Highs and lows

Today was one of those days where self-doubt seemed to overshadow everything else. For example, I had a meeting at the bank that involved me showing my driver's license. It still has my "before" photo. I don't really think about it much until it's time to show it. It never fails that people are shocked when they see the photo.

Naturally, the woman at the bank commented on how much weight I've lost. That led to an entire conversation about how I've done it and that her husband is a personal trainer. We chatted for 10-15 minutes about eating well and exercising. It was a perfectly lovely conversation and made me feel good in that moment. It was such a great compliment.

A bit later, though, I kept thinking about the conversation. My recent weight gain is weighing on my mind a little bit, and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever reach my ultimate goal. I know I should be proud that I've already made progress toward losing the 10 pounds I gained. I just feel stuck.

There was a time when each day brought me so much happiness. Every time I made the right food choice or I exercised to deal with stress, I felt proud of myself. When did that change? I'm still making the right choices most of the time, but I don't seem to get the same satisfaction from it.

I just want to get back to a place where being focused on my weight loss journey makes me feel good instead of being at the point where I wonder all too often why I'm even bothering.