A bad day

I was an emotional wreck today. It started early this morning. I wasn't sleeping well so I turned on the TV. I kept wanting to fall back to sleep, but it just wouldn't happen. As I was binge watching Criminal Minds, I thought that maybe I'd stay in bed all day.

About 7:45, I took a shower and dressed for the day. I even did my hair (something I don't always do on the weekend) because I knew my boyfriend and I were planning an outing later in the day. For those who don't know, my boyfriend and I live together. He works nights so we have a general agreement that he gets to sleep until 11 a.m. or noon. Usually, that works out fine for me because I catch up on DVR'd shows and go to the grocery store.

Today just didn't go according to plan. My boyfriend startled me when I got home from Harris Teeter about 9:30 a.m. and things seemed off all day after that. I'll spare you the details except to say that the day ended with me in tears and him wondering what went wrong.

A lot of things went wrong today. Nothing so bad that you'd expect me to be blubbering as I was. I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm a planner. I have a lot of anxiety because I spend my time thinking about every possible scenario. Every time I let my guard down, I get disappointed. When things don't go as I had planned (and I didn't anticipate a different scenario), I'm thrown and it never ends well.

With each hurdle today, I tried so hard to recover. By the end of the day, I just couldn't do it. My poor boyfriend had no idea how the train went off the tracks so quickly. Unfortunately, I saw it coming before I even got out of bed. There should be some sort of alert system. Maybe I could say: "Honey, the train might derail today. Buckle up."

Luckily, I have a boyfriend who actually went to sleep (because he has to work tonight) probably feeling like crap but telling me how much he loves me. What he should know is that I AM the lucky one. In the big picture of life, I'm so lucky to have found him. And the fact that he tolerates my emotional outbursts makes him a prince.

Also, I should mentioned that my emotional breakdown was triggered by planning dinner. Although it was tied to deep seeded issues in my personal life, the trigger was food. We ended up eating frozen pizza because that was simple.

PS - For those following along with my progress, my boyfriend and I made it through 19 hours of our fast. We couldn't take it anymore so we had a pickle, two olives and some carrots with ranch dip. Then we had a lovely dinner of chicken, rice and green beans. It was a failure and a success at the same time. I'm glad I tried it. I don't think we'll be doing it again.