The price of pizza

Today had its good moments, but it also had its bad moments. I knew I was having pizza for lunch because of a function at work. I was actually kind of excited about it because I've been craving pizza for a couple of days. This seemed like a good opportunity to satisfy the craving without going overboard. I spent all morning telling myself that I could have two pieces. I even had a very light breakfast in anticipation of the pizza. Of course, once the pizza was sitting in front of me, I couldn't resist a third piece.

I was disappointed because I didn't eat it because I was hungry. I ate it because it tasted good. I was also disappointed in myself this afternoon because I couldn't resist the incredible desserts a reporter brought into the newsroom. Normally, a few bites of a brownie wouldn't matter, but on top of the pizza it felt like I had gone overboard today.

But there is good news. I'm proud that I stopped with just three pieces of pizza nnd a few bites of dessert. Two years ago, I probably would have eaten five pieces of pizza and tasted each of the roughly 10 desserts. And then I would have come home and stuffed myself with something awful for dinner. Instead, I stopped at the grocery store and replenished my stock of Progresso Light soup and came home and hopped on my exercise bike.

I had already done my normal 30 minutes (4 miles) on the bike this morning, but I felt like I had to do a little more. I know the additional 30 minutes (4 miles) doesn't exactly make up for the pizza/brownie, but it helps. And, mentally, it's a huge step in changing how I look at food. I'm disappointed that I indulged today, but I feel good about how I dealt with my guilt. What's more, I put in the double dose of exercise on a day when I have a sore throat and stuffy nose and I really want to just go to bed.

It's all about the dress

The past few days have been quite busy and were a good test of what I will face during the holidays. Overall, I did OK with my eating (a few splurges, but nothing outlandish) and I'm back on track with exercising. What I'm most proud of is that after indulging at a social function this afternoon, I walked three miles. And that's on top of the four miles I'd already done on my exercise bike this morning.

The scale isn't exactly cooperating this weekend, but I feel good about knowing that I ate a little too much so I needed to exercise more. It's a good place to be mentally ... instead of feeling guilty and then just eating more.

Anyway, I had other successes this weekend. I resisted the buttery movie popcorn twice and I had a major craving for pizza Saturday, but I had a healthy bowl of light chicken noodle soup instead. I was also reminded in a strange way that a lot of people struggle with weight issues ... even skinny people. I won't go into details, but somehow it made me feel better hearing this.

Of course, it also didn't hurt that I saw a few people this weekend that I don't see on a regular basis and everyone commented on my weight loss. I feel kind of vain admitting it, but it makes me feel good when people notice.

Finally, I had somewhat of a breakthrough when it comes to what I see in the mirror. About a month ago, I bought a size large dress for Christmas party. I tried it on at the store and it looked great, but I felt like it was a little snug in the wrong places (basically, my hips and stomach). But I loved it and it was pretty cheap. So I bought it anyway. I told a friend about it and vowed to wear it to the Christmas party even if I didn't lose another pound before then. Well, I have lost a few pounds since then and I've been riding my exercise bike regularly. When I tried it on today, I couldn't believe what I saw in the mirror. For one brief moment, I felt like I looked good. The feeling didn't last because I quickly started feeling self-conscious and wondering if I could actually wear it in public. There's nothing revealing about the dress, but it is eye-catching. For now, I'm just glad the dress fits and I hope it's the motivation I need to stay on track for the next few weeks.

Weekly weigh-in: A number I can live with

Last week's weight: 183.2
This week's weight: 183.4
Difference: +0.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 88.4

I was tempted to skip this week's weigh-in. The scale had not been cooperating all week. I was, as my grandmother would say, "weighing heavy." I stuck to my Weight Watchers points, but I didn't exercise as much this week and my food choices weren't as smart as they could have been (lots of sodium). Plus, I just knew that weighing in the morning after Thanksgiving wasn't going to go well.

So I was surprised to see the result. I'll admit that I did weigh three times and used the lowest number. But still ... a slight gain in a week that included Thanksgiving is perfectly acceptable in my mind. I'm going to consider this week a wash and keep plugging along. Luckily, I made lots of healthy, lowfat foods for Thanksgiving so the leftovers shouldn't be a problem. And, after four days without exercise, I know getting on my exercise bike tomorrow won't be easy. But I will do it.

Recipe: Cocktail time

If you're a regular follower, you know I tend to splurge from time to time on an alcoholic beverage. With the holidays just around the corner, I decided to experiment and came up with two low-cal, yet tasty, cocktails. Both make use of one of my new favorite ingredients Torani sugar-free syrup. I use it in coffee all the time. Just a half a teaspoon is enough.

