I've blogged about the evils of sugar before, but I'm reminded today just how bad sugar is for me. Generally speaking, I've been eating healthy for a week now. I've had a few splurges (including a bit of wine), but I've stayed away from junk food and sugary snacks. Today, I found myself (almost uncontrollably) eating from the office candy far. Before I could stop myself, I'd had two mini candy bars, a handful of lemonheads and a piece of laffy taffy.
I ate these things after I'd already eaten a healthy breakfast and a filling lunch, so there was no way I was hungry. I honestly don't know why I had such an urge for sugar in that one moment. If I'd had more mini candy bars in front of me, I wouldn't have been able to stop.
Now, an hour later, my head is buzzing and I feel a little shaky. So I'm eating fresh fruit and a few slices of lean deli turkey on a rice cake. My blood sugar is clearly spiking, which is making me want to eat more sugar. If I eat more sugar, I'll gain weight and I'll feel terrible.
So why do I eat it? I really wish I understood the urge better. One day last week, the food counter was littered with cupcakes, cookies and doughnuts and I managed to resist them all. But, for no good reason today, I inhaled five pieces of candy in just a few minutes.
I can't explain it, so I guess all I can do is try not to make a habit of it. And I know I can't let the guilt get to me, but that's easier said than done.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Friday, September 27, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: I can do this!
Last week's weight: 184.8
This week's weight: 183.6
Difference: -1.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 88.2 pounds
After a year of constantly feeling like I'd lost control of my healthy eating habits, I finally feel like I'm on the road to success once again. This week hasn't been perfect, but I've made smart food choices. And, if I can do that in the same week that my heart got broken, I feel confident I can do it for the rest of my life.
For weight loss purposes, my week begins on Fridays. I immediately weigh-in after waking up. Today's weigh-in went exactly how I'd expected. I knew what to expect because I'd been keeping track of my Weight Watchers points for the entire week.
Friday and Saturday weren't my best food or exercise days, but by Sunday I was right on track. Only going over my daily allotment once for the rest of the week. The best part is that I also exercised 30-45 minutes each day Monday through Thursday.
For those who don't know yet, my boyfriend and I broke up on Sunday night. I was so worried that the breakup would be a giant pitfall that I put all of my mental energy into managing what I ate the rest of the week. It worked!
Now I just have to keep it up. Already today I've faced a lot of temptation -- champagne cupcakes, doughnuts and giant cookies. I did splurge a little at the company picnic (eating a hamburger and a hot dog without the buns), but I stayed away from the cookies, chips and sodas. That's a big accomplishment at this point.
The rest of the weekend also will be filled with temptation -- dinner out tonight and a festival tomorrow -- but I feel prepared to make smart choices. If I've learned anything during this journey, it's that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to manage what I eat and how much I eat. And I'm feeling pretty proud that I was able to do that during such an emotional time.
This week's weight: 183.6
Difference: -1.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 88.2 pounds
After a year of constantly feeling like I'd lost control of my healthy eating habits, I finally feel like I'm on the road to success once again. This week hasn't been perfect, but I've made smart food choices. And, if I can do that in the same week that my heart got broken, I feel confident I can do it for the rest of my life.
For weight loss purposes, my week begins on Fridays. I immediately weigh-in after waking up. Today's weigh-in went exactly how I'd expected. I knew what to expect because I'd been keeping track of my Weight Watchers points for the entire week.
Friday and Saturday weren't my best food or exercise days, but by Sunday I was right on track. Only going over my daily allotment once for the rest of the week. The best part is that I also exercised 30-45 minutes each day Monday through Thursday.
For those who don't know yet, my boyfriend and I broke up on Sunday night. I was so worried that the breakup would be a giant pitfall that I put all of my mental energy into managing what I ate the rest of the week. It worked!
Now I just have to keep it up. Already today I've faced a lot of temptation -- champagne cupcakes, doughnuts and giant cookies. I did splurge a little at the company picnic (eating a hamburger and a hot dog without the buns), but I stayed away from the cookies, chips and sodas. That's a big accomplishment at this point.
The rest of the weekend also will be filled with temptation -- dinner out tonight and a festival tomorrow -- but I feel prepared to make smart choices. If I've learned anything during this journey, it's that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to manage what I eat and how much I eat. And I'm feeling pretty proud that I was able to do that during such an emotional time.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Breaking up is hard to do
You may have noticed that I haven't blogged in nearly four months. That's because I started dating someone about five months ago and I didn't want to write about our relationship publicly because I knew it would make him uncomfortable. And, if you've been a longtime follower, you know I'm pretty open and honest in this blog.
