Weekly weigh-in: Lifelong changes

Last week's weight: 170
This week's weight: 171
Difference: +1
Total weight lost since January 2010: 100.8

I'm about to go on vacation for a few days, so I weighed in a day early this week. I didn't have a great eating week, so gaining a pound wasn't really a surprise. And I'll probably gain a few more while on vacation. I'm prepared for that.

I've been thinking a lot this week about how long it's been since I started this journey -- almost 2 1/2 years. I've had my share of ups and downs and last year saw very little change in my weight. I get frustrated sometimes when my progress is slow or I hit a plateau. But I've realized that the changes I've made since I began in January 2010 are lifelong changes.

This week proved that to me. I gave in to emotional eating a few times. What that looks like now, though, surprised me. A few years ago, I would have eaten much worse foods -- probably pounds of pasta instead of two cups or an entire package of cookies instead of a few handfuls of chocolate chips or a whole bag of potato chips instead of seven rice cakes.

That tells me that even when I make bad choices, they aren't ones that will cause me to gain back 100 pounds. I'm pretty realistic about how much I like to eat. I'm not giving up anything. I'm just learning to control how much I eat of the foods that cause me to gain weight.

I'm also realistic about knowing when to splurge. While on vacation, I don't plan to eat whatever I want, but I also don't plan to count every calorie. My plan is to really think about what I'm eating and whether it's something I really want. If so, I'm going to eat it. If I can a few pounds, so be it. I'll lose them when I get back from vacation.

It's this attitude that I think will help me maintain my weight loss for the rest of my life. At any given time, I give myself a 5-pound leeway. As long as I don't gain more than that, I'm doing OK.

It's not rocket science

I've been feeling a little out of sorts for a few days. I thought that taking the long weekend to relax and really focus on my eating habits would help. Yet I'm sitting here inhaling chocolate chips as I type this post. I didn't lose control of my eating until yesterday. About 4 pm I ate a giant bowl of pasta. Then I had ice cream. Then I scarfed down five white cheddar rice cakes. And I still ate leftover chicken tacos for dinner. I'm disappointed in myself because I ruined a really good exercise day with food I had no business eating. Today wasn't much better. I didn't eat anything too crazy ... well, until the chocolate chips. They're all gone now so I guess they won't be tempting me any longer. My point is that it doesn't take a genius to figure out why I've fallen off the wagon (even if it is just slightly). A year ago at this time, my dad was rushed to the hospital and died later that night. He actually died on May 31 but it was the Tuesday after Memorial Day. I'd had a fun weekend and was packing for a trip to Asheville. Since I had to cancel my trip last year, I'm that much more excited about going this year. I'm scheduled to leave on Thursday. But I can't help but think about my dad and my family this week. I'm not upset, but I am agitated. As I've noted before, I'm an emotional eater. I'm trying not to stress about it, but the scale has gone up three pounds since Friday. I'm trying to give myself leeway. So what if I gain a few pounds? As of Friday, I'd lost almost 102 pounds. I've gone from a size 22/24 to a size 12. I put on a nightgown tonight from before and it's like wearing a tent. I bought a dress today in a size large when I used to wear 3X. I never would have even bought a dress before because I didn't want people to see my legs. So I'm trying to convince myself that a few pounds doesn't make me the size I used to be. A few pounds doesn't actually change anything. Losing control and eating a bunch of chocolate chips or pasta isn't a problem unless I make it a habit. I've made a lot of progress and most of the time I make the right choices even in stressful situations. It's ok to make a bad choice every now and then. That's life.

Weekly weigh-in: Battling the blues

Last week's weight: 171
This week's weight: 170
Difference: -1
Total weight lost since January 2010: 101.8

I was genuinely surprised when I weighed Friday morning. After hitting the 100 pounds lost mark last week, I gave myself a little leeway this week. I didn't go overboard, but I definitely ate/drank more than I should have. Based on what I was seeing on the scale during the week, I thought the best result I could hope for was to stay even. And that would have been fine. I think what helped me was a lot of exercise early in the week and drinking a ton of water. Plus, even as I was splurging, I didn't make the worst choices. For example, I had light beer when I wanted a margarita. I also had a salad for dinner one night when I wanted a cheeseburger, but that's because I was having wine with that dinner.

