Last week's weight: 190.6
This week's weight: 192.4
Difference: +1.8
Total lost: 79.4
Not a good week. I gained. But what did I expect? I've eaten Chinese, steak, mashed potatoes, bacon and I've definitely had my fair share of wine in the past week. I guess I'm just glad the number wasn't worse. The real problem is that I've allowed myself to get distracted and that has led to disappointment. I know I've said it before, but I do well when I keep track of what I eat and when I'm really focused on losing weight. As soon as I take my eye off the ball, I don't do as well. Sounds simple. Right? But it's not. This week has been crazy. Again, my emotions have been all over the place and the stress level at work has been higher than normal. And I've definitely been having that feeling where I don't want to leave the house because I don't want people looking at me. I know I'm being irrational, but I can't help it. Maybe next week will be better.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I cracked!
This is not the blog post I thought I'd be writing tonight. I walked for three miles today and had something completely different in mind. It was very positive. Maybe I'll write that post another day. Now I think it's important to acknowledge that I cracked.
Since the start of the new year, I've been determined to get back on track. No more splurging "because it's the holidays." I did well last week. Exercised four days and lost 2.8 pounds -- a great way to start the year. But I felt like I was starving all week. Just ask people at work how much I was talking about being hungry. I ate in accordance with my Weight Watchers points allotment, which explains the weight loss. But I was starving all the time.
It wasn't a good week at work, which made it harder to stay on plan. I made it through Saturday, but I was hungry all day. I woke up this morning starving and craving pancakes. I tried to do the right thing. The walk this afternoon was even intended to distract me from eating.
I guess it didn't work. I finally broke down and ordered Chinese for dinner. That's something I rarely do ... just a few times in the past year. I was just so hungry. All things considered, I made decent choices -- steamed dumplings, egg drop soup and chicken with broccoli. I could have done worse.
I'm going to try not to beat myself up over it, but it's hard. I know giving in was actually probably the right thing to do ... as long as it doesn't happen very often. I have this constant worry, though, that once I go down that path, I won't be able to turn around and make myself stop. I'm doing OK and still losing weight overall. But the progress has been much slower and I know it's because of days like this. The splurging is happening far more often in the past couple of months than it did when I first started a year ago.
I don't know how to explain it. Part of it is probably because I've had to lower my food intake as I've lost weight. In the beginning, I could eat a lot more and still lose weight. Of course, it's much harder now. So to lose weight I have to be more restrictive about what I eat and how much. I think I typically eat enough, though.
I can't help but think that today's eating isn't about being hungry. It's related to my emotions. I know it's psychological. But I still can't stop it. And I don't like the fact that I ate the Chinese and I feel better. I guess I should be happy that I have it under control most of the time. I'm going to try to focus on that and, again, try not to be too hard on myself.
Since the start of the new year, I've been determined to get back on track. No more splurging "because it's the holidays." I did well last week. Exercised four days and lost 2.8 pounds -- a great way to start the year. But I felt like I was starving all week. Just ask people at work how much I was talking about being hungry. I ate in accordance with my Weight Watchers points allotment, which explains the weight loss. But I was starving all the time.
It wasn't a good week at work, which made it harder to stay on plan. I made it through Saturday, but I was hungry all day. I woke up this morning starving and craving pancakes. I tried to do the right thing. The walk this afternoon was even intended to distract me from eating.
I guess it didn't work. I finally broke down and ordered Chinese for dinner. That's something I rarely do ... just a few times in the past year. I was just so hungry. All things considered, I made decent choices -- steamed dumplings, egg drop soup and chicken with broccoli. I could have done worse.
I'm going to try not to beat myself up over it, but it's hard. I know giving in was actually probably the right thing to do ... as long as it doesn't happen very often. I have this constant worry, though, that once I go down that path, I won't be able to turn around and make myself stop. I'm doing OK and still losing weight overall. But the progress has been much slower and I know it's because of days like this. The splurging is happening far more often in the past couple of months than it did when I first started a year ago.
I don't know how to explain it. Part of it is probably because I've had to lower my food intake as I've lost weight. In the beginning, I could eat a lot more and still lose weight. Of course, it's much harder now. So to lose weight I have to be more restrictive about what I eat and how much. I think I typically eat enough, though.