We broke up yesterday. So I'm ready to start chronicling my weight-loss journey once again. I'm not going to get into a lot of details about the breakup, but I will say that it was somewhat unexpected and I am heartbroken.
The good news is that it hasn't quite been 24 hours since we ended it and I'm already looking for the bright side. Don't get me wrong. I cried a lot over the weekend and I'll probably cry some more at some point. But there might be a silver lining -- now I can refocus on reaching my weight-loss goal.
As of this past Friday (yes, I've still been weighing in weekly), I weighed 184.8 pounds. I thought I'd gained 5-10 pounds during the relationship, but a quick look back showed me that I weigh almost exactly what I did when I first met the person. That surprised me. And it doesn't really matter.
I've gained about 11 pounds in the past year. I have all sorts of excuses, but none are worth mentioning because they don't matter. What matters is that I'm dedicated to the healthy lifestyle changes I started in January 2010.
That brings me to the title of this post. Breaking up with someone I truly cared about isn't easy and could be a major pitfall in my journey. I'm hoping that by identifying this potential problem I can avoid it. Yesterday and today have gone well in terms of eating. And I even walked a couple of laps around the neighborhood when I got home today.
So I'm making a short-term goal: Track what I eat for the next three days and not go over my daily allotment of Weight Watchers points. I'm also hoping to do at least 30 minutes of physical activity each of those days. If I can keep myself from falling off the cliff through this weekend, I think I'll be able to make it through this emotionally difficult time.
Wish me luck!
We broke up yesterday. So I'm ready to start chronicling my weight-loss journey once again. I'm not going to get into a lot of details about the breakup, but I will say that it was somewhat unexpected and I am heartbroken.
The good news is that it hasn't quite been 24 hours since we ended it and I'm already looking for the bright side. Don't get me wrong. I cried a lot over the weekend and I'll probably cry some more at some point. But there might be a silver lining -- now I can refocus on reaching my weight-loss goal.
As of this past Friday (yes, I've still been weighing in weekly), I weighed 184.8 pounds. I thought I'd gained 5-10 pounds during the relationship, but a quick look back showed me that I weigh almost exactly what I did when I first met the person. That surprised me. And it doesn't really matter.
I've gained about 11 pounds in the past year. I have all sorts of excuses, but none are worth mentioning because they don't matter. What matters is that I'm dedicated to the healthy lifestyle changes I started in January 2010.
That brings me to the title of this post. Breaking up with someone I truly cared about isn't easy and could be a major pitfall in my journey. I'm hoping that by identifying this potential problem I can avoid it. Yesterday and today have gone well in terms of eating. And I even walked a couple of laps around the neighborhood when I got home today.
So I'm making a short-term goal: Track what I eat for the next three days and not go over my daily allotment of Weight Watchers points. I'm also hoping to do at least 30 minutes of physical activity each of those days. If I can keep myself from falling off the cliff through this weekend, I think I'll be able to make it through this emotionally difficult time.
Wish me luck!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Lessons learned from my first 5K
Let me start by saying I went into today's race completely unprepared. When I first signed up, I truly believed I'd train hard and be ready to at least jog most of it. Needless to say, I got distracted and barely exercised the past six months much less train for a 5K. But I had committed to participate with a group of about a dozen other women in a 5K just for women. Backing out would have been much worse than pretty much walking the entire thing. The good news is that I didn't finish last and I'm really happy I did it. Two hours after crossing the finish line, I've also come to realize that I've learned a few things.
1. Despite the fact that I didn't run, I felt exhilaration when I finished. I was exhausted but excited that I'd actually done it. When I started my weight loss journey in January 2010, I could barely walk one block. Today, I walked (and jogged a little) more than 3 miles.
2. I can do better. I completed the race in 53 minutes and 59 seconds. I already feel an itch to prove that I can go faster even if it's just a few minutes.
3. I should have already been pushing myself harder. Today's time was quicker than what I normally walk. Usually, it takes me about 65 minutes to walk 2.6 miles a the park. I should have been trying harder because clearly I'm capable.
4. I want to do another one. Sometimes, the first step is the hardest. Now that I've done one, I want to do more ... if for no other reason than it will force me to exercise more.
5. Drinking beer after the race is NOT a good idea. I feel a little sick now.
6. I should take water with me, especially when the temperature is in the upper 80s. There was only one water station on the course and I really could have used one more.
