Boot camp made me cry

If you're a regular reader, you know that back in December I tried out two different boot camp programs. At the time, I decided that the cost was more than I could afford. Well, with my tax refund in hand, I signed up this week for a six-week challenge at one of the boot camps.

The first session was Wednesday afternoon. It included a weigh-in and body measurements. And the workout focused on total body fitness. I couldn't do every exercise for the entire time required, but I was close. By the end of the 45-minute session, I had a lot of muscle aches and pains, but I felt fantastic. I was so proud of myself for making it through the class and I was pumped for the next session.

I went again today after work. This session focused on cardio, and it was harder because I was sore from yesterday but also because I've not really done any cardio ... ever! So I struggled but I kept trying. I had to take more breaks, but I wasn't giving up.

About five minutes before the class ended, however, everything went bad. We were supposed to push a a really heavy punching bag across the floor. I simply couldn't do it. During round one when I couldn't do it, other women tried telling me how to stand differently to be more successful. For the second attempt, I tried. But I couldn't do it. Then other women started shouting at me about what I was doing wrong. One woman even said: "We're not leaving until you do it." At first, they seemed like they were just trying to be supportive. But repeatedly yelling at me about how I'm not doing it right really wasn't a good way to motivate me to try harder.

I almost started crying then. But I kept it together for the last station and the stretching afterward. As soon as I got in my car, I couldn't hold it in. I cried nearly the whole way home. I had serious flashbacks to10th grade when a gym teacher told me he was going to flunk me if I didn't run a mile around the track. At the time, I weighed 187 pounds ... pretty close to what I weigh now.

Now that I'm home and I've showered and I'm having a glass of wine, I feel a little better. But this incident just goes to show me that even after four years on this journey, I'm still dealing emotional issues that led to the weight gain in the first place. Luckily, after two days of boot camp, I had already decided to take tomorrow off. I'm just hoping that I can mentally get back in a good place before Saturday's class.

Finally, aside from this one incident, I've loved both classes. They've made me feel good about myself. But, of course, my brain keeps focusing on that one moment when everyone was yelling at me because I failed.