Recipe: Quinoa pasta with prosciutto, peas and spinach

Ingredients
1 box (8 oz.) quinoa pasta (You could use whole wheat or regular pasta if you prefer.)
1 bag fresh baby spinach
4 slices prosciutto
1/2 cup frozen peas
2 tbsp. reduced-fat butter (I used I can't believe it's not butter.)
2 tbsp. fat-free half and half (You could use regular milk or cream if that's what you already have on hand.)
2 tbsp. shredded parmesan cheese
Black pepper to taste
A few sprinkles of reduced-fat shredded Italian cheese blend (optional)

Cook the pasta according to package directions. In a nonstick pan, melt the butter over low heat. Tear the prosciutto into bite-sized pieces and add to pan. Add spinach to pan and saute until wilted. Add peas and cook until heated through. Add half and half and parmesan cheese. Sprinkle in however much pepper you like. Bring the mixture to a slight simmer then pour over the pasta and mix. Add 1/4 of mixture to a serving plate/bowl and top with a sprinkle of Italian cheese. Makes four servings.

Weekly weigh-in: Am I losing the battle, but winning the war?

Last week's weight: 172
This week's weight: 175.2
Difference: +3.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 96.6

Once again, I lost a couple of pounds and then I immediately gained them back. I'd like to blame this week's gain on Thanksgiving, but the trouble started well before Thursday. I faced a lot of mental hurdles this week and I let my emotions dictate what I ate.

When I was eating Cheez Doodles on Sunday and pizza on Wednesday (and other bad stuff in between), I knew I'd regret it. But somehow they made me feel better in that moment. I want to be able to stop myself. I think a lot about why I can't. I wish I could condition myself to do something else every time I want to binge eat.

As you know, this is something I've been dealing with since I first started this journey nearly three years ago. I keep mostly healthy food at my house, but that doesn't stop me from getting in the car and going to the grocery store when I want junk food.Sometimes, I convince myself that I'll just eat a little bit. After all, there's nothing wrong with eating a handful of chips or a slice or two of pizza. But that's never all I eat.

The first year of this journey seemed so easy. I changed my eating habits, started exercising and the weight came off. The second year was more difficult, but I rationalized that other factors in my life impeded my progress and I was content with basically maintaining. Now, a third year has passed and I'm starting to feel like I've wasted so much time. If I had tried harder, I probably could have lost those last 25 pounds already.

Of course, though, I try really hard not to beat myself up and not to be too negative. So I'm focusing on the big picture. It's not always easy to see just how much progress I have made. Maintaining my weight loss for as long as I have is an accomplishment. I know that. I also know that when I'm mentally ready to take on the challenge of losing the last 25 pounds I can do it.

Weekly weigh-in: Old vs. new

Last week's weight: 173.6
This week's weight: 172
Difference: -1.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 99.8

I've written in the past about the old me versus the new me. For some time now, though, I really haven't seen myself that way. I started this journey almost three years ago and it's been almost two years since I lost the bulk of the weight. That's when my life completely changed and during that first year I transformed into a different person.

But now I am who I am. I may not have completely let go of the person who weighed 271.8 pounds, but I'm trying really hard. And I think it's time for others to try as well. I am not the same person I was three years ago. For the most part, I think I've changed for the better, especially since I can honestly say I'm a happier person.

Part of my motivation throughout this process has been remembering just how difficult life was when I weighed 100 pounds more than I do now. I was a pretty miserable person and a big reason is that I felt bad all the time. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I see it so clearly. The old me doesn't exist anymore and I don't want to be that person anyway. For people who knew me then, that can be difficult to accept. I understand that, but it's time to accept me for who I am now.

I was just thinking recently about how many of my friends didn't know me before I lost the weight. Of course they all now about my journey and they've been super supportive and encouraging. But they didn't know my personality back then. Maybe that makes it easier for them to appreciate the person I am now.

