Last week's weight: 183.8
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.4
Just when I think I'm about to turn things around and move forward, I find myself falling into old habits. And the weight gain continues. I knew that my trip to California might be a challenge, but overall I actually felt like I made fairly good choices and I walked A LOT, which should have burned some of the extra calories. What I didn't expect was that when I returned, I'd keep eating more than I should. Combine that with not exercising and, as usual, that spelled disaster when I stepped on the scale Friday morning.
So the first thing I did was get on my exercise bike. Then, on Friday, I tracked everything single think I ate and drank. Sticking to my allotted Weight Watchers points was a struggle. I actually felt light-headed for much of the day. That's probably because my body was in withdrawal from sugar and salt. I'm not feeling nearly as shaky today, but I really need a long-term strategy for success.
The biggest problem I've had in the past year and a half is that I'm not as vigilant as I should be. What I mean is that I keep letting circumstances dictate what I eat and drink, and that usually means overdoing it. Stress is the main contributor to my overeating. And I'm all but certain that is the reason I've gained in the past six months. Events at work have put me in a less-than-desirable situation. While I've been working hard to improve my circumstances, the stress of it all has caused me to focus less on my weight loss and to spend less time planning meals and snacks.
But sometimes good situations can effect my eating habits as well. I'm really worried about today -- my birthday. A friend has planned a fun night out and I'm 40 so I definitely want to celebrate. I know the key is to decide in advance what I can eat and drink without feeling guilty. I want to have fun, but not overdo it.
When you put my weight gain together with my turning 40, that just adds to my low self-esteem problems. I don't want to feel bad about myself, but I don't know how to change what I see in the mirror or how I feel every time I realize a piece of clothing is now too small. Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like all of my hard work during the first couple of years of this journey is being erased so quickly.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Time's up!
About 2 1/2 years ago, I made a list of 10 things I wanted to do before I turned 40. Well, I have only one day left and I'm sorry to report that I achieved very little on my list.
Here's an update on the list:
1. Visit Italy. No plans, but still hope to go one day.
2. Skydiving. I don't see this happening in the near future. After a recent roller coaster ride nearly gave me a heart attack, I'm thinking jumping out of an airplane might not be a good idea.
3. Take a hot air balloon ride. Still hoping.
4. Run a 5K. I have signed up to participate in a 5K at the end of this month, but I don't think I'll be doing much running. Just jogging a little is still difficult.
5. See the Grand Canyon. I actually forgot this was on the list. I did go to Las Vegas in December. I guess I really should have gone then.
6. Own a red Mustang convertible. Finances have made this a pretty low priority. But it's still my car of choice.
7. Highlight my hair. Been there, done that. I'm actually at a point now where I've stopped coloring my hair. I don't love the gray that's starting to show, but I'm undecided about whether to resume the coloring.
8. Sing karaoke. I'm still not able to do it by myself, but I did do it as part of a group. That's the best I can hope for at this point.
9. Plant a garden. I tried to grow a few herbs in small pots on the patio. They died after about two weeks.
10. Paint my walls. I picked out colors, but have no immediate plans to actually paint.
I really hope you've read to this part, because now I'm going to list 5 things I have done since making the original list that have made my life better.
1. I've met the best group of friends. In many cases, I feel like I've known them forever and I can hardly remember a time before they were my friends.
2. I went to Las Vegas. The trip itself wasn't that great, but actually planning a real vacation made me realize just how much I want to go places and see new things.
3. So, on a related note, I went to California. It was one of the best vacations I've ever had. And, even though I spent a lot of money, I had so much fun.
4. I've stopped being a workaholic. I still have days where I work 10, 12 or even 14 hours. But they are no longer the norm.
5. I socialize. Until the past few years, I've always been very uncomfortable in a room full of people I don't know. Now, it's much easier and I usually even enjoy meeting new people. I still have my moments where I get overwhelmed, but generally I'm at least willing to try.
I'm sure I could think of more things for the list, but the point is that while I may not have done everything on the original list, I have done a lot of new things that have made me happy. And as I'm about to turn 40 on Saturday, I'm trying to think about the positive things in my life instead of the negative. I'm struggling with the notion that I'm going to be 40 and I haven't achieved some of my goals, including my weight-loss goal, but I also know that I've achieved a lot. Sometimes, I also realize that the things that were important at one point in my life don't seem nearly as important now. So I don't want to be so focused on what I haven't achieved that I forgot to enjoy what I have.
