I'd never want to minimize how difficult it is for a drug addict or alcoholic to give up their addictions, but I do think battling a food addiction is at least similar. As I come to the end of day three of tracking everything I eat and focusing on healthy foods, I'm feeling a tremendous sense of anxiety. And I'm starving.
Four years ago, I started this journey at 271.8 pounds. Tracking my Weight Watchers points was actually pretty easy in the beginning. I got a lot of points back then so I could eat a lot more than I can now. All I really had to do was cut my portion sizes and eat more smaller meals throughout the day.
But now I feel like I have to virtually starve myself to lose weight. Keep in mind, that's just how I feel. The truth is that my daily Weight Watchers points allotment includes plenty of food ... if I eat the right foods. The problem is that I still want pasta, bread, chocolate and chips.
Right now, for example, I've used all but 4 points (which I'm saving for a snack before bed). I'm so fidgety that all I can think about is food. I want to go into the kitchen and eat the entire pack of crackers or the whole bag of tortilla chips. If I had a pizza, I could probably eat the whole thing.
I knew withdrawal (mostly from sugar, but also from the amount of food) wouldn't be easy. While I was visiting family for Christmas, I didn't even try to eat healthy foods. In fact, I ate more cookies and pieces of candy in those four days than I probably ate all year. I also drank too many martinis and ate so many foods filled with sodium and fat.
If you're a regular reader, though, you know that I've been headed down this unhealthy path for the past year. As I drove back to Wilmington Friday, I decided it was time to start over. Yes, I've said that before only to be disappointed a few days into my renewed effort.
I've thought a lot about why I was so successful in the beginning and I'm going to try to return to those habits. They include tracking everything I eat, regular exercise, planning what I eat and making smart choices when eating out. It's only been three days, but I've accomplished all of these goals each day so far.
The longer I struggle, the more I realize that food addiction is a disease. I don't know exactly what causes me to want to eat so much, and I don't think there's a cure. So it's a battle I will fight for the rest of my life. The one thing I do know is that when I eat better, I feel better.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Head, shoulders, knees and toes
That's been running through my mind all day because the only part that isn't sore is my head. After four days of focusing on strength-training exercises, I've got a terrible pain in my right shoulder/neck muscle. My knees ache every time I move and all of the muscles in my feet hurt.
Other than that, I feel great! Naturally, the scale isn't cooperating, but I feel happy with myself for trying something different. I know that it will take time to see results, so I just need to stick with it. I've visited two different boot camp programs in the past four days and I left one with a list of exercises to complete over the next two weeks to build p my stamina.
Now I just have to decide if the classes are something I want to try. I liked them both, but they are very expensive. I can afford them if I cut out a few other luxuries. So I have a lot to thik about ver the next two weeks.
Also, the muscle soreness might be a deterrent. I know that's just part of the process, but it's still not say dealing with it. Plus, my muscles are sore. I haven't injured anything. I'm just using muscles that are used to sitting around doing nothing. They don't like this new approach. But we've all got to deal with change at some point in our lives.
Other than that, I feel great! Naturally, the scale isn't cooperating, but I feel happy with myself for trying something different. I know that it will take time to see results, so I just need to stick with it. I've visited two different boot camp programs in the past four days and I left one with a list of exercises to complete over the next two weeks to build p my stamina.
Now I just have to decide if the classes are something I want to try. I liked them both, but they are very expensive. I can afford them if I cut out a few other luxuries. So I have a lot to thik about ver the next two weeks.
Also, the muscle soreness might be a deterrent. I know that's just part of the process, but it's still not say dealing with it. Plus, my muscles are sore. I haven't injured anything. I'm just using muscles that are used to sitting around doing nothing. They don't like this new approach. But we've all got to deal with change at some point in our lives.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Everyone deserves a second chance
If you read my post from this past week about meeting with a fitness coach, you know it didn't go so well. I wasn't feeling good about the session or the woman. But I'd already paid for a one-on-one training session designed to teach me how to do the various exercises correctly and how to modify them to fit my beginner level.
That session was yesterday and I'm feeling so much better about it. I spent about an hour and fitness with the coach, focusing on all the basic strength-training moves. She demonstrated how to do each exercise and she helped me practice good form. We focused on the lower body first, then the upper body.
When I left, she emailed me a two-week plan to do at home over the holidays. She said completing the plan should build up a little strength and get me ready for the pace of her classes.
I'm so glad I gave her a second chance. I really enjoyed yesterday's session and I appreciate that she created a fitness plan to get me through the next couple of weeks on my own. And I'm proud of myself for completing day one today.
The plan has me doing strength-training exercises two days a week and walking three days a week for the next two weeks. Based on today's routine, I can see how this will slowly build more strength in my upper body without causing major muscle aches and pains. Chest and shoulder muscles are a little sore, but nothing I can't handle.
While I liked this coach this time around, I'm still going to check out a program a friend at work goes to. Based on yesterday's session, though, I already feel committed to this woman and her program.
My goal is to truly be ready to step up my fitness workouts after the holidays. Four years ago, in January 2010, I began this journey with little hope of success. I still remember the feeling I had each week as the number on the scale dropped and my clothes got too big. I've learned a lot and I've had my ups and downs. I see this as my second chance at success.
That session was yesterday and I'm feeling so much better about it. I spent about an hour and fitness with the coach, focusing on all the basic strength-training moves. She demonstrated how to do each exercise and she helped me practice good form. We focused on the lower body first, then the upper body.
When I left, she emailed me a two-week plan to do at home over the holidays. She said completing the plan should build up a little strength and get me ready for the pace of her classes.
I'm so glad I gave her a second chance. I really enjoyed yesterday's session and I appreciate that she created a fitness plan to get me through the next couple of weeks on my own. And I'm proud of myself for completing day one today.
The plan has me doing strength-training exercises two days a week and walking three days a week for the next two weeks. Based on today's routine, I can see how this will slowly build more strength in my upper body without causing major muscle aches and pains. Chest and shoulder muscles are a little sore, but nothing I can't handle.
While I liked this coach this time around, I'm still going to check out a program a friend at work goes to. Based on yesterday's session, though, I already feel committed to this woman and her program.
My goal is to truly be ready to step up my fitness workouts after the holidays. Four years ago, in January 2010, I began this journey with little hope of success. I still remember the feeling I had each week as the number on the scale dropped and my clothes got too big. I've learned a lot and I've had my ups and downs. I see this as my second chance at success.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Fitness test failure
I met with a fitness coach today. I was pretty nervous going in because I've never belonged to a gym or anything like that before. As I mentioned yesterday, I met this woman who owns her own studio where she offers small group classes just for women. The classes focus on total body training as well as specific areas, so that sounded like just what I needed.
We spent about 20 minutes talking about my weight loss so far and my goals. This part was a little awkward because the coach isn't a fan of Weight Watchers. She was nice about it, but she basically said it hasn't taught me how to eat right kinds of foods to make my body feel good. She also told me I needed to stop weighing in weekly. I think her exact words were: "Throw out the scale."
I can see where she's coming from, but WW and weekly weigh-ins have worked pretty well for me over the past four years. I may have hit a plateau, but I feel like I'm a success story for the WW program. I can appreciate her holistic approach to fitness because I definitely agree that it's not just about food or exercise. But I didn't exactly feel supported in that moment. I'm willing to admit, however, that maybe I'm being too sensitive simply because I felt very self-conscience about taking this step.
Then came the "fitness test." The coach warned me before I showed up that she wanted to measure my current fitness level, but I was not prepared for the level of difficulty. The test, including a couple of minutes of warm up and cool down, lasted about 12 minutes total. I seriously thought I might pass out. With a few moves, I couldn't keep up the pace she wanted. I know that building physical strength won't be easy, but I can't be expected to do it in one session.
When it was over, the woman -- in a nice way -- basically told me I wasn't ready for the classes she offers. She suggested I complete a couple of one-on-one sessions where she could show me how to do each move properly. And she said I would get a better idea of how difficult the classes area.
On one hand, I appreciate the offer of one-on-one sessions because she only offers three-month packages and I'd hate to pay all that money and quit after a week.On the other hand, it made me feel like a failure. If my arm and back muscles are sore after just a few minutes of training, how will I ever make it through an entire class?
This feeling of failure has me doing a lot of debating in my head tonight. I want so badly to be in better shape, but what if I really can't do it? Am I feeling negative about my experience today because of self-doubt or is it possible this isn't the right program for me? But then I try to tell myself that it will get easier and I should at least try. And I did sign up for two one-on-one sessions. If I don't like it, I don't have to do it.
We spent about 20 minutes talking about my weight loss so far and my goals. This part was a little awkward because the coach isn't a fan of Weight Watchers. She was nice about it, but she basically said it hasn't taught me how to eat right kinds of foods to make my body feel good. She also told me I needed to stop weighing in weekly. I think her exact words were: "Throw out the scale."
I can see where she's coming from, but WW and weekly weigh-ins have worked pretty well for me over the past four years. I may have hit a plateau, but I feel like I'm a success story for the WW program. I can appreciate her holistic approach to fitness because I definitely agree that it's not just about food or exercise. But I didn't exactly feel supported in that moment. I'm willing to admit, however, that maybe I'm being too sensitive simply because I felt very self-conscience about taking this step.
Then came the "fitness test." The coach warned me before I showed up that she wanted to measure my current fitness level, but I was not prepared for the level of difficulty. The test, including a couple of minutes of warm up and cool down, lasted about 12 minutes total. I seriously thought I might pass out. With a few moves, I couldn't keep up the pace she wanted. I know that building physical strength won't be easy, but I can't be expected to do it in one session.
When it was over, the woman -- in a nice way -- basically told me I wasn't ready for the classes she offers. She suggested I complete a couple of one-on-one sessions where she could show me how to do each move properly. And she said I would get a better idea of how difficult the classes area.
On one hand, I appreciate the offer of one-on-one sessions because she only offers three-month packages and I'd hate to pay all that money and quit after a week.On the other hand, it made me feel like a failure. If my arm and back muscles are sore after just a few minutes of training, how will I ever make it through an entire class?
This feeling of failure has me doing a lot of debating in my head tonight. I want so badly to be in better shape, but what if I really can't do it? Am I feeling negative about my experience today because of self-doubt or is it possible this isn't the right program for me? But then I try to tell myself that it will get easier and I should at least try. And I did sign up for two one-on-one sessions. If I don't like it, I don't have to do it.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Taking back control
Something I wrote in yesterday's blog post has convinced me that it's time for a change. I noted that by nature I tend to analyze a problem in my head until I find a solution. Sometimes, this requires constant focus. Other times, it takes a distraction for me to see the light.
Today was the last day of my four-day staycation. I planned to spend it cleaning the house and doing laundry. I did some of that, but I also spent about three hours reading. Immersing myself in someone else's world has helped me remember that how I feel about myself, the food I eat and the amount of exercise I do are all choices I make.
I am the only one who can control these things. And it's time I start doing just that if I intend to continue making progress. My journey started almost four years ago and it's one I will be on for the rest of my life. Instead of feeling weighed down by this, I should be excited that I now have the ability to control my weight. In turn, that has given me greater control over my entire life.
Mental strength is a big part of what it will take for me to get back on my successful path. But it will also take physical strength. I've used every excuse out there to convince myself that joining a gym wouldn't work for me. Fear of the unknown is probably the biggest hurdle. I met a fitness consultant this weekend who operates a studio where she offers small group classes just for women.
I emailed her today and now I'm meeting with her tomorrow for my one-on-one consultation. I don't know if I will sign up for her classes, but admitting that I can't do it on my own feels like a victory. Plus, I know that physical activity makes me feel better and makes me happier.
Today was the last day of my four-day staycation. I planned to spend it cleaning the house and doing laundry. I did some of that, but I also spent about three hours reading. Immersing myself in someone else's world has helped me remember that how I feel about myself, the food I eat and the amount of exercise I do are all choices I make.
I am the only one who can control these things. And it's time I start doing just that if I intend to continue making progress. My journey started almost four years ago and it's one I will be on for the rest of my life. Instead of feeling weighed down by this, I should be excited that I now have the ability to control my weight. In turn, that has given me greater control over my entire life.
Mental strength is a big part of what it will take for me to get back on my successful path. But it will also take physical strength. I've used every excuse out there to convince myself that joining a gym wouldn't work for me. Fear of the unknown is probably the biggest hurdle. I met a fitness consultant this weekend who operates a studio where she offers small group classes just for women.
I emailed her today and now I'm meeting with her tomorrow for my one-on-one consultation. I don't know if I will sign up for her classes, but admitting that I can't do it on my own feels like a victory. Plus, I know that physical activity makes me feel better and makes me happier.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Every day is a struggle
A friend commented one day this past week that she noticed I hadn't blogged lately. I told her I didn't have anything new to say because I'd made no progress with my weight-loss efforts. Well, I actually have a lot to say. I just worry about coming across as too negative.
I've made zero progress in the past month. In fact, I've lost ground. As of this past Friday (my weigh-in day every week for almost four years now), I weighed 185 pounds. The first Friday in December last year, I weighed 173.6 pounds. The gain over the past year is disappointing, frustrating and depressing. If you look back two years, the first Friday in December 2011, I weighed 182.2.
When I see these numbers, I want to cry. I feel like I've worked so hard in the past two years and to realize that I've actually gained weight is something I struggle with daily now. It makes me feel like I've wasted two years of my life.
It doesn't help that about a year ago, I decided it was time to start dating again and that hasn't gone as well as I'd hoped. If you follow my blog, you know I've been using match.com. Since my breakup about two months ago, I've gone on two dates.
One wasn't really a date because it was lunch and it was with someone I had met through match.com before I started dating my last boyfriend. We met that one time and then I didn't hear from him for three weeks. And even then it was a random text. Clearly, he wasn't interested in dating me.
The second person started with a few emails, then talking on the phone daily for a week. I felt uncertain about meeting him, but I finally agreed to dinner. I liked talking on the phone with him, so I figured it was best to meet in person and find out for sure if we were a match. The date was fine and he was very nice and flattering.
Unfortunately, it took that one date for me to realize that I'm not over my ex. Well, that date and dreaming about my ex the past two Saturday nights. I don't know what the universe is trying to tell me, but I am surprised that I miss being with him so much. We were only together five months and we've been broken up a little over two months. The rational side of my brain tells me it's time to move on. The irrational side keeps wondering why I wasn't good enough for him.
You can probably see how this, coupled with the weight gain, is causing serious self-esteem problems. And that, of course, leads to self-loathing, which I think is pushing me dangerously close to depression. See, this is the part I was worried would be too negative. I'm not happy with my life right now, but my nature is to keep analyzing what's not working until I find a solution.
When I started this blog, I was experiencing great success in my weight-loss journey, which led to happiness in other areas of my life. I blogged about my accomplishments and the obstacles I'd overcome to achieve success. The hard part now is that I seem to be experiencing only failures and that's much harder to share publicly.
I've made zero progress in the past month. In fact, I've lost ground. As of this past Friday (my weigh-in day every week for almost four years now), I weighed 185 pounds. The first Friday in December last year, I weighed 173.6 pounds. The gain over the past year is disappointing, frustrating and depressing. If you look back two years, the first Friday in December 2011, I weighed 182.2.
When I see these numbers, I want to cry. I feel like I've worked so hard in the past two years and to realize that I've actually gained weight is something I struggle with daily now. It makes me feel like I've wasted two years of my life.
It doesn't help that about a year ago, I decided it was time to start dating again and that hasn't gone as well as I'd hoped. If you follow my blog, you know I've been using match.com. Since my breakup about two months ago, I've gone on two dates.
One wasn't really a date because it was lunch and it was with someone I had met through match.com before I started dating my last boyfriend. We met that one time and then I didn't hear from him for three weeks. And even then it was a random text. Clearly, he wasn't interested in dating me.
The second person started with a few emails, then talking on the phone daily for a week. I felt uncertain about meeting him, but I finally agreed to dinner. I liked talking on the phone with him, so I figured it was best to meet in person and find out for sure if we were a match. The date was fine and he was very nice and flattering.
Unfortunately, it took that one date for me to realize that I'm not over my ex. Well, that date and dreaming about my ex the past two Saturday nights. I don't know what the universe is trying to tell me, but I am surprised that I miss being with him so much. We were only together five months and we've been broken up a little over two months. The rational side of my brain tells me it's time to move on. The irrational side keeps wondering why I wasn't good enough for him.