I can't help but think that today's eating isn't about being hungry. It's related to my emotions. I know it's psychological. But I still can't stop it. And I don't like the fact that I ate the Chinese and I feel better. I guess I should be happy that I have it under control most of the time. I'm going to try to focus on that and, again, try not to be too hard on myself.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
How'd I get so lucky?
I got a card from a friend today and the message was just what I needed to hear right now. It said: "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." I really haven't known this friend very long and don't know him very well, but he clearly gets my sense of humor. And I feel lucky to have met this person. As I've gone through so many changes this year, there have been a lot of people who've contributed to my success. I can remember the precise moment this person inspired me to truly think about what makes me happy and how to achieve it. It's been a rough few days. This was just what I needed to put me in a better mood. I encourage you all to take a moment to think about the people who've influenced your life in a positive way and to make sure they know.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Weekly weigh-in: Off to a good start
Last week's weight: 193.4
This week's weight: 190.6
Difference: -2.8
Total lost: 81.2
Apparently, getting a little nutty and complaining helps me lose weight. OK. I don't really believe that, but how do you explain this week's weight loss? Of course, I'm ecstatic. I did exercise four days in a row, but then nothing for the past three days. I would say my eating/drinking has been right on track all week, though. This is the biggest weekly loss in a long time. It feels great. I don't expect the amount lost to be that high every week. One pound a week is really my goal for this year.
I have spent a good bit of this week feeling down on myself and whining and blah blah. I've commented more than once that I just wanted something good to happen. Lots of little good things have happened. But there have been a few gigantic bad things. Since I complained about those, though, I feel compelled to blog about the really good thing that happened yesterday. It actually feels weird because now I feel like I'm bragging.
Anyway, I was named manager of the year at work. I thought I might faint when I first realized it was going to be me. I don't take criticism well, but I do usually expect it. Praise is even harder for me to accept. I know, it's all part of my low self-esteem problems. Naturally, I was thrilled. But I felt embarrassed. What did I do to deserve it? I have 20 people on my team and they are the ones who deserve an award. If they didn't consistently perform at a high level, I wouldn't be a good manager. My point, though, is that a really good thing happened. As bad as I felt the day before, I felt equally as good yesterday. So I guess it all balances out.
And now to have lost 2.8 pounds this week is just the icing on the cake. I'm excited to have hit the ground running in the new year.
This week's weight: 190.6
Difference: -2.8
Total lost: 81.2
Apparently, getting a little nutty and complaining helps me lose weight. OK. I don't really believe that, but how do you explain this week's weight loss? Of course, I'm ecstatic. I did exercise four days in a row, but then nothing for the past three days. I would say my eating/drinking has been right on track all week, though. This is the biggest weekly loss in a long time. It feels great. I don't expect the amount lost to be that high every week. One pound a week is really my goal for this year.
I have spent a good bit of this week feeling down on myself and whining and blah blah. I've commented more than once that I just wanted something good to happen. Lots of little good things have happened. But there have been a few gigantic bad things. Since I complained about those, though, I feel compelled to blog about the really good thing that happened yesterday. It actually feels weird because now I feel like I'm bragging.
Anyway, I was named manager of the year at work. I thought I might faint when I first realized it was going to be me. I don't take criticism well, but I do usually expect it. Praise is even harder for me to accept. I know, it's all part of my low self-esteem problems. Naturally, I was thrilled. But I felt embarrassed. What did I do to deserve it? I have 20 people on my team and they are the ones who deserve an award. If they didn't consistently perform at a high level, I wouldn't be a good manager. My point, though, is that a really good thing happened. As bad as I felt the day before, I felt equally as good yesterday. So I guess it all balances out.
And now to have lost 2.8 pounds this week is just the icing on the cake. I'm excited to have hit the ground running in the new year.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Low point!
I knew when I woke up this morning that it wasn't going to be a good day. But I really had no idea where it would end up. The day started with me laying in bed for an hour and a half after the alarm went off ... just thinking. That's never a good sign. And I should have been exercising. So I was kind of down on myself.
