On the verge of cracking

Today is the closest I've come to eating the worst foods possible since I started this journey in January. And, unfortunately, the day's not over yet. I don't know what's going on, but I'm craving everything bad ... pizza, Chinese, barbecue, french fries, a steak and cheese. And my emotions are all over the place. Some of you might be saying that sounds like PMS. Could be. But I've made it through 10 months without cracking, so why is today so bad?

I think it's because I've allowed my brain to focus on other things lately. You could say that I haven't been keeping my eye on the ball. In fact, I've been distracted by a lot of other things. Mostly good, but still distractions. This is probably a good lesson as I go forward -- winning this battle requires constant attention and commitment.

And the good news is that other than two small splurges on snacks (half of a medium-size blueberry muffin and a half piece of pumpkin bread), I haven't actually gotten off track today. Instead, I came home from work and walked 3 miles. I vowed that I wasn't going back in my house until I felt better. But I had to give up eventually because my left leg/ankle were hurting so bad that I could barely take another step.

Now, of course, I'm blogging ... hoping something will click and the urge to order delivery will pass. It was particularly difficult seeing the pizza delivery guy drive by during my walk. My brain keeps saying: "It's just one day. Just eat whatever you want and worry about it tomorrow." OK, that probably wouldn't be the end of the world. The problem is that food is an addiction and once I let those words win, I'll be hearing them all the time and letting them win all the time.

So I'm headed to the kitchen to eat my leftover whole-wheat pasta with butternut squash and asparagus. And I might have to go to bed after that so I won't be tempted to eat something else ... something worse. Then maybe tomorrow will be better.