You can probably see how this, coupled with the weight gain, is causing serious self-esteem problems. And that, of course, leads to self-loathing, which I think is pushing me dangerously close to depression. See, this is the part I was worried would be too negative. I'm not happy with my life right now, but my nature is to keep analyzing what's not working until I find a solution.
When I started this blog, I was experiencing great success in my weight-loss journey, which led to happiness in other areas of my life. I blogged about my accomplishments and the obstacles I'd overcome to achieve success. The hard part now is that I seem to be experiencing only failures and that's much harder to share publicly.
Monday, November 11, 2013
What's done is done
I haven't blogged for two weeks because my thoughts haven't been in a good place and I decided that I was tired of using my blog to whine about how bad I felt. One byproduct of my weight-loss journey has been self-awareness. Sometimes, I annoy myself when I let self-doubt and low self-esteem rule my thoughts so I figure others must get tired of it.
The problem is that I don't know how to change the image in my head. A couple of weeks ago, I saw a photo of myself taken a year or two before I started trying to lose weight. I wasn't even at my heaviest. What was strange is that the person I saw in that photo is often the person I still see when I look in the mirror.
I'm extremely unhappy about my weight gain in the past year (between 12 and 15 pounds), but I'm even more disappointed in the mental setbacks. Something has to change. And all I know to do is try -- again -- to start over and make smarter choices.
When I eat better and exercise, I feel better and I'm happier. It's that simple. I can't turn back the clock, so I just have to look forward starting today. I know the secrets to my success in the past -- mostly diligence and determination -- can help me resume my weight loss.
I also know that a positive attitude will help. I have to find a way to banish the negative thoughts about myself and to improve my self-image. This is the part I haven't exactly figured out, but I'm going to try. As I approach the four-year anniversary of when I started this journey, I've realized that I've been happier during this time than I have in my life. So despite the low times, it's all worth it.
The problem is that I don't know how to change the image in my head. A couple of weeks ago, I saw a photo of myself taken a year or two before I started trying to lose weight. I wasn't even at my heaviest. What was strange is that the person I saw in that photo is often the person I still see when I look in the mirror.
I'm extremely unhappy about my weight gain in the past year (between 12 and 15 pounds), but I'm even more disappointed in the mental setbacks. Something has to change. And all I know to do is try -- again -- to start over and make smarter choices.
When I eat better and exercise, I feel better and I'm happier. It's that simple. I can't turn back the clock, so I just have to look forward starting today. I know the secrets to my success in the past -- mostly diligence and determination -- can help me resume my weight loss.
I also know that a positive attitude will help. I have to find a way to banish the negative thoughts about myself and to improve my self-image. This is the part I haven't exactly figured out, but I'm going to try. As I approach the four-year anniversary of when I started this journey, I've realized that I've been happier during this time than I have in my life. So despite the low times, it's all worth it.
Monday, October 28, 2013
A moment of weakness
I had a weak moment today and it didn't involve food. Instead, it involved my ex-boyfriend. I was just saying recently how it confused me that a month after we broke up, he was still clicking on my match.com profile every few days. Well, I looked at his today. He had a new photo and I simply couldn't resist the urge to see what else he might have changed. I swear I'm not stalking him and I feel like a total hypocrite. I want so badly not to think about him anymore, but I can't stop myself. And, yes, I'm embarrassed to admit I looked at his profile, but I tend to find that blogging about whatever's bothering me helps me get past it.
So I was thinking today about what I would say if I had the chance to talk to him again. I know that's not a healthy thought process, but I can't simply erase him from my brain. The first thing I'd tell him is that I'm sorry it didn't work out and that I'm sorry I was so blunt and dismissive when we actually broke up. I really liked him and enjoyed the time we spent together, so I didn't handle the two days it took for us to actually break up very well. In hindsight, I realize that he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings. In fact, it was quite the opposite. But I couldn't see past how hurt I felt.
I'd probably also tell him that even though our time together wasn't perfect and I feel like it ended badly, I believe I will look back on it fondly. I have good memories from lots of little moments and I can only hope he does too. Finally, I'd tell him that I wish we could have stayed friends. He's a genuinely nice and fun person and I'm sorry that he's not in my life at all now.
I think the point I'm getting at is that every day the hurt I felt gets less, which allows me to think about the relationship in a positive light. But, of course, then that's not so easy either because I miss the good times we had together. At least there were good times and I'm going to try to keep those memories and forget the rest. That's probably the only way for me to truly move on.
So I was thinking today about what I would say if I had the chance to talk to him again. I know that's not a healthy thought process, but I can't simply erase him from my brain. The first thing I'd tell him is that I'm sorry it didn't work out and that I'm sorry I was so blunt and dismissive when we actually broke up. I really liked him and enjoyed the time we spent together, so I didn't handle the two days it took for us to actually break up very well. In hindsight, I realize that he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings. In fact, it was quite the opposite. But I couldn't see past how hurt I felt.
I'd probably also tell him that even though our time together wasn't perfect and I feel like it ended badly, I believe I will look back on it fondly. I have good memories from lots of little moments and I can only hope he does too. Finally, I'd tell him that I wish we could have stayed friends. He's a genuinely nice and fun person and I'm sorry that he's not in my life at all now.
I think the point I'm getting at is that every day the hurt I felt gets less, which allows me to think about the relationship in a positive light. But, of course, then that's not so easy either because I miss the good times we had together. At least there were good times and I'm going to try to keep those memories and forget the rest. That's probably the only way for me to truly move on.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: My ho-hum life
Last week's weight: 184.2
This week's weight: 183.6
Difference: -0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 88.2
So I'm glad I lost a little again this week, but the scale (for once) was very kind. If you looked at what I ate this past week, you'd understand my surprise. I did well early in the week, but then the mini candy bars and Cheez-Its got the better of me. I did exercise a little, though, so I'm happy about that.
Overall, I just feel like my life has become boring. I go to work. I eat. I sleep. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, I do fun things with my friends. But then there are all the other hours and days that my life just feels very ho-hum.
I need something fun and exciting to focus my energy on. Or maybe what I really need is something that makes me feel good about myself. Instead, I just feel blah, blah, blah all the time.
As usual, it's not all bad news. Emotionally, I've felt better this week than I have in a month (since the breakup), so I'm happy about that. I'm hoping that means I've turned the corner and I'm ready to let go. I guess only time will tell.
This week's weight: 183.6
Difference: -0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 88.2
So I'm glad I lost a little again this week, but the scale (for once) was very kind. If you looked at what I ate this past week, you'd understand my surprise. I did well early in the week, but then the mini candy bars and Cheez-Its got the better of me. I did exercise a little, though, so I'm happy about that.
Overall, I just feel like my life has become boring. I go to work. I eat. I sleep. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, I do fun things with my friends. But then there are all the other hours and days that my life just feels very ho-hum.
I need something fun and exciting to focus my energy on. Or maybe what I really need is something that makes me feel good about myself. Instead, I just feel blah, blah, blah all the time.
As usual, it's not all bad news. Emotionally, I've felt better this week than I have in a month (since the breakup), so I'm happy about that. I'm hoping that means I've turned the corner and I'm ready to let go. I guess only time will tell.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
It's not raining men!
At least not at my house. The only rain I've seen lately is the wet stuff falling from the sky.
And I'm really tired of it. I got rained on at the Heart Walk yesterday.
Then I got rained on walking at the beach this morning. Does it really
have to rain every day?
Breaking up with someone I really cared about is depressing enough. Suffering through it with barely a ray of sunshine during the past couple of weeks is just making things worse. It's making me feel downright gloomy.
As a result, I'm having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. About three weeks ago (and only a week after the breakup), I decided to seriously give online dating another try. I'm still waffling about whether I'm even ready to date someone new because, if I'm honest, I find that any person who shows a bit of interest gets compared to my ex and I end up thinking about how I wish we'd never broken up.
But it's been a month. I think it's time for me to accept that he's not going to suddenly realize he made a mistake. Yes, in the beginning, I admit that I hoped that would happen. I thought we were a good match and I thought that maybe he just needed a little time apart to see that. Obviously, I was wrong.
So I'm back to trying to find someone new through online dating. It's really not going well so far because I haven't even found a single I want to meet in person. My "profile" has been viewed nearly 300 times in the past three weeks. And I've gotten likes, winks and emails from about a dozen people. Is that good?
I've actually been interested in only two of those people. I've been emailing with one person for about three weeks. I'd consider our conversations to be barely on the verge of small talk. Each email has been a few sentences and we basically just talk about whether we had a good week or what we did over the weekend. So boring. Then there was this other guy. He seemed promising. We exchanged a few emails and then we started texting. This went on for about a week and then he up and disappeared. His profile is hidden on match.com now and I haven't received a text in a week. Guess he found someone else. He could have at least told me that.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel like I should address the fact that my ex is also using match.com. That is how we met in the first place, so I'm not surprised. What's surprising is that every few days, he shows up in the list of people who've viewed my profile. This confuses me. So I click on his profile ... as if that's somehow going to explain why he's looking at my profile. I know I should just delete him from the list or block him or whatever, but I can't because I still care about him.
And that, ultimately, is why I can't move on. A friend recently shared an article about how to move forward after someone breaks your heart. I'm not sure I agree with everything it says, but I thought it was interesting. So here it is: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11276/3-steps-to-move-forward-after-someone-breaks-your-heart.html. Maybe I need to read it again. :-)
Breaking up with someone I really cared about is depressing enough. Suffering through it with barely a ray of sunshine during the past couple of weeks is just making things worse. It's making me feel downright gloomy.
As a result, I'm having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. About three weeks ago (and only a week after the breakup), I decided to seriously give online dating another try. I'm still waffling about whether I'm even ready to date someone new because, if I'm honest, I find that any person who shows a bit of interest gets compared to my ex and I end up thinking about how I wish we'd never broken up.
But it's been a month. I think it's time for me to accept that he's not going to suddenly realize he made a mistake. Yes, in the beginning, I admit that I hoped that would happen. I thought we were a good match and I thought that maybe he just needed a little time apart to see that. Obviously, I was wrong.
So I'm back to trying to find someone new through online dating. It's really not going well so far because I haven't even found a single I want to meet in person. My "profile" has been viewed nearly 300 times in the past three weeks. And I've gotten likes, winks and emails from about a dozen people. Is that good?
I've actually been interested in only two of those people. I've been emailing with one person for about three weeks. I'd consider our conversations to be barely on the verge of small talk. Each email has been a few sentences and we basically just talk about whether we had a good week or what we did over the weekend. So boring. Then there was this other guy. He seemed promising. We exchanged a few emails and then we started texting. This went on for about a week and then he up and disappeared. His profile is hidden on match.com now and I haven't received a text in a week. Guess he found someone else. He could have at least told me that.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel like I should address the fact that my ex is also using match.com. That is how we met in the first place, so I'm not surprised. What's surprising is that every few days, he shows up in the list of people who've viewed my profile. This confuses me. So I click on his profile ... as if that's somehow going to explain why he's looking at my profile. I know I should just delete him from the list or block him or whatever, but I can't because I still care about him.
And that, ultimately, is why I can't move on. A friend recently shared an article about how to move forward after someone breaks your heart. I'm not sure I agree with everything it says, but I thought it was interesting. So here it is: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11276/3-steps-to-move-forward-after-someone-breaks-your-heart.html. Maybe I need to read it again. :-)
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Pesky pitfalls
Last week's weight: 184.6
This week's weight: 184.2
Difference: -0.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.6
Obviously, I lost a little this week. But I'm really just hovering around the same number I've been at for more than a year. I hate that I've gained back about 13 pounds overall and I know I could be doing better.
This past week, I did fairly well with my regular meals. It was the snacking in between and the mini candy bars that weren't so good. The worst was the day that I was at work and actually made a special trip to the store just to buy candy. Then, of course, I proceeded to eat far too much of it. I was having a bad day and I simply couldn't stop myself.
And I've barely exercised in the past two weeks. So I feel guilty about that. I used the rainy weather as an excuse, but there really is no excuse.
One bright spot, yesterday started a new weight-loss week and despite feeling a bit a depressed and stressed, I kept my eating under control. And now I'm headed to the annual Heart Walk, which I started the year my dad died from a heart attack. Maybe this will give me a chance to reflect on how much progress I've made and the fact that I'm doing this to be healthier.
I may have faced a few setbacks during this journey, but I am much healthier than I was four years ago. For that, I'm grateful.
This week's weight: 184.2
Difference: -0.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.6
Obviously, I lost a little this week. But I'm really just hovering around the same number I've been at for more than a year. I hate that I've gained back about 13 pounds overall and I know I could be doing better.
This past week, I did fairly well with my regular meals. It was the snacking in between and the mini candy bars that weren't so good. The worst was the day that I was at work and actually made a special trip to the store just to buy candy. Then, of course, I proceeded to eat far too much of it. I was having a bad day and I simply couldn't stop myself.
And I've barely exercised in the past two weeks. So I feel guilty about that. I used the rainy weather as an excuse, but there really is no excuse.
One bright spot, yesterday started a new weight-loss week and despite feeling a bit a depressed and stressed, I kept my eating under control. And now I'm headed to the annual Heart Walk, which I started the year my dad died from a heart attack. Maybe this will give me a chance to reflect on how much progress I've made and the fact that I'm doing this to be healthier.
I may have faced a few setbacks during this journey, but I am much healthier than I was four years ago. For that, I'm grateful.
Monday, October 14, 2013
I hate crying!
First, let me start by saying that I don't want to talk about it. I blog because writing down what I'm thinking and feeling helps me work through my problems. I do it in a public blog because I can only hope that my forthrightness might make others feel better about their troubles and realize that they're not alone.
So, to the point of this post, I hate crying. I don't really remember what I was like as a child, but as an adult, I've never been a big crier. As I've said before, I used food to deal with my emotions. Now I've had to find other outlets. I feel like I've cried more in the past few years than I ever have in my entire life.
In particular, since my boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago, I've cried even more. I don't like it, especially since I often don't see the tears coming. For example, I was dealing with a stressful situation at work one day last week, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in my boss' office bawling. Not just teary eyes or sniffles. Full on crying. Then yesterday I started crying while driving home from the grocery store. And these are just a few examples. I've probably cried every couple of days for the past three weeks.
It's hard to pinpoint what's triggering the crying, but I've come to realize that I simply can't block someone I cared about a lot from my brain (or my heart). I miss him. Until this weekend, I don't think I realized exactly how deeply I felt for this person. It's really hard for me to admit it because I'm usually a rock during difficult times. But now I'm a mess.
Not to be too dramatic, some days are better than others. I'm not spending every waking moment wallowing in self pity. In fact, I've done quite a few fun things with friends recently, which I really appreciate. Those were happy moments.
Some days, I'm just sad. I worry a lot about why I wasn't the right person and whether anyone will ever want to be with me. I'm 40 and not getting any younger (and, as of right now, I'm not getting any thinner).
Another thing I realized this weekend is that I'm not really ready to date anyone else. I thought finding someone else would be the easy solution. Turns out that's making it even harder. Every person I've "chatted" with via match.com recently (and there haven't been that many) has something wrong with them. I'm sure they don't really, but I've found something to dislike about every person who's shown interest in me. That's a clear sign that I'm not ready.
So I don't know what to do now. I wish I had a button to turn off my brain. That would truly be the easiest solution.
So, to the point of this post, I hate crying. I don't really remember what I was like as a child, but as an adult, I've never been a big crier. As I've said before, I used food to deal with my emotions. Now I've had to find other outlets. I feel like I've cried more in the past few years than I ever have in my entire life.
In particular, since my boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago, I've cried even more. I don't like it, especially since I often don't see the tears coming. For example, I was dealing with a stressful situation at work one day last week, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in my boss' office bawling. Not just teary eyes or sniffles. Full on crying. Then yesterday I started crying while driving home from the grocery store. And these are just a few examples. I've probably cried every couple of days for the past three weeks.
It's hard to pinpoint what's triggering the crying, but I've come to realize that I simply can't block someone I cared about a lot from my brain (or my heart). I miss him. Until this weekend, I don't think I realized exactly how deeply I felt for this person. It's really hard for me to admit it because I'm usually a rock during difficult times. But now I'm a mess.
Not to be too dramatic, some days are better than others. I'm not spending every waking moment wallowing in self pity. In fact, I've done quite a few fun things with friends recently, which I really appreciate. Those were happy moments.