Getting ready for work didn't help because my clothes simply don't fit and I was having major self-image issues. I know I should be ecstatic when my clothes get too big. I am, really. But my self-esteem has been pretty low lately. I've been trying to pull myself out of this funk and it was working ... and I guess it still is. I'm doing much better now than I was a couple of weeks ago. The new year has re-energized me and, for the most part, things seem to be moving in the right direction.
So back to today. I went through most of the day fine. I was obsessing (mostly in my head, but not entirely) about what I was wearing. A friend at work even tried to convince me to go home and change if it was going to be that much of a problem for me. It wasn't.
Things were ticking along. Then, somehow, the train just drove right off the tracks. I, unfortunately, was standing on the side of the road looking in the opposite direction, so I never saw it coming. It ran right over me. Smoosh! As usual, no details about work stuff here. But I did end up being there 12 hours today.
And when I left, I felt worse than when the day started. (I'm a little worried about admitting that because my boss does read my blog. But she's well aware of most of my issues.) I was driving home and thinking that there was nothing good about this day.
But that's not true. If you're a regular reader, you probably know by now that I am a hopeful person and some might even call me optimistic, which is crazy since I've spent most of my life being the pessimist in the room. So, of course, I'm going to end this post thinking about the good things that happened today.
1. Someone told me they love getting the paper in the morning. Yes, that does make me happy. Even though most days I hardly feel like I've had anything to do it, I am proud of what my team does and I never get tired of hearing people say they like reading the newspaper.
2. I met a new person at lunch. Truth is I sort of already knew the person because we know a lot of the same people and have been friends on facebook for quite some time. It was really nice to get to know him better and understand his perspective. I'd like to think I can call him a friend going forward.
3. I got an e-mail from someone today that surprised me, yet made me happy. Yes, this is vague. Deal with it. Jump to conclusions if you must. You'll probably be wrong.
4. I had several conversations with people at work today that made me excited about what I do and they reminded why I do what I do ... even on the bad days.
5. Finally, a good thing is that I have this blog. Just acknowledging my issues with self-image and confidence somehow makes me feel better. Some days are so hard. Sometimes, I just wish for something good to happen. That's why it's important for me to remember that good things happen all the time. Just because they aren't what I expected doesn't mean I should discount them.
Getting ready for work didn't help because my clothes simply don't fit and I was having major self-image issues. I know I should be ecstatic when my clothes get too big. I am, really. But my self-esteem has been pretty low lately. I've been trying to pull myself out of this funk and it was working ... and I guess it still is. I'm doing much better now than I was a couple of weeks ago. The new year has re-energized me and, for the most part, things seem to be moving in the right direction.
So back to today. I went through most of the day fine. I was obsessing (mostly in my head, but not entirely) about what I was wearing. A friend at work even tried to convince me to go home and change if it was going to be that much of a problem for me. It wasn't.
Things were ticking along. Then, somehow, the train just drove right off the tracks. I, unfortunately, was standing on the side of the road looking in the opposite direction, so I never saw it coming. It ran right over me. Smoosh! As usual, no details about work stuff here. But I did end up being there 12 hours today.
And when I left, I felt worse than when the day started. (I'm a little worried about admitting that because my boss does read my blog. But she's well aware of most of my issues.) I was driving home and thinking that there was nothing good about this day.
But that's not true. If you're a regular reader, you probably know by now that I am a hopeful person and some might even call me optimistic, which is crazy since I've spent most of my life being the pessimist in the room. So, of course, I'm going to end this post thinking about the good things that happened today.
1. Someone told me they love getting the paper in the morning. Yes, that does make me happy. Even though most days I hardly feel like I've had anything to do it, I am proud of what my team does and I never get tired of hearing people say they like reading the newspaper.
2. I met a new person at lunch. Truth is I sort of already knew the person because we know a lot of the same people and have been friends on facebook for quite some time. It was really nice to get to know him better and understand his perspective. I'd like to think I can call him a friend going forward.
3. I got an e-mail from someone today that surprised me, yet made me happy. Yes, this is vague. Deal with it. Jump to conclusions if you must. You'll probably be wrong.
4. I had several conversations with people at work today that made me excited about what I do and they reminded why I do what I do ... even on the bad days.
