I might cry

After last week's debacle, I've tried to do better with my eating this week. I haven't been perfect, but I've certainly limited the bad choices. So I decided to do a mid-week weigh-in today. I felt pretty good about this week, so I figured I was bound to have lost weight already. Seriously, I still can't believe I gained 6.2 pounds last week.

Well, it backfired. The scale says I've gained another 1.6 pounds. How is that even possible? What is going on? I've been trying to shrug it off and not get too stressed about it. But this is ridiculous now and I'm starting to panic. My anxiety about this recent weight gain is through the roof. And it's starting to affect my mood.

As of today, I'm at 197 pounds. Once I got under 200 pounds, I said I'd never weight that much again. I meant it. I can't imagine how I'm going to feel if I hit that point. I'm already about to cry.

I don't know what to do. I guess the first step should be to seriously assess what I'm eating and drinking and how much. For me to do this, though, it has to be a top priority and has to be what I think about most. That's going to be hard right now because I do have other priorities in my life. But reaching my goal weight is so important to me. I cannot stand the idea of failing. I should probably look back at what I was eating before and copy those menus.

I also know that I need to return to walking or some form of exercise. Obviously, walking has worked well in the past. I just need something to get me motivated. I did so well for so long. What's stopping me now?

I wish I could end on a more positive note. The good news is that I'm not really going to cry. I'm feeling anxious and worried more than anything. And there's also some confusion because I don't fully understand why I'm gaining right now. Ugh!