Name that mood

My iPod died about two-thirds of the way through my walk tonight, so I spent the last third trying to determine what my playlist says about my current state of mind. Trust me, the music I'm listening to always says something about where my head is at the moment. Anyone want to try to interpret for me?

Here's the list: (and I'll make it easier by including a favorite line or two from each)

1. "I Would Die 4 U" by Prince -- "I am something that you'd never comprehend."

2. "Could Have Been a Song" by Pat McGee -- "I could have sung about tomorrow but I couldn't find today."

3. "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks -- "It didn't take 'em long to decide that Earl had to die."

4. "Gunpowder & Lead" by Miranda Lambert -- "He wants a fight, well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet."

5. "I Am A Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel -- "I've built walls"/"And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries."

6. "I Don't Think I Know Me" by Eddie From Ohio -- "I've always tried too lead a responsible kind of life"/"I don't think I know me as well as I thought I did."

I'm also wondering what other songs I might have chosen had my iPod not died. My best guess is that my walk would have included at least four more -- "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison, "No One" by Alicia Keys, "A Pirate Looks at Forty" by Jimmy Buffett and "The Wing and the Wheel" by Nanci Griffith.

Feeling better

After a few days of being in a funk, I think my good mood and positive attitude have returned. Today was the first day in about a week that I've felt really good -- mentally. Physically, I feel great every day now. It's amazing how much better you'll feel after you lose more than 60 pounds. Duh!

Anyway, I've been down in the dumps. Nothing specific, just not as upbeat as I had been. I've been fighting against it, though. I spent all day Sunday watching movies, relaxing, thinking -- simply trying to refocus my brain on the good stuff. I had a major setback Monday, but today things seem to be turning around. Of course, things haven't been perfect, but I'm back to a mindset that allows me to deal with the unexpected in a positive manner.

I feel truly fantastic today. And a funny thing happened at work -- I was put on the spot about what my career aspirations might be. In the past, this would have really thrown me and made me feel awkward. But I feel confident about my response. I also got a good laugh when a colleague included me on an e-mail about participating in a 5K in downtown later this month. I don't think I'm going to do it because I'm not quite there, but it is nice when someone else recognizes that I'm trying.

Once again, as I lose weight, I'm discovering that it's affecting my outlook and thought process far more than I ever expected. Losing weight is showing me that I really can achieve anything I set my mind to. I've also been reminded in the past few days that maintaining personal relationships with people isn't always easy. It is about give and take. And it's something I know I need to work. I'm trying. Don't give up on me.

Weekly weigh-in ... amended

So I'm not actually going to change the number on my tracking chart, but I am baffled at what I saw on the scale this morning. When I officially weighed in yesterday morning, I had lost a half pound in the past week. This morning, the scale says I weigh FOUR pounds less than yesterday.

That's just not possible. As you know, I'm pretty realistic. I expect a pound or two difference from day to day. But FOUR pounds! I don't know what to think. Of course, I'd like to think that today's number is the most accurate. But who knows.

So my mood is a little better today, but I'm still not feeling quite as perky as I had been. I don't know what's going on. I'm hoping it's just a blip and fun Sherry will return at any moment ... especially since I have a party to attend this evening.

Weekly weigh-in: Not good enough

I've had a good run of days (and even weeks) filled with positive energy, so I suppose it had to come to an end at some point. There have been a few positive blips this week, but mostly it's been full of pessimism and negative thinking.

I feel like nothing I do is good enough. I try so hard. I know I set impossible standards for myself and others, and inevitably I'm disappointed when we don't meet them. This week's weigh-in is just another example. I lost a half pound this week. I should be happy about that, but it doesn't feel good enough.

I also know that the way I feel right now has nothing to do with the weigh-in. It's been an emotionally draining week. Yes, there have been highs and lows. I've been working on not letting the lows get to me, but it's not easy, especially when I expect things to turn out a certain way and they don't.

It's funny, though, because I started the week off knowing that it was going to be stressful. I took on too much at one time. Then, throw in the unpredictable nature of the news business and it's all been a bit overwhelming.

I did think that the weigh-in would be better. With the exception of getting off track a little last weekend, I've been following the plan. I even started walking again this week. I should feel great. So why am I back to my old way of thinking? You know, the way that makes me not want to leave the house because I don't think I can be around people.

I wish I could end on a positive note. I just don't have it in me this morning.

What I like about you

While I was walking this morning, I spent almost the whole time thinking about my most favorite people and what I like about them. It was an interesting list, so here goes.

1. Sarcastic. You have to be able to dish it and take it. I've pretty much been a smartass my whole life, so I really appreciate that quality in others. Nothing makes me smile more than a good comeback given or received.

2. Quirky. We've all got our issues and eccentricities. I think those are the traits that make us interesting.

3. Self-aware. My favorite people definitely know who they are and are aware of their faults.

4. Competitive. Some people can be a little too extreme, but competition definitely makes things more fun. And, yes, I do try to understand that I can't always win. But it sure is fun trying.

5. Loyal. I've never met anyone who isn't judgmental in some way, but I also know a lot of people who are accepting of others. We all make stupid choices sometimes, but I think it's important to try to understand why people do what they do. And true friends support you no matter what.

What traits do you value most in your friends?

Weekly weigh-in: Success!

I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been run over by a train while I was sleeping. Head hurt. Muscles ached. A little blue. I wanted to stay under the covers all day. But it's a good thing I didn't.

This morning's weigh-in went better than expected -- three pounds lost this week. That brings me to a total of 61 pounds. As I noted previously, this week has been an interesting challenge -- one that made me think I have truly changed my habits and I won't ever slip back into my old way of doing things.

I'm trying to focus on those three pounds lost, but I'm feeling restless and uneasy today. No specific reason, which is probably what concerns me most. Maybe it's just the dreary weather. Or maybe it's that my head still hurts and my muscles still ache. Brain feels like mush and I have so much to do.

Tested by distractions

I can't believe I haven't blogged since last week. It's mostly because I've been so distracted with all sorts of things. Let's just say life has gotten in the way of my blogging. Luckily, though, it has not gotten in the way of my eating habits.

The past five days have been a real test of whether I can maintain my new lifestyle because I have barely spent a minute thinking about food and losing weight. For so long, it's been on the top of my mind. As I've said before, I was even starting to think I might be a little obsessed with it. I worried that if I didn't plan every meal, restaurant outing, etc. that I would get off track. But this week has been different. I've had so many other things distracting my brain. And I've still made good choices. Clearly, eating better is just a way of life for me now.

I also took what I consider to be another big step in my journey -- I wore a dress, and it was short and sleeveless. I've mentioned before that showing my arms and legs feels so strange because I've hidden them for so long. But the dress (which is new) was so cute and comfortable. It made me feel so good about myself.

Finally, one other positive note (I think) ... I committed to a friend that if we both lose 50 pounds, we will take a cruise next year. A cruise does sound like a lot of fun, but the thought of what it's going to take for me to lose 50 more pounds is daunting. Plus, I've resisted setting a final goal because smaller goals have worked well for me. But I have to admit that 50 more pounds would basically put me exactly where I want to be. It's scary, but the challenge is out there now. There's no turning back.