I went to bed last night feeling much better about myself. I had managed my eating well and I walked The Loop for the first time in two months. I felt so good that I decided to set my alarm to go off an hour early so I could walk laps around my neighborhood before work this morning.
Well, I woke up about 15 minutes before the alarm was supposed to even go off. Then, I had what I consider to be a make or break moment. My body didn't want to get out of bed and my pillow felt so soft and comfy under my head. I curled up tightly under the covers.
But then my brain went crazy. Seriously, it was almost like someone was in my head yelling at me. Suddenly, I knew that the decision I made this morning would determine whether I've truly changed my lifestyle and whether I would easily fall back into old habits.
Less than five minutes later, I was in my workout clothes and out the door. The cool air was refreshing and I feel energized and clear-headed now. I feel ready to tackle today (which by the way is my first day back at work after 10 days off).
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I did it ... sort of
I started the day by making a plan for what I was going to eat today and when I was going to eat it. After yesterday's disaster, I knew I had to do something. Well, I didn't exactly stick to the plan, but I am ending the day with two Weight Watchers points left, which means I can still have a popsicle for dessert.
The key is that I ate lots of healthy foods and didn't overindulge. I even managed to have two homemade watermelon martinis. I used 3 ounces of vodka and lots of watermelon and ice. Having those martinis felt like a real treat and a splurge. Sure, I had to give up my afternoon snack but it was definitely worth it.
There was one point this afternoon when I thought I might get off track and even now I'm thinking about just going to bed so I won't be tempted to eat something else. Forcing myself to keep track of everything I eat and drink makes a difference but it also makes me anxious. What if I get hungry once I've used all of daily points?
I guess I just hope that doesn't happen. Now all I have to do is keep up my guard for the rest of the week. If I can, I know I will see a difference on the scale come Friday.
The key is that I ate lots of healthy foods and didn't overindulge. I even managed to have two homemade watermelon martinis. I used 3 ounces of vodka and lots of watermelon and ice. Having those martinis felt like a real treat and a splurge. Sure, I had to give up my afternoon snack but it was definitely worth it.
There was one point this afternoon when I thought I might get off track and even now I'm thinking about just going to bed so I won't be tempted to eat something else. Forcing myself to keep track of everything I eat and drink makes a difference but it also makes me anxious. What if I get hungry once I've used all of daily points?
I guess I just hope that doesn't happen. Now all I have to do is keep up my guard for the rest of the week. If I can, I know I will see a difference on the scale come Friday.
I have a plan
As expected, I woke up this morning feeling awful and completely regretting yesterday's binge. First thing I did, though, was throw the bag of Cheez Doodles (not that there were many left) in the trash. Then, I set out to make a plan for what I'm going to eat today. When I look at it, it seems like a lot of food. There are plenty of snacks since it's a Sunday and I'll be sitting around at home a lot today. (That's usually when I'm tempted to snack.) I'm also going to start the day with a walk around my neighbor, but I needed a cup of coffee first. Here's what I plan to eat today, including the number of Weight Watchers plus points for each.
BREAKFAST (9 a.m.)
One serving of leftover egg white, canadian bacon and hash brown casserole (4 points)
Banana (0 points)
SNACK (11 a.m.)
Cucumber slices (0 points)
Weight Watchers string cheese (1 point)
Apple or peach (0 points)
LUNCH (1 p.m.)
1 can Progresso Light Chicken Noodle Soup (4 points)
SNACK (3 p.m.)
1 single-serve container Greek yogurt (3 points)
1 pouch 100 calorie Nabisco chocolate-covered pretzels
(3 points)
DINNER (6 p.m.)
2 homemade chicken fajitas (5 points)
SNACK (8 p.m.)
94% fat-free popcorn, single-serve bag (3 points)
Weight Watchers dark chocolate raspberry popsicle (2 points)
That's a total of 25 points and I get 29 a day, which means I could turn my yogurt into a milkshake by adding a little lowfat ice cream and skim milk. Or I could add a side of corn to dinner. This looks like a good plan and one I can live with.
