After today, it is abundantly clear that I have done something to mess up my karma. I'm starting to wonder how much stress I can take before I actually crack and eat everything in sight. There are so many things adding up and the result is that I'm not handling them well.
My eating habits have gradually over the past couple of weeks gotten worse. Now, I'm paying for it. I've gained 5 pounds since Friday. Scientifically speaking, I probably haven't really gained 5 pounds. There are any number of reasons for seeing a higher number on the scale. But this is a good time for me to reassess where I am and the fact that I seem pretty close to being out of control again.
Eating is an emotional response. I can feel the stress seeping into the part of my brain that has kept me on track with my weight loss all these months. And I don't know how to stop it. I think every day that I'm going to do better, but then something happens and I eat poorly. The problem is that I'm just not making the right choices. Early in this journey, even when I was overwhelmed or things felt out of control, I chose wisely.
I guess my hope is that this is a phase -- that I'll snap out of it soon. But what if I don't. I keep thinking that something's going to happen to help me get back to where I was. I want to make the smart choices. I want the irrational voice in my head to go away.
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