Weekly weigh-in: I am not the biggest loser

Last week's weight: 191
This week's weight: 189.2
Difference: -1.8
Total weight lost: 82.6

Today marked the final weigh-in for our Biggest Loser Challenge at work. When we started in January, I weighed in at 193.8 pounds. The final results haven't come out yet for everyone, but I don't need those to tell me that I am not the biggest loser.Given my habits over the past few months, I'm glad I lost weight. But I am disappointed. We did the challenge twice last year and the results were much better. I came in fourth the first time (losing almost 25 pounds) and I won the second time.

Enough with the whining, though. The good news is that I've had three consecutive weeks where I've exercised more and eaten much better. And I'm losing weight again. It's still a constant struggle, but every day is getting easier. I feel my thought process changing again. I think about everything I eat and drink. Several times already this week I've overcome temptation, which makes feel like I can be successful again.

Plus, this week's weight loss keeps me on track to reach my goal of 181.8 pounds by July 1. This next week is going to be a challenge, though, with a party tonight, my birthday on Wednesday and a trip home to visit my family on Thursday. I see it as a test. If I can resist temptation during this next week, I feel like I will finally be back to where I was.

No sugar added

I decided Monday night that it was time to eliminate sugar from my diet. I've done well yesterday and today, but I've also realized that I can't eliminate sugar entirely. It's in a lot of food. For example, even the Kashi cereal I've fallen in love with has sugar in it.

So I'm amending my effort to seriously cutting back on sugar. I'm giving up the pieces of chocolate candy I'd become accustomed to eating every afternoon at work. No more slushies at the movies. And definitely no cake and ice cream (well, except my birthday is next week and I might have to have cake that day).

If I seriously want a sugary snack, I'm sticking with Weight Watchers popsicles and ice cream cups. One treat a day seems reasonable and I think it will keep me from feeling deprived.

I'm cutting back on sugar because I've discovered in the past year that it truly does affect my mood. Plus, the more I eat of it, the more I want to eat of it. Yesterday was a struggle, but today was easier. Generally, I planned my fruit snacks better today so I think that helped.

I'm also proud that I walked 3 miles tonight. After walking 5 miles Saturday and 5 miles Sunday, I had to take a break Monday. Then it was raining Tuesday, so I didn't walk. The weather was threatening when I got home from work today, so I figured that was one more day that I wouldn't do it. I went ahead and put on my pajamas and ate dinner.

But then the sky cleared. And I actually changed clothes and headed outside. I started out thinking I would only make it three laps around my neighborhood, which equals 1.8 miles. But once I was out there, I felt determined to complete the 3 miles.

Honestly, I feel like crap. Lots of aches and pains for some reason. But mentally I definitely feel a sense of accomplishment. So far, I've walked 13 miles total this week. I don't know if I'll reach my 15-mile goal by Friday because the weather is supposed to be bad tomorrow. But at least I didn't just give up.

Finally, I'm hopeful about Friday's weigh-in. The scale has not been my friend so far this week. But I know I'm eating much better than I was and exercising more. I have to trust that the scale will catch up eventually. The best part is that I'm on week three of feeling like I'm back on track. And that makes me happy.

Feeling blue

I've been trying so hard for the past couple of weeks to keep my emotions in check, which usually helps me keep my eating under control. I've done well, except for a few minor splurges here and there. But I'm really struggling today. I woke up wishing I could keep my head buried under the covers. No specific reason. Then I've felt sluggish all day. Again, I tried so hard to stay on track, but the chocolate candy in my desk drawer got the better of me this afternoon. I scarfed down a bunch of chocolate eggs. Of course, that made me feel guilty and a little sick. By the time I got home tonight, I was starving, so I ate dinner early. I still felt hungry, so I ate cereal. I can't possibly be hungry, but I still want to eat ... and nothing good for me. I'm certain of two things -- eating  the sugar earlier has made me just want more and my desire to eat is partly an emotional response. I want the comfort of food. I'm feeling blue and I've used food my entire life to make me feel better. Most days, I can overcome the temptation. I did it so well for a year. The past few months, though, I keep giving in. That tells me that I have not successfully addressed my emotional connection to food. My dilemma is what to do when I feel this way. Do I go ahead and eat something bad for me and hope that will be enough? Or do I keep fighting it, eating healthy snacks and hoping the urge to splurge will pass? It's a constant struggle. What I really need to do is figure out how to deal with my emotions better. But, of course, I'll leave that train of thought for another day.