7. I should plan what I eat before the race better. I thought I did OK today (I had string cheese and a banana about three hours before the race and a granola bar about an hour before.), but I was ravenous afterward. I'm going to research this later.
8. I need better workout clothes. I really don't own the appropriate clothes for walking/running in hot weather.
9. I should wear more sunblock. I applied some, but not nearly as well as I should have. So now I've got a few burned spots.
10. And, finally, the most important thing I've learned (again) is that I have the best friends. Some members of our group were runners and some were walkers. When I couldn't even keep up with the walkers, one friend lagged behind and waited for me. Then she stayed by my side. Then, other friends waited at the finish line to cheer me on even though they'd finished far ahead of me. I feel honored and proud to call these women my friends. They inspire me to want to do better.
1. Despite the fact that I didn't run, I felt exhilaration when I finished. I was exhausted but excited that I'd actually done it. When I started my weight loss journey in January 2010, I could barely walk one block. Today, I walked (and jogged a little) more than 3 miles.
2. I can do better. I completed the race in 53 minutes and 59 seconds. I already feel an itch to prove that I can go faster even if it's just a few minutes.
3. I should have already been pushing myself harder. Today's time was quicker than what I normally walk. Usually, it takes me about 65 minutes to walk 2.6 miles a the park. I should have been trying harder because clearly I'm capable.
4. I want to do another one. Sometimes, the first step is the hardest. Now that I've done one, I want to do more ... if for no other reason than it will force me to exercise more.
5. Drinking beer after the race is NOT a good idea. I feel a little sick now.
6. I should take water with me, especially when the temperature is in the upper 80s. There was only one water station on the course and I really could have used one more.
7. I should plan what I eat before the race better. I thought I did OK today (I had string cheese and a banana about three hours before the race and a granola bar about an hour before.), but I was ravenous afterward. I'm going to research this later.
8. I need better workout clothes. I really don't own the appropriate clothes for walking/running in hot weather.
9. I should wear more sunblock. I applied some, but not nearly as well as I should have. So now I've got a few burned spots.
10. And, finally, the most important thing I've learned (again) is that I have the best friends. Some members of our group were runners and some were walkers. When I couldn't even keep up with the walkers, one friend lagged behind and waited for me. Then she stayed by my side. Then, other friends waited at the finish line to cheer me on even though they'd finished far ahead of me. I feel honored and proud to call these women my friends. They inspire me to want to do better.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Focusing on the positive
Last week's weight: 184.4
This week's weight: 181.2
Difference: -3.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90.6 pounds
Naturally, I was thrilled that the scale decided to cooperate this week. As you know, it's been a tough few months. I'm still not happy that I've gained 10 pounds from where I was about six months ago, but at least I'm starting to feel like I might be able to get back there.
What I'm most proud of this week is that I didn't let emotional stress (there was good and bad) cause me to overeat. In fact, I did just the opposite. I managed my food well and I exercised almost daily. I had a few slips, but nothing outrageous. That's how it should be.
For example, when I got some not-so-good news at work this week, I wanted to reach into the candy dish on my boss' desk and grab a handful of snack size candy bars. I had a couple during the week, but I'm happy with myself because I didn't eat them when I was feeling stressed. When I ate them, I specifically chose to eat them and I accounted for them in my daily food tracking.
That said, I'm still surprised by the weight loss because I did have two dinners out this week. I didn't go overboard, but I did eat/drink more than normal. I'm guessing that last week's number was artificially high because of my recent travel and that this week everything is balancing out.
My goal right now is to focus on what's working right. Every time I feel stressed and I want to eat an entire pizza but I don't is a good day. Every day that I exercise is a good day. Finally, every day that I appreciate how far I've come is a good day.
This week's weight: 181.2
Difference: -3.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90.6 pounds
Naturally, I was thrilled that the scale decided to cooperate this week. As you know, it's been a tough few months. I'm still not happy that I've gained 10 pounds from where I was about six months ago, but at least I'm starting to feel like I might be able to get back there.
What I'm most proud of this week is that I didn't let emotional stress (there was good and bad) cause me to overeat. In fact, I did just the opposite. I managed my food well and I exercised almost daily. I had a few slips, but nothing outrageous. That's how it should be.
For example, when I got some not-so-good news at work this week, I wanted to reach into the candy dish on my boss' desk and grab a handful of snack size candy bars. I had a couple during the week, but I'm happy with myself because I didn't eat them when I was feeling stressed. When I ate them, I specifically chose to eat them and I accounted for them in my daily food tracking.
