself when I indulge because it's usually with a clear purpose and I made a choice to splurge knowing the consequences.
Today feels different. I seriously considered not blogging about it (still not entirely sure I'm going to hit publish as I type right now) because I didn't want anyone to know what I had done. I'm ashamed that I couldn't stop myself from binging.
I wish I knew why those foods are so much more appealing than the stuff that's good for me. It was so easy that I'm scared to death I'll slip right back into my old habits. Sometimes, I get so tired of having to be so vigilant. But see what happens when I let my guard down.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Recipe: Breakfast casserole
2 cups shredded frozen hash browns
6 slices canadian bacon, diced
2 cups Egg Beaters egg whites
1/3 cup shredded parmesan cheese
Salt, pepper and other spices to taste (I have a blend of garlic, onion, parsley, etc. that I used.)
NOTE: You could also add veggies such as mushrooms, red/green peppers, onions, etc.
Coat a casserole dish with cooking spray. Add potatoes and canadian bacon. Bake at 400 degrees until potatoes are tender. Add seasonings and eggs. Top with cheese. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees until eggs are done in the middle. Makes six servings.
Weekly weigh-in: I told you so
Last week's weight: 184.6
This week's weight: 187
Difference: +2.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 84.8
I knew today's result wasn't going to be good. The indulgences over the past week were too many. You can't eat the way I did and not gain weight. Or at least I can't. The good news is that rededicating myself to better eating habits worked yesterday.
Aside from a case of the munchies last night (and I satisfied it with a handful of pretzel sticks), I did extremely well yesterday. For most of the day, I didn't feel hungry or deprived. I even had a lowfat banana and chocolate milkshake after dinner. But I did go over my daily Weight Watchers points allotment by four points. That's not so bad for the first day of trying to get back on track and considering I had a terrible migraine, which made it really difficult for me to focus on anything else.
If I can string enough good days together, I will lose weight again.
This week's weight: 187
Difference: +2.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 84.8
I knew today's result wasn't going to be good. The indulgences over the past week were too many. You can't eat the way I did and not gain weight. Or at least I can't. The good news is that rededicating myself to better eating habits worked yesterday.
Aside from a case of the munchies last night (and I satisfied it with a handful of pretzel sticks), I did extremely well yesterday. For most of the day, I didn't feel hungry or deprived. I even had a lowfat banana and chocolate milkshake after dinner. But I did go over my daily Weight Watchers points allotment by four points. That's not so bad for the first day of trying to get back on track and considering I had a terrible migraine, which made it really difficult for me to focus on anything else.
If I can string enough good days together, I will lose weight again.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Migraine madness
Those who know me personally or are friends with me on Facebook already know that I suffer from migraines. I've had them for years and the severity and frequency vary.
A few years ago, I seemed to be having them five or six times a month and for days at a time. That's when I started doing some research and I changed my eating habits. I virtually cut out MSG and only ate chocolate in small amounts. The headaches got a lot better -- occurring maybe once a month or less. The severity also improved.
About two years ago, I discovered Excedrin Migraine. Wow. One pill when I felt one coming on and it was almost always gone within a few hours. As long as I could cure the pain that easily and quickly, I didn't worry too much about it. A lot of people have said I should see a doctor. But I know several people who've been to doctor after doctor for migraines and they still suffer. Yes, they've seen some improvement with prescription medication, but until recently mine weren't that bad.
The past couple of months, however, the headaches are more frequent and more painful. I've always had some of the typical symptoms -- sensitivity to light and sound. Lately, I've also experienced nausea. The pain is almost always in the same spot on my forehead, but it sometimes radiates down into my neck, shoulders and back.
Today's is the worst I've had in recent months and nothing seems to be helping. I lay down and I feel sick. I sit up and every muscle in my neck and the top of my back hurts. I'm simply miserable. If you've never experienced a migraine, it's really hard to describe the feeling. But sometimes the pain is enough to make me crazy.
So, of course, me being the solution-oriented person that I am, I've been thinking today about what's causing them. No surprise ... I think it's stress. You'd think that being off from work the past week might be relaxing. But it's actually been stressful because I've traveled to Richmond and had to deal with my dad's estate. I've been trying to relax since I got back to Wilmington, but there's still stuff to do.
If the current pattern continues, I think I'll have no choice but to see a doctor. If you have any recommendations for non-prescription remedies, I'd love to hear them.
A few years ago, I seemed to be having them five or six times a month and for days at a time. That's when I started doing some research and I changed my eating habits. I virtually cut out MSG and only ate chocolate in small amounts. The headaches got a lot better -- occurring maybe once a month or less. The severity also improved.
About two years ago, I discovered Excedrin Migraine. Wow. One pill when I felt one coming on and it was almost always gone within a few hours. As long as I could cure the pain that easily and quickly, I didn't worry too much about it. A lot of people have said I should see a doctor. But I know several people who've been to doctor after doctor for migraines and they still suffer. Yes, they've seen some improvement with prescription medication, but until recently mine weren't that bad.
The past couple of months, however, the headaches are more frequent and more painful. I've always had some of the typical symptoms -- sensitivity to light and sound. Lately, I've also experienced nausea. The pain is almost always in the same spot on my forehead, but it sometimes radiates down into my neck, shoulders and back.
