Weigh-in: Weeks 6 and 7

Sorry I skipped the blog last week. Things have been a bit hectic. And, well, the news isn't good. One month into my renewed efforts and I was feeling pretty good about my progress. I was headed out of town for two days and had agreed to a two-day hiatus. It turned into a two-week detour. I'm so disappointed in myself.

I've gained back nearly everything I lost in August. I'm now down only 1.6 pounds since I started. I have all sorts of excuses, but it mostly boils down to emotional eating, stress and lack of tracking/planning. I'm in the process of selling my house and starting construction on a new house. While it's exciting, it's so overwhelming. We're also undergoing some changes at work, which is more stressful than normal.

I've had too many days recently where I wasn't sure I could get out of the bed. Of course, I did. But then I got home from work and wanted to retreat. I went in the bedroom to change my clothes after work yesterday and ended up curling up in the bed. Stayed there just a few minutes because I knew my boyfriend would start to wonder where I was. Then he'd want to know what was wrong.

It's not one specific thing. My life feels like it;s in constant chaos. As soon as I think I have something figured out or settled, there's a new fire to put out. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt a sense of calm and relaxation. I'm not sleeping well and when I'm awake, I feel constant tension in my muscles.

So, needless to say, I'm overeating and making poor choices. All I can do at this point is recognize the missteps I've made in recent weeks and try to correct my actions. The best place to start is with planning meals for the week ahead.

Weigh-in: Month 1

One month into my renewed efforts to eat better (and lose weight) and I'm feeling encouraged. I lost 4.8 pounds, which is just 0.2 pounds shy of my goal of 5 pounds per month. I still have a long way to go to get back to where I want to be, but at least I feel like I'm making progress. 

The next few months are going to be extremely difficult, though. For those who don't know, my boyfriend and I have put our house on the market and we're preparing to build a new house. We'll likely have to find a place to live once our current house sells and while our new house is under construction. It's all so complicated.

I've already had several meltdowns this week as we've completed paperwork. Having built a house once before, I knew it would be stressful. But I don't know how I'll make it through the next four to six months.

At the same time we're trying to nail down details to get everything moving forward, we're going out of town for a couple of days. We planned the trip before we'd made decided to pull the plug on a new house. It's an expense I wish we didn't have right now, but I'm hoping I can put my anxiety aside and simply enjoy a few days away from it all.

And, of course, I'll end up splurging too much. So I'm giving myself a pass for two days. After that, I'll have to buckle down and be diligent about tracking if I'm going to continue my progress into September.

Weigh-in: Week 4

I lost 1.2 pounds this week, which brings my total to 3.8. So I'm still shy of meeting my goal of one pound a week, but I'm gaining ground.

My final weigh-in for the month will be next Thursday (instead of Friday) because I'm heading out of town Thursday morning. I'm really hoping I can make a little more progress. My goal for the month was 5 pounds. I feel so close yet so far away.

Also, I'm surprised at my progress this week. I had two major slip-ups -- A Big Mac from McDonald's and a giant cheeseburger and fries from Carolina Ale House. Apparently, I was craving cheeseburgers this week.

I've got a few stressful situations coming up, so I'll have to be extra vigilant if I'm going to stay on track through the end of the month. I know it won't be easy, but I hoping that advance planning for pay off.

A bad day

I was an emotional wreck today. It started early this morning. I wasn't sleeping well so I turned on the TV. I kept wanting to fall back to sleep, but it just wouldn't happen. As I was binge watching Criminal Minds, I thought that maybe I'd stay in bed all day.

About 7:45, I took a shower and dressed for the day. I even did my hair (something I don't always do on the weekend) because I knew my boyfriend and I were planning an outing later in the day. For those who don't know, my boyfriend and I live together. He works nights so we have a general agreement that he gets to sleep until 11 a.m. or noon. Usually, that works out fine for me because I catch up on DVR'd shows and go to the grocery store.

Today just didn't go according to plan. My boyfriend startled me when I got home from Harris Teeter about 9:30 a.m. and things seemed off all day after that. I'll spare you the details except to say that the day ended with me in tears and him wondering what went wrong.

A lot of things went wrong today. Nothing so bad that you'd expect me to be blubbering as I was. I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm a planner. I have a lot of anxiety because I spend my time thinking about every possible scenario. Every time I let my guard down, I get disappointed. When things don't go as I had planned (and I didn't anticipate a different scenario), I'm thrown and it never ends well.

