I know what's best for me

I wrote on Facebook earlier this week that I had reached my maximum stress tolerance level. Two days later, I experienced what I believe was a panic attack. I've only told two people about it and I really debated about whether I wanted anyone to know. Obviously, I've decided it's best to share what I'm feeling.

It happened Wednesday morning. I was getting ready for work, standing in front of the bathroom mirror putting on my makeup. As usual, I had lots of things running through my mind. Mornings are when I do my best thinking and problem-solving. Suddenly, I felt dizzy, sweaty, nauseous and I was having trouble breathing and my heart was pounding.

I didn't know what to think at first. I sat in the bed and tried to take a few deep breaths. About two minutes later, I was fine. It really seemed like it never happened. The rest of the day was normal. I got a little weirded out this morning because I wondered if it would happen again. But it didn't.

One of the people I told said he wasn't surprised at all. In fact, he said the surprise is that I've been keeping it together as well as I have. I'm starting to agree. Many of you already know that I've been dealing with several stressful events in the past three weeks. My dad passed away. My AC broke and I had to get a whole new one, which is costing a lot of money. I've been working extremely long days because of a big investigative story under way. And I had to rush one of my best friends to the doctor this week and now she's dealing with some serious health problems.

I'm stressed out! What's interesting, and the real point of this post, is that I know what I need to do to de-stress. I've managed to get through a lot of tough situations in my life. I know what works for me.

First, I need order. I need the things I can control to be under control. This always helps me deal better with the unexpected and the things I can't control.

Second, I need to stay busy in my downtime -- doing fun, lighthearted things. For example, I've made plans to see a really funny movie tomorrow night. I'm also thinking about something relaxing to do on Saturday and Sunday. Might even finally hook up the Wii again.

Finally, I need a break from it all. My brain is very good at compartmentalizing things. I took only three days off from work for my dad's funeral. I knew I was going to need more time, just not right then. Well, it's been almost a month. I need time now. I'm going to Richmond next weekend to visit my family and try to get some of my dad's affairs in order. But I'm thinking I will take a few days after that just for myself. (I still need approval from my boss, though.)

I don't know what I will do with those days, but mentally it feels like what I need. I might end up sitting at home. I might take a day trip. I might go somewhere for a couple of days. I might end up staying in Richmond with my family. It doesn't matter. There's something about knowing that I can use those days to do whatever I want that makes me feel better. I hope it works out because I truly believe that's what's best for me right now.