That said, I'm still surprised by the weight loss because I did have two dinners out this week. I didn't go overboard, but I did eat/drink more than normal. I'm guessing that last week's number was artificially high because of my recent travel and that this week everything is balancing out.
My goal right now is to focus on what's working right. Every time I feel stressed and I want to eat an entire pizza but I don't is a good day. Every day that I exercise is a good day. Finally, every day that I appreciate how far I've come is a good day.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Losing more ground
Last week's weight: 183.8
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.4
Just when I think I'm about to turn things around and move forward, I find myself falling into old habits. And the weight gain continues. I knew that my trip to California might be a challenge, but overall I actually felt like I made fairly good choices and I walked A LOT, which should have burned some of the extra calories. What I didn't expect was that when I returned, I'd keep eating more than I should. Combine that with not exercising and, as usual, that spelled disaster when I stepped on the scale Friday morning.
So the first thing I did was get on my exercise bike. Then, on Friday, I tracked everything single think I ate and drank. Sticking to my allotted Weight Watchers points was a struggle. I actually felt light-headed for much of the day. That's probably because my body was in withdrawal from sugar and salt. I'm not feeling nearly as shaky today, but I really need a long-term strategy for success.
The biggest problem I've had in the past year and a half is that I'm not as vigilant as I should be. What I mean is that I keep letting circumstances dictate what I eat and drink, and that usually means overdoing it. Stress is the main contributor to my overeating. And I'm all but certain that is the reason I've gained in the past six months. Events at work have put me in a less-than-desirable situation. While I've been working hard to improve my circumstances, the stress of it all has caused me to focus less on my weight loss and to spend less time planning meals and snacks.
But sometimes good situations can effect my eating habits as well. I'm really worried about today -- my birthday. A friend has planned a fun night out and I'm 40 so I definitely want to celebrate. I know the key is to decide in advance what I can eat and drink without feeling guilty. I want to have fun, but not overdo it.
When you put my weight gain together with my turning 40, that just adds to my low self-esteem problems. I don't want to feel bad about myself, but I don't know how to change what I see in the mirror or how I feel every time I realize a piece of clothing is now too small. Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like all of my hard work during the first couple of years of this journey is being erased so quickly.
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.4
Just when I think I'm about to turn things around and move forward, I find myself falling into old habits. And the weight gain continues. I knew that my trip to California might be a challenge, but overall I actually felt like I made fairly good choices and I walked A LOT, which should have burned some of the extra calories. What I didn't expect was that when I returned, I'd keep eating more than I should. Combine that with not exercising and, as usual, that spelled disaster when I stepped on the scale Friday morning.
So the first thing I did was get on my exercise bike. Then, on Friday, I tracked everything single think I ate and drank. Sticking to my allotted Weight Watchers points was a struggle. I actually felt light-headed for much of the day. That's probably because my body was in withdrawal from sugar and salt. I'm not feeling nearly as shaky today, but I really need a long-term strategy for success.
The biggest problem I've had in the past year and a half is that I'm not as vigilant as I should be. What I mean is that I keep letting circumstances dictate what I eat and drink, and that usually means overdoing it. Stress is the main contributor to my overeating. And I'm all but certain that is the reason I've gained in the past six months. Events at work have put me in a less-than-desirable situation. While I've been working hard to improve my circumstances, the stress of it all has caused me to focus less on my weight loss and to spend less time planning meals and snacks.
But sometimes good situations can effect my eating habits as well. I'm really worried about today -- my birthday. A friend has planned a fun night out and I'm 40 so I definitely want to celebrate. I know the key is to decide in advance what I can eat and drink without feeling guilty. I want to have fun, but not overdo it.
When you put my weight gain together with my turning 40, that just adds to my low self-esteem problems. I don't want to feel bad about myself, but I don't know how to change what I see in the mirror or how I feel every time I realize a piece of clothing is now too small. Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like all of my hard work during the first couple of years of this journey is being erased so quickly.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Time's up!
About 2 1/2 years ago, I made a list of 10 things I wanted to do before I turned 40. Well, I have only one day left and I'm sorry to report that I achieved very little on my list.
Here's an update on the list:
1. Visit Italy. No plans, but still hope to go one day.
2. Skydiving. I don't see this happening in the near future. After a recent roller coaster ride nearly gave me a heart attack, I'm thinking jumping out of an airplane might not be a good idea.
3. Take a hot air balloon ride. Still hoping.
4. Run a 5K. I have signed up to participate in a 5K at the end of this month, but I don't think I'll be doing much running. Just jogging a little is still difficult.