So the weigh-in went well. And I seem to be heading in the right direction with my weight loss (despite the occasional setback). What's baffling me is why I don't feel better about myself. Of course, there are outside factors affecting my mood. I just turned 39 earlier this month, and getting older just isn't much fun once you get past 21. Also, the one-year anniversary of my dad's death is coming up in a few days, so naturally that's on my mind. As usual, there are changes at work causing me stress. And a few unexpected expenses lately have me dipping into my savings, which never puts me in a very good frame of mind.

I'm hoping the long weekend will help me get refocused. My answer to feeling stressed is usually to get organized. So that's what I'm going to do for the next three days. I think a bit of spring cleaning around the house will help me feel more in control of my life. And it will keep me busy so I don't do things that cost a lot of money. Then, at the end of the week, I'll be visiting friends in Asheville. I'm certain that will be just the pick-me-up I need and I'll be on the path to a happy-go-lucky summer.

Seeing is believing

In case you missed my post earlier today, let me tell you again that I've officially reached the 100 pounds lost mark. As with my previous milestone moments, I had a new photo taken. This is the third time my friend and StarNews photographer Paul Stephen has taken time to help me document my progress. I really can't express how thankful I am that he pushes me to have these photos taken. (For the record, he didn't take the before photo.) And, of course, I'm going to share them with you. Instead of sharing the full progression, I thought it would be appropriate to simply show a before (271.8 pounds) and after (171 pounds) photo. Even I have to say, "Wow!" I'm adding a couple of more images from today's session just so you can get the full picture. (You can also click here to see previous photos taken during my journey.) And, don't forget, I still have 20 more pounds to lose. Paul says he expects to be taking more photos in four months. That sounds like a pretty good goal. Wish me luck.

Weekly weigh-in: A big moment

Last week's weight: 175.2
This week's weight: 171
Difference: -4.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 100.8

I officially hit the 100 pounds lost mark today. It's a major milestone and I expected to be jumping for joy or to feel some sense of relief. Instead, I've already started worrying about whether I can maintain it. What if I gain a pound next week? Plus, I still have 20 pounds to lose to reach my goal weight.

I had a huge loss this week. But it comes on the heels of a big gain last week. I apologize for not posting a weekly weigh-in last week, but I knew the number wasn't going to be good since I'd been celebrating my birthday the weekend before, which meant allowing myself all sorts of indulgences.

I tried really hard this week, though, to count everything I ate and I exercised more than I have in weeks. Obviously, it paid off. I think I'm not as excited about reaching 100 pounds lost as I thought I'd be mostly because it's been a stressful week at work.

I'm going to try to shake off all the negative energy surrounding me and think of some way to reward myself tomorrow. I already buy plenty of clothes and I don't want my reward to involve food/drink. Maybe I'll splurge on new makeup or pretty flowers for my yard. It doesn't really matter what I pick. The important thing is that I find a way to celebrate my accomplishment because I deserve it.

Weekly weigh-in: Getting closer

Last week's weight: 174.8
This week's weight: 172.6
Difference: -2.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 99.2

When I woke up this morning, I was a little scared to weigh in. Mostly because it's my birthday and a bad result would have ruined my entire day. But also because the past few weeks haven't been great. I tried harder this week to pay attention to what I was eating and I exercised more. I guess it paid off. The number on the scale was much better than I expected. It was just the present I needed to make me enjoy my birthday.

That said, I've already overindulged a bit. But I simply couldn't resist the carrot cake. It's my favorite and it's my birthday. If I can't eat cake on my birthday, then there's no point to living. OK, that's probably a little harsh. But I've said all along that this journey is one I'll be on for the rest of my life. Knowing that it's OK to eat cake on my birthday is one reason why I think I'll be successful in the long run.

What if I gain a pound or even two this week because I'm celebrating? That's OK as long as I revert back to my good habits after this weekend. I know this is the key to maintaining my weight loss. And, as of this morning's weigh-in, I'm closer than I've been so far to reaching to 100 pounds lost ... which will be a major milestone. I know I will reach it eventually and that's all that matters right now.