With each hurdle today, I tried so hard to recover. By the end of the day, I just couldn't do it. My poor boyfriend had no idea how the train went off the tracks so quickly. Unfortunately, I saw it coming before I even got out of bed. There should be some sort of alert system. Maybe I could say: "Honey, the train might derail today. Buckle up."

Luckily, I have a boyfriend who actually went to sleep (because he has to work tonight) probably feeling like crap but telling me how much he loves me. What he should know is that I AM the lucky one. In the big picture of life, I'm so lucky to have found him. And the fact that he tolerates my emotional outbursts makes him a prince.

Also, I should mentioned that my emotional breakdown was triggered by planning dinner. Although it was tied to deep seeded issues in my personal life, the trigger was food. We ended up eating frozen pizza because that was simple.

PS - For those following along with my progress, my boyfriend and I made it through 19 hours of our fast. We couldn't take it anymore so we had a pickle, two olives and some carrots with ranch dip. Then we had a lovely dinner of chicken, rice and green beans. It was a failure and a success at the same time. I'm glad I tried it. I don't think we'll be doing it again.

Weigh-in: Week 3

I made a little progress this week. I'm now down 2.6 pounds total. That's still shy of my goal of averaging a pound a week. But a loss is a loss and I'll take it.

I didn't have a good week when it comes to making smart choices. I ate a lot foods I shouldn't have and I didn't track my points a single day. I know that tracking is the No. 1 tool for success. Why can't I do it? Probably because I'm eating the wrong foods and I know the tracking won't look good. I was tempted by giant muffins, pizza, wine and cake this week and I gave in easily.

In hopes of jumpstarting my efforts for this coming week, my boyfriend and I started a 24-hour fast after dinner yesterday. Luckily, I'm working from home today so I'll be able to better handle any lightheadedness or fatigue. I'm allowing myself a little coffee this morning because I don't think giving up caffeine on the same day I don't eat would be a good idea. Beyond that, I'll be drinking lots of lemon water and green tea. I've not done this before, but I can see the benefits of flushing out the toxins and trying to reset my system.

We're planning a light dinner tonight and then tomorrow I'll be back to planning meals in advance. And tracking!!!!! My boyfriend and I are going to Charlotte for two days at the beginning of September. I'm really hoping to stay on track until then. That way I won't feel bad about splurging during our trip.

Weigh-in: Week 2

Bad news. I gained 0.4 pounds. That brings my total lost since I restarted my journey to 1.8 pounds.

The setback is disappointing. I let emotional eating get the better of me this past week. I've been under a lot of stress and I haven't made the best good choices.

There's no excuse ... but it didn't help that we had pizza in the office twice this week. And then there were treats from the new Publix. Today alone we've had chocolate chip cookies, cake and chips with queso dip. I resisted the sweets early on, but the cheese dip proved to be too much. I had just a few, but more than I should have.

I'm having dinner out tonight. I have a plan that includes healthy choices. I just need to stick to it.

I'm going to regroup tomorrow and plan meals for the coming week. My goal is an average of one pound a week. I'll have to make good progress this week to catch up and stay on track.

Wish me luck!

Weigh-in: Week 1

Weight lost: 2.2 pounds

While I'm not ready to publicly report my actual weight as I used to do, I do want to report on my progress each week. Friday's are my official weigh-in day. I'm happy I lost weight this week, especially since I had a few setbacks along the way.

I feel like I'm off to a good start, but this past week wasn't perfect. What I'm happy about is that even when "splurging" I still made better choices than I made a week ago. I also cooked a lot of healthy food.

One area where I wasn't successful is exercise. I walked only one day and didn't reach 10,000 any days. Sigh

That said, I'm already planning meals for this weekend and next week. Saturday will be a challenge since I'm going to Ribfest. But I think I should be able to continue my progress the rest of the week.

My ultimate goal is to lose an average of 1 pound a week. I think I can lose 1 pound this week.

Day 5: I slipped!

The day started off on the wrong foot. I was feeling rushed before work and I just couldn't ever get a handle on the day. I had a healthy breakfast and lunch, but by dinner time, I couldn't keep it up, I had a couple of drinks after work and then a turkey wrap and a few fries for dinner.

You're probably thinking that I didn't do so bad. You're right. But I didn't do so well either. I should have stopped at one glass of wine and I should have skipped the fries and eaten less of the wrap. I'm not beating myself up. I'm simply acknowledging that I didn't make the best choices today.