Here's an update on the list:
1. Visit Italy. No plans, but still hope to go one day.
2. Skydiving. I don't see this happening in the near future. After a recent roller coaster ride nearly gave me a heart attack, I'm thinking jumping out of an airplane might not be a good idea.
3. Take a hot air balloon ride. Still hoping.
4. Run a 5K. I have signed up to participate in a 5K at the end of this month, but I don't think I'll be doing much running. Just jogging a little is still difficult.
5. See the Grand Canyon. I actually forgot this was on the list. I did go to Las Vegas in December. I guess I really should have gone then.
6. Own a red Mustang convertible. Finances have made this a pretty low priority. But it's still my car of choice.
7. Highlight my hair. Been there, done that. I'm actually at a point now where I've stopped coloring my hair. I don't love the gray that's starting to show, but I'm undecided about whether to resume the coloring.
8. Sing karaoke. I'm still not able to do it by myself, but I did do it as part of a group. That's the best I can hope for at this point.
9. Plant a garden. I tried to grow a few herbs in small pots on the patio. They died after about two weeks.
10. Paint my walls. I picked out colors, but have no immediate plans to actually paint.
I really hope you've read to this part, because now I'm going to list 5 things I have done since making the original list that have made my life better.
1. I've met the best group of friends. In many cases, I feel like I've known them forever and I can hardly remember a time before they were my friends.
2. I went to Las Vegas. The trip itself wasn't that great, but actually planning a real vacation made me realize just how much I want to go places and see new things.
3. So, on a related note, I went to California. It was one of the best vacations I've ever had. And, even though I spent a lot of money, I had so much fun.
4. I've stopped being a workaholic. I still have days where I work 10, 12 or even 14 hours. But they are no longer the norm.
5. I socialize. Until the past few years, I've always been very uncomfortable in a room full of people I don't know. Now, it's much easier and I usually even enjoy meeting new people. I still have my moments where I get overwhelmed, but generally I'm at least willing to try.
I'm sure I could think of more things for the list, but the point is that while I may not have done everything on the original list, I have done a lot of new things that have made me happy. And as I'm about to turn 40 on Saturday, I'm trying to think about the positive things in my life instead of the negative. I'm struggling with the notion that I'm going to be 40 and I haven't achieved some of my goals, including my weight-loss goal, but I also know that I've achieved a lot. Sometimes, I also realize that the things that were important at one point in my life don't seem nearly as important now. So I don't want to be so focused on what I haven't achieved that I forgot to enjoy what I have.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Better late than never
Last week's weight: 181.2
This week's weight: 180.4
Difference: -0.8
Total weight lost since January 2010: 91.4
Sorry this post is really late, but I had family visiting for the Azalea Festival and I didn't have time to blog. I actually weighed in a day early (last Thursday instead of Friday) and was pleased with the result. Since then, however, I've indulged too much and I'm really worried about what I'll see when I step on the scale this Friday. What's even worse is that I'm about to go on vacation and that always spells trouble. I'm going to try to keep up my exercise and watch what I eat, but I know I won't do as well as I'd like. I've already slacked a little with my 5K training this week.
I started to skip the blog, but I truly believe that writing about my journey helps keep me accountable. So even though I don't have much to say, I'm at least getting it on the record. I'm struggling. I'm frustrated. I'm discouraged. But I'm not giving up.
This week's weight: 180.4
Difference: -0.8
Total weight lost since January 2010: 91.4
Sorry this post is really late, but I had family visiting for the Azalea Festival and I didn't have time to blog. I actually weighed in a day early (last Thursday instead of Friday) and was pleased with the result. Since then, however, I've indulged too much and I'm really worried about what I'll see when I step on the scale this Friday. What's even worse is that I'm about to go on vacation and that always spells trouble. I'm going to try to keep up my exercise and watch what I eat, but I know I won't do as well as I'd like. I've already slacked a little with my 5K training this week.
I started to skip the blog, but I truly believe that writing about my journey helps keep me accountable. So even though I don't have much to say, I'm at least getting it on the record. I'm struggling. I'm frustrated. I'm discouraged. But I'm not giving up.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Couch to 5K: Week 2, Days 3 & 4
If you've been following along since I started training for a 5K scheduled for the end of May, you know that it hasn't been going very well. I'm supposed to train three days a week for eight weeks. I've been trying to use an iPhone app to guide my progress. I haven't yet mastered the level of running needed to complete week one, so I just keep repeating those days.
