Weekly weigh-in: Losing more ground

Last week's weight: 183.8
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.4

Just when I think I'm about to turn things around and move forward, I find myself falling into old habits. And the weight gain continues. I knew that my trip to California might be a challenge, but overall I actually felt like I made fairly good choices and I walked A LOT, which should have burned some of the extra calories. What I didn't expect was that when I returned, I'd keep eating more than I should. Combine that with not exercising and, as usual, that spelled disaster when I stepped on the scale Friday morning.

So the first thing I did was get on my exercise bike. Then, on Friday, I tracked everything single think I ate and drank. Sticking to my allotted Weight Watchers points was a struggle. I actually felt light-headed for much of the day. That's probably because my body was in withdrawal from sugar and salt. I'm not feeling nearly as shaky today, but I really need a long-term strategy for success.

The biggest problem I've had in the past year and a half is that I'm not as vigilant as I should be. What I mean is that I keep letting circumstances dictate what I eat and drink, and that usually means overdoing it. Stress is the main contributor to my overeating. And I'm all but certain that is the reason I've gained in the past six months. Events at work have put me in a less-than-desirable situation. While I've been working hard to improve my circumstances, the stress of it all has caused me to focus less on my weight loss and to spend less time planning meals and snacks.

But sometimes good situations can effect my eating habits as well. I'm really worried about today -- my birthday. A friend has planned a fun night out and I'm 40 so I definitely want to celebrate. I know the key is to decide in advance what I can eat and drink without feeling guilty. I want to have fun, but not overdo it.

When you put my weight gain together with my turning 40, that just adds to my low self-esteem problems. I don't want to feel bad about myself, but I don't know how to change what I see in the mirror or how I feel every time I realize a piece of clothing is now too small. Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like all of my hard work during the first couple of years of this journey is being erased so quickly.