Weekly weigh-in: Overboard again

Last week's weight: 173.8
This week's weight: 174.8
Difference: +1
Total weight lost since January 2010: 97

I had another setback this week. And, instead of immediately correcting my bad habits, I allowed myself to go overboard Friday and Saturday. I knew it was wrong when I bought the pizza Friday night, but somehow I couldn't stop myself. I felt guilty, yet satisfied, while eating it. Well, I ate half Friday and intended to trash the rest on Saturday. Of course, I didn't, finishing off the other half in one sitting.

I woke up today thinking about the bad choices I've been making lately. With a surprising burst of energy, I then spent three hours working in the yard. I've got quite a few sore muscles now because lifting bags of mulch isn't easy. (As an aside, a nice couple parked next to me at Lowe's said I should get my husband/boyfriend to unload the car and spread the mulch. I know they were just being friendly, but I don't really need anymore reminders that I'm single!)

The physical activity was good for me and it gave me a lot of time to clear my head. Oh, and staying busy has stopped me from eating too much today. While thinking today, I've gone from one end of the spectrum to other when it comes to assessing my progress and my goals. I want to understand what causes me to snap and return to my bad habits from time to time, especially since I know how hard it will be to get back on track.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about getting older. My birthday is this coming Friday and I'm going to be 39 years old. That seems old to me because I feel better than I can ever remember feeling. And I'm in better shape than I've been since I was a kid. This is the first year I can remember being stressed about turning another year older.

I didn't really come up with any answers or conclusions, but I did decide that maybe it's time to set new goals ... one week at a time. Here are mine for this week:

1. Don't exceed my daily Weight Watchers points total unless I exercise enough to gain activity points.
2. Eat more vegetables. I'm hoping to trade veggies for fruit because I think I've been eating too much fruit. Technically, fruit is points free, but I think the sugar in fruit, although natural, still causes my body to want to eat more sugar.
3. Get at least 30 minutes of exercise every day.
4. Don't eat foods I didn't plan on eating. That means resisting temptation at the office when someone brings in cupcakes or candy or cookies or anything else.
5. Do one thing each day that I can look back on at the end of the day as something that made me happy.

Wish me luck!

Weekly weigh-in: Not giving up

Last week's weight: 174
This week's weight: 173.8
Difference: -o.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 98

First, I must apologize for not posting a weekly weigh-in last Friday. I didn't have time early in the day and then I had family in town for the weekend. Anyway, I had a slight loss last week and an even slighter one this week. But I lost!

For some reason, the past few weeks have been tough. I was seeing fairly consistent results, then I let myself slip a little here and there. Then, the splurges became more regular and I stopped tracking my Weight Watchers points. That's never a good sign.

I started tracking again today, which usually keeps me more accountable. For instance, on a whim, I stopped at the frozen yogurt shop on the way home. It's six points for one cup. I estimated that I had that much --- a small dollop of three different kinds. I hope it wasn't more than a cup. I did exert a bit of extra energy this afternoon while getting ready for a community service project tomorrow, so I'm hoping that will make up for any extra that fond its way into my cup. The point is that I logged it immediately and then started planning dinner and my snack before bed. I might go over by a couple of points, but that's ok as long as I don't use all of my weekly points.

And the really good news is that I've been keeping up with my exercise. I know it's important and I feel better when I do it. So while I might have been struggling some lately, I'm maintaining my overall weight loss, which does make me feel good.

I feel fat

I actually hate the word fat, but I can't think of any other way to describe how I've been feeling lately. It's my own fault. I've let my guard down in recent weeks. What did I expect?

I got oh so close to reaching my intermediate goal -- 100 pounds lost -- and then I caved. I started letting myself slip here and there. One cookie won't hurt. Just a small container of frozen yogurt. I deserve a glass of wine. I convinced myself that I'd make up for the splurges later.

But I didn't. Instead, I kept eating/drinking more. After several days of overdoing it last week, I mentally decided to put my foot down. Sunday was going to be a fresh start. I did well that day. By Monday night, however, I couldn't stop myself from digging in the freezer for something ... anything ... with carbs. Then today I really lost it. Three mini cupcakes, about 20 Hershey's kisses and a half of a sticky bun later, I'm wallowing in self-pity.

I feel fat because I'm eating too much. It doesn't help that I look at myself and all I see is flab. The skin under my chin is all wrinkled and sagging. The skin under my arms flops around like I have wings. Even my legs seem all jiggly. And then there are the rolls of flab around my stomach.