All in all, today was a good day. I often feel like I make poor choices when something bad happens. On good days, I need to make good choices.

That said, it was a good day. I had a great, spontaneous dinner out with my boyfriend. We talked about a million different topics and laughed a lot. We were silly and ridiculous. I'm so lucky to have someone who supports me and who's willing to change our plans on the spur of the moment because I decide I want to go out to dinner instead of eating at home.

So it was a good day.

So far, so good

As the end of day four approaches, I'm feeling pretty good about my progress. I slipped a little Sunday (the wine made me do it), but I've definitely been eating much better. And the scale has been very friendly.

Sunday was actually the hardest day so far. So the fact that I made it through and I went over my daily points allotment by just a little bit makes me happy. Today, at the office, I also had to resist the pile of Kit-Kits on the counter. It wasn't easy!

I've got a few more pitfalls facing me this week. I have a working lunch Tuesday (I've ordered a salad) and I'm going to the Sharks baseball game on Thursday. I haven't figured out how to approach the game. Hoping a good idea will strike before then.

The good news is that I'm thinking about what I will eat and really trying to plan ahead. Planning ahead is a major key to my success.

Two steps forward, one step back

It's day two. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. with a massive headache. Probably some sort of crazy withdrawal thing. So I'm already feeling like I've had a setback.

Day one, however, went extremely well. With the exception of a brief period in the late afternoon when I could tell my blood sugar was low and I was getting hangry, I managed to pace my eating out and come in slightly under my daily points allotment. My goal is to use all of my Weight Watchers points each day. Using the points means I'm eating enough to avoid blood sugar crashes and late-night binges.

Since I don't feel like doing much else yet today, I've spent the past 90 minutes planning meals for the next few days and making a lengthy grocery note. I know that planning ahead is a big key to my success. Cooking my own meals also makes a difference.

I've got dinner for the next three nights planned -- meat moussaka tonight, shrimp and grits Sunday and chicken and pasta salad Monday. All of the recipes fit nicely into my daily points allotment. And they includes lots of vegetables, which always makes me feel better.

Now I just need to muster up the energy to get to the grocery store so I can start cooking. With this raging headache, it's clear that today is going to be tougher than yesterday. But I'm trying to stay positive and focused. I know that if I can make it through the first few days, I'll be on the road to success.

It's a lifelong struggle

After a more than two-year hiatus from the blog and from faithful allegiance to Weight Watchers, I've made the decision to re-commit to a healthier lifestyle. I've had quite a few starts and stops in the past two years. While I'm frustrated (and embarrassed) by my failures, I've decided it's time to take control of my life again.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how my journey began. I had no expectation of success and no long-term goal. I was simply happy each week when I saw the number on the scale go down. Any movement downward equaled success. It's difficult not to focus on how much weight I've regained, but I'm really hoping I can focus on one pound at a time.

What I also know is that as I lost weight, I had more energy. And more energy meant I felt better. And feeling better meant I enjoyed more activities. That's the goal!

Today is the first day of my new journey. Here are five pieces of advice I have for myself:

1. Be accountable. Keep track of everything you eat and drink. Use all of your Weight Watchers points, but don't go over except on holidays.

2. Exercise. Get 30 minutes of dedicated exercise at least four times a week. It makes you feel better!

3. Think before you eat. If you're going to splurge, make sure it's on something you really want to eat.

4. Ask for help. You're lucky to have a boyfriend who wants to be supportive of your efforts. Use that to your advantage. Talk to him about your feelings and your food choices.

5. Money doesn't matter. You can afford to buy healthy ingredients and to order healthy options when eating out. Don't eat poorly simply because something is cheaper.

Just checking in

Sorry I haven't blogged a lot lately. Between work, dating, a weekly Spanish class and boot camp, I've been busy. Even my DVRs (yes, I have one in the living room and one in the bedroom) have been feeling neglected lately. Both are near capacity.

Today marked three weeks since I started the six-week boot camp challenge. The weigh-in part didn't go well -- I gained a half pound. But the measurements part went much better. I've lost a half inch around my chest, a half inch around my waist, a inch around hips and a half inch around my thigh. For those who don't like math, that's 2.5 inches total, which I feel good about.

When I started the boot camp challenge, my goal was to build muscle and to tone up the flabby areas (at least a little bit). The number on the scale isn't nearly as important to me as it used to be. Four years into this journey, I've realized that how I feel is most important. And boot camp is definitely helping in that area.

