Why is it that no matter how good things are there's a voice in my head that makes me feel bad about myself? The past few days have been amazing. I've felt happy again. But for some strange reason the self-doubt just won't leave my mind. And then that seems to lead to self-sabotage.
My eating this week hasn't been the best, but it hasn't been bad. And I Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. But then today I let my guard down. I was really tired, so I took today off from walking even though I vowed to walk every day this week. I just couldn't do it. I also overate at lunch, including apple pie. Now I'm feeling guilty. I know, I shouldn't beat myself up about it.
I'm also mad at myself for not being able to simply be happy. Why can't I just enjoy the moment? Why do I have to analyze everything over and over again? And my thoughts keep telling me that I'm not good enough. Sometimes, it seems like the more I change, the more I stay the same.
I've talked a lot about how the past year has transformed me. My approach to life is much different now than it used to be. I see everything differently ... except myself. I see the same person I was a year ago and the more I step outside my comfort zone, the more I want to retreat. Does that make sense?
As usual, I like to try to find a way to deal with whatever I'm feeling. I don't have the answer in this case. Maybe it just takes time.
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