Weekly weigh-in: Disappointed, but not deterred

Last week's weight: 191
This week's weight: 191
Difference: 0
Total weight lost: 80.8

I was hoping for better this week. I had a few splurges, but nothing crazy. And I walked a total of 15 miles, which is a lot more exercise than I've been doing. I can already tell a difference in how some of my clothes are fitting. So I really expected to have lost a little bit. Based on the past couple of months, though, I guess staying even should be considered a success. The good news is really that I've had two weeks in a row where my eating has been much more balanced. And I've been seriously focused on making progress. The determination I felt a year ago seems to have returned. I won't let this week's weigh-in drag me down for too long. I'll just have to do better this next week. Simple as that.

On a mission

I woke up Saturday morning and everything seemed so clear. I know I've blogged before about making a fresh start and being determined to get "back on track." But this time seems different. I wanted to blog about it on Saturday, but decided to give it a few days just to make sure.

The past few days have been pretty emotional. Naturally, I'm not going to give any details. What's important is how I've dealt with the emotions. I'm proud to say that at a time when I want to stuff my face with all sorts of comfort foods, my worst splurges have included a couple of glasses of wine, a few pieces of chocolate and a couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter. And that's over the course of four days.

What's even more important is that I've walked laps around my neighborhood every one of those four days -- 10.8 miles total. Walking four days in a row feels like I've overcome some major hurdle. I don't think I'm losing much weight this week (if any), but the walking has made me feel so good about myself.

We talk at work a lot about conscious choice and discipline and how they relate to success. Well, that's what it's going to take for me to reach my ultimate goal weight -- between 150 and 155. I've never really said what I want to weigh. I've talked about much I want to lose, but I can now say where I want to be. As of last Friday's weigh-in, I was at 191.

Losing 40 more pounds seems like a big goal right now since I've been hovering around 190 for months. But I actually believe it's possible. And I've come up with a few steps that I think will help me get there.

1. Make losing weight my No. 1 priority. I've said it before, but my previous success was partly because I was basically obsessed. I never did anything extreme, but I always thought about everything I put in my mouth.

2. Make a plan. I have to plan every meal and snack -- not just what I'm going to eat but when I'm going to eat it. Because I'm eating smaller meals, I have to eat more often. If I don't eat something every four hours or so, I get light-headed and then I eat the wrong foods and too much of them.

3. Exercise. For now, walking is fine. My goal is at least 15 miles a week. I'd like to eventually increase that goal after a few weeks or incorporate some other form of exercise into my routine.

4. Set small goals. My first goal is to lose 9.2 pounds by July 1. That's about a pound a week, which is realistic.

5. Celebrate success. I don't yet know how I'm going to reward myself, but I will think of something between now and July 1.

I know there are lots of other factors that will help me succeed but I think these five are the most important. Wish me luck!

Weekly weigh-in: The up and down continues

Last week's weight: 192.8
This week's weight: 191
Difference: -1.8
Total weight lost: 80.8

The scale was my friend today. I made a lot of smart food choices this week and I walked 6.6 miles total. I could have done better -- like not eating a corn dog, french fries (twice), chocolate Easter candy, popcorn and a slushy. But all-in-all, I think the exercise helped balance out the splurges. And this once again prove that when I'm keeping track and exercising, I lose weight. It's not rocket science. I just need to stick with it. Mentally, I feel weak. I see temptations everywhere. While I'm not always giving in, I am giving in more than I used to. But I will also admit that this past week is the closest I've come to feeling like I was making progress in a long time. I guess that's a good sign.

Weekly weigh-in: Another setback

Last week's weight: 191
This week's weight: 192.8
Difference: +1.8
Total weight lost: 79

The number on the scale this morning was pretty much exactly what I expected. I knew it hadn't been a good week. I did well early in the week, but ate terrible on Wednesday and Thursday. It doesn't help that I've been in some sort of funk since Wednesday. I feel like I can't do anything right. I've also noticed that for about two weeks now, I feel fat. I never use that word, but it's truly how I feel these days. I don't know why. Maybe it's the up and down numbers I've been seeing on the scale for quite some time now. The only bright spot is that I did walk 2.4 miles yesterday. That's the first exercise I've gotten in weeks. With the weather getting warmer, I'm hoping I will start getting outside more.

Craving carbs, sugar

I've written before about how I know I need to try to eliminate sugar from my diet. I'm realistic. I know I'll always eat some sweets, but it does seem that regularly eating sugar just makes me want it more. And the same is true about carbs. This weekend has been nothing but carbs and sugar. It started with chocolate and peanut butter brownies but then included pasta, bread, a cherry slushy, potatoes and chocolate Easter candy. Every time I ate something, I knew I was making the wrong choice. I simply couldn't stop myself. Even today, I couldn't control my craving. I was determined, once again, to start fresh. I did well for much of the day, but the miniature candy bars sucked me right in. Then, after work, I was craving macaroni and cheese. At the grocery store, I think I looked at just about kind they make. The good news, if there is any, is that I didn't overeat. For example, tonight, I ended up buying a single serve portion of instant mac and cheese. So I can only hope I didn't do too much damage.