One side of my brain realizes that I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I have no good reason to feel the way I do. The other side is louder. It's telling me to eat a cheeseburger if I want it or to go to the store right now and buy a box of macaroni and cheese. It's asking: Why am I doing this to myself? What IS the point?

Weekly weigh-in: I am not the biggest loser

Last week's weight: 173.4
This week's weight: 174.4
Difference: +1
Total weight lost since January 2010: 97.4

Today was the final weigh-in for our office weight loss challenge. I don't have the final results for everyone else, but I'm certain I didn't win. When we started in January at 183 pounds, I had hoped to lose 10 pounds during the challenge. So I'm a little disappointed that I didn't reach my goal. That seems to be a theme lately.

I'm not at all surprised I gained this week. I had a lot of slips ... mostly when it comes to desserts. Side note: After weighing in this morning, I promptly grabbed a sugar cookie. And I think I'm having pizza for dinner tonight. I did exercise a lot, though, so I'm pretty happy about that.

As I've said before, I'm glad I'm still making progress. And I know I'm giving myself permission to eat more foods I didn't used to eat. So I have to expect that my progress won't be as swift as it once was. The important thing is that when I eat too much or the wrong foods, it's a conscious choice and I do it knowing the consequences. It's also important that when I give myself a little leeway, I'm able to go back to my good habits.

Weekly weigh-in: So close

Last week's weight: 175
This week's weight: 173.4
Difference: -1.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 98.4

I had hoped to reach 100 pounds lost this week and I came pretty close. My progress is slow at this point, but I'm not surprised. As I've noted before, I'm allowing myself more indulgences. This week included real dessert (not lowfat) and wine on three days and not as much exercise as I should have done.

Not much else to say this week. I'm just going to keep plugging along toward my goal.

My dress dilemma

I'm going to an event tonight that requires me to wear a nice dress and now I'm stuck trying to decide between two different ones.

I borrowed the blue dress from a friend. I almost wouldn't even try it on because I kept insisting that it looked much too small for me. Luckily, she's a good friend and she convinced me to take it home and just try it. I couldn't believe how good it looked when I put it on last night. Royal blue is the perfect color for me. The black dress is one I already own and have worn before. It's cute, shiny and comfortable.

My issue with the blue dress is that it's much more revealing and form-fitting than I'm used to (and it would require some undergarments that I don't currently own). If I wear this dress, I feel like I'd definitely be saying, "Wow. Look at me! I've lost almost 100 pounds and I look good." While that may be true, just thinking about it is causing me anxiety. I've written many times before that I have issues when it comes to thinking about people looking at me. On the other hand, wearing this dress would be a huge step in my journey. It would be a good opportunity for me to look in the mirror and see how much I've changed in the past two years. But the black dress has it's pluses as well. I feel confident wearing it and I'd probably be much more comfortable in it.

Of course, there's a third option. I could just go shopping today and buy a new dress.

Weekly weigh-in: Honesty's the best policy

Last week's weight: 173.8
This week's weight: 175
Difference: +1.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 96.8

The scale at work varied drastically from the one at home this week. I was tempted to use the number from home (173.6), but I decided that while the Biggest Loser contest is still going on at the office, I should probably be honest and go with the number on the work scale.

So I gained this week. If I'm being really honest with myself, the scale at work might be more accurate. I barely exercised this week and I didn't track my Weight Watchers points, which meant I went over every day. Between the beer, frozen yogurt, pizza and pasta, I'm not surprised I gained a little. I had a tremendous loss last week, so it's not surprising that I couldn't maintain that level.

This week's weigh-in, however, all but assures that I won't hit the 100-pounds-lost mark by April 1. I'm disappointed, but I'm also going to try not to be too hard on myself. I'm pretty close to wearing a size 12 in everything (and I only buy new clothes when it is something in a 12 that fits).

I've said all along that this is about making a change for the rest of my life. For me, that means eating pizza, pasta, cake ... sometimes. I will never be the type of person who can skip meals or never eat anything "bad." I love to eat and I'm proud that over the course of the past two years I've developed habits that aren't so restrictive. I know I could lose more weight quickly if I cut out sugar, carbs, fat and alcohol. But I like to eat all of those things. I think I will have long-term success because I allow myself to eat those foods ... just in moderation.

And because of that, I will likely continue to lose a little, gain a little, lose a little, gain a little. As long as the long-term chart shows me losing, I'm happy.