Some days, I'm just sad. I worry a lot about why I wasn't the right person and whether anyone will ever want to be with me. I'm 40 and not getting any younger (and, as of right now, I'm not getting any thinner).
Another thing I realized this weekend is that I'm not really ready to date anyone else. I thought finding someone else would be the easy solution. Turns out that's making it even harder. Every person I've "chatted" with via match.com recently (and there haven't been that many) has something wrong with them. I'm sure they don't really, but I've found something to dislike about every person who's shown interest in me. That's a clear sign that I'm not ready.
So I don't know what to do now. I wish I had a button to turn off my brain. That would truly be the easiest solution.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Old habits die hard
Last week's weight: 184.2
This week's weight: 184.6
Difference: +0.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.2
I'm actually a little surprised I didn't gain more. If you knew just how many mini candy bars I ate this week, you'd understand. Oh, and let's not forget the night I made a giant bowl of fluffy noodles covered in butter and parmesan cheese. Thanks to the dreary, rainy weather, I also exercised only twice all week.
As usual, I've spent far too much time trying to analyze why I had such a hard time making smart food choices this week. And the answer is simple: Despite coming up on my four-year anniversary since I began Weight Watchers, I'm still an emotional eater.
I've learned to control it most of the time, which is how I've lost 87 pounds, but I've noticed that it's been harder and harder lately, which is why I've regained 13 pounds in the past year and a half. I let my guard down for one second, and the next thing I know, I'm eating half a bag of chips in one sitting.
I guess it's good that I at least recognize what I'm doing now. For most of my life, I stuffed my face pretty much all day every day and didn't realize I was eating rather than dealing with my emotions.
Still, I'm disappointed that after all this time, making the right choice doesn't come more easily. Even after seeing that I gained for the second week in a row, I overate yesterday and I'm headed that way today. So, I know this isn't the right approach, but I'm giving up on today. Of course, I don't plan to eat everything in my house, but I'm simply not going to worry about what I eat or drink for the rest of the day (especially since I have dinner plans with a friend).
I'll start over tomorrow. Maybe I will be more successful.
This week's weight: 184.6
Difference: +0.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.2
I'm actually a little surprised I didn't gain more. If you knew just how many mini candy bars I ate this week, you'd understand. Oh, and let's not forget the night I made a giant bowl of fluffy noodles covered in butter and parmesan cheese. Thanks to the dreary, rainy weather, I also exercised only twice all week.
As usual, I've spent far too much time trying to analyze why I had such a hard time making smart food choices this week. And the answer is simple: Despite coming up on my four-year anniversary since I began Weight Watchers, I'm still an emotional eater.
I've learned to control it most of the time, which is how I've lost 87 pounds, but I've noticed that it's been harder and harder lately, which is why I've regained 13 pounds in the past year and a half. I let my guard down for one second, and the next thing I know, I'm eating half a bag of chips in one sitting.
I guess it's good that I at least recognize what I'm doing now. For most of my life, I stuffed my face pretty much all day every day and didn't realize I was eating rather than dealing with my emotions.
Still, I'm disappointed that after all this time, making the right choice doesn't come more easily. Even after seeing that I gained for the second week in a row, I overate yesterday and I'm headed that way today. So, I know this isn't the right approach, but I'm giving up on today. Of course, I don't plan to eat everything in my house, but I'm simply not going to worry about what I eat or drink for the rest of the day (especially since I have dinner plans with a friend).
I'll start over tomorrow. Maybe I will be more successful.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
A close call
Today's trip to the grocery store was almost a disaster. I cooked plenty of healthy meals yesterday to get me through the week. But I needed a few extra things so I popped into Food Lion this morning. As soon as I pulled in the parking lot, I could hear the Cheez Doodles taunting me. Despite eating a little more than I should have yesterday, I was starving this morning. I ate a healthy breakfast, but that didn't seem to matter. The Cheez Doodles wanted me to buy them. Then, without warning, the frozen pizza aisle lured me in. I looked at every brand and seriously considered buying something on sale, eating one or two pieces and then throwing the rest away. But I knew I wouldn't eat one or two pieces. I'd eat the entire thing. I kept walking, but then I passed the chip aisle on my way to the checkout. The Cheez Doodles just wouldn't leave me alone. I stopped for a second and considered my options. I finally convinced myself that I could only buy the $5 bunch of flowers I had in my cart if I didn't buy the Cheez Doodles. I really wanted the flowers, so I'm thankful that I didn't give in to the Cheez Doodles.
The bad part is that my trip to the grocery store did nothing to help my hunger. I ended up eating lunch at 11:30 a.m. By 1 p.m., I was ready to eat just about anything and everything in my house. I made hot tea. Then I sought a distraction, so I ended up doing laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming and wasting about an hour surfing the web. Finally, I had a snack (roasted cauliflower and a little bit of cheese). That didn't satisfy me, so I made lowfat pineapple cupcakes. That did the trick. They took forever to make and at only 1 Weight Watchers point each, I was able to eat two without guilt.
Now it's almost time for dinner. And I'm proud to say I resisted temptation today and I even walked for 30 minutes. This is the mindset that helped me lose so much weight in the first place.
The bad part is that my trip to the grocery store did nothing to help my hunger. I ended up eating lunch at 11:30 a.m. By 1 p.m., I was ready to eat just about anything and everything in my house. I made hot tea. Then I sought a distraction, so I ended up doing laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming and wasting about an hour surfing the web. Finally, I had a snack (roasted cauliflower and a little bit of cheese). That didn't satisfy me, so I made lowfat pineapple cupcakes. That did the trick. They took forever to make and at only 1 Weight Watchers point each, I was able to eat two without guilt.
Now it's almost time for dinner. And I'm proud to say I resisted temptation today and I even walked for 30 minutes. This is the mindset that helped me lose so much weight in the first place.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Disappointed and depressed
Last week's weight: 183.6
This week's weight: 184.2
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.6
I'm disappointed in this week's result because I felt like I had my eating under control and I exercised for at least 30 minutes six out of seven days. I admit that I had a few splurges last weekend and I may have gone over my daily points a couple of times during the week, but none of those times involved out of control eating. So I felt good about my progress, especially since there have been times in the past two weeks that I've wanted to eat an entire pizza or a whole bag of chips or an entire container of ice cream. Needless to say, it's frustrating.
As for the depression, I don't want to be melodramatic about it. I'm not in some major depression that prohibits me from having fun and living a productive life. But I'm still sad about breaking up with my boyfriend. I miss having him in my life. And sometimes I just get a little depressed when I think about the fact that I'll probably never see or talk to him again. I think it's only natural for me to feel a little blue about it.
The only good news is that today is the start of a new week in my weight-loss world, which means I have a clean slate and I get another chance at success. So far, so good today. Healthy eating all day and I walked 45 minutes after work. All I can do it try to focus on the positive.
This week's weight: 184.2
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.6
I'm disappointed in this week's result because I felt like I had my eating under control and I exercised for at least 30 minutes six out of seven days. I admit that I had a few splurges last weekend and I may have gone over my daily points a couple of times during the week, but none of those times involved out of control eating. So I felt good about my progress, especially since there have been times in the past two weeks that I've wanted to eat an entire pizza or a whole bag of chips or an entire container of ice cream. Needless to say, it's frustrating.
As for the depression, I don't want to be melodramatic about it. I'm not in some major depression that prohibits me from having fun and living a productive life. But I'm still sad about breaking up with my boyfriend. I miss having him in my life. And sometimes I just get a little depressed when I think about the fact that I'll probably never see or talk to him again. I think it's only natural for me to feel a little blue about it.
The only good news is that today is the start of a new week in my weight-loss world, which means I have a clean slate and I get another chance at success. So far, so good today. Healthy eating all day and I walked 45 minutes after work. All I can do it try to focus on the positive.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Getting back out there
For those who don't know, I met my ex-boyfriend through match.com. When we met, it was the second time I was trying online dating.
The first time (about three years ago) was a disaster. I had lost a lot of weight and thought I was ready to start dating. I met a few people for a first date and never had a second date with anyone. A little less than a year ago, I decided to give it another try. (BTW, I did date someone in between those two times, but I didn't meet him online.)
The second round went much better. The first person I met for coffee turned out to be a dud, but the second seemed nice enough. I even met him for a second time. I don't think I can call it a date because we went for a walk at the park. I thought he had potential, but then he never asked me on a real date. (I probably would have said yes.) Then the third guy came along and I was charmed right away during our first meeting. We ended up being together for almost five months. We broke up a little more than a week ago.
I think it's probably too soon to date anyone new (because I definitely still have hurt feelings), but I'm getting the process rolling. After the breakup, I signed back up for match.com immediately. But that was really out of spite, not because I was interested in dating anyone else. Today, I decided it was time to take it more seriously. I've updated my profile (and I still sound like a loser) and actually begun my search for someone I might want to ask on a date. (Funny thing, two people I know through my job are using match.com as well. It was pretty awkward seeing their photos pop up on my screen.)
I don't know if I'm ready to date anyone new, but, based on my previous experiences, it takes time to find someone I'd even consider meeting for coffee. Plus, you never know. Some people say the third time's the charm.
Wish me luck!
The first time (about three years ago) was a disaster. I had lost a lot of weight and thought I was ready to start dating. I met a few people for a first date and never had a second date with anyone. A little less than a year ago, I decided to give it another try. (BTW, I did date someone in between those two times, but I didn't meet him online.)
The second round went much better. The first person I met for coffee turned out to be a dud, but the second seemed nice enough. I even met him for a second time. I don't think I can call it a date because we went for a walk at the park. I thought he had potential, but then he never asked me on a real date. (I probably would have said yes.) Then the third guy came along and I was charmed right away during our first meeting. We ended up being together for almost five months. We broke up a little more than a week ago.
I think it's probably too soon to date anyone new (because I definitely still have hurt feelings), but I'm getting the process rolling. After the breakup, I signed back up for match.com immediately. But that was really out of spite, not because I was interested in dating anyone else. Today, I decided it was time to take it more seriously. I've updated my profile (and I still sound like a loser) and actually begun my search for someone I might want to ask on a date. (Funny thing, two people I know through my job are using match.com as well. It was pretty awkward seeing their photos pop up on my screen.)
I don't know if I'm ready to date anyone new, but, based on my previous experiences, it takes time to find someone I'd even consider meeting for coffee. Plus, you never know. Some people say the third time's the charm.
Wish me luck!
Recipes: Passion for pumpkin
If you're like me, this time of year automatically means you must have anything and everything pumpkin. I've been looking at dozens (maybe even hundreds) of pumpkin recipes on Pinterest. But most of them are for foods that would cause me to gain a million pounds. So I decided to go back through some of my own healthy pumpkin recipes and I thought you might like to give them a try.
Pumpkin whoopie pies: http://weighinginwithsherry.blogspot.com/2012/08/recipe-pumpkin-whoopie-pies.html
Pumpkin parfait: http://weighinginwithsherry.blogspot.com/2011/11/recipe-pumpkin-parfait.html
Pumpkin oatmeal and pumpkin smoothie: http://weighinginwithsherry.blogspot.com/2011/09/recipes-pumped-about-pumpkin.html
Here are a few favorites from other sites:
Pumpkin butter: www.skinnytaste.com/2010/10/pumpkin-butter.html
Pumpkin swirl cheesecake yogurt cupcakes: www.skinnytaste.com/2011/.../pumpkin-swirl-cheesecake-yogurt.html
South African pumpkin fritters: http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/RecipePage.aspx?recipeId=224941
If you've got any healthy pumpkin recipes, please share them with me.
Pumpkin whoopie pies: http://weighinginwithsherry.blogspot.com/2012/08/recipe-pumpkin-whoopie-pies.html
Pumpkin parfait: http://weighinginwithsherry.blogspot.com/2011/11/recipe-pumpkin-parfait.html
Pumpkin oatmeal and pumpkin smoothie: http://weighinginwithsherry.blogspot.com/2011/09/recipes-pumped-about-pumpkin.html
Here are a few favorites from other sites:
Pumpkin butter: www.skinnytaste.com/2010/10/pumpkin-butter.html
Pumpkin swirl cheesecake yogurt cupcakes: www.skinnytaste.com/2011/.../pumpkin-swirl-cheesecake-yogurt.html
South African pumpkin fritters: http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/RecipePage.aspx?recipeId=224941
If you've got any healthy pumpkin recipes, please share them with me.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Sleepless in Wilmington
For the past 10 nights, I've slept through the night only once. Every other night has been a mixed bag. Some nights, it takes forever for me to fall asleep and then I toss and turn. Other nights, I fall asleep fairly early only to wake up somewhere between 1 and 3 a.m. Sometimes I go back to sleep for an hour or two. Sometimes I don't.
As I was sitting in the bed at 2:30 this morning (eating chips and watching a cheesy romantic comedy), I was reminded of a favorite line from "Sleepless in Seattle." (That's not the movie I was watching.) In the scene, Meg Ryan's character and Rosie O'Donnell's character are watching "An Affair to Remember."
Here's the dialog:
Annie Reed: Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was...
Becky: A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.
Yes, I want to be in love in a movie. I want a man to bring me flowers from time to time. I want a man who calls (or, in this day and age, texts) just to say hello. I want a man who thinks his life is better with me in it. What's wrong with wanting those things?
After getting dumped a week ago, I thought I was fine. Last week really wasn't so tough. I focused on work, healthy eating, exercise and spending time with friends. The days went by quickly and I convinced myself that the breakup may have been for the best. What I've realized, though, is that I'm not dealing with my feelings.
The sleepless nights are trying to tell me something. I was emotionally invested in the relationship. I'm generally pretty guarded and I fought it in the beginning. But week after week, I let myself get more comfortable and more attached. Then, bam ... one day it's just over.
I've had a lot of experience dealing with relationships that end that way (not romantic ones, but friendships and other personal relationships that I don't want to get into publicly). As a teenager, I dealt with them by eating. That habit continued into adulthood. Nearly four years ago, I decided that I would no longer use food to comfort me.
I've slipped a few times and it's a constant struggle. But I've mostly been successful. And I thought that if I could make it through a week after the breakup without binging, I'd be OK. So I don't know why I'm finding it so difficult right now. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe it's a lack of focus. Maybe it's just weakness.
Whatever the reason, I must get more sleep soon. Staying awake for hours in the middle of the night gives me far too much time to think. And that just leads to sadness and depression.
I hate ending on a bad note, so I'll leave you with another scene from "Sleepless in Seattle" that always makes me laugh:
Co-Worker: It's easier to be killed by a terrorist than it is to find a husband over the age of 40!
Annie: That statistic is not true!
Becky: That's right it's not true, but it feels true.
As I was sitting in the bed at 2:30 this morning (eating chips and watching a cheesy romantic comedy), I was reminded of a favorite line from "Sleepless in Seattle." (That's not the movie I was watching.) In the scene, Meg Ryan's character and Rosie O'Donnell's character are watching "An Affair to Remember."
Here's the dialog:
Annie Reed: Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was...
Becky: A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.
Yes, I want to be in love in a movie. I want a man to bring me flowers from time to time. I want a man who calls (or, in this day and age, texts) just to say hello. I want a man who thinks his life is better with me in it. What's wrong with wanting those things?
After getting dumped a week ago, I thought I was fine. Last week really wasn't so tough. I focused on work, healthy eating, exercise and spending time with friends. The days went by quickly and I convinced myself that the breakup may have been for the best. What I've realized, though, is that I'm not dealing with my feelings.
The sleepless nights are trying to tell me something. I was emotionally invested in the relationship. I'm generally pretty guarded and I fought it in the beginning. But week after week, I let myself get more comfortable and more attached. Then, bam ... one day it's just over.
I've had a lot of experience dealing with relationships that end that way (not romantic ones, but friendships and other personal relationships that I don't want to get into publicly). As a teenager, I dealt with them by eating. That habit continued into adulthood. Nearly four years ago, I decided that I would no longer use food to comfort me.
I've slipped a few times and it's a constant struggle. But I've mostly been successful. And I thought that if I could make it through a week after the breakup without binging, I'd be OK. So I don't know why I'm finding it so difficult right now. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. Maybe it's a lack of focus. Maybe it's just weakness.
Whatever the reason, I must get more sleep soon. Staying awake for hours in the middle of the night gives me far too much time to think. And that just leads to sadness and depression.
I hate ending on a bad note, so I'll leave you with another scene from "Sleepless in Seattle" that always makes me laugh:
Co-Worker: It's easier to be killed by a terrorist than it is to find a husband over the age of 40!
