I need a do-over

If you read my post this morning, then you know I wasn't in a very good frame of mind. In fact, after I wrote it, I went back to bed and cried. The blubbering lasted only about 5 minutes (thankfully) and then I sat in bed and ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I finished reading my book. At the time, I was suffering from a terrible migraine and I wondered if the pain would ever subside. Luckily, medication helped and within about an hour, I was formulating a plan for the day.

That's when I realized I needed a do-over. I really hate when I start feeling sorry for myself. This latest bout of self-loathing started a few days ago. And I finally gave into it this morning. I let all of the negative feelings come to the surface and they manifested themselves in a gloomy blog post and a tearful outburst.

I guess the emotional meltdown helped, though. Once I got back out of bed, I headed to the grocery store. I knew it wouldn't be easy to avoid the pizza I'd been thinking about since Friday or the carrot cake or the potato chips. But I had a plan for what I wanted to cook today -- a healthy roasted garlic and potato soup and lowfat mini cheesecakes with cherries on top.

I stopped briefly to look at the pizza, but I convinced myself not to put it in the cart. In the baking aisle, I almost bought a box of brownie mix. But I kept moving. When I found the pie filling, which I needed for the top of the cheesecakes, I was torn. The regular store brand was a lot cheaper than the name brand sugar-free kind. I did the right thing and didn't worry about spending an extra $1.50. I did have one slip ... I bought two individual-sized pieces of candy -- a chocolate-covered marshmallow heart and a chocolate-covered coconut heart. I rationalized that two pieces of candy would be a lot better than an entire pizza.

Once I got home, I walked two laps around the park and made a banana smoothie with almond milk for a snack when I was done. I'm ashamed that I let myself feel so bad earlier. There's really no excuse for it. I'm a big believer that we're all responsible for our own happiness. All-in-all, I'm feeling much better about myself now. Let's hope it lasts.

Recipe: Herbed ricotta frittata

Over the years, I've tried a lot of baked egg white dishes. They aren't exactly frittatas, but they are as close as you can get without using more oil or butter. Today's concoction was better than I expected and now one of my favorites.

Ingredients
1 pint liquid egg whites
1 box (10 oz.) frozen chopped broccoli
3 oz. Canadian bacon, diced
1/2 cups fat-free ricotta cheese
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried parsley
1 tsp. dried chives
1/4 tsp. onion powder
Salt and pepper
Cooking spray

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Coat a baking dish with cooking spray. Thaw broccoli in microwave and spread into dish. Sprinkle Canadian bacon on top. In a bowl, mix egg whites, herbs, onion powder, salt, pepper and cheese. Pour over broccoli and bacon. Bake uncovered for 20-30 minutes or until lightly browned around the edges and firm in the middle. Makes 4-6 servings.

(Note: Fresh herbs would be great, but I didn't have those on hand.)

Weekly weigh-in: I can't stop snacking

Last week's weight: 179.6
This week's weight: 177.8
Difference: -1.8
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 3.6 pounds

I haven't been in such a bad place mentally about my weight loss in quite some time. I don't fully understand what's going on. I have no desire to exercise ... at all. And I just keep eating and eating. Of course, I'm glad I lost a little this week, but I'm pretty sure I've already gained it all back this weekend. And I'm a long way from where I was just a few months ago.

My biggest downfall in the past month has been the snacking between meals. I've done fairly well with eating healthy for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But in between, I can't stop snacking. Candy, cookies, pretzels, Wheat Thins, cheese, etc. I try making healthy snacks, but I just eat those in addition to the bad stuff.

It's frustrating. I think about it all the time. I don't like the habits I'm developing and I definitely don't like the weight gain I've experienced. But I don't know how to stop.

And my missteps of late are severely affecting my body image. Just when I thought I was starting to see how far I've come, I now constantly see all my flaws and that just makes me feel worse. I'm worried that there are too many days where I don't want to get out of the bed much less leave the house.

Weekly weigh-in: This is bad!

Last week's weight: 175.8
This week's weight: 179.6
Difference: +3.8
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.8 pounds

I was so excited last week. I worked hard during the first 10 days of the new year to shed the weight I'd gained over the holidays. Then, somehow, it's like I completely forgot everything I've learned in the past three years. This week was bad ... very bad.

I can't point to any one thing that caused me to gain nearly 4 pounds in one week. Instead, it was lots of little moments -- the day I left work in the middle of the day to buy a bag of pretzels and a bag of foil-wrapped chocolate hearts and the day I went to the grocery store and bought Chinese for lunch and the two days in a row that I ate a mound of pasta for dinner. Had I done just one of these things, I would not have gained weight. Combined, these moments and a few others spelled disaster.

By the end of the week, I was really mad at myself. And frustrated and disappointed. And the worst part is that the size 12s are starting to feel a little snug. That's unacceptable. I've said all along that I could be OK with being a size 12 for the rest of my life. The thought of having to unpack the 14s and 16s makes me panic.

After I weighed in yesterday morning, I told myself that this next week will be different. Of course, I tell myself that all the time. Yesterday went OK. I ate exactly the number of Weight Watchers points I'm allowed. So far, today is under control as well. But it's a struggle. I feel like I've spent every minute of the day thinking about what I'm going to eat and what I'm not going to eat. It's exhausting.

Recipe: Pineapple dream cupcakes

If you like pineapple and you like dessert, you will want to make these. I got the idea from a cake a saw on Pinterest. If you can stop yourself from eating more than one or two, they are a great lowfat, low-calorie treat. Oh, and they really couldn't be simpler.

Ingredients
1 box angel food cake mix
1 can (20 oz.) crushed pineapple in juice
Cooking spray

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, stir together cake mix and pineapple. Coat a muffin pan with cooking spray. Fill each cup halfway with cake mixture. Bake for about 10 minutes or until lightly brown on top and around the edges. Let cool before removing from pan. Makes 36 cupcakes.

Recipe: Chicken piccata

Usually I only post my own recipes here, but this looked and smelled so good after I made it that I thought everyone might want to try it. The recipe is from laaloosh.com, a site I've relied on during my three-year journey. Everything I've ever made from it has been delicious. Here's the link for the chicken piccata: http://www.laaloosh.com/2012/12/26/chicken-piccata-recipe/#more-8120. I left out the capers because I didn't have those and I used dried parsley instead of fresh. I'm also making the cheesy cauliflower mashed "potatoes" to go with the chicken. Here's the link for that: http://www.laaloosh.com/2013/01/10/cheesy-cauliflower-mashed-potatoes-recipe/.

Recipe: Chili

Ingredients
1 lb. 96% lean ground beef
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
1 cup frozen bell pepper strips (You can use diced fresh red or green pepper if you prefer.)
1 can (15 oz.) kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 large can (28 oz.) petite diced tomatoes
1 tsp. cumin
2 tsp. chili powder (This makes it fairly mild. Use more if you like your chili spicier.)
1 tsp. garlic, chopped (I use the kind from the jar, but fresh is fine.)
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. black pepper

Pour olive oil into a nonstick skillet. Add onion and saute on medium heat until soft. Add frozen peppers. (If using fresh, add at the same time as the onion.) Add cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper and garlic. Saute for about 5 minutes. Pour mixture into a large sauce pan or soup pot. Add beans and tomatoes. Meanwhile, brown ground beef in the same skillet you used for the veggies. Drain and then add beef to veggie mixture. If the mixture is too thick, add a little water. Cover and simmer on low heat for about an hour. Makes 5 one cup servings.