Breaking bad habits

I'd never want to minimize how difficult it is for a drug addict or alcoholic to give up their addictions, but I do think battling a food addiction is at least similar. As I come to the end of day three of tracking everything I eat and focusing on healthy foods, I'm feeling a tremendous sense of anxiety. And I'm starving.

Four years ago, I started this journey at 271.8 pounds. Tracking my Weight Watchers points was actually pretty easy in the beginning. I got a lot of points back then so I could eat a lot more than I can now. All I really had to do was cut my portion sizes and eat more smaller meals throughout the day.

But now I feel like I have to virtually starve myself to lose weight. Keep in mind, that's just how I feel. The truth is that my daily Weight Watchers points allotment includes plenty of food ... if I eat the right foods. The problem is that I still want pasta, bread, chocolate and chips.

Right now, for example, I've used all but 4 points (which I'm saving for a snack before bed). I'm so fidgety that all I can think about is food. I want to go into the kitchen and eat the entire pack of crackers or the whole bag of tortilla chips. If I had a pizza, I could probably eat the whole thing.

I knew withdrawal (mostly from sugar, but also from the amount of food) wouldn't be easy. While I was visiting family for Christmas, I didn't even try to eat healthy foods. In fact, I ate more cookies and pieces of candy in those four days than I probably ate all year. I also drank too many martinis and ate so many foods filled with sodium and fat.

If you're a regular reader, though, you know that I've been headed down this unhealthy path for the past year. As I drove back to Wilmington Friday, I decided it was time to start over. Yes, I've said that before only to be disappointed a few days into my renewed effort.

I've thought a lot about why I was so successful in the beginning and I'm going to try to return to those habits. They include tracking everything I eat, regular exercise, planning what I eat and making smart choices when eating out. It's only been three days, but I've accomplished all of these goals each day so far.

The longer I struggle, the more I realize that food addiction is a disease. I don't know exactly what causes me to want to eat so much, and I don't think there's a cure. So it's a battle I will fight for the rest of my life. The one thing I do know is that when I eat better, I feel better.