Despite the aches and pains right after, I'm feeling healthier and stronger and I have more energy. So, for now, I'm going to try not to let the number on the scale bother me. This is the most strenuous exercise I've done in my life. I'm proud of myself for trying and that's enough for now.

A day of rest

After Thursday's crying incident after boot camp, I decided that I had to jump right back in or I might quit. So I went to the Friday afternoon class, which meant three days in a row of boot camp. Friday went much better mentally ... but physically I had to take more breaks. I figure doing something is better than doing nothing, but now I need a break.

I had hoped to go to class this morning, but my aching arches and a strained quad muscle have made me decide that I need a day of rest. I'm proud of myself for going three days in a row and I want to stick with it for the long haul. Overdoing it and really injuring myself would only deter me. So I'm going to take it easy today.

Boot camp is closed on Sundays, but I'm already planning to at least take a walk or do something physical so I won't have taken two days off. Then it's back to class Monday afternoon. I've worked hard during the first three days of the six-week challenge. I think I'll reward myself with a little shopping this morning and then wine this afternoon.

BTW, It's been two months since I made a goal of fitting into a skirt I bought more than a year ago. There's been no progress. I can still barely get it zipped. I have two months to reach my goal. Sure hope boot camp helps.

Boot camp made me cry

If you're a regular reader, you know that back in December I tried out two different boot camp programs. At the time, I decided that the cost was more than I could afford. Well, with my tax refund in hand, I signed up this week for a six-week challenge at one of the boot camps.

The first session was Wednesday afternoon. It included a weigh-in and body measurements. And the workout focused on total body fitness. I couldn't do every exercise for the entire time required, but I was close. By the end of the 45-minute session, I had a lot of muscle aches and pains, but I felt fantastic. I was so proud of myself for making it through the class and I was pumped for the next session.

I went again today after work. This session focused on cardio, and it was harder because I was sore from yesterday but also because I've not really done any cardio ... ever! So I struggled but I kept trying. I had to take more breaks, but I wasn't giving up.

About five minutes before the class ended, however, everything went bad. We were supposed to push a a really heavy punching bag across the floor. I simply couldn't do it. During round one when I couldn't do it, other women tried telling me how to stand differently to be more successful. For the second attempt, I tried. But I couldn't do it. Then other women started shouting at me about what I was doing wrong. One woman even said: "We're not leaving until you do it." At first, they seemed like they were just trying to be supportive. But repeatedly yelling at me about how I'm not doing it right really wasn't a good way to motivate me to try harder.

I almost started crying then. But I kept it together for the last station and the stretching afterward. As soon as I got in my car, I couldn't hold it in. I cried nearly the whole way home. I had serious flashbacks to10th grade when a gym teacher told me he was going to flunk me if I didn't run a mile around the track. At the time, I weighed 187 pounds ... pretty close to what I weigh now.

Now that I'm home and I've showered and I'm having a glass of wine, I feel a little better. But this incident just goes to show me that even after four years on this journey, I'm still dealing emotional issues that led to the weight gain in the first place. Luckily, after two days of boot camp, I had already decided to take tomorrow off. I'm just hoping that I can mentally get back in a good place before Saturday's class.

Finally, aside from this one incident, I've loved both classes. They've made me feel good about myself. But, of course, my brain keeps focusing on that one moment when everyone was yelling at me because I failed.

Baby steps are better than no steps

I didn't intend to wait an entire month before updating everyone on my progress this year. I just got busy with stuff and didn't feel like I had anything worthwhile to say.

On Jan. 1, I blogged about making this year less about the number on the scale and more about how I feel and how my clothes fit. A month in and the number on the scale is slightly better than it was Jan. 1 (down about 2 pounds), but there's no real difference in how my clothes are fitting. Most days, everything feels too tight. And that's depressing.

The good news, however, is that the size 12 skirt I'm hoping to fit into by May 1 does seem to be fitting a little better. I zipped it when I put it on this morning, but I couldn't breath or move. So it's possible I'm imagining progress because I don't want to admit defeat.

I started the month off well. Eating right and exercising regularly for the first two weeks. The second half of the month, however, wasn't good. I ate terrible foods and drank too much wine. I didn't track anything for nearly two weeks. I'm not going to get into details, but I definitely let emotional eating get the better of me.

