Excess leads to exercise

The most amazing thing happened tonight. It was the start of Restaurant Week in Wilmington. I went to dinner with a friend and splurged -- linguine primavera and two glasses of wine. Oh, and half of a bruschetta appetizer and a salad. I could have made much worse choices and I really enjoyed what I ate. In fact, it was one of the best entrees I've had at that restaurant. Anyway, I splurged.

I was feeling a little guilty when I got home, especially since the scale was not my friend when I weighed this morning. So I was thinking about walking a couple of laps around my neighborhood. I really couldn't believe I was thinking about it -- it was almost 9 o'clock at night. I made a post on facebook and a friend quickly replied that I should walk The Loop at Wrightsville Beach again tonight. I felt great after last night's outing, but I didn't think I was up to it. Just knowing that my friend was going to do it inspired me to make three laps around my neighborhood (1.8 miles). I even jogged a little. It was an amazing feeling.

I don't think I burned off the pasta and wine, but I am so proud of myself for doing something. In the past, I would have eaten that way and spent the rest of the night on the couch. In fact, I might have even had another glass of wine at home. And I definitely would have ordered something much worse for me at dinner.

And I'm so thankful to my friend who spurred me to at least get in a little exercise today. Her comments were just the push I needed to head out the door. I also know that she's exercising a lot more than I am and she looks fabulous. If she can do it, I can do it. And I know I can do more than I am ... I just need a push in the right direction.

On a related note, here's my list of the 5 things that made me happy today.

1. See above. Exercising after splurging at dinner is a huge accomplishment ... physically and mentally.

2. Overall, it was a great day at work. Tomorrow's newspaper has a ton of interesting stories. I felt like every time I turned around today a reporter had another good story. Good stories and hard-working reporters always make me happy.

3. I had a nice dinner with a friend. I shared a secret I'd been keeping for a couple of weeks. And I'm happy she knows what's going on in my life, especially since it's ultimately a really good sign of progress for me.

4. I'm happy I keep bug spray in the car. After dinner, we sat outside for a bit. But a quick trip to the car kept most of the mosquitoes at bay. (When I was walking at home later, the bug spray didn't seem to be helping at all, though.)

5. Finally, I played catch with a 2-year-old (or maybe 3. He said he was 3 but held up 2 fingers.) at work. He's the son of our photo editor. The five-minute encounter brightened my morning because he was so adorable.

Finding inspiration when you least expect it

For quite some time, I've followed @BruceBrownNC on twitter. Check out his blog. I met him a couple of times when the StarNews held blogger meet-ups last year. Each morning, he tweets about the forecast for the Wilmington area and he posts several inspirational quotes, some of which he writes himself. Without thinking, I look for them on twitter each morning. It's just a little something that usually puts a smile on my face first thing in the morning. Today's was particularly fitting.

He wrote: "Finding inspiration from an unexpected source is unexpectedly compelling." I feel like this sums up my life right now. I've blogged previously about getting outside my comfort zone and working to develop new relationships. What I'm finding is inspiration. I seem to be seeking out people who inspire me in some way -- whether it's weight loss, exercise, socializing, attitude, outlook and even work.

In the past, when I've met new people, I've tended to shy away from getting to know them. Now, I can name a handful of people I've become friends in the past several months who make me want to embrace the new me. In fact, they push me to fully develop the new me. And I'm drawn to them. They give me something that's keeping me going.

One of those people insists that I need to accept that I'm the one who's made the changes in my life. But I've tried to explain how important it is to know you are supported. I can only hope that there's something I can do for these people one day. And I hope they know who they are when they read this because I am so thankful for their support.

5 things that made me happy today

As you probably know by now, I'm taking time each night to think about things that made me happy that day. I made a list of five things yesterday and it was kinda therapeutic, so I'm thinking I might try to do it daily. I'm only going to pick five, mostly because listing more would take more time. Plus, I think it's good to have a concise list. Sometimes, they might be really big important things. Sometimes, they might be little things just made me smile.

Here's today's list.

1. I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach tonight. It's really pretty unbelievable. I try to walk it every weekend, but I don't usually walk that far at night during the week. I usually tell myself that I'm too tired. I was a little slower than my friend, but she was nice enough to adjust her pace. And I feel fantastic. So thankful I did it. And, honestly, I'm happy to have made a new friend who inspires me and supports me.

2. I had to ask three reporters at work today to do things that aren't typically part of their jobs. With each assignment, I said: "I owe you one." I say that a lot. What made me happy is that all three accepted the assignments without complaint. The did what needed to be done. I can really appreciate that attitude. And I will pay them back one day.

3. This one's probably going to make me sound a little nutty. But we have these flash drives at work that are round and have our logo on them. I've wanted one for months. But apparently they were for other people. I just thought they were cool. And I wanted the cool toy. Anyway, one of the other editors walked up to my desk out of the blue today and gave me one. Yay for him. It made me happy.

