Letting my emotions get the better of me

I've been debating for about 30 minutes whether to write this post because I can't really give specifics, but I've obviously decided that blogging just might be therapeutic. For about a week now, my emotions have been all over the place. I've been ecstatic at moments and in tears at other moments. And sometimes I've felt both emotions at the same time, which probably seems weird.

The problem is that I don't let myself get emotionally invested in people very often. It's a product of my childhood. My mom was married and divorced four times and I had stepsisters in two different marriages. Long story short, people came and went. One day, they're your family. The next day, you never see or hear from them again. Sure, it's not like they died. But they were gone. To this day, I don't know what happened to some of those people. So I became detached, untrusting, skeptical.

As a result, I think people view me as an uncaring person. The words thick-skinned and insensitive come to mind. I get it and can see why people would feel that way. But there are a select few who know me better. They know I'm just as insecure as the next person and that I'm very emotional. I just tend to hide my emotions well. That's why the highs and lows of late are so puzzling.

I have allowed myself to get emotionally invested in some people. Their successes are my successes. Their failures are my failures. And my loyalty toward and belief in these people is unwavering. So when they do something that surprises me or disappoints me, I don't handle it well. Yes, I take it personally. On one hand, I think that makes me sound selfish. Shouldn't I be happy when others do things that make them happy? On the other hand, I start to question whether I had something to do with their decisions. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean since I can't go into detail. But it's hard for me not to let my insecurities take over.

And I hate being on this emotional roller-coaster. Why can't things be good for just a little while? There are good things happening in my life. Why do they have to be marred by these bad things?

As I've said before, I think it's important for me to analyze my feelings because I know that overeating has been a coping mechanism for me in the past. I'm proud that I haven't let these ups and downs derail my weight-loss efforts. But I still worry that the possibility is there. Will there be a day when I don't have this self control? It feels like I'm getting closer and closer to that day all the time.