Stressful eating

I've been trying to tone down how much whining I do in my blog posts, but I need to vent. I thought that maybe the negative tone was contributing to my inability to regain the eating habits I established last year. But now I know that the tone is just a symptom of everything else going on in my life.

I started this year believing it was going to be the best ever. I had experienced so much success last year. Not just with weight loss but also with my outlook on life. But this year has been a struggle. I'm not going to rehash all of the stressful stuff I've been through. Just know it's been tough and still is.

My concern is that I've finally slipped back into my old habits. Every time I have a bad day or something goes wrong or I just feel stressed out, I turn to food. I reached what I feel like is a new low tonight.

Over the holiday weekend, I allowed myself to indulge. I'd been doing fairly well. So with family in town, I felt I deserved to splurge. I swore I'd get right back on track yesterday. Most of the day went well ... until two hours of stress involving my family. That's when I binge ate five caramel rice cakes and a single-serving size container of Weight Watchers fudge brownie ice cream.

In the grand scheme, I could have made much worse choices. I know that. It's not really what I ate, but how and why I ate it. So I vowed to do better today. I started off well ... even walking nearly 2 miles this morning. I had a healthy breakfast and lunch. By the afternoon, though, I knew I had a problem. All I wanted to do was eat. I'd consumed all of my daily Weight Watchers points by 5:30 p.m.

I should have eaten something healthy, but low in points, for dinner. Instead, I had two huge servings of pasta with butter and parmesan cheese. Yes, clearly I'm using food for comfort. This is a bad sign.

The only way I was successful last year is that I controlled those urges. I don't know how I did it. Every time I wanted to binge eat, I refused to do it. I splurged every now and then, but I never stuffed my face with unhealthy foods in an uncontrollable manner.

It really just makes me sad and disappointed in myself. Oh, and by the way, the scale says I've gained almost 7 pounds (and that was before the pasta). Now, I'm sitting here trying to think of a solution. I don't want to continue down this path, but I don't know how to stop myself.