Discovering the real me

You are the change you want.

I've been thinking about this since 3:30 a.m. Sunday, July 25 when it was being drilled into my head. My friend and I were talking about all the changes going on in our lives and how they are scary yet exciting. He was really trying to convince me to own the changes in my life and accept that I am responsible for those changes. I'm not sure now why, but I wasn't able to do it. I feel like so many changes are out of my control.

But his point is a good one. Ultimately, we do control our own destinies. I'm fond of saying, "Everything you do, you do to make yourself happy," which is right in line with what my friend was saying.

So for the past week, I've tried to live by what my friend said. If I want to make changes in my life, then I am the only one who can do it. As a result, I had a great week. Sure, it had it's usual ups and downs. But my outlook was different. I've felt better every day in the past week than any other time I can remember. And I've done things in the past week that I never would have done before. Of course, I must point out that support from others has been truly amazing. It definitely helps keep me motivated and, honestly, just makes me feel good.

I feel like I'm changing who I am. I'm definitely not the same person I was six months ago. Sure, my physical appearance is changing pretty drastically, but the change I'm talking about is the person on the inside. At first, I thought I was becoming a whole new me -- someone I didn't recognize and someone who did things I would never do. Then, I thought back to 15 or so years ago and realized that the new me is an awfully lot like the person I was back then.

Now, I feel like I'm discovering the real me and I like that person. The real me likes to have fun and take risks. The real me is loyal to my friends ... even when they're wrong. The real me is ambitious and not afraid of change. The real me loves to read poetry and books that inspire the thinker inside my head. The real me is direct and confident (but I hope not arrogant). And the real me dreams about the future.