BREAKFAST (9 a.m.)
One serving of leftover egg white, canadian bacon and hash brown casserole (4 points)
Banana (0 points)
SNACK (11 a.m.)
Cucumber slices (0 points)
Weight Watchers string cheese (1 point)
Apple or peach (0 points)
LUNCH (1 p.m.)
1 can Progresso Light Chicken Noodle Soup (4 points)
SNACK (3 p.m.)
1 single-serve container Greek yogurt (3 points)
1 pouch 100 calorie Nabisco chocolate-covered pretzels
(3 points)
DINNER (6 p.m.)
2 homemade chicken fajitas (5 points)
SNACK (8 p.m.)
94% fat-free popcorn, single-serve bag (3 points)
Weight Watchers dark chocolate raspberry popsicle (2 points)
That's a total of 25 points and I get 29 a day, which means I could turn my yogurt into a milkshake by adding a little lowfat ice cream and skim milk. Or I could add a side of corn to dinner. This looks like a good plan and one I can live with.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
A message from my dad
I suppose it's only natural that when a loved one passes, you find yourself thinking about the person at odd times. This happened to me today.
For almost two months, I've pretty much been living out of a suitcase. In early May, I made a trip to Richmond to celebrate my birthday with my family. Then, just a few weeks later, my dad passed away. I had never unpacked everything from before.
Anyway, two more trips to Richmond later and I finally decided to unpack this afternoon. In one of the zipper pockets, I found the birthday cards from my family. Of course, seeing the one from my dad was a little emotional.
But it's also inspirational. The message inside says: "Nothing could have prepared me for the joy of seeing you come into your own. From the beginning, you had a quiet strength and determined spirit about you. But seeing those qualities revealed fully in the beautiful woman you've become is more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. You're everything a parent could hope for in a daughter. How lucky I am to call you mine."
It's been a difficult day, with my emotions all over the place. But strength and determination are definitely characteristics I embody. And I think seeing my dad's card today is just what I needed to remind me how far I've come and that I am strong enough and determined enough to achieve my goals.
For almost two months, I've pretty much been living out of a suitcase. In early May, I made a trip to Richmond to celebrate my birthday with my family. Then, just a few weeks later, my dad passed away. I had never unpacked everything from before.
Anyway, two more trips to Richmond later and I finally decided to unpack this afternoon. In one of the zipper pockets, I found the birthday cards from my family. Of course, seeing the one from my dad was a little emotional.
But it's also inspirational. The message inside says: "Nothing could have prepared me for the joy of seeing you come into your own. From the beginning, you had a quiet strength and determined spirit about you. But seeing those qualities revealed fully in the beautiful woman you've become is more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. You're everything a parent could hope for in a daughter. How lucky I am to call you mine."
It's been a difficult day, with my emotions all over the place. But strength and determination are definitely characteristics I embody. And I think seeing my dad's card today is just what I needed to remind me how far I've come and that I am strong enough and determined enough to achieve my goals.
A big mistake
I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself.
I actually got in the car this afternoon, drove to Food Lion and bought a bag of Cheez Doodles. I've been thinking about them for a couple of weeks. I kept trying to resist them, but I just snapped today. I actually opened them in the car on the drive back home and ended up eating half the bag.
I feel a little sick now. I guess I deserve that.
And I'm really unhappy with myself. With all my talk about refocusing, I feel like a failure for giving in. It's not even that I splurged on something I haven't eaten in more than a year and a half. It's why I did it that bothers me.
For as long as I can remember, I've used food as comfort. Pasta, pizza, chips ... you get the picture. I used to eat lots of those things. I would just gorge. And that's how I ended up weighing more than 271 pounds. What scares me is that I ate the Cheez Doodles today and I don't feel any better, which makes me want to eat something else bad for me.
I know. I don't really want to do that. I also know that beating myself up isn't the answer. I've tried not to be too hard on myself when I indulge because it's usually with a clear purpose and I made a choice to splurge knowing the consequences.