I tried to follow the week two, day one program last Friday, but I mailed miserably. So I decided I shouldn't really count that day. That's why I actually trained four days this week. And the good news is that I'm doing more walking/running cycles than when I started.
My routine now consists (mostly) of walking for five minutes then 12 cycles where I run for about 45 seconds then walk for a minute and 45 seconds. I finish with a roughly 10-minute cool down walk. I'm not sure this is getting me closer to running a 5K, but it's bound to be increasing my fitness level because I'm now running part of the distance that I used to only walk.
I'm also appreciative of the encouragement I've gotten from friends this week. I'm struggling to feel good about myself right now because I've gained 10 pounds since this time last year and some of my clothes from last spring don't fit. Combine that with my lack of running progress and other stuff and I'm just not in the best place mentally. At least I'm trying.
I tried to follow the week two, day one program last Friday, but I mailed miserably. So I decided I shouldn't really count that day. That's why I actually trained four days this week. And the good news is that I'm doing more walking/running cycles than when I started.
My routine now consists (mostly) of walking for five minutes then 12 cycles where I run for about 45 seconds then walk for a minute and 45 seconds. I finish with a roughly 10-minute cool down walk. I'm not sure this is getting me closer to running a 5K, but it's bound to be increasing my fitness level because I'm now running part of the distance that I used to only walk.
I'm also appreciative of the encouragement I've gotten from friends this week. I'm struggling to feel good about myself right now because I've gained 10 pounds since this time last year and some of my clothes from last spring don't fit. Combine that with my lack of running progress and other stuff and I'm just not in the best place mentally. At least I'm trying.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Couch to 5K: Week 2, Day 2
Trying to run isn't getting any easier, but I'm proud I haven't given up. In fact, I bought new tennis shoes today ... ones specifically designed for running. They cost a lot, but I could tell a big difference when I circling the park this afternoon. My feet felt lighter. Unfortunately, the rest of me wasn't, so I've veered off the iPhone app a little.
My bursts of running last only about 45 seconds, not the one minute necessary during the first week of the program much less the minute and a half necessary for week two. I have no idea if what I'm doing is making a difference but the muscles in my legs are sore and I can even tell that I'm using more muscles in my stomach and arms. Sounds like progress to me.
For today's training session, I decided to start the app over, which meant five minutes of walking, one minute of running, one and a half minutes of walking (repeated for six times) then five minutes of walking. Like I said, I couldn't quite do a full minute of running but, to compensate, I did the full routine twice. Interestingly, I ran just slightly longer during the running parts on the second lap. Of course, I'm now ready for a few ibuprofen (and maybe a glass of wine).
Also, I now have proof that my scale hates me. I was crushed yesterday when I'd lost so little (just a half pound) after feeling like I ate so well all week. My frustration led to a bit of splurging at dinner. And I even had a little dessert. So imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale this morning (not my official weigh-in day) and the number was down almost two pounds from yesterday. Why couldn't the scale have just been down two pounds yesterday? Because it's evil! Seriously, though, I didn't let last night's indulgence spread into today. Instead, I've returned to my healthy eating. And I feel so good!
My bursts of running last only about 45 seconds, not the one minute necessary during the first week of the program much less the minute and a half necessary for week two. I have no idea if what I'm doing is making a difference but the muscles in my legs are sore and I can even tell that I'm using more muscles in my stomach and arms. Sounds like progress to me.
For today's training session, I decided to start the app over, which meant five minutes of walking, one minute of running, one and a half minutes of walking (repeated for six times) then five minutes of walking. Like I said, I couldn't quite do a full minute of running but, to compensate, I did the full routine twice. Interestingly, I ran just slightly longer during the running parts on the second lap. Of course, I'm now ready for a few ibuprofen (and maybe a glass of wine).
Also, I now have proof that my scale hates me. I was crushed yesterday when I'd lost so little (just a half pound) after feeling like I ate so well all week. My frustration led to a bit of splurging at dinner. And I even had a little dessert. So imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale this morning (not my official weigh-in day) and the number was down almost two pounds from yesterday. Why couldn't the scale have just been down two pounds yesterday? Because it's evil! Seriously, though, I didn't let last night's indulgence spread into today. Instead, I've returned to my healthy eating. And I feel so good!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: This is torture!