Cocktail No. 1
1 oz. spiced rum
1/2 tsp. Torani sugar-free almond roca syrup (caramel or chocolate would probably be good, too)
1/4 fresh orange
Club soda
Ice

Cocktail No. 2
1 oz. vodka
1/2 tsp. Torani sugar-free raspberry syrup (any fruit flavor would be good)
1/4 fresh orange
Club soda
Ice

Mix the rum and syrup in a glass. (I used a martini glass, but anything that holds 6 to 8 ounces would work.) Squeeze in the juice from the orange section. Fill about 1/3 of the way with ice. Fill with club soda.

Weekly weigh-in: In control

Last week's weight: 184.4
This week's weight: 183.2
Difference: -1.2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 88.6

It was almost a year ago this week that I feel like I lost control of my weight loss efforts. I think I knew it was happening at the time, but I kept making poor choices. As the year progressed I encountered several stressful life events, so my choices didn't improve. I finally think I've regained control.

I'm hesitant to celebrate too much and I don't want to be overly confident about my recent success. But this marks four consecutive weeks of losing weight. After so many ups and downs in the past year, it feels like a true milestone.

Plus, I've faced temptation so many times this week. I haven't always made the best choice, but I definitely haven't made the worst choice either. In fact, my food choices have been fairly good. And when I've splurged, it's been in small amounts. For example, I've been craving mac and cheese all week. I even tried making a lowfat version. It tasted good, but not really like mac and cheese. I finally gave in last night. While getting dinner to go at Carolina Farmin', I had the server give me what amounted to a few bites of mac and cheese instead of the normal side portion. Yes, that was a proud moment.

I've also exercised at least 30 minutes every day this week. This wasn't easy during my staycation because several days I wanted to just lay around in my pajamas. Turns out getting in my morning exercise stopped me from being a slug. It's been a busy and fast week and I haven't spent nearly as much time in front of the TV as I thought I might.

Finally, I should mention that I've tracked my Weight Watchers food points and activity points online every day for the past four weeks. I've said all along that one of the reasons for my previous success was keeping track of what I ate.

Obviously, eating well, exercising and monitoring both habits makes a difference. Keeping it up won't be easy, but I am a creature of habit. Just a few more weeks and I'm sure it all be routine again.

Recipe: Lowfat Mac and Cheese

I've been craving mac and cheese for days now, so I decided to make a healthier version. It didn't really turn out like mac and cheese, but it did taste very good. And it was so easy to make. BTW, I ate one serving as my meal.

Ingredients
6 oz. No Yolks egg noodles
3 cups Fresh broccoli florets (I used two crowns. You could also just use frozen.)
1 cup Kraft 2% milk reduced-fat sharp cheddar cheese
1/2 cup Fat-free half and half
1 can Petite diced tomatoes (I used the kind with basil, oregano and garlic, but whatever flavor you like would be fine.)
Cooking spray
Salt and pepper to taste

Cook the noodles according to the package directions. About halfway through, throw the broccoli into the same pot of boiling water. (You can cook it separately, but this is easier.) Drain noodles and broccoli. Return to pan and add diced tomatoes. In a small saucepan, heat the half and half on medium heat. Don't let it boil. Once it's hot, add 3/4 cup cheese. Reduce heat to low and stir with a whisk until creamy. Add salt and pepper. Spray a medium-sized casserole dish with cooking spray. Add noddle mixture and pour cheese sauce evenly on top. Sprinkle remaining cheese evenly on top. Bake at 375 degrees until cheese is melted (about 20 minutes). Makes 4 servings.

A proud moment

This has been the kind of day that normally would send me over the edge. And I've been close a couple of times. I'm feeling calmer now, but I'm still thinking about all the "bad" foods I want to eat -- pizza, mac and cheese, Chinese, etc. But I'm not going to do it.

I was really close to giving in to temptation when I ended up at Walmart for a second time in the same day. Aside from a few work issues (which I won't go into detail about), it turns out that putting up my Christmas tree this afternoon was more stressful than I anticipated.

It was supposed to be a relaxing afternoon. I put "Love Actually," one of my all-time favorite movies, in the DVD player and started putting together my fake pre-lit tree. I spent about an hour straightening branches. Then, I plugged it in. The entire bottom row of branches weren't lit. I vaguely remember having a problem last year. I spent another 20 minutes jiggling bulbs. Nothing!

So I decided it was time to get a new tree. I went to three stores then Walmart. Walmart!!!!! My least favorite store. I got a tree for $39, which I thought seemed like a good deal. Back at home, I fielded several calls from my family. Then I opened the box ... to find a black tree. Seriously. Who buys a black Christmas tree?