5. Finally, a good thing is that I have this blog. Just acknowledging my issues with self-image and confidence somehow makes me feel better. Some days are so hard. Sometimes, I just wish for something good to happen. That's why it's important for me to remember that good things happen all the time. Just because they aren't what I expected doesn't mean I should discount them.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Raising my fitness level
If 2010 was about losing weight, I really want 2011 to be about getting fit. Of course I still want to lose weight. But I know that will happen if I step up my physical activity. So this is my vow to do it.
Thanks to the warm weather, I'm off to a good start. Walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach yesterday and walked/jogged 3 miles around my neighborhood this morning. I can tell, though, that I hadn't been doing any sort of exercise for a few weeks because my legs are a little sore. And I was pretty slow both days. I'm not going to worry about that right now.
My mission is to simply do some sort of physical activity every day. I feel amazing every time I do. And I think it also helps keep me mentally fit. The walking gives me a lot of time to think. Sometimes that's a bad thing, but somehow doing it while walking clears my mind and gets me focused. I'm still thinking about joining a gym, but I'm not sold on it yet. I just don't know if I would actually go.
So if anyone wants to walk with me or play tennis or whatever, let me know. Part of my goal is going to be finding new places to walk, like Greenfield Lake or Halyburton Park. I just need to get motivated to do it.
Thanks to the warm weather, I'm off to a good start. Walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach yesterday and walked/jogged 3 miles around my neighborhood this morning. I can tell, though, that I hadn't been doing any sort of exercise for a few weeks because my legs are a little sore. And I was pretty slow both days. I'm not going to worry about that right now.
My mission is to simply do some sort of physical activity every day. I feel amazing every time I do. And I think it also helps keep me mentally fit. The walking gives me a lot of time to think. Sometimes that's a bad thing, but somehow doing it while walking clears my mind and gets me focused. I'm still thinking about joining a gym, but I'm not sold on it yet. I just don't know if I would actually go.
So if anyone wants to walk with me or play tennis or whatever, let me know. Part of my goal is going to be finding new places to walk, like Greenfield Lake or Halyburton Park. I just need to get motivated to do it.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
To making it count
I'm not sure why that line from Titanic popped into my head this morning, but it certainly is fitting so I'm going with it. I have a lot of goals for the new year, but my only real resolution is to make this year count. For me, that means filling the year with memorable experiences that make me happy. I'm off to a good start.
I rang in the new year with new friends, champagne, a bonfire, fireworks ... and there was a pony. I ate raw fish for the first time and a drank what I'm told was a Manhattan but I'm a little skeptical about whether it was really made correctly. The fish and the drink both weren't too bad. And I love that I'm now the kind of person who wakes up on New Year's Day slightly hungover and decides to go walk The Loop anyway. I feel fantastic!
My weight loss goal for 2011 is to lose 40 more pounds. I've thought about it a lot and decided to give myself the entire year. That's 10 pounds per quarter. (At work, I think we'd call that a SMART goal. Haha.) It's a reasonable and very attainable goal. And I think the slow pace of weight loss will ensure that I keep it off. Plus, it gives me leeway to enjoy my life. For example, I'm having s'mores tonight. Can you believe I've never eaten one before? I can't wait.
As for my other goals, we'll just see what happens. But I do intend to mark a few things off my list of things to do before I'm 40. Of course, I might add a few as well. Happy New Year!
I rang in the new year with new friends, champagne, a bonfire, fireworks ... and there was a pony. I ate raw fish for the first time and a drank what I'm told was a Manhattan but I'm a little skeptical about whether it was really made correctly. The fish and the drink both weren't too bad. And I love that I'm now the kind of person who wakes up on New Year's Day slightly hungover and decides to go walk The Loop anyway. I feel fantastic!
My weight loss goal for 2011 is to lose 40 more pounds. I've thought about it a lot and decided to give myself the entire year. That's 10 pounds per quarter. (At work, I think we'd call that a SMART goal. Haha.) It's a reasonable and very attainable goal. And I think the slow pace of weight loss will ensure that I keep it off. Plus, it gives me leeway to enjoy my life. For example, I'm having s'mores tonight. Can you believe I've never eaten one before? I can't wait.
As for my other goals, we'll just see what happens. But I do intend to mark a few things off my list of things to do before I'm 40. Of course, I might add a few as well. Happy New Year!
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