Annie: That statistic is not true!
Becky: That's right it's not true, but it feels true.
Sugar rush!
I've blogged about the evils of sugar before, but I'm reminded today just how bad sugar is for me. Generally speaking, I've been eating healthy for a week now. I've had a few splurges (including a bit of wine), but I've stayed away from junk food and sugary snacks. Today, I found myself (almost uncontrollably) eating from the office candy far. Before I could stop myself, I'd had two mini candy bars, a handful of lemonheads and a piece of laffy taffy.
I ate these things after I'd already eaten a healthy breakfast and a filling lunch, so there was no way I was hungry. I honestly don't know why I had such an urge for sugar in that one moment. If I'd had more mini candy bars in front of me, I wouldn't have been able to stop.
Now, an hour later, my head is buzzing and I feel a little shaky. So I'm eating fresh fruit and a few slices of lean deli turkey on a rice cake. My blood sugar is clearly spiking, which is making me want to eat more sugar. If I eat more sugar, I'll gain weight and I'll feel terrible.
So why do I eat it? I really wish I understood the urge better. One day last week, the food counter was littered with cupcakes, cookies and doughnuts and I managed to resist them all. But, for no good reason today, I inhaled five pieces of candy in just a few minutes.
I can't explain it, so I guess all I can do is try not to make a habit of it. And I know I can't let the guilt get to me, but that's easier said than done.
I ate these things after I'd already eaten a healthy breakfast and a filling lunch, so there was no way I was hungry. I honestly don't know why I had such an urge for sugar in that one moment. If I'd had more mini candy bars in front of me, I wouldn't have been able to stop.
Now, an hour later, my head is buzzing and I feel a little shaky. So I'm eating fresh fruit and a few slices of lean deli turkey on a rice cake. My blood sugar is clearly spiking, which is making me want to eat more sugar. If I eat more sugar, I'll gain weight and I'll feel terrible.
So why do I eat it? I really wish I understood the urge better. One day last week, the food counter was littered with cupcakes, cookies and doughnuts and I managed to resist them all. But, for no good reason today, I inhaled five pieces of candy in just a few minutes.
I can't explain it, so I guess all I can do is try not to make a habit of it. And I know I can't let the guilt get to me, but that's easier said than done.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: I can do this!
Last week's weight: 184.8
This week's weight: 183.6
Difference: -1.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 88.2 pounds
After a year of constantly feeling like I'd lost control of my healthy eating habits, I finally feel like I'm on the road to success once again. This week hasn't been perfect, but I've made smart food choices. And, if I can do that in the same week that my heart got broken, I feel confident I can do it for the rest of my life.
For weight loss purposes, my week begins on Fridays. I immediately weigh-in after waking up. Today's weigh-in went exactly how I'd expected. I knew what to expect because I'd been keeping track of my Weight Watchers points for the entire week.
Friday and Saturday weren't my best food or exercise days, but by Sunday I was right on track. Only going over my daily allotment once for the rest of the week. The best part is that I also exercised 30-45 minutes each day Monday through Thursday.
For those who don't know yet, my boyfriend and I broke up on Sunday night. I was so worried that the breakup would be a giant pitfall that I put all of my mental energy into managing what I ate the rest of the week. It worked!
Now I just have to keep it up. Already today I've faced a lot of temptation -- champagne cupcakes, doughnuts and giant cookies. I did splurge a little at the company picnic (eating a hamburger and a hot dog without the buns), but I stayed away from the cookies, chips and sodas. That's a big accomplishment at this point.
The rest of the weekend also will be filled with temptation -- dinner out tonight and a festival tomorrow -- but I feel prepared to make smart choices. If I've learned anything during this journey, it's that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to manage what I eat and how much I eat. And I'm feeling pretty proud that I was able to do that during such an emotional time.
This week's weight: 183.6
Difference: -1.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 88.2 pounds
After a year of constantly feeling like I'd lost control of my healthy eating habits, I finally feel like I'm on the road to success once again. This week hasn't been perfect, but I've made smart food choices. And, if I can do that in the same week that my heart got broken, I feel confident I can do it for the rest of my life.
For weight loss purposes, my week begins on Fridays. I immediately weigh-in after waking up. Today's weigh-in went exactly how I'd expected. I knew what to expect because I'd been keeping track of my Weight Watchers points for the entire week.
Friday and Saturday weren't my best food or exercise days, but by Sunday I was right on track. Only going over my daily allotment once for the rest of the week. The best part is that I also exercised 30-45 minutes each day Monday through Thursday.
For those who don't know yet, my boyfriend and I broke up on Sunday night. I was so worried that the breakup would be a giant pitfall that I put all of my mental energy into managing what I ate the rest of the week. It worked!
Now I just have to keep it up. Already today I've faced a lot of temptation -- champagne cupcakes, doughnuts and giant cookies. I did splurge a little at the company picnic (eating a hamburger and a hot dog without the buns), but I stayed away from the cookies, chips and sodas. That's a big accomplishment at this point.
The rest of the weekend also will be filled with temptation -- dinner out tonight and a festival tomorrow -- but I feel prepared to make smart choices. If I've learned anything during this journey, it's that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to manage what I eat and how much I eat. And I'm feeling pretty proud that I was able to do that during such an emotional time.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Breaking up is hard to do
You may have noticed that I haven't blogged in nearly four months. That's because I started dating someone about five months ago and I didn't want to write about our relationship publicly because I knew it would make him uncomfortable. And, if you've been a longtime follower, you know I'm pretty open and honest in this blog.
We broke up yesterday. So I'm ready to start chronicling my weight-loss journey once again. I'm not going to get into a lot of details about the breakup, but I will say that it was somewhat unexpected and I am heartbroken.
The good news is that it hasn't quite been 24 hours since we ended it and I'm already looking for the bright side. Don't get me wrong. I cried a lot over the weekend and I'll probably cry some more at some point. But there might be a silver lining -- now I can refocus on reaching my weight-loss goal.
As of this past Friday (yes, I've still been weighing in weekly), I weighed 184.8 pounds. I thought I'd gained 5-10 pounds during the relationship, but a quick look back showed me that I weigh almost exactly what I did when I first met the person. That surprised me. And it doesn't really matter.
I've gained about 11 pounds in the past year. I have all sorts of excuses, but none are worth mentioning because they don't matter. What matters is that I'm dedicated to the healthy lifestyle changes I started in January 2010.
That brings me to the title of this post. Breaking up with someone I truly cared about isn't easy and could be a major pitfall in my journey. I'm hoping that by identifying this potential problem I can avoid it. Yesterday and today have gone well in terms of eating. And I even walked a couple of laps around the neighborhood when I got home today.
So I'm making a short-term goal: Track what I eat for the next three days and not go over my daily allotment of Weight Watchers points. I'm also hoping to do at least 30 minutes of physical activity each of those days. If I can keep myself from falling off the cliff through this weekend, I think I'll be able to make it through this emotionally difficult time.
Wish me luck!
We broke up yesterday. So I'm ready to start chronicling my weight-loss journey once again. I'm not going to get into a lot of details about the breakup, but I will say that it was somewhat unexpected and I am heartbroken.
The good news is that it hasn't quite been 24 hours since we ended it and I'm already looking for the bright side. Don't get me wrong. I cried a lot over the weekend and I'll probably cry some more at some point. But there might be a silver lining -- now I can refocus on reaching my weight-loss goal.
As of this past Friday (yes, I've still been weighing in weekly), I weighed 184.8 pounds. I thought I'd gained 5-10 pounds during the relationship, but a quick look back showed me that I weigh almost exactly what I did when I first met the person. That surprised me. And it doesn't really matter.
I've gained about 11 pounds in the past year. I have all sorts of excuses, but none are worth mentioning because they don't matter. What matters is that I'm dedicated to the healthy lifestyle changes I started in January 2010.
That brings me to the title of this post. Breaking up with someone I truly cared about isn't easy and could be a major pitfall in my journey. I'm hoping that by identifying this potential problem I can avoid it. Yesterday and today have gone well in terms of eating. And I even walked a couple of laps around the neighborhood when I got home today.
So I'm making a short-term goal: Track what I eat for the next three days and not go over my daily allotment of Weight Watchers points. I'm also hoping to do at least 30 minutes of physical activity each of those days. If I can keep myself from falling off the cliff through this weekend, I think I'll be able to make it through this emotionally difficult time.
Wish me luck!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Lessons learned from my first 5K
Let me start by saying I went into today's race completely unprepared. When I first signed up, I truly believed I'd train hard and be ready to at least jog most of it. Needless to say, I got distracted and barely exercised the past six months much less train for a 5K. But I had committed to participate with a group of about a dozen other women in a 5K just for women. Backing out would have been much worse than pretty much walking the entire thing. The good news is that I didn't finish last and I'm really happy I did it. Two hours after crossing the finish line, I've also come to realize that I've learned a few things.
1. Despite the fact that I didn't run, I felt exhilaration when I finished. I was exhausted but excited that I'd actually done it. When I started my weight loss journey in January 2010, I could barely walk one block. Today, I walked (and jogged a little) more than 3 miles.
2. I can do better. I completed the race in 53 minutes and 59 seconds. I already feel an itch to prove that I can go faster even if it's just a few minutes.
3. I should have already been pushing myself harder. Today's time was quicker than what I normally walk. Usually, it takes me about 65 minutes to walk 2.6 miles a the park. I should have been trying harder because clearly I'm capable.
4. I want to do another one. Sometimes, the first step is the hardest. Now that I've done one, I want to do more ... if for no other reason than it will force me to exercise more.
5. Drinking beer after the race is NOT a good idea. I feel a little sick now.
6. I should take water with me, especially when the temperature is in the upper 80s. There was only one water station on the course and I really could have used one more.
7. I should plan what I eat before the race better. I thought I did OK today (I had string cheese and a banana about three hours before the race and a granola bar about an hour before.), but I was ravenous afterward. I'm going to research this later.
8. I need better workout clothes. I really don't own the appropriate clothes for walking/running in hot weather.
9. I should wear more sunblock. I applied some, but not nearly as well as I should have. So now I've got a few burned spots.
10. And, finally, the most important thing I've learned (again) is that I have the best friends. Some members of our group were runners and some were walkers. When I couldn't even keep up with the walkers, one friend lagged behind and waited for me. Then she stayed by my side. Then, other friends waited at the finish line to cheer me on even though they'd finished far ahead of me. I feel honored and proud to call these women my friends. They inspire me to want to do better.
1. Despite the fact that I didn't run, I felt exhilaration when I finished. I was exhausted but excited that I'd actually done it. When I started my weight loss journey in January 2010, I could barely walk one block. Today, I walked (and jogged a little) more than 3 miles.
2. I can do better. I completed the race in 53 minutes and 59 seconds. I already feel an itch to prove that I can go faster even if it's just a few minutes.
3. I should have already been pushing myself harder. Today's time was quicker than what I normally walk. Usually, it takes me about 65 minutes to walk 2.6 miles a the park. I should have been trying harder because clearly I'm capable.
4. I want to do another one. Sometimes, the first step is the hardest. Now that I've done one, I want to do more ... if for no other reason than it will force me to exercise more.
5. Drinking beer after the race is NOT a good idea. I feel a little sick now.
6. I should take water with me, especially when the temperature is in the upper 80s. There was only one water station on the course and I really could have used one more.
7. I should plan what I eat before the race better. I thought I did OK today (I had string cheese and a banana about three hours before the race and a granola bar about an hour before.), but I was ravenous afterward. I'm going to research this later.
8. I need better workout clothes. I really don't own the appropriate clothes for walking/running in hot weather.
9. I should wear more sunblock. I applied some, but not nearly as well as I should have. So now I've got a few burned spots.
10. And, finally, the most important thing I've learned (again) is that I have the best friends. Some members of our group were runners and some were walkers. When I couldn't even keep up with the walkers, one friend lagged behind and waited for me. Then she stayed by my side. Then, other friends waited at the finish line to cheer me on even though they'd finished far ahead of me. I feel honored and proud to call these women my friends. They inspire me to want to do better.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Focusing on the positive
Last week's weight: 184.4
This week's weight: 181.2
Difference: -3.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90.6 pounds
Naturally, I was thrilled that the scale decided to cooperate this week. As you know, it's been a tough few months. I'm still not happy that I've gained 10 pounds from where I was about six months ago, but at least I'm starting to feel like I might be able to get back there.
What I'm most proud of this week is that I didn't let emotional stress (there was good and bad) cause me to overeat. In fact, I did just the opposite. I managed my food well and I exercised almost daily. I had a few slips, but nothing outrageous. That's how it should be.
For example, when I got some not-so-good news at work this week, I wanted to reach into the candy dish on my boss' desk and grab a handful of snack size candy bars. I had a couple during the week, but I'm happy with myself because I didn't eat them when I was feeling stressed. When I ate them, I specifically chose to eat them and I accounted for them in my daily food tracking.
That said, I'm still surprised by the weight loss because I did have two dinners out this week. I didn't go overboard, but I did eat/drink more than normal. I'm guessing that last week's number was artificially high because of my recent travel and that this week everything is balancing out.
My goal right now is to focus on what's working right. Every time I feel stressed and I want to eat an entire pizza but I don't is a good day. Every day that I exercise is a good day. Finally, every day that I appreciate how far I've come is a good day.
This week's weight: 181.2
Difference: -3.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90.6 pounds
Naturally, I was thrilled that the scale decided to cooperate this week. As you know, it's been a tough few months. I'm still not happy that I've gained 10 pounds from where I was about six months ago, but at least I'm starting to feel like I might be able to get back there.
What I'm most proud of this week is that I didn't let emotional stress (there was good and bad) cause me to overeat. In fact, I did just the opposite. I managed my food well and I exercised almost daily. I had a few slips, but nothing outrageous. That's how it should be.
For example, when I got some not-so-good news at work this week, I wanted to reach into the candy dish on my boss' desk and grab a handful of snack size candy bars. I had a couple during the week, but I'm happy with myself because I didn't eat them when I was feeling stressed. When I ate them, I specifically chose to eat them and I accounted for them in my daily food tracking.
That said, I'm still surprised by the weight loss because I did have two dinners out this week. I didn't go overboard, but I did eat/drink more than normal. I'm guessing that last week's number was artificially high because of my recent travel and that this week everything is balancing out.
My goal right now is to focus on what's working right. Every time I feel stressed and I want to eat an entire pizza but I don't is a good day. Every day that I exercise is a good day. Finally, every day that I appreciate how far I've come is a good day.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Losing more ground
Last week's weight: 183.8
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.4
Just when I think I'm about to turn things around and move forward, I find myself falling into old habits. And the weight gain continues. I knew that my trip to California might be a challenge, but overall I actually felt like I made fairly good choices and I walked A LOT, which should have burned some of the extra calories. What I didn't expect was that when I returned, I'd keep eating more than I should. Combine that with not exercising and, as usual, that spelled disaster when I stepped on the scale Friday morning.
So the first thing I did was get on my exercise bike. Then, on Friday, I tracked everything single think I ate and drank. Sticking to my allotted Weight Watchers points was a struggle. I actually felt light-headed for much of the day. That's probably because my body was in withdrawal from sugar and salt. I'm not feeling nearly as shaky today, but I really need a long-term strategy for success.
The biggest problem I've had in the past year and a half is that I'm not as vigilant as I should be. What I mean is that I keep letting circumstances dictate what I eat and drink, and that usually means overdoing it. Stress is the main contributor to my overeating. And I'm all but certain that is the reason I've gained in the past six months. Events at work have put me in a less-than-desirable situation. While I've been working hard to improve my circumstances, the stress of it all has caused me to focus less on my weight loss and to spend less time planning meals and snacks.
But sometimes good situations can effect my eating habits as well. I'm really worried about today -- my birthday. A friend has planned a fun night out and I'm 40 so I definitely want to celebrate. I know the key is to decide in advance what I can eat and drink without feeling guilty. I want to have fun, but not overdo it.
When you put my weight gain together with my turning 40, that just adds to my low self-esteem problems. I don't want to feel bad about myself, but I don't know how to change what I see in the mirror or how I feel every time I realize a piece of clothing is now too small. Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like all of my hard work during the first couple of years of this journey is being erased so quickly.