That was almost the breaking point. Feeling defeated, I considered just going to bed and trying again tomorrow. But, no, I'm not really the sort to give up. I headed back to Walmart. Every bad food I could think of passed through my mind. I really wanted to just get something in the deli area -- they have mac and cheese, fried chicken tenders, potato wedges.

But I resisted. Back at home ... again ... I almost ordered Chinese. Almost six hours after I first set out to put up my tree, it's done and it looks beautiful. And I'm so proud that I didn't give in to temptation. I did splurge on a little wine while decorating the tree, but I'm about to eat my healthy chicken, spinach, mushrooms and pasta leftovers.

Dealing with stressful situations without turning to fattening foods is a big part of how I was so successful last year. And I'm proud to say I'm once again making progress.

Recipe: Italian chicken

 Ingredients
1 1/2 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken breasts (I bought a package of three and cut them in half.)
1 tbsp. Italian seasoning
2 cups dried whole grain or whole wheat pasta
1 bag fresh baby spinach
1 package fresh sliced mushrooms
1 tbsp. olive oil
1 can petite diced tomatoes
4 tbsp. shredded parmesan cheese
Salt and pepper to taste
Cooking spray

Coat a non-stick baking sheet with cooking spray. (I cover mine in aluminum foil first.) Place chicken on pan and sprinkle on the Italian seasoning. Add a little salt and pepper as well. Bake at 350 degrees until chicken is no longer pink inside. Cook the pasta according to the package directions and drain. While the chicken and pasta are cooking, add the olive oil to a non-stick skillet on medium-high heat. (I used oil infused with garlic. If you don't have that handy, just add a little chopped garlic or a sprinkle of garlic powder.) Add the mushrooms and saute until tender. Reduce heat to low. Add the spinach a little at a time so it wilts down before you put in the next bunch. Add a dash of salt and pepper. Once all of the spinach is wilted, remove from heat. Spray a large casserole dish with cooking spray. Put the cooked pasta in the bottom. Place the six pieces of chicken evenly around the dish. Top each piece with an equal amount of spinach/mushroom mixture. Then top each piece with an equal amount of diced tomatoes. Finally, add the cheese. Cover and return to oven at 175 degrees just to heat everything through and melt the cheese. Makes 6 servings.

Recipe: Pumpkin parfait

I was inspired this morning by watching someone on the Food Network make tiramisu. I've never had it, but it always looks so delicious ... and not very good for me. As you know, I love to experiment with recipes and I'm obsessed with pumpkin lately. So I decided I'd try a creamy pumpkin parfait.

Ingredients
2 pears, peeled and diced (I used red.)
1 apple, peeled and diced (I used a Granny Smith.)
1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1/2 tsp. cinnamon (plus a little extra to sprinkle on the fruit before baking)
1/2 cup canned pumpkin puree
2 snack-size sugar-free vanilla pudding cups
Cooking spray
8 Nabisco Reduced Fat Nilla Wafers

Spray a non-stick pan with cooking spray (I cover mine with aluminum foil first.). Place the diced fruit on the pan and sprinkle with cinnamon. Bake at 350 degrees until slightly tender (about 10 minutes). Remove from oven and let cool. In a bowl, mix the pudding, pumpkin puree, pumpkin pie spice and cinnamon. Keep in refrigerator until ready to use. Once the fruit is cool, place a few chunks in the bottom of a dessert bowl (or you can use a fancy glass such as a margarita or martini glass). Top with about a tablespoon of pumpkin mixture. Repeat the layering of fruit and pumpkin until you've used it all. I got four layers of each for four desserts. Add two Nilla Wafers to each dish.
Note: If you don't mind a few extra calories, you could add a tablespoon of spiced rum to the pumpkin mixture and top the parfaits with a little whipped cream and chopped walnuts or pecans.

Celebrating my successes

I've had three good weeks in a row and week four is off to a good start. So I decided to treat myself to new clothes. OK, I know, I buy new clothes a lot. But this time I spent a little more than normal and bought things I wouldn't normally wear. The key was that the two skirts were a size 14 -- my smallest size so far. I can't quite fit into everything that size, but I'm getting closer.

At first, I felt great about my purchases. But then I felt guilty because I shouldn't be spending money on more clothes right now. (I'm really poor these days.) Now, though, I'm back to feeling like I deserve those clothes. And in the grand scheme of things, I didn't spend that much money. In fact, I've bought a ton of new clothes since my journey began in January 2010. I couldn't tell you how much I've spent, but I'm sure it's been thousands of dollars.

The conclusion I've come to is that it's worth it. There was a time when I would have traded my life savings to lose weight and feel healthier. I see going overboard with shopping every now and then as my reward. I work really hard at my professional job and just as hard at losing weight. If I can't reward myself, then why am I working so hard?

