A broken record

I feel like I'm repeating myself a lot lately in my posts. For months now, I've been stuck. I gain a little. I lose a little. I try not to worry about it too much because so much is going right in my life. But some days it does get to me. I really wonder why I'm not able to get back to where I was with my eating habits.

So many days I feel like I'm starting over. I make it until dinner and then the urge to snack hits. I try to think of things to keep myself busy at home, but it's not easy. I'm tired. I haven't been doing much walking the past couple of weeks. So I end up sitting on the couch for hours.

As I've said before, I know what I need to do. I need to start keeping track of what I'm eating and planning meals and snacks. I also know that I need to keep the bad stuff out of my house. Food is an addiction. I had a lot of will power early on, but now I seem to be caving left and right. For example, for most of last year, I never ate any of the "free food" brought into the office. Now, I can't resist. This week, I did eat only 1/3 of a doughnut, but I wish I hadn't eaten any of it. At lunch today, I splurged on the entree then I ate a giant cookie simply because it was warm and free.

I've also noted before that it takes a lot of focus to lose weight. Apparently, my brain can seriously focus on only two things at once. One of those is always work. Last year, the other was losing weight. Now I'm focused on a new relationship. I'm so happy about it, but it is pretty much all I think about outside of work.

I'm thinking I'll find some balance soon. Since I'm not gaining weight, I'm inclined to not stress about it too much. I still have my goal of losing 40 pounds by the end of the year in mind, and I think I can still achieve it. I'm also really hoping that as soon as the weather gets a little warmer and it stays daylight longer in the evenings, I will start walking again every day.