Last week's weight: 186.6
This week's weight: 184.8
Difference: 1.8
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87
Obviously, I'm a little late posting this week's update. Sorry about that, but with a hurricane approaching, I simply didn't have time. The good news is that I lost weight for the second week in a row. The bad news is that I wasn't very diligent about my eating habits for 48 hours after Friday morning's weigh-in.
What can I say? I spent 24 hours at the office during Hurricane Irene and I ate whatever I wanted. That included pizza, cheese, cookies, peanut butter, McDonald's, hot chocolate, Coke ... and probably a few things I can't even remember.
By the time Saturday afternoon rolled around, I could barely function because of exhaustion and I felt sick from so much junk food. I'm trying to return to normal today, but I did slip and eat two cookies at the office earlier today. Otherwise, though, I've done OK.
The scale reported this morning that those two days cost me four pounds. I'm hoping I didn't really gain that much in two days, but it is possible given what I ate. All I can do now is look forward and try to do well for the rest of this week.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Weekly weigh-in: Not easily fooled
Last week's weight: 188.8
This week's weight: 186.6
Difference: -2.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 85.2
Sorry my weekly check-in is a day late. I did, in fact, weigh Friday morning as usual, but yesterday was so chaotic at work that I didn't have to blog. When I got home, I was exhausted and never even turned on my computer.
Anyway, I know I should be happy with a loss after last week's significant gain. But I'm not. Obviously, I'm still hovering around the same number -- give or take a few pounds each week. As you know, I use the Weight Watchers online version to help me keep track of my progress. I entered my weight this week and made the mistake of looking at the chart for the past 12 weeks.
Zero weight lost. Three months have gone by and I have nothing to show for it. I want to convince myself that at least I'm not gaining. Everyone else tells me that I should be proud of how far I've come and that if I never lose another pound, it's OK. But it takes more than that to fool my brain.
I recognize the progress I've made. Not only with losing weight, but also in exercising and simply being healthier. I am proud of that, but I'm not happy with where I am. I set a realistic end goal -- between 150 and 155 pounds. I just can't figure out how to get there.
I've spent a lot of time lately looking back to try to determine when things truly got off track. Based on the numbers on the scale, my weight loss slowed dramatically starting in November of last year. I had a lot going on in my life and that's when I really started seeing myself as a different person. That's also when I started allowing myself indulgences. Then the holidays came. And I've simply never recovered.
I keep trying, but it won't stick. Every time I feel like I'm making progress, I allow myself to splurge. I don't know how to get myself to make the right choices again. I know what to do, but I don't do it. I know I have to keep trying.
I've been thinking that maybe a change in my routine might help. For example, I've thought about starting to attend Weight Watchers meetings. So far, I've only used the online tracking system. Do the meetings make a difference?
This week's weight: 186.6
Difference: -2.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 85.2
Sorry my weekly check-in is a day late. I did, in fact, weigh Friday morning as usual, but yesterday was so chaotic at work that I didn't have to blog. When I got home, I was exhausted and never even turned on my computer.
Anyway, I know I should be happy with a loss after last week's significant gain. But I'm not. Obviously, I'm still hovering around the same number -- give or take a few pounds each week. As you know, I use the Weight Watchers online version to help me keep track of my progress. I entered my weight this week and made the mistake of looking at the chart for the past 12 weeks.
Zero weight lost. Three months have gone by and I have nothing to show for it. I want to convince myself that at least I'm not gaining. Everyone else tells me that I should be proud of how far I've come and that if I never lose another pound, it's OK. But it takes more than that to fool my brain.
I recognize the progress I've made. Not only with losing weight, but also in exercising and simply being healthier. I am proud of that, but I'm not happy with where I am. I set a realistic end goal -- between 150 and 155 pounds. I just can't figure out how to get there.
I've spent a lot of time lately looking back to try to determine when things truly got off track. Based on the numbers on the scale, my weight loss slowed dramatically starting in November of last year. I had a lot going on in my life and that's when I really started seeing myself as a different person. That's also when I started allowing myself indulgences. Then the holidays came. And I've simply never recovered.