February is a short month, so I don't have much time to make progress toward my goal. And, based on my current level of focus, I don't even feel like I have a good plan for staying on track this month. I know I have to get my eating under control, but I also feel like exercise might be more helpful in getting the skirt to fit. (It's the flabby part right around my stomach and hips that's causing the problem with my clothes not fitting.)

I don't like ending on a negative note. So, for now, I'm just going to try to remember how far I've come and be glad that despite setbacks and obstacles, I'm maintaining. I've been exactly this weight for a year. That is progress.

Happy for a new year

The title of this post has two meanings. One is that I'm really glad 2013 is over. It wasn't all bad. In fact, some moments were truly great. But, overall, it's not a year I will remember fondly. The second meaning is that I want 2014 to be about finding happiness in my life. In all aspects of my life, I want to start asking: Will this make me happy? If yes, then I should do it. If no, then I shouldn't. Sounds simple, right?

As I start year five of my weight-loss journey, I've been thinking about my goals. I think I've been too focused on the number on the scale. I still intend to weigh-in weekly, but I'm setting a very specific (and I hope simple) goal for the first part of the year.

More than a year ago, I bought a size 12 skirt at J.Crew. At the time, I was mostly wearing a 12, but it was a little snug. I never wore it because I was convinced that it would fit better if I lost five more pounds. Since then, I've actually gained a few pounds and I can't even zip the skirt now. I love this skirt!

So my goal is to comfortably fit into the skirt by April 1. That gives me three months to basically lose one size since I'm mostly wearing a 14 now. I tried the skirt on today so I'd have a good idea of how it fits (or doesn't fit) right now. My plan is to try it on again on Feb. 1, March 1 and finally April 1.

Fitting into this skirt means I will be the size I set out to be when I started this journey. Once I get to that point, I can reassess my goals. In the meantime, not getting hung up on my weight won't be easy. But I think having this specific goal that doesn't involve a number on the scale will help me stay focused.

Plus, I'm already off to a good start. I've been solidly on track for 5 1/2 days despite a minor splurge on New Year's Eve. This past week is proving to me that I know what works and how to achieve success. Now I just have to do it.

Breaking bad habits

I'd never want to minimize how difficult it is for a drug addict or alcoholic to give up their addictions, but I do think battling a food addiction is at least similar. As I come to the end of day three of tracking everything I eat and focusing on healthy foods, I'm feeling a tremendous sense of anxiety. And I'm starving.

Four years ago, I started this journey at 271.8 pounds. Tracking my Weight Watchers points was actually pretty easy in the beginning. I got a lot of points back then so I could eat a lot more than I can now. All I really had to do was cut my portion sizes and eat more smaller meals throughout the day.

But now I feel like I have to virtually starve myself to lose weight. Keep in mind, that's just how I feel. The truth is that my daily Weight Watchers points allotment includes plenty of food ... if I eat the right foods. The problem is that I still want pasta, bread, chocolate and chips.

Right now, for example, I've used all but 4 points (which I'm saving for a snack before bed). I'm so fidgety that all I can think about is food. I want to go into the kitchen and eat the entire pack of crackers or the whole bag of tortilla chips. If I had a pizza, I could probably eat the whole thing.

I knew withdrawal (mostly from sugar, but also from the amount of food) wouldn't be easy. While I was visiting family for Christmas, I didn't even try to eat healthy foods. In fact, I ate more cookies and pieces of candy in those four days than I probably ate all year. I also drank too many martinis and ate so many foods filled with sodium and fat.

If you're a regular reader, though, you know that I've been headed down this unhealthy path for the past year. As I drove back to Wilmington Friday, I decided it was time to start over. Yes, I've said that before only to be disappointed a few days into my renewed effort.

I've thought a lot about why I was so successful in the beginning and I'm going to try to return to those habits. They include tracking everything I eat, regular exercise, planning what I eat and making smart choices when eating out. It's only been three days, but I've accomplished all of these goals each day so far.

The longer I struggle, the more I realize that food addiction is a disease. I don't know exactly what causes me to want to eat so much, and I don't think there's a cure. So it's a battle I will fight for the rest of my life. The one thing I do know is that when I eat better, I feel better.

Head, shoulders, knees and toes

That's been running through my mind all day because the only part that isn't sore is my head. After four days of focusing on strength-training exercises, I've got a terrible pain in my right shoulder/neck muscle. My knees ache every time I move and all of the muscles in my feet hurt.