4. I walked two laps around the StarNews building. The first lap came right after I tasted a seafood empanada and ate a piece of chocolate. Neither was very good for me. Instead of stewing about it, I walked right outside and took a lap around the building. The sunshine was invigorating. After a couple of hours at my desk, I decided to take one more lap. I don't know what made me do, but I bet you'll see me out there more often. Apparently, walking and being outside make me happy.

5. We had a bit of breaking news today. I was so happy to be the editor who coordinated the coverage, especially since we beat the competition. I love the news. And I love it even more when we're first. I got such an adrenaline rush today. And that made me happy.

Fighting mental hurdles

I blogged Saturday about how the amount of weight I've lost this year might be starting to sink in. Not so much. I feel like I had a step backward this morning. I was getting dressed (in new clothes I've bought over the past couple of weeks) and I pulled out a belt. I hadn't worn it in years. I was feeling pretty happy about thinking I'd actually wear a shirt tucked in. I put the belt through the loops and it wasn't even close to fitting. Even the smallest hole was about 5 inches too big.

Yes, once again, I know I should be delighted. I should be jumping up and down with excitement. The problem is that it never even dawned on me that it wouldn't fit. This worries me because I know that unless I'm able to deal with the psychological aspects of my weight loss, I might not be able to sustain it. It's important to me that as my body gets healthier so does my mind. Why can't I see the changes?

As if that wasn't bad enough, it was not a good day at work. As usual, I'm not going into the details in a public blog. All I'll say is that a colleague I've respected and appreciated for years is leaving. So I'm sad. Combine that with the usual stress of my job and it just wasn't a good day.

All that said, I'm determined to fight against these mental hurdles. I've noted recently how I'm trying to end each day thinking about things that made me happy. So here's my list for today:

1. A meeting I was completely unprepared for got canceled early in the day. I know the idea of me being unprepared is shocking to those who know me best, but I chose not to do any work over the weekend. Even when Sunday night rolled around and I knew I was under the gun, I watched "The Big Lebowski." Yes, I'm pretty happy that I have more time to get prepared for the meeting.
2. For the first time since I've been in my job (eight months), we had no centerpiece planned for the front of our Local & State section when I came in this morning. Again, so unlike me. But I was really happy when the photo editor quickly had a solution. (Of course, now I owe him one.)
3. I had a nice lunch with a new friend. We sat outside, and it even included a brief walk through downtown Wilmington. That made me happy, because, for those who don't know, most days I eat lunch at my desk and our office has NO windows.
4. When I got home from work, I really wanted to go straight to bed and bury my head under the covers. Instead, I walked a couple of laps around my neighborhood. Making that choice made me very happy because I know I wouldn't have done that a year ago.
5. Finally, I'm happy because I am able to see the good in this day despite the bad. Just a few months ago, I would not have been nearly as calm as I am right now. And my stress level would have been very high. And I probably would have eaten terribly as a way to cope. But that's not who I am anymore. The new me makes me happy.

It might be starting to sink in

I think I've loved to shop my whole life. I can remember going almost every Saturday with my grandmother when I was little. She always bought me the prettiest dresses and shoes. As I got older and gained more weight, though, shopping for clothes became more and more depressing. I still loved to shop, but I hated how things looked and that so many things just didn't fit right. Again, that didn't stop me. I own a lot of clothes and shoes.

I think I had a breakthrough today. Shopping today made me feel good about myself. I bought more than I intended to, but the best part was that I got two pair of jeans in a size I haven't worn since high school. It was such an amazing feeling, and just another reminder of my success. I also felt like I could see a difference when I looked in the dressing-room mirror. Usually, I don't feel like I can see any changes.

I still have a long way to go, but I know I will get there ... even if buying a new wardrobe every three months is sending me to the poorhouse.

Feeling guilty, but trying to move on

I know I shouldn't be, but I am feeling a little guilty about splurging yesterday. Pizza for lunch, dessert at dinner ... and wine. I knew it was going to be one of those days. The splurging was completely expected and the mocha cappuccino bread pudding was definitely worth it. I'm most frustrated with myself for giving in on the wine. Those calories are not worth it. But I did have fun.

I also feel guilty about not getting up to walk this morning. I fully intended to do it, but I couldn't make myself get out of the bed. I'm going to try to get past the guilt and stay focused on moving forward. So I'm planning several healthy, low-fat dishes for this weekend.

Weekly weigh-in: Diligence pays off

I knew that if I really started keeping track of what I was eating again, I'd see results. I lost 2.8 pounds this week, bringing me to a total of 70.6 since January. Wow. That feels pretty amazing. This makes me think I might even be able to achieve by 75 pound goal by Oct. 29. Losing 2.2 pounds each week for the next two weeks won't be easy, but it's not impossible.

The best part about this week is that I still ate plenty and I ate out several times. Once again, that proves to me that I'm in this for the long haul. I have changed my habits and I know how to make good choices (even when I'm splurging). The hardest part is that I gave up wine. I don't see that lasting, but I knew it would make a difference. And it was definitely worth it.