I keep trying, but it won't stick. Every time I feel like I'm making progress, I allow myself to splurge. I don't know how to get myself to make the right choices again. I know what to do, but I don't do it. I know I have to keep trying.
I've been thinking that maybe a change in my routine might help. For example, I've thought about starting to attend Weight Watchers meetings. So far, I've only used the online tracking system. Do the meetings make a difference?
Monday, August 15, 2011
Falling apart at the seams
It's been one of those days. You know, the kind where nothing seems to work out right. Every time I solved one problem, another one popped up. Nothing major. Just lots of little annoyances. I decided I would walk away my bad mood when I got home from work.
That's when I discovered my tennis shoes are falling apart at the seams. (I bet you thought this post was going to be about something else.) For weeks, I've been walking early in the morning. It's usually still dark in my house when I put on my shoes, so I guess that's my I hadn't noticed.
On the inside of both feet, apparently my heel rubs the shoe. Or I guess the shoe rubs my heel. The material is completely worn through and there's actually a hole in the seam in both shoes. Naturally, I just put them on anyway and headed out for my walk.
I noticed that the worn spots are exactly where my heels tend to hurt. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I need new shoes. I already knew that because my current tennis shoes are a size bigger than I normally wear these days, but I didn't want to spend the money so I just kept lacing them up tight. Now, I know I have to.
Obviously, if I'm going to be serious about walking/jogging, I need shoes that fit properly. I have no idea what that includes. I'm hoping some nice salesperson will be able to help me. I'm going to try to go after work tomorrow.
On a related note, seeing the holes in my shoes reminded me of my all-time favorite movie -- Joe Versus the Volcano. Near the beginning, Joe notices that the sole of his shoe is falling off and he says: "I'm losing my sole." Of course, he's really talking about his soul.
That's when I discovered my tennis shoes are falling apart at the seams. (I bet you thought this post was going to be about something else.) For weeks, I've been walking early in the morning. It's usually still dark in my house when I put on my shoes, so I guess that's my I hadn't noticed.
On the inside of both feet, apparently my heel rubs the shoe. Or I guess the shoe rubs my heel. The material is completely worn through and there's actually a hole in the seam in both shoes. Naturally, I just put them on anyway and headed out for my walk.
I noticed that the worn spots are exactly where my heels tend to hurt. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I need new shoes. I already knew that because my current tennis shoes are a size bigger than I normally wear these days, but I didn't want to spend the money so I just kept lacing them up tight. Now, I know I have to.
Obviously, if I'm going to be serious about walking/jogging, I need shoes that fit properly. I have no idea what that includes. I'm hoping some nice salesperson will be able to help me. I'm going to try to go after work tomorrow.
On a related note, seeing the holes in my shoes reminded me of my all-time favorite movie -- Joe Versus the Volcano. Near the beginning, Joe notices that the sole of his shoe is falling off and he says: "I'm losing my sole." Of course, he's really talking about his soul.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Weekly weigh-in: Acceptance
Last week's weight: 185.8
This week's weight: 188.8
Difference: +3
Total weight lost since January 2010: 83
I had accepted pretty early on in this week that today's weigh-in wasn't going to go well. I knew that last weekend's indulgences would be a problem. And the overeating and poor choices continued during the week. So I resigned to gaining weight and tried not to worry too much about it. Of course, now I'm faced with starting over again. I've said it before -- once I start down the wrong path, it's hard to turn around. But I'm going to try.
This week's weight: 188.8
Difference: +3
Total weight lost since January 2010: 83
I had accepted pretty early on in this week that today's weigh-in wasn't going to go well. I knew that last weekend's indulgences would be a problem. And the overeating and poor choices continued during the week. So I resigned to gaining weight and tried not to worry too much about it. Of course, now I'm faced with starting over again. I've said it before -- once I start down the wrong path, it's hard to turn around. But I'm going to try.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
No one to blame but myself
I think I'm going to just call this the lost week. I tried so hard to get back on track after this weekend's backsliding, but I couldn't do it. I totally caved today and ate a huge amount of Thai fried rice for lunch. Seriously, it was more points than I'm allowed for the whole day. It would have been OK had I not gone so overboard this weekend. Put the two together and Friday's weigh-in is going to be a disaster. I actually made the mistake of getting on the scale when I got home today. Ugh! Not a pretty sight.