Anyway, the point is that I've changed. I still struggle from time to time, but I'm generally a much more assertive and outgoing person now. Don't get me wrong. I'm still an introvert and value time alone (which is why I'm sitting at home writing my blog on a Friday night). But I genuinely enjoy meeting new people and socializing, which is something  never wanted to do before. For better or worse, the old me is gone.

The new me is the real me. I apologize to those who may have liked the old me better. I'm not ever going to be that person again. I like the new me and being happy with myself is an important step in my journey.

Weekly weigh-in: Some things are unexplainable

Last week's weight: 174.2
This week's weight: 173.6
Difference: -0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 98.2

I was surprised, but thrilled, to see the number on the scale this week. On most days, I feel like I made good food choices and I exercised four out of seven days. But there was one day where I ate more than I normally do in a whole week. Seriously, avoiding junk food on Election Day at work is pretty much impossible. So I didn't even try. As a result, I ate five pieces of pizza, a cinnamon bun, a brownie, a pumpkin muffin (at least that was lowfat) and a bunch of mini candy bars. It really wasn't pretty. I felt guilty because I should have at least eaten less of the bad foods. But I can't go back now. I don't understand why I lost weight this week, but I'm happy I did.

Looking forward, I've decided to clean out my closet again. For three years now, I've done this about every six months. On one hand, it feels great to box up clothes that have gotten too big. On the other hand, it can be depressing thinking about how much money I've spent on clothes I'll never wear again.

I began this morning by trying on a vest I've owned for about 15 years. It's a size 22. When I first started my journey, I couldn't button it and it served as the one item of clothing that I would try on from time to time to see if I was losing weight.

Of course the scale tells me I've lost nearly 100 pounds, but it's hard for me to see it when I look in the mirror. I don't remember when the vest actually started to fit again and I haven't worn it during these three years. When I put it on today, it was amazing to see how big it is. I tried to picture how it looked when it was too small and how I looked. I couldn't because what I see in the mirror hasn't really changed. I was frustrated, so I stuffed it in the plastic bin and decided this will be the last time I try it on. It's too big and I don't need it to remind me how big I was. Time to move on and focus on what size I am now.

Recipe: No pasta baked spaghetti

I love spaghetti, but even with whole-wheat pasta it packs a lot of carbs. So I've started using spaghetti squash. It's better for me and I barely miss the pasta. Plus, I get a giant bowl of squash and sauce for the same amount of Weight Watchers points as just a half cup of pasta and sauce. You really should try it.

Ingredients
2 small spaghetti squash (or one large)
1 lb. ground beef (93% lean)
1 jar spaghetti sauce (I used Bertolli Arrabbiata.)
1/2 cup shredded parmesan cheese

Place squash on cookie and bake at 400 degrees for about an hour (or until the outside is tender). Remove from oven and let cool. Cut squash open and remove seeds with a spoon. Use a fork to shred the remaining squash and place in a casserole dish. (It will look like strands of pasta.) Meanwhile, brown the ground beef in a nonstick pan. Add sauce and heat through. Pour beef mixture over squash in casserole dish. Top with cheese and bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Makes four servings.

Weekly weigh-in: Tired of trying

Last week's weight: 173
This week's weight: 174.2
Difference: +1.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 97.6

If I'm being honest, the number on the scale wasn't as bad as I expected. Based on the amount of junk food and candy I ate this past week, I fully expected to gain even more. And I exercised only once. So gaining about a pound isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things.

Still, I just wish making the right choices wasn't so hard. I know what I should eat and how much I should eat and I've actually grown to like a lot of healthy foods. So why do I still feel the need to eat half a dozen mini candy bars? Or to gorge on a bag of potato chips?

Sometimes I get so tired of having to be so vigilant. But I also know it's the only way for me to be successful. Six months from tomorrow, I will turn 40 years old. I don't feel that old and thinking about it is a bit depressing. I've decided I want to give myself something to celebrate, so my new objective is to reach my goal weight 150 to 155 pounds before my birthday.

I will need to lose about a pound a week, which seems impossible at this point. And I'm a little worried that it's too ambitious. Turning 40 will be hard enough. What if I don't reach my goal by then? Well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I have to at least try.