Today feels different. I seriously considered not blogging about it (still not entirely sure I'm going to hit publish as I type right now) because I didn't want anyone to know what I had done. I'm ashamed that I couldn't stop myself from binging.
I wish I knew why those foods are so much more appealing than the stuff that's good for me. It was so easy that I'm scared to death I'll slip right back into my old habits. Sometimes, I get so tired of having to be so vigilant. But see what happens when I let my guard down.
I actually got in the car this afternoon, drove to Food Lion and bought a bag of Cheez Doodles. I've been thinking about them for a couple of weeks. I kept trying to resist them, but I just snapped today. I actually opened them in the car on the drive back home and ended up eating half the bag.
I feel a little sick now. I guess I deserve that.
And I'm really unhappy with myself. With all my talk about refocusing, I feel like a failure for giving in. It's not even that I splurged on something I haven't eaten in more than a year and a half. It's why I did it that bothers me.
For as long as I can remember, I've used food as comfort. Pasta, pizza, chips ... you get the picture. I used to eat lots of those things. I would just gorge. And that's how I ended up weighing more than 271 pounds. What scares me is that I ate the Cheez Doodles today and I don't feel any better, which makes me want to eat something else bad for me.
I know. I don't really want to do that. I also know that beating myself up isn't the answer. I've tried not to be too hard on myself when I indulge because it's usually with a clear purpose and I made a choice to splurge knowing the consequences.
Today feels different. I seriously considered not blogging about it (still not entirely sure I'm going to hit publish as I type right now) because I didn't want anyone to know what I had done. I'm ashamed that I couldn't stop myself from binging.
I wish I knew why those foods are so much more appealing than the stuff that's good for me. It was so easy that I'm scared to death I'll slip right back into my old habits. Sometimes, I get so tired of having to be so vigilant. But see what happens when I let my guard down.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Recipe: Breakfast casserole
2 cups shredded frozen hash browns
6 slices canadian bacon, diced
2 cups Egg Beaters egg whites
1/3 cup shredded parmesan cheese
Salt, pepper and other spices to taste (I have a blend of garlic, onion, parsley, etc. that I used.)
NOTE: You could also add veggies such as mushrooms, red/green peppers, onions, etc.
Coat a casserole dish with cooking spray. Add potatoes and canadian bacon. Bake at 400 degrees until potatoes are tender. Add seasonings and eggs. Top with cheese. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees until eggs are done in the middle. Makes six servings.
Weekly weigh-in: I told you so
Last week's weight: 184.6
This week's weight: 187
Difference: +2.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 84.8
I knew today's result wasn't going to be good. The indulgences over the past week were too many. You can't eat the way I did and not gain weight. Or at least I can't. The good news is that rededicating myself to better eating habits worked yesterday.
Aside from a case of the munchies last night (and I satisfied it with a handful of pretzel sticks), I did extremely well yesterday. For most of the day, I didn't feel hungry or deprived. I even had a lowfat banana and chocolate milkshake after dinner. But I did go over my daily Weight Watchers points allotment by four points. That's not so bad for the first day of trying to get back on track and considering I had a terrible migraine, which made it really difficult for me to focus on anything else.
If I can string enough good days together, I will lose weight again.
This week's weight: 187
Difference: +2.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 84.8
I knew today's result wasn't going to be good. The indulgences over the past week were too many. You can't eat the way I did and not gain weight. Or at least I can't. The good news is that rededicating myself to better eating habits worked yesterday.
Aside from a case of the munchies last night (and I satisfied it with a handful of pretzel sticks), I did extremely well yesterday. For most of the day, I didn't feel hungry or deprived. I even had a lowfat banana and chocolate milkshake after dinner. But I did go over my daily Weight Watchers points allotment by four points. That's not so bad for the first day of trying to get back on track and considering I had a terrible migraine, which made it really difficult for me to focus on anything else.
If I can string enough good days together, I will lose weight again.
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