But I want to be clear. Although I might jokingly say someone talked me into indulging in something unhealthy, I made the choice. No one else is to blame for my decisions. And others should never feel bad for the choices they make around me. I might hate when someone brings cookies into the office, but it's my choice to eat them.
I don't believe in blaming others for my problems just like I don't believe in making excuses for failure. People have often told me I expect too much of myself and others. Seriously? How else do you achieve your goals if you don't have high expectations? Anyway, my point is that I am responsible for myself and my actions. And I can whine and complain all I want about how I was sad or frustrated or unhappy and that made me eat bad foods. But that's no excuse.
So I'm giving up on this week. Yes, it's been a setback. Yes, I'm regret all of the bad things I've eaten. Yes, I'm going to be depressed about gaining weight this week. But I'm not going to let it be a long-term problem. I'm not giving up.
But I want to be clear. Although I might jokingly say someone talked me into indulging in something unhealthy, I made the choice. No one else is to blame for my decisions. And others should never feel bad for the choices they make around me. I might hate when someone brings cookies into the office, but it's my choice to eat them.
I don't believe in blaming others for my problems just like I don't believe in making excuses for failure. People have often told me I expect too much of myself and others. Seriously? How else do you achieve your goals if you don't have high expectations? Anyway, my point is that I am responsible for myself and my actions. And I can whine and complain all I want about how I was sad or frustrated or unhappy and that made me eat bad foods. But that's no excuse.
So I'm giving up on this week. Yes, it's been a setback. Yes, I'm regret all of the bad things I've eaten. Yes, I'm going to be depressed about gaining weight this week. But I'm not going to let it be a long-term problem. I'm not giving up.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Rallying the troops
This weekend's backsliding caused me to wake up this morning feeling kind of blue. I dragged myself out of bed for walking/jogging, but it was so hot and humid that I mostly walked. And I did only two laps around my neighborhood instead of my usual three.
But I was determined to get back on track today. I've done well with my eating -- oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch (it did have bacon bits and a little feta cheese), cucumbers and carrots with hummus for snack, tortellini and broccoli for dinner. Oh, and a watermelon slushie.
I got to thinking this evening about how I felt better. I know I can't undo the damage this weekend's eating did (so I expect to have gained weight come this Friday), but I was reminded today that I shouldn't let minor setbacks cause me to lose sight of my goal.
I feel like there's been a shift in my mindset today. The voices that were shouting: "Give up!" have been quieted. Instead, I'm seeing that this is just a bump in the road. I'll get past it eventually.
I've also decided to bring back the happy list. For those new to my blog, this is a list I started last summer where I noted five things each day that made me happy that day. I probably won't blog about them every day this time, but I do intend to at least make the mental list each night.
Here's today's list:
1. I had a lovely lunch with my boss. It was a good chance to catch up and she's the one who reminded me not to let a few obstacles derail me.
2. I got several compliments on my new shoes. I bought them Saturday at Target even though I have no business spending money right now. But I loved them ... and it turns out they're really comfortable -- for heels.
3. I got caught up on several items on my to-do list. Of course, there's always more work to be done, but it feels nice to have a few things marked off.
4. I made a change in how we do things at work that made one of my employees happy. As usual, I'm not going into detail about work, but it felt good to see how excited the person was about the change.
5. I ate well and exercised for 30 minutes. I could have done better on both counts, but I am happy at the effort I made today.
But I was determined to get back on track today. I've done well with my eating -- oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch (it did have bacon bits and a little feta cheese), cucumbers and carrots with hummus for snack, tortellini and broccoli for dinner. Oh, and a watermelon slushie.