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.4
Just when I think I'm about to turn things around and move forward, I find myself falling into old habits. And the weight gain continues. I knew that my trip to California might be a challenge, but overall I actually felt like I made fairly good choices and I walked A LOT, which should have burned some of the extra calories. What I didn't expect was that when I returned, I'd keep eating more than I should. Combine that with not exercising and, as usual, that spelled disaster when I stepped on the scale Friday morning.
So the first thing I did was get on my exercise bike. Then, on Friday, I tracked everything single think I ate and drank. Sticking to my allotted Weight Watchers points was a struggle. I actually felt light-headed for much of the day. That's probably because my body was in withdrawal from sugar and salt. I'm not feeling nearly as shaky today, but I really need a long-term strategy for success.
The biggest problem I've had in the past year and a half is that I'm not as vigilant as I should be. What I mean is that I keep letting circumstances dictate what I eat and drink, and that usually means overdoing it. Stress is the main contributor to my overeating. And I'm all but certain that is the reason I've gained in the past six months. Events at work have put me in a less-than-desirable situation. While I've been working hard to improve my circumstances, the stress of it all has caused me to focus less on my weight loss and to spend less time planning meals and snacks.
But sometimes good situations can effect my eating habits as well. I'm really worried about today -- my birthday. A friend has planned a fun night out and I'm 40 so I definitely want to celebrate. I know the key is to decide in advance what I can eat and drink without feeling guilty. I want to have fun, but not overdo it.
When you put my weight gain together with my turning 40, that just adds to my low self-esteem problems. I don't want to feel bad about myself, but I don't know how to change what I see in the mirror or how I feel every time I realize a piece of clothing is now too small. Mostly, I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like all of my hard work during the first couple of years of this journey is being erased so quickly.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Time's up!
About 2 1/2 years ago, I made a list of 10 things I wanted to do before I turned 40. Well, I have only one day left and I'm sorry to report that I achieved very little on my list.
Here's an update on the list:
1. Visit Italy. No plans, but still hope to go one day.
2. Skydiving. I don't see this happening in the near future. After a recent roller coaster ride nearly gave me a heart attack, I'm thinking jumping out of an airplane might not be a good idea.
3. Take a hot air balloon ride. Still hoping.
4. Run a 5K. I have signed up to participate in a 5K at the end of this month, but I don't think I'll be doing much running. Just jogging a little is still difficult.
5. See the Grand Canyon. I actually forgot this was on the list. I did go to Las Vegas in December. I guess I really should have gone then.
6. Own a red Mustang convertible. Finances have made this a pretty low priority. But it's still my car of choice.
7. Highlight my hair. Been there, done that. I'm actually at a point now where I've stopped coloring my hair. I don't love the gray that's starting to show, but I'm undecided about whether to resume the coloring.
8. Sing karaoke. I'm still not able to do it by myself, but I did do it as part of a group. That's the best I can hope for at this point.
9. Plant a garden. I tried to grow a few herbs in small pots on the patio. They died after about two weeks.
10. Paint my walls. I picked out colors, but have no immediate plans to actually paint.
I really hope you've read to this part, because now I'm going to list 5 things I have done since making the original list that have made my life better.
1. I've met the best group of friends. In many cases, I feel like I've known them forever and I can hardly remember a time before they were my friends.
2. I went to Las Vegas. The trip itself wasn't that great, but actually planning a real vacation made me realize just how much I want to go places and see new things.
3. So, on a related note, I went to California. It was one of the best vacations I've ever had. And, even though I spent a lot of money, I had so much fun.
4. I've stopped being a workaholic. I still have days where I work 10, 12 or even 14 hours. But they are no longer the norm.
5. I socialize. Until the past few years, I've always been very uncomfortable in a room full of people I don't know. Now, it's much easier and I usually even enjoy meeting new people. I still have my moments where I get overwhelmed, but generally I'm at least willing to try.
I'm sure I could think of more things for the list, but the point is that while I may not have done everything on the original list, I have done a lot of new things that have made me happy. And as I'm about to turn 40 on Saturday, I'm trying to think about the positive things in my life instead of the negative. I'm struggling with the notion that I'm going to be 40 and I haven't achieved some of my goals, including my weight-loss goal, but I also know that I've achieved a lot. Sometimes, I also realize that the things that were important at one point in my life don't seem nearly as important now. So I don't want to be so focused on what I haven't achieved that I forgot to enjoy what I have.
Here's an update on the list:
1. Visit Italy. No plans, but still hope to go one day.
2. Skydiving. I don't see this happening in the near future. After a recent roller coaster ride nearly gave me a heart attack, I'm thinking jumping out of an airplane might not be a good idea.
3. Take a hot air balloon ride. Still hoping.
4. Run a 5K. I have signed up to participate in a 5K at the end of this month, but I don't think I'll be doing much running. Just jogging a little is still difficult.
5. See the Grand Canyon. I actually forgot this was on the list. I did go to Las Vegas in December. I guess I really should have gone then.
6. Own a red Mustang convertible. Finances have made this a pretty low priority. But it's still my car of choice.
7. Highlight my hair. Been there, done that. I'm actually at a point now where I've stopped coloring my hair. I don't love the gray that's starting to show, but I'm undecided about whether to resume the coloring.
8. Sing karaoke. I'm still not able to do it by myself, but I did do it as part of a group. That's the best I can hope for at this point.
9. Plant a garden. I tried to grow a few herbs in small pots on the patio. They died after about two weeks.
10. Paint my walls. I picked out colors, but have no immediate plans to actually paint.
I really hope you've read to this part, because now I'm going to list 5 things I have done since making the original list that have made my life better.
1. I've met the best group of friends. In many cases, I feel like I've known them forever and I can hardly remember a time before they were my friends.
2. I went to Las Vegas. The trip itself wasn't that great, but actually planning a real vacation made me realize just how much I want to go places and see new things.
3. So, on a related note, I went to California. It was one of the best vacations I've ever had. And, even though I spent a lot of money, I had so much fun.
4. I've stopped being a workaholic. I still have days where I work 10, 12 or even 14 hours. But they are no longer the norm.
5. I socialize. Until the past few years, I've always been very uncomfortable in a room full of people I don't know. Now, it's much easier and I usually even enjoy meeting new people. I still have my moments where I get overwhelmed, but generally I'm at least willing to try.
I'm sure I could think of more things for the list, but the point is that while I may not have done everything on the original list, I have done a lot of new things that have made me happy. And as I'm about to turn 40 on Saturday, I'm trying to think about the positive things in my life instead of the negative. I'm struggling with the notion that I'm going to be 40 and I haven't achieved some of my goals, including my weight-loss goal, but I also know that I've achieved a lot. Sometimes, I also realize that the things that were important at one point in my life don't seem nearly as important now. So I don't want to be so focused on what I haven't achieved that I forgot to enjoy what I have.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Better late than never
Last week's weight: 181.2
This week's weight: 180.4
Difference: -0.8
Total weight lost since January 2010: 91.4
Sorry this post is really late, but I had family visiting for the Azalea Festival and I didn't have time to blog. I actually weighed in a day early (last Thursday instead of Friday) and was pleased with the result. Since then, however, I've indulged too much and I'm really worried about what I'll see when I step on the scale this Friday. What's even worse is that I'm about to go on vacation and that always spells trouble. I'm going to try to keep up my exercise and watch what I eat, but I know I won't do as well as I'd like. I've already slacked a little with my 5K training this week.
I started to skip the blog, but I truly believe that writing about my journey helps keep me accountable. So even though I don't have much to say, I'm at least getting it on the record. I'm struggling. I'm frustrated. I'm discouraged. But I'm not giving up.
This week's weight: 180.4
Difference: -0.8
Total weight lost since January 2010: 91.4
Sorry this post is really late, but I had family visiting for the Azalea Festival and I didn't have time to blog. I actually weighed in a day early (last Thursday instead of Friday) and was pleased with the result. Since then, however, I've indulged too much and I'm really worried about what I'll see when I step on the scale this Friday. What's even worse is that I'm about to go on vacation and that always spells trouble. I'm going to try to keep up my exercise and watch what I eat, but I know I won't do as well as I'd like. I've already slacked a little with my 5K training this week.
I started to skip the blog, but I truly believe that writing about my journey helps keep me accountable. So even though I don't have much to say, I'm at least getting it on the record. I'm struggling. I'm frustrated. I'm discouraged. But I'm not giving up.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Couch to 5K: Week 2, Days 3 & 4
If you've been following along since I started training for a 5K scheduled for the end of May, you know that it hasn't been going very well. I'm supposed to train three days a week for eight weeks. I've been trying to use an iPhone app to guide my progress. I haven't yet mastered the level of running needed to complete week one, so I just keep repeating those days.
I tried to follow the week two, day one program last Friday, but I mailed miserably. So I decided I shouldn't really count that day. That's why I actually trained four days this week. And the good news is that I'm doing more walking/running cycles than when I started.
My routine now consists (mostly) of walking for five minutes then 12 cycles where I run for about 45 seconds then walk for a minute and 45 seconds. I finish with a roughly 10-minute cool down walk. I'm not sure this is getting me closer to running a 5K, but it's bound to be increasing my fitness level because I'm now running part of the distance that I used to only walk.
I'm also appreciative of the encouragement I've gotten from friends this week. I'm struggling to feel good about myself right now because I've gained 10 pounds since this time last year and some of my clothes from last spring don't fit. Combine that with my lack of running progress and other stuff and I'm just not in the best place mentally. At least I'm trying.
I tried to follow the week two, day one program last Friday, but I mailed miserably. So I decided I shouldn't really count that day. That's why I actually trained four days this week. And the good news is that I'm doing more walking/running cycles than when I started.
My routine now consists (mostly) of walking for five minutes then 12 cycles where I run for about 45 seconds then walk for a minute and 45 seconds. I finish with a roughly 10-minute cool down walk. I'm not sure this is getting me closer to running a 5K, but it's bound to be increasing my fitness level because I'm now running part of the distance that I used to only walk.
I'm also appreciative of the encouragement I've gotten from friends this week. I'm struggling to feel good about myself right now because I've gained 10 pounds since this time last year and some of my clothes from last spring don't fit. Combine that with my lack of running progress and other stuff and I'm just not in the best place mentally. At least I'm trying.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Couch to 5K: Week 2, Day 2
Trying to run isn't getting any easier, but I'm proud I haven't given up. In fact, I bought new tennis shoes today ... ones specifically designed for running. They cost a lot, but I could tell a big difference when I circling the park this afternoon. My feet felt lighter. Unfortunately, the rest of me wasn't, so I've veered off the iPhone app a little.
My bursts of running last only about 45 seconds, not the one minute necessary during the first week of the program much less the minute and a half necessary for week two. I have no idea if what I'm doing is making a difference but the muscles in my legs are sore and I can even tell that I'm using more muscles in my stomach and arms. Sounds like progress to me.
For today's training session, I decided to start the app over, which meant five minutes of walking, one minute of running, one and a half minutes of walking (repeated for six times) then five minutes of walking. Like I said, I couldn't quite do a full minute of running but, to compensate, I did the full routine twice. Interestingly, I ran just slightly longer during the running parts on the second lap. Of course, I'm now ready for a few ibuprofen (and maybe a glass of wine).
Also, I now have proof that my scale hates me. I was crushed yesterday when I'd lost so little (just a half pound) after feeling like I ate so well all week. My frustration led to a bit of splurging at dinner. And I even had a little dessert. So imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale this morning (not my official weigh-in day) and the number was down almost two pounds from yesterday. Why couldn't the scale have just been down two pounds yesterday? Because it's evil! Seriously, though, I didn't let last night's indulgence spread into today. Instead, I've returned to my healthy eating. And I feel so good!
My bursts of running last only about 45 seconds, not the one minute necessary during the first week of the program much less the minute and a half necessary for week two. I have no idea if what I'm doing is making a difference but the muscles in my legs are sore and I can even tell that I'm using more muscles in my stomach and arms. Sounds like progress to me.
For today's training session, I decided to start the app over, which meant five minutes of walking, one minute of running, one and a half minutes of walking (repeated for six times) then five minutes of walking. Like I said, I couldn't quite do a full minute of running but, to compensate, I did the full routine twice. Interestingly, I ran just slightly longer during the running parts on the second lap. Of course, I'm now ready for a few ibuprofen (and maybe a glass of wine).
Also, I now have proof that my scale hates me. I was crushed yesterday when I'd lost so little (just a half pound) after feeling like I ate so well all week. My frustration led to a bit of splurging at dinner. And I even had a little dessert. So imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale this morning (not my official weigh-in day) and the number was down almost two pounds from yesterday. Why couldn't the scale have just been down two pounds yesterday? Because it's evil! Seriously, though, I didn't let last night's indulgence spread into today. Instead, I've returned to my healthy eating. And I feel so good!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: This is torture!
Last week's weight: 181.8
This week's weight: 181.2
Difference: -0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90.6
I was so disappointed when I stepped on the scale this morning. I know a half pound isn't bad, but I truly expected more. I tried so hard this week. My eating habits were nearly perfect and I exercised. There were a few times when I was so hungry, but I was determined to stick to my Weight Watchers points allotment. I know following the points system works. I really wish I knew how to explain just how much of a struggle this past week was.
After this morning's traumatic weigh-in (and a stressful morning at the office), I've already splurged a little more than I should have on snacks. And I'm going to dinner with friends. I'm going to try not to go overboard. I know I can make a smart choice that satisfies me and won't put me too far over my points target.
It's weeks like this one where my frustration gets unbearable. If I try so hard and don't see results, why am I trying? I know that's not the right attitude, but what else am I supposed to think? I could really use a few good weeks strung together to motivate me right now.
This week's weight: 181.2
Difference: -0.6
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90.6
I was so disappointed when I stepped on the scale this morning. I know a half pound isn't bad, but I truly expected more. I tried so hard this week. My eating habits were nearly perfect and I exercised. There were a few times when I was so hungry, but I was determined to stick to my Weight Watchers points allotment. I know following the points system works. I really wish I knew how to explain just how much of a struggle this past week was.
After this morning's traumatic weigh-in (and a stressful morning at the office), I've already splurged a little more than I should have on snacks. And I'm going to dinner with friends. I'm going to try not to go overboard. I know I can make a smart choice that satisfies me and won't put me too far over my points target.
It's weeks like this one where my frustration gets unbearable. If I try so hard and don't see results, why am I trying? I know that's not the right attitude, but what else am I supposed to think? I could really use a few good weeks strung together to motivate me right now.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Couch to 5K: Week 1, Day 3
Today's attempt at running was so bad that I'm not even sure I can count it as day three. To recap, in case you haven't been following along, on Friday I agreed to participate in my first 5K. It's at the end of May, which should be plenty of time to prepare. Training began Saturday and I'm using an iPhone app, 5K Runner, to help me stay on track.
The first two days weren't so bad. I couldn't quite run a full minute each time I was supposed to, but I was close. I considered those training days successes. I took a break Monday, but then I started to worry that I wouldn't get day three in. (My week starts over on Fridays.) I wasn't really in the mood to train after work today, but I headed to the park anyway.
I'm not sure what the problem was (tired, cranky, mental negativity), but I could barely run 30 seconds when I was supposed to run a minute. Not wanting to completely give up, I did still complete two laps (mostly walking) around the park. By the end, I felt like someone had set fire to my left knee and the muscles in my lower back felt like I'd been punched a few times.
I'm disappointed that I didn't do better. But at least I tried. The app calls for training three days a week. Technically, I did it. I'm taking two days off. Then I'll try again on Friday. The bad part is that I'm sure week two of the program will be even harder. I'm wondering if I should just do week one over. Somehow, though, that feels like admitting defeat.
And, because I don't like to be completely negative, there is good news. I've had five days in a row of healthy eating. I've tracked everything. Even though I've gone over my target number a few times, my activity points have more than made up for it. I'm really hoping the scale rewards my efforts on Friday.
The first two days weren't so bad. I couldn't quite run a full minute each time I was supposed to, but I was close. I considered those training days successes. I took a break Monday, but then I started to worry that I wouldn't get day three in. (My week starts over on Fridays.) I wasn't really in the mood to train after work today, but I headed to the park anyway.
I'm not sure what the problem was (tired, cranky, mental negativity), but I could barely run 30 seconds when I was supposed to run a minute. Not wanting to completely give up, I did still complete two laps (mostly walking) around the park. By the end, I felt like someone had set fire to my left knee and the muscles in my lower back felt like I'd been punched a few times.