Buying clothes in a smaller size also serves another purpose -- keeping me on track. I was so proud of myself last night for making smart choices at dinner. I wanted to order one of everything on the menu, which included lots of decadent pasta dishes. Instead, I opted for a salad (with very little balsamic vinaigrette) and steamed mussels. The big splurge was eating a little more bread than I should have and two regular beers. My point is that I had a great evening with a great friend. I didn't need to eat mounds of food to have fun.

And I'm especially proud that I resisted temptation. I was so close to giving in. But I don't think I would have enjoyed the evening more if I had. I even told my friend that I feel like I'm seeing a mental shift in the past few weeks. I'm starting to feel like the person who had so much success losing weight last year. That's a reason to celebrate.

Weekly weigh-in: A big surprise

Last week's weight: 186.4
This week's weight: 184.4
Difference: -2
Total weight lost since January 2010: 87.4

Wow. I couldn't believe my eyes when I stepped on the scale this morning. In fact, I weighed three times just to be sure. But the number was the same. After a week that included lots of pizza, a few beers and more desserts than normal, I thought I might have gained weight. Of course, I weigh every day. As of yesterday, I thought maybe I'd at least stay the same. I tried to counteract the excesses with exercise and lots of water. I guess it worked.

What I'm most proud of (just like last week) is that even when I went overboard, I made fairly decent choices. For example, on the pizza day, I had one piece with all the meats and the other slices were cheese. Trust me, I could have eaten the entire meat pizza. On Thursday, lunch out at Flaming Amy's could have been a disaster. Instead, I opted for a salad with grilled chicken. I used a tiny bit of the thai peanut dressing, but then I topped the salad with different kinds of salsa. It was delicious. I missed the chips a little, but I certainly had plenty to eat.

My next challenge, though, is getting through the next 10 days without overeating. It's much easier for me to control my eating when I'm at work. So I'm a little worried that my 10-day staycation could be a problem, but I'm at least thinking about it and going to try to stick with my plan. I'm also hoping to get in a lot of exercise ... which might include a lot of walking around the mall.

Negative self-image

I've been in a good place for a little more than two weeks now. After months and months of being an emotional wreck on the inside, I felt like I finally had a breakthrough. Things have been going well ever since. My eating habits are improved and I've been doing a great job exercising (almost daily, in fact).

Nothing in particular happened today, but I've been feeling kinda down. It was one of those days where I looked in the mirror and I couldn't see the new me. Fairly often, I still see the same person I've always seen since I can remember.

I like the days when I look at my face and realize how much thinner I am. Sometimes, I even see the difference just looking at my wrists or fingers. I couldn't see any of those changes today. In fact, I actually felt like I weighed the 271.8 pounds I started out at.

If I knew what caused me to see myself this way, I think I could work on changing my perception. Instead, I just get depressed about it. In my mind, I know the changes have been dramatic. Sometimes, I even see a photo of myself and have to look twice because I don't even recognize myself. Other times, I see a photo and only see how much weight I still need to lose.

I've had two weeks filled with positive thinking and hope. I don't want to lose that progress. And, luckily, I do seem to have my eating under control again. I'm splurging here and there, but not binging. I guess I just wish I had more confidence in myself. And, after a year of heartache and heartbreak, I wish something good would happen soon so that I could end the year on a positive note.

Weekly weigh-in: I feel good

Last week's weight: 187.8
This week's weight: 186.4
Difference: -1.4
Total weight lost since January 2010: 85.4

Two good weeks in a row. I'm trying not to get too excited. I still have 1.6 pounds to lose just to get to my lowest weight since I started this journey. But after weeks of going up one week and down the next and then feeling like I was gaining overall, I'm thrilled to have lost weight two weeks in a row. It sure makes me feel good and like I'm doing something right for a change.

The truth is that I haven't made the best choices this week. I had a meatball sub, wine, pizza and too much Halloween candy. But I also rode my exercise bike A LOT. I kept track of everything I ate and every Weight Watchers point. I ended up using all of my weekly points and all of my activity points, but I ended the week dead even ... and I lost weight.

The best part is that the exercise is making me feel so good. I've been reminded how much easier it is to deal with stress and others' negativity when I'm in a good place. And even though it's only been a few days, I'm starting to feel like I did during the summer of 2010. During those few months, I was genuinely happy. I woke up ready to handle each day. I'm almost back to that point.

The differences I talked so much about back then are starting to show again. I'm excited by new experiences and I find joy in simple things. It's difficult to explain exactly what I mean. But those who've experienced this feeling will know what I'm talking about. And you also know that the feeling is addictive. To put it simply, I feel good about being me.