I got to thinking this evening about how I felt better. I know I can't undo the damage this weekend's eating did (so I expect to have gained weight come this Friday), but I was reminded today that I shouldn't let minor setbacks cause me to lose sight of my goal.
I feel like there's been a shift in my mindset today. The voices that were shouting: "Give up!" have been quieted. Instead, I'm seeing that this is just a bump in the road. I'll get past it eventually.
I've also decided to bring back the happy list. For those new to my blog, this is a list I started last summer where I noted five things each day that made me happy that day. I probably won't blog about them every day this time, but I do intend to at least make the mental list each night.
Here's today's list:
1. I had a lovely lunch with my boss. It was a good chance to catch up and she's the one who reminded me not to let a few obstacles derail me.
2. I got several compliments on my new shoes. I bought them Saturday at Target even though I have no business spending money right now. But I loved them ... and it turns out they're really comfortable -- for heels.
3. I got caught up on several items on my to-do list. Of course, there's always more work to be done, but it feels nice to have a few things marked off.
4. I made a change in how we do things at work that made one of my employees happy. As usual, I'm not going into detail about work, but it felt good to see how excited the person was about the change.
5. I ate well and exercised for 30 minutes. I could have done better on both counts, but I am happy at the effort I made today.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Losing the battle, winning the war
After Friday's weigh-in, I had a feeling I wasn't going to be able to resist temptation. I felt like I was starving all day. I ate more than normal during the day, but nothing too crazy. After work, though, I just couldn't fight it anymore.
Yes, keeping track of everything I eat and stopping myself from eating whatever I want often feels like a fight. It can be draining. On Friday afternoon, I decided to just give in. I had mac and cheese and cookies for dinner. I felt sick afterward, which just makes me feel stupid for stuffing my face.
I started Saturday with a renewed sense of purpose. Oatmeal and a banana for breakfast. Light soup for lunch. Popcorn for snack in the afternoon. Then, I snapped again. I actually got in the car and drove to Costco to get pizza for dinner. I ate three pieces and then had lowfat ice cream for dessert.
I didn't feel sick this time. Instead, I went to bed feeling full and satisfied. When I woke up this morning, I was starving. So I ate two pieces of leftover pizza for breakfast. Before this morning's pizza, the scale was already showing the effects of my splurging -- up 1.2 pounds since Friday.
I don't like where this is going, but I don't know how to stop myself. I'm so tired. Eating the right foods and the right amount is exhausting. I've changed my behavior in a lot of ways, but old habits are hard to break.
What scares me is that I wasn't even regretting this weekend's indulgences until I was cleaning out my wallet and looked at my driver's license photo. Is that what I look like when I eat pizza and pasta and cookies? I know a couple of days of bad eating won't cause me to gain back 85 pounds, but I feel like that person from a year and a half ago when I eat those foods.
I've written a lot about how much I've changed, not just physically, since this journey began. Have I really? Sometimes, I feel like the same old me. The one who ate to feel better. I don't want to go back, but I don't know how to stop myself. I just don't know if I can keep fighting it.
As usual, writing this post has given me a bit of clarity. I know how to fight it. I'm a very strategic thinker and a problem solver by nature. I need a plan of attack. That's going to be my goal for the day. I may have lost the battle this weekend, but I can still win the war.
Yes, keeping track of everything I eat and stopping myself from eating whatever I want often feels like a fight. It can be draining. On Friday afternoon, I decided to just give in. I had mac and cheese and cookies for dinner. I felt sick afterward, which just makes me feel stupid for stuffing my face.
I started Saturday with a renewed sense of purpose. Oatmeal and a banana for breakfast. Light soup for lunch. Popcorn for snack in the afternoon. Then, I snapped again. I actually got in the car and drove to Costco to get pizza for dinner. I ate three pieces and then had lowfat ice cream for dessert.
I didn't feel sick this time. Instead, I went to bed feeling full and satisfied. When I woke up this morning, I was starving. So I ate two pieces of leftover pizza for breakfast. Before this morning's pizza, the scale was already showing the effects of my splurging -- up 1.2 pounds since Friday.