5. See the Grand Canyon. I actually forgot this was on the list. I did go to Las Vegas in December. I guess I really should have gone then.
6. Own a red Mustang convertible. Finances have made this a pretty low priority. But it's still my car of choice.
7. Highlight my hair. Been there, done that. I'm actually at a point now where I've stopped coloring my hair. I don't love the gray that's starting to show, but I'm undecided about whether to resume the coloring.
8. Sing karaoke. I'm still not able to do it by myself, but I did do it as part of a group. That's the best I can hope for at this point.
9. Plant a garden. I tried to grow a few herbs in small pots on the patio. They died after about two weeks.
10. Paint my walls. I picked out colors, but have no immediate plans to actually paint.
I really hope you've read to this part, because now I'm going to list 5 things I have done since making the original list that have made my life better.
1. I've met the best group of friends. In many cases, I feel like I've known them forever and I can hardly remember a time before they were my friends.
2. I went to Las Vegas. The trip itself wasn't that great, but actually planning a real vacation made me realize just how much I want to go places and see new things.
3. So, on a related note, I went to California. It was one of the best vacations I've ever had. And, even though I spent a lot of money, I had so much fun.
4. I've stopped being a workaholic. I still have days where I work 10, 12 or even 14 hours. But they are no longer the norm.
5. I socialize. Until the past few years, I've always been very uncomfortable in a room full of people I don't know. Now, it's much easier and I usually even enjoy meeting new people. I still have my moments where I get overwhelmed, but generally I'm at least willing to try.
I'm sure I could think of more things for the list, but the point is that while I may not have done everything on the original list, I have done a lot of new things that have made me happy. And as I'm about to turn 40 on Saturday, I'm trying to think about the positive things in my life instead of the negative. I'm struggling with the notion that I'm going to be 40 and I haven't achieved some of my goals, including my weight-loss goal, but I also know that I've achieved a lot. Sometimes, I also realize that the things that were important at one point in my life don't seem nearly as important now. So I don't want to be so focused on what I haven't achieved that I forgot to enjoy what I have.
Here's an update on the list:
1. Visit Italy. No plans, but still hope to go one day.
2. Skydiving. I don't see this happening in the near future. After a recent roller coaster ride nearly gave me a heart attack, I'm thinking jumping out of an airplane might not be a good idea.
3. Take a hot air balloon ride. Still hoping.
4. Run a 5K. I have signed up to participate in a 5K at the end of this month, but I don't think I'll be doing much running. Just jogging a little is still difficult.
5. See the Grand Canyon. I actually forgot this was on the list. I did go to Las Vegas in December. I guess I really should have gone then.
6. Own a red Mustang convertible. Finances have made this a pretty low priority. But it's still my car of choice.
7. Highlight my hair. Been there, done that. I'm actually at a point now where I've stopped coloring my hair. I don't love the gray that's starting to show, but I'm undecided about whether to resume the coloring.
8. Sing karaoke. I'm still not able to do it by myself, but I did do it as part of a group. That's the best I can hope for at this point.
9. Plant a garden. I tried to grow a few herbs in small pots on the patio. They died after about two weeks.
10. Paint my walls. I picked out colors, but have no immediate plans to actually paint.
I really hope you've read to this part, because now I'm going to list 5 things I have done since making the original list that have made my life better.
1. I've met the best group of friends. In many cases, I feel like I've known them forever and I can hardly remember a time before they were my friends.
2. I went to Las Vegas. The trip itself wasn't that great, but actually planning a real vacation made me realize just how much I want to go places and see new things.
3. So, on a related note, I went to California. It was one of the best vacations I've ever had. And, even though I spent a lot of money, I had so much fun.
4. I've stopped being a workaholic. I still have days where I work 10, 12 or even 14 hours. But they are no longer the norm.
5. I socialize. Until the past few years, I've always been very uncomfortable in a room full of people I don't know. Now, it's much easier and I usually even enjoy meeting new people. I still have my moments where I get overwhelmed, but generally I'm at least willing to try.
I'm sure I could think of more things for the list, but the point is that while I may not have done everything on the original list, I have done a lot of new things that have made me happy. And as I'm about to turn 40 on Saturday, I'm trying to think about the positive things in my life instead of the negative. I'm struggling with the notion that I'm going to be 40 and I haven't achieved some of my goals, including my weight-loss goal, but I also know that I've achieved a lot. Sometimes, I also realize that the things that were important at one point in my life don't seem nearly as important now. So I don't want to be so focused on what I haven't achieved that I forgot to enjoy what I have.
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