Last week's weight: 181.8
This week's weight: 181.2
Difference: -0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90.6
I was so disappointed when I stepped on the scale this morning. I know a half pound isn't bad, but I truly expected more. I tried so hard this week. My eating habits were nearly perfect and I exercised. There were a few times when I was so hungry, but I was determined to stick to my Weight Watchers points allotment. I know following the points system works. I really wish I knew how to explain just how much of a struggle this past week was.
After this morning's traumatic weigh-in (and a stressful morning at the office), I've already splurged a little more than I should have on snacks. And I'm going to dinner with friends. I'm going to try not to go overboard. I know I can make a smart choice that satisfies me and won't put me too far over my points target.
It's weeks like this one where my frustration gets unbearable. If I try so hard and don't see results, why am I trying? I know that's not the right attitude, but what else am I supposed to think? I could really use a few good weeks strung together to motivate me right now.
This week's weight: 181.2
Difference: -0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90.6
I was so disappointed when I stepped on the scale this morning. I know a half pound isn't bad, but I truly expected more. I tried so hard this week. My eating habits were nearly perfect and I exercised. There were a few times when I was so hungry, but I was determined to stick to my Weight Watchers points allotment. I know following the points system works. I really wish I knew how to explain just how much of a struggle this past week was.
After this morning's traumatic weigh-in (and a stressful morning at the office), I've already splurged a little more than I should have on snacks. And I'm going to dinner with friends. I'm going to try not to go overboard. I know I can make a smart choice that satisfies me and won't put me too far over my points target.
It's weeks like this one where my frustration gets unbearable. If I try so hard and don't see results, why am I trying? I know that's not the right attitude, but what else am I supposed to think? I could really use a few good weeks strung together to motivate me right now.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Couch to 5K: Week 1, Day 3
Today's attempt at running was so bad that I'm not even sure I can count it as day three. To recap, in case you haven't been following along, on Friday I agreed to participate in my first 5K. It's at the end of May, which should be plenty of time to prepare. Training began Saturday and I'm using an iPhone app, 5K Runner, to help me stay on track.
The first two days weren't so bad. I couldn't quite run a full minute each time I was supposed to, but I was close. I considered those training days successes. I took a break Monday, but then I started to worry that I wouldn't get day three in. (My week starts over on Fridays.) I wasn't really in the mood to train after work today, but I headed to the park anyway.
I'm not sure what the problem was (tired, cranky, mental negativity), but I could barely run 30 seconds when I was supposed to run a minute. Not wanting to completely give up, I did still complete two laps (mostly walking) around the park. By the end, I felt like someone had set fire to my left knee and the muscles in my lower back felt like I'd been punched a few times.
I'm disappointed that I didn't do better. But at least I tried. The app calls for training three days a week. Technically, I did it. I'm taking two days off. Then I'll try again on Friday. The bad part is that I'm sure week two of the program will be even harder. I'm wondering if I should just do week one over. Somehow, though, that feels like admitting defeat.
And, because I don't like to be completely negative, there is good news. I've had five days in a row of healthy eating. I've tracked everything. Even though I've gone over my target number a few times, my activity points have more than made up for it. I'm really hoping the scale rewards my efforts on Friday.
The first two days weren't so bad. I couldn't quite run a full minute each time I was supposed to, but I was close. I considered those training days successes. I took a break Monday, but then I started to worry that I wouldn't get day three in. (My week starts over on Fridays.) I wasn't really in the mood to train after work today, but I headed to the park anyway.
I'm not sure what the problem was (tired, cranky, mental negativity), but I could barely run 30 seconds when I was supposed to run a minute. Not wanting to completely give up, I did still complete two laps (mostly walking) around the park. By the end, I felt like someone had set fire to my left knee and the muscles in my lower back felt like I'd been punched a few times.
I'm disappointed that I didn't do better. But at least I tried. The app calls for training three days a week. Technically, I did it. I'm taking two days off. Then I'll try again on Friday. The bad part is that I'm sure week two of the program will be even harder. I'm wondering if I should just do week one over. Somehow, though, that feels like admitting defeat.
And, because I don't like to be completely negative, there is good news. I've had five days in a row of healthy eating. I've tracked everything. Even though I've gone over my target number a few times, my activity points have more than made up for it. I'm really hoping the scale rewards my efforts on Friday.
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