I don't like where this is going, but I don't know how to stop myself. I'm so tired. Eating the right foods and the right amount is exhausting. I've changed my behavior in a lot of ways, but old habits are hard to break.
What scares me is that I wasn't even regretting this weekend's indulgences until I was cleaning out my wallet and looked at my driver's license photo. Is that what I look like when I eat pizza and pasta and cookies? I know a couple of days of bad eating won't cause me to gain back 85 pounds, but I feel like that person from a year and a half ago when I eat those foods.
I've written a lot about how much I've changed, not just physically, since this journey began. Have I really? Sometimes, I feel like the same old me. The one who ate to feel better. I don't want to go back, but I don't know how to stop myself. I just don't know if I can keep fighting it.
As usual, writing this post has given me a bit of clarity. I know how to fight it. I'm a very strategic thinker and a problem solver by nature. I need a plan of attack. That's going to be my goal for the day. I may have lost the battle this weekend, but I can still win the war.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Weekly weigh-in: Stuck
Last week's weight: 185.8
This week's weight: 185.8
Difference: 0
Total weight lost since January 2010: 86
I'm disappointed with this week's result. When I first weighed this morning, I was actually pretty grumpy about it. All I could think was "why am I even bothering to try." I kept thinking about everything I want to eat but never do anymore. Then, I thought maybe I should take a break for a week. Just eat whatever I want.
But I knew that wasn't the right approach. For so many months, I've been stuck right around 85 pounds lost. I truly felt like last week's success had me headed in the right direction. I don't expect to see huge losses each week. But I did expect to lose weight this week. I stayed within my daily Weight Watchers points allotment almost every day. And even on the days I went over, I didn't go over my extra points allotment for the week. I walked/jogged four of the seven days.
I should have lost at least a little something. So I'm frustrated today. And to top it off, it's been an up and down week at work as well. I've had to put in a lot of extra hours (partly because I was home sick Monday with a migraine, which put me behind) and I haven't been sleeping well. Oh, and the eye twitching just won't seem to go away. It gets better for a day or two, but then it's back.
The good news is that I did not get a bagel with sausage, egg and cheese at Dunkin Donuts this morning. That's what I used to eat almost daily before I started this journey. I haven't had one since. In some ways, I use that as my measuring stick. If I get so far off track that I'm ordering that for breakfast, I may never reach my goal. Today, I'm sticking with my fat-free yogurt I brought from home.
That's a good sign. I know the right thing to do now is stay the course. One more week of exercising regularly and healthy eating and I will lose weight.
This week's weight: 185.8
Difference: 0
Total weight lost since January 2010: 86
I'm disappointed with this week's result. When I first weighed this morning, I was actually pretty grumpy about it. All I could think was "why am I even bothering to try." I kept thinking about everything I want to eat but never do anymore. Then, I thought maybe I should take a break for a week. Just eat whatever I want.
But I knew that wasn't the right approach. For so many months, I've been stuck right around 85 pounds lost. I truly felt like last week's success had me headed in the right direction. I don't expect to see huge losses each week. But I did expect to lose weight this week. I stayed within my daily Weight Watchers points allotment almost every day. And even on the days I went over, I didn't go over my extra points allotment for the week. I walked/jogged four of the seven days.
I should have lost at least a little something. So I'm frustrated today. And to top it off, it's been an up and down week at work as well. I've had to put in a lot of extra hours (partly because I was home sick Monday with a migraine, which put me behind) and I haven't been sleeping well. Oh, and the eye twitching just won't seem to go away. It gets better for a day or two, but then it's back.
The good news is that I did not get a bagel with sausage, egg and cheese at Dunkin Donuts this morning. That's what I used to eat almost daily before I started this journey. I haven't had one since. In some ways, I use that as my measuring stick. If I get so far off track that I'm ordering that for breakfast, I may never reach my goal. Today, I'm sticking with my fat-free yogurt I brought from home.
That's a good sign. I know the right thing to do now is stay the course. One more week of exercising regularly and healthy eating and I will lose weight.
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