I'm disappointed that I didn't do better. But at least I tried. The app calls for training three days a week. Technically, I did it. I'm taking two days off. Then I'll try again on Friday. The bad part is that I'm sure week two of the program will be even harder. I'm wondering if I should just do week one over. Somehow, though, that feels like admitting defeat.
And, because I don't like to be completely negative, there is good news. I've had five days in a row of healthy eating. I've tracked everything. Even though I've gone over my target number a few times, my activity points have more than made up for it. I'm really hoping the scale rewards my efforts on Friday.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Couch to 5K: Week 1, Day 2
Conventional wisdom says I probably should have taken a day off after yesterday's first attempt at running. I did wake up today with a few more aches and pains than normal. But the weather is so nice today and I'm determined to complete the program three times a week as required. I was worried I might not get another chance to do it before Wednesday, so I headed back to the park today.
As expected, day two was harder. For one thing, it was 5 minutes longer than day one. I still struggled to complete a full minute of running each time, but I was able to do it a few times. I'm not sure this helps, but to compensate, I did run a little extra during the cool down phase. Plus, like yesterday, I walked a second lap after I finished the running part during the first lap.
And it's a good thing I'm exercising because I had a bit of a splurge today -- a dark chocolate-covered coconut cream egg. It's Easter! I couldn't help myself. Other than that, though, I've had 2 1/2 days of very healthy eating. The best part is that I've logged everything online. I met my daily points target perfectly on Friday and I was over by only two points yesterday, which is fine since my exercise yesterday actually gained me four points. I'll probably be over slightly today. My goal is not more than three points. But, again, my exercise gained me four points.
The bad news is that the scale is not cooperating. It's actually up since Friday's weigh-in. That's so disappointing since I've clearly taken steps to correct my overeating and I'm exercising again. All I can do, though, is stay the course and hope that I'll see the results this Friday.
As expected, day two was harder. For one thing, it was 5 minutes longer than day one. I still struggled to complete a full minute of running each time, but I was able to do it a few times. I'm not sure this helps, but to compensate, I did run a little extra during the cool down phase. Plus, like yesterday, I walked a second lap after I finished the running part during the first lap.
And it's a good thing I'm exercising because I had a bit of a splurge today -- a dark chocolate-covered coconut cream egg. It's Easter! I couldn't help myself. Other than that, though, I've had 2 1/2 days of very healthy eating. The best part is that I've logged everything online. I met my daily points target perfectly on Friday and I was over by only two points yesterday, which is fine since my exercise yesterday actually gained me four points. I'll probably be over slightly today. My goal is not more than three points. But, again, my exercise gained me four points.
The bad news is that the scale is not cooperating. It's actually up since Friday's weigh-in. That's so disappointing since I've clearly taken steps to correct my overeating and I'm exercising again. All I can do, though, is stay the course and hope that I'll see the results this Friday.
Recipe: Chipotle stuffed peppers
Ingredients
1/2 lb. 93% lean ground beef
1 (15 oz.) can black beans, drained and rinsed
2 large handfuls of fresh spinach
1 (15 oz.) can petite diced tomatoes with chipotle seasoning
4 large green peppers (You can use any color you like, though.)
1/2 instant brown rice
Cooking spray
Salt, pepper to taste
In a small saucepan, bring 1/2 cup water to a boil. Add rice. Cover and remove from heat. Spray a nonstick frying pan with cooking spray and add ground beef. Once brown, reduce heat to low and add black beans and spinach. After spinach wilts, add tomatoes and cooked rice. Meanwhile, remove tops of peppers and clean out seeds inside. Place in a square baking dish and sprinkle insides with salt and pepper. Fill each one with 1/4 of ground beef mixture. Cover with foil. Bake at 350 degrees until green peppers are tender (about 30 minutes). Makes 4 servings.
Note: I added a little mozzarella cheese before serving. Also, if I make these again, I'll probably kick up the heat a little with some extra chipotle seasoning or maybe a diced jalapeno pepper. Finally, if you aren't counting calories as closely as I am, I'd definitely recommend a scoop of sour cream.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Couch to 5K: Week 1, Day 1
As I mentioned yesterday, I've signed up for my first 5K. It was spur of the moment and I'm hoping I respond to this challenge just like I did losing weight. If you recall, I signed up for a weight loss challenge at work in January 2010. It was completely unplanned and I was terrified of failing. The 5K isn't exactly the same because it is something that's on my bucket list. My ultimate goal is to be able to run one from start to finish. But I want to be realistic this first time out, especially since I don't run.
Obviously, if I'm not going to completely embarrass myself, I will need to be prepared. Training started today. A friend told me about an iPhone app, 5K Runner, to help me get started, so I immediately downloaded the free version. I didn't fully investigate the eight-week program, but I imagine it gets more intense as the weeks go by. Day 1 consisted of warming up for 5 minutes (I wasn't sure what that should entail, so I just walked), 1 minute of running followed by 1 1/2 minutes of walking for a total of 15 minutes, and then a 5-minute cool down (again, not sure what that meant, so I walked).
The first minute of running wasn't so bad. The second minute ended up only being about 55 seconds. I really struggled to complete a full minute each time, but I was close. And the fact that I even tried feels like success. I'm hoping it will get easier. The program calls for doing it three times a week. After today's 25 minutes, which was basically one lap around the park where I normally walk, I decided to walk an extra lap. I don't see any harm in that.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, that I have 8 1/2 weeks before the 5K. If I stick to the plan, I'd like to be able to run most of it and maybe I'll even lose a little weight by then as well. Wish me luck!
Obviously, if I'm not going to completely embarrass myself, I will need to be prepared. Training started today. A friend told me about an iPhone app, 5K Runner, to help me get started, so I immediately downloaded the free version. I didn't fully investigate the eight-week program, but I imagine it gets more intense as the weeks go by. Day 1 consisted of warming up for 5 minutes (I wasn't sure what that should entail, so I just walked), 1 minute of running followed by 1 1/2 minutes of walking for a total of 15 minutes, and then a 5-minute cool down (again, not sure what that meant, so I walked).
The first minute of running wasn't so bad. The second minute ended up only being about 55 seconds. I really struggled to complete a full minute each time, but I was close. And the fact that I even tried feels like success. I'm hoping it will get easier. The program calls for doing it three times a week. After today's 25 minutes, which was basically one lap around the park where I normally walk, I decided to walk an extra lap. I don't see any harm in that.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, that I have 8 1/2 weeks before the 5K. If I stick to the plan, I'd like to be able to run most of it and maybe I'll even lose a little weight by then as well. Wish me luck!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Yikes! Nothing fits anymore
Last week's weight: 179.6
This week's weight: 181.8
Difference: +2.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90 pounds
As expected, this week's weigh-in was terrible. In fact, I'm going to be honest and admit that I seriously considered changing my weigh-in day to Thursday. That's because when I weighed yesterday morning, the scale said 179.6. I was excited because I knew I'd eaten all sorts of bad foods in the past week and staying the same would have been amazing.
The real eyeopener came when I was getting dressed this morning. I'm willing it to get warmer, so I've started wearing some of my spring clothes. Imagine my horror when not one, but two, pairs of size 12 capri pants from last year didn't fit this morning. I felt like hiding in my closet all day. As I drove to work, I really thought about how I've gotten to this point and what I need to do to stop the weight gain. I don't have all the answers, but changing my weigh-in day is not the answer.
First, I know I have to simply stop eating so much ... and so much junk food. The first test has already arrived. A co-worker brought doughnuts to work this morning. Then someone brought in candy and shortbread bars. I brought fruit and Greek yogurt for breakfast. So far, I've resisted. But I really think a counter full of delicious treats might be too much to bear.
I also know I need to keep track. This is the one thing that has worked without fail.When I don't keep track, I eat too much. Today is the start of a new week. So it's yet another chance for me to use the online Weight Watchers tool to track my food and drinks.
Finally, I must exercise more. Walking is definitely a good start. But I need to step it up and be more consistent. So I've officially agreed to participate in a 5K at the end of May. I doubt I'll be able to run the entire thing by then, but two months is more than enough time build up my stamina so I don't embarrass myself.
In summary, I need to eat better, keep track and exercise. Sounds simple. Right?
BTW, I've decided to go back to tracking my total weight lost since I began this journey. I need the constant reminder that I have lost 90 pounds, which is an amazing accomplishment in the grand scheme of things.
This week's weight: 181.8
Difference: +2.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 90 pounds
As expected, this week's weigh-in was terrible. In fact, I'm going to be honest and admit that I seriously considered changing my weigh-in day to Thursday. That's because when I weighed yesterday morning, the scale said 179.6. I was excited because I knew I'd eaten all sorts of bad foods in the past week and staying the same would have been amazing.
The real eyeopener came when I was getting dressed this morning. I'm willing it to get warmer, so I've started wearing some of my spring clothes. Imagine my horror when not one, but two, pairs of size 12 capri pants from last year didn't fit this morning. I felt like hiding in my closet all day. As I drove to work, I really thought about how I've gotten to this point and what I need to do to stop the weight gain. I don't have all the answers, but changing my weigh-in day is not the answer.
First, I know I have to simply stop eating so much ... and so much junk food. The first test has already arrived. A co-worker brought doughnuts to work this morning. Then someone brought in candy and shortbread bars. I brought fruit and Greek yogurt for breakfast. So far, I've resisted. But I really think a counter full of delicious treats might be too much to bear.
I also know I need to keep track. This is the one thing that has worked without fail.When I don't keep track, I eat too much. Today is the start of a new week. So it's yet another chance for me to use the online Weight Watchers tool to track my food and drinks.
Finally, I must exercise more. Walking is definitely a good start. But I need to step it up and be more consistent. So I've officially agreed to participate in a 5K at the end of May. I doubt I'll be able to run the entire thing by then, but two months is more than enough time build up my stamina so I don't embarrass myself.
In summary, I need to eat better, keep track and exercise. Sounds simple. Right?
BTW, I've decided to go back to tracking my total weight lost since I began this journey. I need the constant reminder that I have lost 90 pounds, which is an amazing accomplishment in the grand scheme of things.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Is patience really a virtue?
It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I'm not a patient person. I work in a business built on urgency and deadlines. In my personal life, I pretty much operate the same way. For instance, I've gotten better over the years at making small talk, but there are times when I still find it awkward and inefficient. I often find myself wanting people to cut to the chase. Again, that probably has something to do with the newshound in me. Don't bury the lede!
Anyway, the real point here is that I struggle when something doesn't happen as quickly as I'd like. I believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. Really. If I wanted to become a brain surgeon, I think I could learn to do that. If I wanted to fly an airplane, I could learn to do that, too. My belief is based on the fact that I'm a smart person with a brain that operates best on reason and logic. If a skill can be learned, I can learn it ... if I want to.
The problem arises when I don't achieve whatever it was I was trying to do. A recent example involves changing out the fluorescent lightbulbs in my kitchen. This is truly a simple task. Unplug the bad bulbs and plug in the new ones. No reason I couldn't handle that task myself. After multiple tries with the new bulbs without success, I nearly started crying. I tried again a week later. Nothing. A week after that, I tried again. At this point, I didn't have an ounce of patience left. I decided to buy more new bulbs because, clearly, I wasn't doing anything wrong. And I was right. The first set of new bulbs were bad. I put in the second set and the lights came on immediately. Why'd I let my lack of initial success frustrate me so badly?
If I'm honest, I know the answer. It's because I set high expectations for myself (and others). When something doesn't work out the way I wanted it to, I get annoyed. That probably comes from being spoiled as a child. The only good thing is that my expectations for myself are usually higher than those I have for others. But then that usually means I'm just frustrated with myself.
Of course, my weight loss journey fits right into this pattern. I have no patience for plateaus. I know what I need to do to lose the last 30 pounds. Yet I don't do it. It's no one's fault but my own. I could blame my lack of progress on stress, emotions, life, social situations, whatever ... but those would all just be excuses.
All of these thoughts this week have me thinking about patience. What's so good about being patient? For every "good things come to those who wait" idiom, there's a counter argument that says "the early bird gets the worm" or "strike while the iron's hot." What's so bad about knowing what you want and deciding to do whatever it takes to get it?
Anyway, the real point here is that I struggle when something doesn't happen as quickly as I'd like. I believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. Really. If I wanted to become a brain surgeon, I think I could learn to do that. If I wanted to fly an airplane, I could learn to do that, too. My belief is based on the fact that I'm a smart person with a brain that operates best on reason and logic. If a skill can be learned, I can learn it ... if I want to.
The problem arises when I don't achieve whatever it was I was trying to do. A recent example involves changing out the fluorescent lightbulbs in my kitchen. This is truly a simple task. Unplug the bad bulbs and plug in the new ones. No reason I couldn't handle that task myself. After multiple tries with the new bulbs without success, I nearly started crying. I tried again a week later. Nothing. A week after that, I tried again. At this point, I didn't have an ounce of patience left. I decided to buy more new bulbs because, clearly, I wasn't doing anything wrong. And I was right. The first set of new bulbs were bad. I put in the second set and the lights came on immediately. Why'd I let my lack of initial success frustrate me so badly?
If I'm honest, I know the answer. It's because I set high expectations for myself (and others). When something doesn't work out the way I wanted it to, I get annoyed. That probably comes from being spoiled as a child. The only good thing is that my expectations for myself are usually higher than those I have for others. But then that usually means I'm just frustrated with myself.
Of course, my weight loss journey fits right into this pattern. I have no patience for plateaus. I know what I need to do to lose the last 30 pounds. Yet I don't do it. It's no one's fault but my own. I could blame my lack of progress on stress, emotions, life, social situations, whatever ... but those would all just be excuses.
All of these thoughts this week have me thinking about patience. What's so good about being patient? For every "good things come to those who wait" idiom, there's a counter argument that says "the early bird gets the worm" or "strike while the iron's hot." What's so bad about knowing what you want and deciding to do whatever it takes to get it?
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Being judged
Last week's weight: 180
This week's weight: 179.6
Difference: -0.4
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.8
For the record, I weighed in a day early this past week (Thursday instead of Friday) because I was going to be out of town Friday morning. The result was good, and I was happy I'd exercised almost daily. The bad part about the week is that I felt like I was constantly being judged by others.
Without getting into specifics, let me just say that I've had a lot of moments recently that have shaken my self-confidence. Whether it's worrying about how I look on a given day or hearing a friend basically ridicule me for my insecurities, this past week has led to a lot of negative thinking.
I don't like it, but I don't know how to stop it. It doesn't help that since I weighed in Thursday morning, I've done nothing but eat foods that aren't good for me, which likely means a weight gain this week. I'm trying to make today the day that I end the backsliding. But, even as I type this, I'm thinking about going to the grocery store to get the ingredients to make cupcakes. Ugh!
What's worse about how I'm feeling right now is that I know it doesn't have to be this way. I am in control of my choices and my feelings. So I'm frustrated that I'm letting the opinion of others get to me. That's not the kind of person I want to be.
This week's weight: 179.6
Difference: -0.4
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.8
For the record, I weighed in a day early this past week (Thursday instead of Friday) because I was going to be out of town Friday morning. The result was good, and I was happy I'd exercised almost daily. The bad part about the week is that I felt like I was constantly being judged by others.
Without getting into specifics, let me just say that I've had a lot of moments recently that have shaken my self-confidence. Whether it's worrying about how I look on a given day or hearing a friend basically ridicule me for my insecurities, this past week has led to a lot of negative thinking.
I don't like it, but I don't know how to stop it. It doesn't help that since I weighed in Thursday morning, I've done nothing but eat foods that aren't good for me, which likely means a weight gain this week. I'm trying to make today the day that I end the backsliding. But, even as I type this, I'm thinking about going to the grocery store to get the ingredients to make cupcakes. Ugh!
What's worse about how I'm feeling right now is that I know it doesn't have to be this way. I am in control of my choices and my feelings. So I'm frustrated that I'm letting the opinion of others get to me. That's not the kind of person I want to be.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: It's all about choices
Last week's weight: 180.4
This week's weight: 180
Difference: -0.4
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.4 pounds
I had more good eating days than bad this week. That's a good sign. I ate too much sugar (eating sweet tarts as I write this). That's a bad sign. I exercised four out of seven days when my goal was five days. That's a mixed sign.
I know I've said this before but reaching my goal weight depends on my ability to make the right choices. Every day I'm faced with what feels like a million decisions about food. When you add in having to make a bazillion decisions about work, my brain gets tired.