Other than that, I feel great! Naturally, the scale isn't cooperating, but I feel happy with myself for trying something different. I know that it will take time to see results, so I just need to stick with it. I've visited two different boot camp programs in the past four days and I left one with a list of exercises to complete over the next two weeks to build p my stamina.

Now I just have to decide if the classes are something I want to try. I liked them both, but they are very expensive. I can afford them if I cut out a few other luxuries. So I have a lot to thik about ver the next two weeks.

Also, the muscle soreness might be a deterrent. I know that's just part of the process, but it's still not say dealing with it. Plus, my muscles are sore. I haven't injured anything. I'm just using muscles that are used to sitting around doing nothing. They don't like this new approach. But we've all got to deal with change at some point in our lives.

Everyone deserves a second chance

If you read my post from this past week about meeting with a fitness coach, you know it didn't go so well. I wasn't feeling good about the session or the woman. But I'd already paid for a one-on-one training session designed to teach me how to do the various exercises correctly and how to modify them to fit my beginner level.

That session was yesterday and I'm feeling so much better about it. I spent about an hour and fitness with the coach, focusing on all the basic strength-training moves. She demonstrated how to do each exercise and she helped me practice good form. We focused on the lower body first, then the upper body.

When I left, she emailed me a two-week plan to do at home over the holidays. She said completing the plan should build up a little strength and get me ready for the pace of her classes.

I'm so glad I gave her a second chance. I really enjoyed yesterday's session and I appreciate that she created a fitness plan to get me through the next couple of weeks on my own. And I'm proud of myself for completing day one today.

The plan has me doing strength-training exercises two days a week and walking three days a week for the next two weeks. Based on today's routine, I can see how this will slowly build more strength in my upper body without causing major muscle aches and pains. Chest and shoulder muscles are a little sore, but nothing I can't handle.

While I liked this coach this time around, I'm still going to check out a program a friend at work goes to. Based on yesterday's session, though, I already feel committed to this woman and her program. 

My goal is to truly be ready to step up my fitness workouts after the holidays. Four years ago, in January 2010, I began this journey with little hope of success. I still remember the feeling I had each week as the number on the scale dropped and my clothes got too big. I've learned a lot and I've had my ups and downs. I see this as my second chance at success.

Fitness test failure

I met with a fitness coach today. I was pretty nervous going in because I've never belonged to a gym or anything like that before. As I mentioned yesterday, I met this woman who owns her own studio where she offers small group classes just for women. The classes focus on total body training as well as specific areas, so that sounded like just what I needed.

We spent about 20 minutes talking about my weight loss so far and my goals. This part was a little awkward because the coach isn't a fan of Weight Watchers. She was nice about it, but she basically said it hasn't taught me how to eat right kinds of foods to make my body feel good. She also told me I needed to stop weighing in weekly. I think her exact words were: "Throw out the scale."

I can see where she's coming from, but WW and weekly weigh-ins have worked pretty well for me over the past four years. I may have hit a plateau, but I feel like I'm a success story for the WW program. I can appreciate her holistic approach to fitness because I definitely agree that it's not just about food or exercise. But I didn't exactly feel supported in that moment. I'm willing to admit, however, that maybe I'm being too sensitive simply because I felt very self-conscience about taking this step.

Then came the "fitness test." The coach warned me before I showed up that she wanted to measure my current fitness level, but I was not prepared for the level of difficulty. The test, including a couple of minutes of warm up and cool down, lasted about 12 minutes total. I seriously thought I might pass out. With a few moves, I couldn't keep up the pace she wanted. I know that building physical strength won't be easy, but I can't be expected to do it in one session.

When it was over, the woman -- in a nice way -- basically told me I wasn't ready for the classes she offers. She suggested I complete a couple of one-on-one sessions where she could show me how to do each move properly. And she said I would get a better idea of how difficult the classes area.

On one hand, I appreciate the offer of one-on-one sessions because she only offers three-month packages and I'd hate to pay all that money and quit after a week.On the other hand, it made me feel like a failure. If my arm and back muscles are sore after just a few minutes of training, how will I ever make it through an entire class?

This feeling of failure has me doing a lot of debating in my head tonight. I want so badly to be in better shape, but what if I really can't do it? Am I feeling negative about my experience today because of self-doubt or is it possible this isn't the right program for me? But then I try to tell myself that it will get easier and I should at least try. And I did sign up for two one-on-one sessions. If I don't like it, I don't have to do it.