Today's is the worst I've had in recent months and nothing seems to be helping. I lay down and I feel sick. I sit up and every muscle in my neck and the top of my back hurts. I'm simply miserable. If you've never experienced a migraine, it's really hard to describe the feeling. But sometimes the pain is enough to make me crazy.
So, of course, me being the solution-oriented person that I am, I've been thinking today about what's causing them. No surprise ... I think it's stress. You'd think that being off from work the past week might be relaxing. But it's actually been stressful because I've traveled to Richmond and had to deal with my dad's estate. I've been trying to relax since I got back to Wilmington, but there's still stuff to do.
If the current pattern continues, I think I'll have no choice but to see a doctor. If you have any recommendations for non-prescription remedies, I'd love to hear them.
Regrouping and refocusing
I woke up this morning feeling pretty sorry for myself. I couldn't seem to stop thinking about my poor eating habits while on vacation and my lack of exercise in the past two months. For a few days, I've even been dwelling on how fat I am.
I've never used the word fat out loud (or in writing) to describe myself. Of course, I've felt that way for many years and called myself fat in my head many times.Since I started this weight loss journey, though, I've tried to be positive and to see how much I've changed in the past year and a half.
But I'm struggling to see the difference. I saw a photo of me from this past weekend and all I see is the same person I've been since I was a teenager. I know that's irrational. I've lost about 85 pounds. How could I not look any different?
Obviously, I'm still having trouble with the psychological part of losing so much weight. Plus, I've barely lost any weight in the past six months. I seem to go up a couple of pounds, then lose a couple of pounds. My goal is to lose 35 more pounds. I started this year giving myself the whole year to lose 40 pounds. Six months in and I've lost only 5 pounds. That's depressing.
So I'm starting to wonder if this is what the rest of my life will be like. Lose a little, gain a little. But then I started thinking about how I've gained four pounds in the week that I've been on vacation. (It hasn't really been a vacation because I spent part of the time dealing with my dad's estate.) If I gained four pounds a week, I'd be back to where I started by the end of the year.
That's unacceptable. I can't go back. I've worked too hard to change my life to let that happen. But how do I stop it? There was a time when I thought I could stay right where I am -- between 180 and 190 pounds -- and be happy with what I've accomplished. That's not true. I said that only because I felt like I was failing to reach my ultimate goal of 150 to 155 pounds.
Instead of thinking about how to stop the backsliding, I'm regrouping and refocusing on what will help me achieve my goal. I started with a walk this morning. Only 1.8 miles, but considering my legs were burning and my breathing was heavy after a quarter of a mile, I think that's a good start. Exercising when it's hot outside is really tough for me, but I also know that it makes me feel better. So I'm going to do it.
The next step is to refocus on what I'm eating. The main thing I've learned about losing weight is that what you eat and how much are the most important factors to losing weight. I've said it before but my greatest success came when I kept track of every piece of food I put in my mouth. It's time to start doing that again. No cheating and no fudging the numbers.
Tomorrow's weigh-in is likely to be painful, but the truth hurts. I will have to pay for the cheeseburger, beer, wine, ice cream, potato chips, Chinese food, macaroni and cheese and fried chicken nuggets. I'm prepared for whatever the scale says. All I can do now is look forward and start over.
I've never used the word fat out loud (or in writing) to describe myself. Of course, I've felt that way for many years and called myself fat in my head many times.Since I started this weight loss journey, though, I've tried to be positive and to see how much I've changed in the past year and a half.
But I'm struggling to see the difference. I saw a photo of me from this past weekend and all I see is the same person I've been since I was a teenager. I know that's irrational. I've lost about 85 pounds. How could I not look any different?
Obviously, I'm still having trouble with the psychological part of losing so much weight. Plus, I've barely lost any weight in the past six months. I seem to go up a couple of pounds, then lose a couple of pounds. My goal is to lose 35 more pounds. I started this year giving myself the whole year to lose 40 pounds. Six months in and I've lost only 5 pounds. That's depressing.
So I'm starting to wonder if this is what the rest of my life will be like. Lose a little, gain a little. But then I started thinking about how I've gained four pounds in the week that I've been on vacation. (It hasn't really been a vacation because I spent part of the time dealing with my dad's estate.) If I gained four pounds a week, I'd be back to where I started by the end of the year.
That's unacceptable. I can't go back. I've worked too hard to change my life to let that happen. But how do I stop it? There was a time when I thought I could stay right where I am -- between 180 and 190 pounds -- and be happy with what I've accomplished. That's not true. I said that only because I felt like I was failing to reach my ultimate goal of 150 to 155 pounds.
Instead of thinking about how to stop the backsliding, I'm regrouping and refocusing on what will help me achieve my goal. I started with a walk this morning. Only 1.8 miles, but considering my legs were burning and my breathing was heavy after a quarter of a mile, I think that's a good start. Exercising when it's hot outside is really tough for me, but I also know that it makes me feel better. So I'm going to do it.
The next step is to refocus on what I'm eating. The main thing I've learned about losing weight is that what you eat and how much are the most important factors to losing weight. I've said it before but my greatest success came when I kept track of every piece of food I put in my mouth. It's time to start doing that again. No cheating and no fudging the numbers.
Tomorrow's weigh-in is likely to be painful, but the truth hurts. I will have to pay for the cheeseburger, beer, wine, ice cream, potato chips, Chinese food, macaroni and cheese and fried chicken nuggets. I'm prepared for whatever the scale says. All I can do now is look forward and start over.
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