More than once this week, I had to remind myself how far I've come. I've lost 91.8 pounds since January 2010, and I'm healthier and happier than ever. These are all good signs. And that's enough for me to consider this a good weigh-in week.
This week's weight: 180
Difference: -0.4
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.4 pounds
I had more good eating days than bad this week. That's a good sign. I ate too much sugar (eating sweet tarts as I write this). That's a bad sign. I exercised four out of seven days when my goal was five days. That's a mixed sign.
I know I've said this before but reaching my goal weight depends on my ability to make the right choices. Every day I'm faced with what feels like a million decisions about food. When you add in having to make a bazillion decisions about work, my brain gets tired.
More than once this week, I had to remind myself how far I've come. I've lost 91.8 pounds since January 2010, and I'm healthier and happier than ever. These are all good signs. And that's enough for me to consider this a good weigh-in week.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Sugar is evil!
I'm pretty unhappy with myself today. After four days of not eating perfect, but at least making smart choices, I completely caved. And for some strange reason, I feel the need to confess my sins. So here's what happened:
Before leaving the house this morning, I packed a sensible breakfast (yogurt) and a Lean Cuisine for lunch. I threw in an orange and a small bag of microwave popcorn. I stopped at Dunkin Donuts for coffee (as I do most days). So far so good.
Then, at 8 a.m., I walked into the office to find four giant bags of cookies on the "community food" counter. I walked straight to my office ... and ate a handful of reduced fat Cheez-Its. Just a few minutes later, I found myself pulling three chocolate and shortbread cookies from one of the bags. I ate them so quickly that I'm not even sure I tasted them.
I survived a couple of hours, but then I got bored. I tried to do the right thing and ate a piece of lowfat string cheese. Walking back to my desk, however, I grabbed a chocolate chip cookie. Back in my office, I ate a dark chocolate and almond nugget.
This was all before lunch.
For lunch, I ate the Lean Cuisine. The morning was a disaster, but there was still time to recover. Unfortunately, I found myself in my boss' office digging through her candy dish. I ate two packs of sweet tarts and a snack size Kit-Kat. Back in my office, I had two more chocolate nuggets, three Starbursts and another handful of Cheez-Its.
There was no turning back now. I ended the day with a piece of lemon pound cake (also from the community counter) and a third handful of Cheez-Its. By the time I left the office, I was tempted to give in completely and get fast food for dinner. Instead, I decided to stop at the grocery store. I got a California roll and some fruit. Not the best choice, but certainly better than I'd been doing all day.
And the only good decision I made today was that I walked 2 1/2 miles around my neighborhood before dinner.
During my journey, I've read a lot about the effects of sugar on weight gain. I've also discovered that when I limit how much sugar I eat, I feel so much better. So why do I keep eating something I know isn't good for me? Because sugar is evil. It's an addiction. And once I eat a little bit, I just want more.
I know people who've tried to give it up entirely. That might be the only way to achieve long-term success. But I honestly don't know how to do it. Just thought of trying is overwhelming.
Before leaving the house this morning, I packed a sensible breakfast (yogurt) and a Lean Cuisine for lunch. I threw in an orange and a small bag of microwave popcorn. I stopped at Dunkin Donuts for coffee (as I do most days). So far so good.
Then, at 8 a.m., I walked into the office to find four giant bags of cookies on the "community food" counter. I walked straight to my office ... and ate a handful of reduced fat Cheez-Its. Just a few minutes later, I found myself pulling three chocolate and shortbread cookies from one of the bags. I ate them so quickly that I'm not even sure I tasted them.
I survived a couple of hours, but then I got bored. I tried to do the right thing and ate a piece of lowfat string cheese. Walking back to my desk, however, I grabbed a chocolate chip cookie. Back in my office, I ate a dark chocolate and almond nugget.
This was all before lunch.
For lunch, I ate the Lean Cuisine. The morning was a disaster, but there was still time to recover. Unfortunately, I found myself in my boss' office digging through her candy dish. I ate two packs of sweet tarts and a snack size Kit-Kat. Back in my office, I had two more chocolate nuggets, three Starbursts and another handful of Cheez-Its.
There was no turning back now. I ended the day with a piece of lemon pound cake (also from the community counter) and a third handful of Cheez-Its. By the time I left the office, I was tempted to give in completely and get fast food for dinner. Instead, I decided to stop at the grocery store. I got a California roll and some fruit. Not the best choice, but certainly better than I'd been doing all day.
And the only good decision I made today was that I walked 2 1/2 miles around my neighborhood before dinner.
During my journey, I've read a lot about the effects of sugar on weight gain. I've also discovered that when I limit how much sugar I eat, I feel so much better. So why do I keep eating something I know isn't good for me? Because sugar is evil. It's an addiction. And once I eat a little bit, I just want more.
I know people who've tried to give it up entirely. That might be the only way to achieve long-term success. But I honestly don't know how to do it. Just thought of trying is overwhelming.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Feeling better
Last week's weight: 180.4
This week's weight: 180.4
Difference: 0
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1 pound
Friday's weigh-in was the first time in months that I didn't let the number on the scale bother me. In fact, I wouldn't have been totally surprised if I'd gained a little from the previous week. While I'm glad I didn't gain, what I'm really happy about this week is that I'm feeling better about myself.
Because I gained a few pounds, I've been in a funk. I'm so scared of regaining all of the weight I've lost. But as soon as I gained a little, I felt like I couldn't stop myself. It's only been three days, but I feel like I've turned a corner mentally.
One big sign is that this is the first weekend in a long time that I haven't spent most of it cooped up in the house in my pajamas. I also managed to go to the grocery store without buying anything bad for me. And even though I've eaten dinner out two nights in a row, I didn't go overboard either night.
The best part is that I can already feel the effects of eating healthier. When I avoid sugar, I always feel better and have more energy. Now I just need to keep it up.
This week's weight: 180.4
Difference: 0
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1 pound
Friday's weigh-in was the first time in months that I didn't let the number on the scale bother me. In fact, I wouldn't have been totally surprised if I'd gained a little from the previous week. While I'm glad I didn't gain, what I'm really happy about this week is that I'm feeling better about myself.
Because I gained a few pounds, I've been in a funk. I'm so scared of regaining all of the weight I've lost. But as soon as I gained a little, I felt like I couldn't stop myself. It's only been three days, but I feel like I've turned a corner mentally.
One big sign is that this is the first weekend in a long time that I haven't spent most of it cooped up in the house in my pajamas. I also managed to go to the grocery store without buying anything bad for me. And even though I've eaten dinner out two nights in a row, I didn't go overboard either night.
The best part is that I can already feel the effects of eating healthier. When I avoid sugar, I always feel better and have more energy. Now I just need to keep it up.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Am I doomed to fail?
Last week's weight: 179.8
This week's weight: 180.4
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1 pound
It seems that no matter what I do, I simply can't find my way back to my healthy eating habits. I made it four straight days this past week and then I fell right off the cliff. And once I was over the edge, I felt myself giving up. So now I've had six bad days in a row.
I'm trying to change my mindset by planning meals and snacks. But that didn't stop me from buying a small pack of Oreos at the grocery store this morning and eating all 8 cookies already today. Even now, I'm struggling to convince myself to make the healthy balsamic chicken with tomatoes and artichokes I planned for dinner. It would be so much easier to order pizza.
The hopelessness associated with not losing weight is affecting me in other ways as well. Since the start of the new year, I've barely done any socializing. There have been a few outings, but then I retreat into the solitude of my house for days (except for going to work, which is sort of necessary to pay my bills). And, of course, sitting at home in front of the TV just leads to more snacking.
Why can't I stop? I'm starting to feel like I'm doomed to fail. I made it three years, which included a lot of emotional hurdles. Was my success just a matter of will power? If so, why can't I summon it again? I truly felt like I'd made lifestyle changes I'd live with the rest of my life. What's changed? Why am I returning to my old habits?
This week's weight: 180.4
Difference: +0.6
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1 pound
It seems that no matter what I do, I simply can't find my way back to my healthy eating habits. I made it four straight days this past week and then I fell right off the cliff. And once I was over the edge, I felt myself giving up. So now I've had six bad days in a row.
I'm trying to change my mindset by planning meals and snacks. But that didn't stop me from buying a small pack of Oreos at the grocery store this morning and eating all 8 cookies already today. Even now, I'm struggling to convince myself to make the healthy balsamic chicken with tomatoes and artichokes I planned for dinner. It would be so much easier to order pizza.
The hopelessness associated with not losing weight is affecting me in other ways as well. Since the start of the new year, I've barely done any socializing. There have been a few outings, but then I retreat into the solitude of my house for days (except for going to work, which is sort of necessary to pay my bills). And, of course, sitting at home in front of the TV just leads to more snacking.
Why can't I stop? I'm starting to feel like I'm doomed to fail. I made it three years, which included a lot of emotional hurdles. Was my success just a matter of will power? If so, why can't I summon it again? I truly felt like I'd made lifestyle changes I'd live with the rest of my life. What's changed? Why am I returning to my old habits?
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: The struggle within
Last week's weight: 181.6
This week's weight: 179.8
Difference: -1.8
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.6 pounds
I feel like I've been writing the same posts for a year now. I have a good week, then a bad week, then a good week. And, unfortunately, I've gained 10 pounds in the past few months. While the weight gain has been depressing and disappointing, there's good news. I still know what I need to do to be successful again. The hard part is doing it.
Every time I'm around food lately, I'm tempted to over do it. When I'm hungry, I don't think about eating healthy snacks. I think about chips, cookies, candy, pizza, etc. I've made slight progress in the past week, though. For months, I've been giving in to my cravings. This week, I found a way to satisfy them without overdoing it. I had a few pieces of candy when a sugar craving hit. I had whole wheat pasta with lowfat cheese and broccoli when the urge to gorge on carbs came over me. And, in my lowest moment, when I was craving potato chips, I bought baked chips. I still ended up eating half the bag, but, trust me, that's progress.
The other good news is that I exercised five out of seven days last week. I can't stress enough how important this is to my success. Riding my exercise bike isn't even physically that difficult anymore. The reasons I don't do it more are all mental. I really hope I can stick with it this week.
The final breakthrough came last Sunday after I wrote about how terrible last week's weigh-in made me feel. For more than three years now, there's been a constant battle waging inside my head. Luckily, the side that wants to be healthy has been winning. (I think that's obvious because I have actually lost more than 90 pounds total.) Of late, though, the side that doesn't want to focus on food all the time has taken over. The healthy side seemed drastically close to throwing in the towel, but now I don't feel that way. Instead, I know I'm going to keep fighting.
I've come to far to give up now.
This week's weight: 179.8
Difference: -1.8
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.6 pounds
I feel like I've been writing the same posts for a year now. I have a good week, then a bad week, then a good week. And, unfortunately, I've gained 10 pounds in the past few months. While the weight gain has been depressing and disappointing, there's good news. I still know what I need to do to be successful again. The hard part is doing it.
Every time I'm around food lately, I'm tempted to over do it. When I'm hungry, I don't think about eating healthy snacks. I think about chips, cookies, candy, pizza, etc. I've made slight progress in the past week, though. For months, I've been giving in to my cravings. This week, I found a way to satisfy them without overdoing it. I had a few pieces of candy when a sugar craving hit. I had whole wheat pasta with lowfat cheese and broccoli when the urge to gorge on carbs came over me. And, in my lowest moment, when I was craving potato chips, I bought baked chips. I still ended up eating half the bag, but, trust me, that's progress.
The other good news is that I exercised five out of seven days last week. I can't stress enough how important this is to my success. Riding my exercise bike isn't even physically that difficult anymore. The reasons I don't do it more are all mental. I really hope I can stick with it this week.
The final breakthrough came last Sunday after I wrote about how terrible last week's weigh-in made me feel. For more than three years now, there's been a constant battle waging inside my head. Luckily, the side that wants to be healthy has been winning. (I think that's obvious because I have actually lost more than 90 pounds total.) Of late, though, the side that doesn't want to focus on food all the time has taken over. The healthy side seemed drastically close to throwing in the towel, but now I don't feel that way. Instead, I know I'm going to keep fighting.
I've come to far to give up now.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: The downward spiral continues
Last week's weight: 177.6
This week's weight: 181.6
Difference: +4
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: Sadly, I've gained 0.2 pounds.
Every time I think I'm finally going to return to my healthy eating habits, something happens and I make the wrong choices. It's gotten so bad that I'm pretty much not even paying attention to what I'm eating. And all I want to do is eat.
My lack of progress has become quite depressing and I find myself slipping into bad habits in a lot of ways. I start every day vowing to do better. Then I stuff myself with candy or pretzels. The junk food is the real problem because my main meals are generally healthy and good for me. If I could just stop snacking between meals, I'd be losing weight again.
What's most confusing is that I don't understand why it seemed so easy before and now it seems so hard. I simply don't feel motivated to plan everything I eat or to exercise as much as I used to. It's frustrating and concerning.
And that's really all I have to say about that.
This week's weight: 181.6
Difference: +4
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: Sadly, I've gained 0.2 pounds.
Every time I think I'm finally going to return to my healthy eating habits, something happens and I make the wrong choices. It's gotten so bad that I'm pretty much not even paying attention to what I'm eating. And all I want to do is eat.
My lack of progress has become quite depressing and I find myself slipping into bad habits in a lot of ways. I start every day vowing to do better. Then I stuff myself with candy or pretzels. The junk food is the real problem because my main meals are generally healthy and good for me. If I could just stop snacking between meals, I'd be losing weight again.
What's most confusing is that I don't understand why it seemed so easy before and now it seems so hard. I simply don't feel motivated to plan everything I eat or to exercise as much as I used to. It's frustrating and concerning.
And that's really all I have to say about that.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Recipes: Sunday brunch
After running a few errands bright and early this morning, I was in the mood for a big breakfast. I decided to make sweet potato muffins and mini ham and spinach frittatas. Since it ended up being about 11 a.m. before I ate, I'm calling it brunch. And the best part is that the recipes made enough for leftovers for the entire week.
Sweet potato muffins
1 large baked sweet potato, peeled (I had one leftover from dinner the night before, but you could cook one in the microwave.)
1 ripe banana
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 Tbsp. brown sugar
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tsp. cinnamon
2 egg whites
Cooking spray
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a bowl, mash the sweet potato and banana with a fork. Stir in flour, baking powder, vanilla, and cinnamon. In a large bowl, beat egg whites with an electric mixer until fluffy. Gently, fold in sweet potato mixture with eggs. Spray a muffin tin. Spoon in mixture until cups are about 3/4th full. Bake about 15 minutes (or until middle is firm and edges are golden brown). Makes 12 muffins.
Ham and spinach frittatas
4 oz. ham, finely diced (I bought a thick slice from the meat case and used half.)
1 box frozen spinach
1 pint egg whites
2 slices reduced-fat cheddar cheese
Salt and pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray large muffin tin. (I have a pan with six large spaces, but you could use a regular muffin pan or even a pie plate.) Thaw spinach in microwave according to package directions. Squeeze to remove excess water. Place 1/6th of the diced ham in each muffin cup. Top with 1/6th of the thawed spinach. Pour equal amounts of egg whites into each cup and top with salt and pepper. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until middle is firm. Add 1/6th of cheese to top of each frittata and return to oven. Continue baking until cheese is melted. Makes 6 servings.
1 large baked sweet potato, peeled (I had one leftover from dinner the night before, but you could cook one in the microwave.)
1 ripe banana
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 Tbsp. brown sugar
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tsp. cinnamon
2 egg whites
Cooking spray
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a bowl, mash the sweet potato and banana with a fork. Stir in flour, baking powder, vanilla, and cinnamon. In a large bowl, beat egg whites with an electric mixer until fluffy. Gently, fold in sweet potato mixture with eggs. Spray a muffin tin. Spoon in mixture until cups are about 3/4th full. Bake about 15 minutes (or until middle is firm and edges are golden brown). Makes 12 muffins.
Ham and spinach frittatas
4 oz. ham, finely diced (I bought a thick slice from the meat case and used half.)
1 box frozen spinach
1 pint egg whites
2 slices reduced-fat cheddar cheese
Salt and pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray large muffin tin. (I have a pan with six large spaces, but you could use a regular muffin pan or even a pie plate.) Thaw spinach in microwave according to package directions. Squeeze to remove excess water. Place 1/6th of the diced ham in each muffin cup. Top with 1/6th of the thawed spinach. Pour equal amounts of egg whites into each cup and top with salt and pepper. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until middle is firm. Add 1/6th of cheese to top of each frittata and return to oven. Continue baking until cheese is melted. Makes 6 servings.
Weekly weigh-in: Sick of being sick
Last week's weight: 180.6
This week's weight: 177.6
Difference: -3
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 3.8 pounds
You may have noticed that I didn't blog last week. I was sick that Friday and pretty upset about gaining so much that week. But the weight listed above is what I weighed last week. When I weighed in this week, all I could think about was the scene in "The Devil Wears Prada" where Emily says she's just one stomach flu away from her goal weight. I didn't have the flu this week, but I have been sick with a cold for 10 days now. I guess that stopped me from overeating, which meant I actually lost weight. Plus, I'm still about 25 pounds from my goal weight so I think it would take more than one stomach flu.
And I really hate being sick. I even took a sick day this week and by the end of the day, I was bored out of my mind. I love watching TV, but there's only so many hours of it I can take in one sitting. Usually, I'm doing something else while the TV is on. While I was sick, I just sat there and felt blah all day. I feel like I've turned the corner and am getting well. But it seems to be taking forever. I am at least feeling up to going for a walk today and I'm doing a lot of cooking. I hope that will keep me on track for the rest of this week.
This week's weight: 177.6
Difference: -3
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 3.8 pounds
You may have noticed that I didn't blog last week. I was sick that Friday and pretty upset about gaining so much that week. But the weight listed above is what I weighed last week. When I weighed in this week, all I could think about was the scene in "The Devil Wears Prada" where Emily says she's just one stomach flu away from her goal weight. I didn't have the flu this week, but I have been sick with a cold for 10 days now. I guess that stopped me from overeating, which meant I actually lost weight. Plus, I'm still about 25 pounds from my goal weight so I think it would take more than one stomach flu.
And I really hate being sick. I even took a sick day this week and by the end of the day, I was bored out of my mind. I love watching TV, but there's only so many hours of it I can take in one sitting. Usually, I'm doing something else while the TV is on. While I was sick, I just sat there and felt blah all day. I feel like I've turned the corner and am getting well. But it seems to be taking forever. I am at least feeling up to going for a walk today and I'm doing a lot of cooking. I hope that will keep me on track for the rest of this week.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
I need a do-over
If you read my post this morning, then you know I wasn't in a very good frame of mind. In fact, after I wrote it, I went back to bed and cried. The blubbering lasted only about 5 minutes (thankfully) and then I sat in bed and ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I finished reading my book. At the time, I was suffering from a terrible migraine and I wondered if the pain would ever subside. Luckily, medication helped and within about an hour, I was formulating a plan for the day.
That's when I realized I needed a do-over. I really hate when I start feeling sorry for myself. This latest bout of self-loathing started a few days ago. And I finally gave into it this morning. I let all of the negative feelings come to the surface and they manifested themselves in a gloomy blog post and a tearful outburst.
I guess the emotional meltdown helped, though. Once I got back out of bed, I headed to the grocery store. I knew it wouldn't be easy to avoid the pizza I'd been thinking about since Friday or the carrot cake or the potato chips. But I had a plan for what I wanted to cook today -- a healthy roasted garlic and potato soup and lowfat mini cheesecakes with cherries on top.
I stopped briefly to look at the pizza, but I convinced myself not to put it in the cart. In the baking aisle, I almost bought a box of brownie mix. But I kept moving. When I found the pie filling, which I needed for the top of the cheesecakes, I was torn. The regular store brand was a lot cheaper than the name brand sugar-free kind. I did the right thing and didn't worry about spending an extra $1.50. I did have one slip ... I bought two individual-sized pieces of candy -- a chocolate-covered marshmallow heart and a chocolate-covered coconut heart. I rationalized that two pieces of candy would be a lot better than an entire pizza.
Once I got home, I walked two laps around the park and made a banana smoothie with almond milk for a snack when I was done. I'm ashamed that I let myself feel so bad earlier. There's really no excuse for it. I'm a big believer that we're all responsible for our own happiness. All-in-all, I'm feeling much better about myself now. Let's hope it lasts.
That's when I realized I needed a do-over. I really hate when I start feeling sorry for myself. This latest bout of self-loathing started a few days ago. And I finally gave into it this morning. I let all of the negative feelings come to the surface and they manifested themselves in a gloomy blog post and a tearful outburst.
I guess the emotional meltdown helped, though. Once I got back out of bed, I headed to the grocery store. I knew it wouldn't be easy to avoid the pizza I'd been thinking about since Friday or the carrot cake or the potato chips. But I had a plan for what I wanted to cook today -- a healthy roasted garlic and potato soup and lowfat mini cheesecakes with cherries on top.
I stopped briefly to look at the pizza, but I convinced myself not to put it in the cart. In the baking aisle, I almost bought a box of brownie mix. But I kept moving. When I found the pie filling, which I needed for the top of the cheesecakes, I was torn. The regular store brand was a lot cheaper than the name brand sugar-free kind. I did the right thing and didn't worry about spending an extra $1.50. I did have one slip ... I bought two individual-sized pieces of candy -- a chocolate-covered marshmallow heart and a chocolate-covered coconut heart. I rationalized that two pieces of candy would be a lot better than an entire pizza.
Once I got home, I walked two laps around the park and made a banana smoothie with almond milk for a snack when I was done. I'm ashamed that I let myself feel so bad earlier. There's really no excuse for it. I'm a big believer that we're all responsible for our own happiness. All-in-all, I'm feeling much better about myself now. Let's hope it lasts.
Recipe: Herbed ricotta frittata
Over the years, I've tried a lot of baked egg white dishes. They aren't exactly frittatas, but they are as close as you can get without using more oil or butter. Today's concoction was better than I expected and now one of my favorites.
Ingredients
1 pint liquid egg whites
1 box (10 oz.) frozen chopped broccoli
3 oz. Canadian bacon, diced
1/2 cups fat-free ricotta cheese
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried parsley
1 tsp. dried chives
1/4 tsp. onion powder
Salt and pepper
Cooking spray
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Coat a baking dish with cooking spray. Thaw broccoli in microwave and spread into dish. Sprinkle Canadian bacon on top. In a bowl, mix egg whites, herbs, onion powder, salt, pepper and cheese. Pour over broccoli and bacon. Bake uncovered for 20-30 minutes or until lightly browned around the edges and firm in the middle. Makes 4-6 servings.
(Note: Fresh herbs would be great, but I didn't have those on hand.)
1 pint liquid egg whites
1 box (10 oz.) frozen chopped broccoli
3 oz. Canadian bacon, diced
1/2 cups fat-free ricotta cheese
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. dried parsley
1 tsp. dried chives
1/4 tsp. onion powder
Salt and pepper
Cooking spray
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Coat a baking dish with cooking spray. Thaw broccoli in microwave and spread into dish. Sprinkle Canadian bacon on top. In a bowl, mix egg whites, herbs, onion powder, salt, pepper and cheese. Pour over broccoli and bacon. Bake uncovered for 20-30 minutes or until lightly browned around the edges and firm in the middle. Makes 4-6 servings.
(Note: Fresh herbs would be great, but I didn't have those on hand.)
Weekly weigh-in: I can't stop snacking
Last week's weight: 179.6
This week's weight: 177.8
Difference: -1.8
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 3.6 pounds
I haven't been in such a bad place mentally about my weight loss in quite some time. I don't fully understand what's going on. I have no desire to exercise ... at all. And I just keep eating and eating. Of course, I'm glad I lost a little this week, but I'm pretty sure I've already gained it all back this weekend. And I'm a long way from where I was just a few months ago.
My biggest downfall in the past month has been the snacking between meals. I've done fairly well with eating healthy for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But in between, I can't stop snacking. Candy, cookies, pretzels, Wheat Thins, cheese, etc. I try making healthy snacks, but I just eat those in addition to the bad stuff.
It's frustrating. I think about it all the time. I don't like the habits I'm developing and I definitely don't like the weight gain I've experienced. But I don't know how to stop.
And my missteps of late are severely affecting my body image. Just when I thought I was starting to see how far I've come, I now constantly see all my flaws and that just makes me feel worse. I'm worried that there are too many days where I don't want to get out of the bed much less leave the house.
This week's weight: 177.8
Difference: -1.8
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 3.6 pounds
I haven't been in such a bad place mentally about my weight loss in quite some time. I don't fully understand what's going on. I have no desire to exercise ... at all. And I just keep eating and eating. Of course, I'm glad I lost a little this week, but I'm pretty sure I've already gained it all back this weekend. And I'm a long way from where I was just a few months ago.
My biggest downfall in the past month has been the snacking between meals. I've done fairly well with eating healthy for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But in between, I can't stop snacking. Candy, cookies, pretzels, Wheat Thins, cheese, etc. I try making healthy snacks, but I just eat those in addition to the bad stuff.
It's frustrating. I think about it all the time. I don't like the habits I'm developing and I definitely don't like the weight gain I've experienced. But I don't know how to stop.
And my missteps of late are severely affecting my body image. Just when I thought I was starting to see how far I've come, I now constantly see all my flaws and that just makes me feel worse. I'm worried that there are too many days where I don't want to get out of the bed much less leave the house.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: This is bad!
Last week's weight: 175.8
This week's weight: 179.6
Difference: +3.8
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.8 pounds
I was so excited last week. I worked hard during the first 10 days of the new year to shed the weight I'd gained over the holidays. Then, somehow, it's like I completely forgot everything I've learned in the past three years. This week was bad ... very bad.
I can't point to any one thing that caused me to gain nearly 4 pounds in one week. Instead, it was lots of little moments -- the day I left work in the middle of the day to buy a bag of pretzels and a bag of foil-wrapped chocolate hearts and the day I went to the grocery store and bought Chinese for lunch and the two days in a row that I ate a mound of pasta for dinner. Had I done just one of these things, I would not have gained weight. Combined, these moments and a few others spelled disaster.
By the end of the week, I was really mad at myself. And frustrated and disappointed. And the worst part is that the size 12s are starting to feel a little snug. That's unacceptable. I've said all along that I could be OK with being a size 12 for the rest of my life. The thought of having to unpack the 14s and 16s makes me panic.
After I weighed in yesterday morning, I told myself that this next week will be different. Of course, I tell myself that all the time. Yesterday went OK. I ate exactly the number of Weight Watchers points I'm allowed. So far, today is under control as well. But it's a struggle. I feel like I've spent every minute of the day thinking about what I'm going to eat and what I'm not going to eat. It's exhausting.
This week's weight: 179.6
Difference: +3.8
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 1.8 pounds
I was so excited last week. I worked hard during the first 10 days of the new year to shed the weight I'd gained over the holidays. Then, somehow, it's like I completely forgot everything I've learned in the past three years. This week was bad ... very bad.
I can't point to any one thing that caused me to gain nearly 4 pounds in one week. Instead, it was lots of little moments -- the day I left work in the middle of the day to buy a bag of pretzels and a bag of foil-wrapped chocolate hearts and the day I went to the grocery store and bought Chinese for lunch and the two days in a row that I ate a mound of pasta for dinner. Had I done just one of these things, I would not have gained weight. Combined, these moments and a few others spelled disaster.
By the end of the week, I was really mad at myself. And frustrated and disappointed. And the worst part is that the size 12s are starting to feel a little snug. That's unacceptable. I've said all along that I could be OK with being a size 12 for the rest of my life. The thought of having to unpack the 14s and 16s makes me panic.
After I weighed in yesterday morning, I told myself that this next week will be different. Of course, I tell myself that all the time. Yesterday went OK. I ate exactly the number of Weight Watchers points I'm allowed. So far, today is under control as well. But it's a struggle. I feel like I've spent every minute of the day thinking about what I'm going to eat and what I'm not going to eat. It's exhausting.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Recipe: Pineapple dream cupcakes
If you like pineapple and you like dessert, you will want to make these. I got the idea from a cake a saw on Pinterest. If you can stop yourself from eating more than one or two, they are a great lowfat, low-calorie treat. Oh, and they really couldn't be simpler.
Ingredients
1 box angel food cake mix
1 can (20 oz.) crushed pineapple in juice
Cooking spray
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, stir together cake mix and pineapple. Coat a muffin pan with cooking spray. Fill each cup halfway with cake mixture. Bake for about 10 minutes or until lightly brown on top and around the edges. Let cool before removing from pan. Makes 36 cupcakes.
1 box angel food cake mix
1 can (20 oz.) crushed pineapple in juice
Cooking spray
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, stir together cake mix and pineapple. Coat a muffin pan with cooking spray. Fill each cup halfway with cake mixture. Bake for about 10 minutes or until lightly brown on top and around the edges. Let cool before removing from pan. Makes 36 cupcakes.
Recipe: Chicken piccata
Recipe: Chili
Ingredients
1 lb. 96% lean ground beef
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
1 cup frozen bell pepper strips (You can use diced fresh red or green pepper if you prefer.)
1 can (15 oz.) kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 large can (28 oz.) petite diced tomatoes
1 tsp. cumin
2 tsp. chili powder (This makes it fairly mild. Use more if you like your chili spicier.)
1 tsp. garlic, chopped (I use the kind from the jar, but fresh is fine.)
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. black pepper
Pour olive oil into a nonstick skillet. Add onion and saute on medium heat until soft. Add frozen peppers. (If using fresh, add at the same time as the onion.) Add cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper and garlic. Saute for about 5 minutes. Pour mixture into a large sauce pan or soup pot. Add beans and tomatoes. Meanwhile, brown ground beef in the same skillet you used for the veggies. Drain and then add beef to veggie mixture. If the mixture is too thick, add a little water. Cover and simmer on low heat for about an hour. Makes 5 one cup servings.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Weekly weigh-in: Off to a good start
Last week's weight: 178.4
This week's weight: 175.8
Difference: -2.6
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 5.6 pounds
The new year seems to be off to a good start. I'm steadily losing the 10 pounds I gained over the holidays, and I've made it through 11 days without any major binge eating attacks. I've splurged a little here and there, but even my indulgences have been in moderation. That's the good news.
The bad news is that I did not achieve my weekly goal, which was the track everything I ate and drank for one whole week. Just as a reminder, my weight-loss week runs from Friday to Thursday. I did well until Wednesday night when I had a function to attend for work. I didn't overeat at the event, but I failed to track anything I ate. So, on Thursday, I didn't bother to track either. Yesterday, I new week started and I didn't track anything that day either. I am going to try to enter yesterday's food and drinks into the Weight Watchers system, but I'll probably end up estimating a lot of what I ate because I wasn't very diligent about portion size. My point is that I'll try again this week to resume tracking.
What I'm most surprised about this week is that I didn't let stress derail my healthy eating habits. I had to make some really tough decisions at work this week and the stress of it all literally caused me to lose a lot of sleep. Often when I don't sleep well, my brain seems to get tired and I don't always make the best food choices. Luckily, I planned my meals and snacks well this past week and with just one exception, I grabbed healthy snacks when the urge to "stress eat" hit.
So it was a good week and I'm happy about that. Now I just have to think about how to maintain my progress for another week.
This week's weight: 175.8
Difference: -2.6
Total weight lost since Jan. 1, 2013: 5.6 pounds
The new year seems to be off to a good start. I'm steadily losing the 10 pounds I gained over the holidays, and I've made it through 11 days without any major binge eating attacks. I've splurged a little here and there, but even my indulgences have been in moderation. That's the good news.
The bad news is that I did not achieve my weekly goal, which was the track everything I ate and drank for one whole week. Just as a reminder, my weight-loss week runs from Friday to Thursday. I did well until Wednesday night when I had a function to attend for work. I didn't overeat at the event, but I failed to track anything I ate. So, on Thursday, I didn't bother to track either. Yesterday, I new week started and I didn't track anything that day either. I am going to try to enter yesterday's food and drinks into the Weight Watchers system, but I'll probably end up estimating a lot of what I ate because I wasn't very diligent about portion size. My point is that I'll try again this week to resume tracking.
What I'm most surprised about this week is that I didn't let stress derail my healthy eating habits. I had to make some really tough decisions at work this week and the stress of it all literally caused me to lose a lot of sleep. Often when I don't sleep well, my brain seems to get tired and I don't always make the best food choices. Luckily, I planned my meals and snacks well this past week and with just one exception, I grabbed healthy snacks when the urge to "stress eat" hit.
So it was a good week and I'm happy about that. Now I just have to think about how to maintain my progress for another week.
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