I'm so happy this morning. The number on the scale was better than expected -- 193.4. Yes, I'm finally ready to reveal how much I weigh. I had told myself I was going to do it when I got below 200 pounds, but then I chickened out. It's important for me to be able to talk about it because I think that is the final mental obstacle. If I can be comfortable with it, then I think it will be easier not to focus on the number. It's just a number and this process is all about how I feel.
And I feel fantastic. I'm jumping for joy this morning as I think about how far I've come. One year ago, I weighed in at 271.8 pounds, which means I've lost 78.4 pounds. I was hoping to get to 80 pounds lost by today, but I'm not upset that I didn't reach my goal. I'm honestly thrilled to be where I am. During the past month, I've splurged more than I have the entire year. So the fact that I still lost a little weight makes me happy.
This year has definitely been one of change for me. In the past, I'd say I was the kind of person who didn't deal with change well. And I probably haven't dealt with it well all the time this year. But I've come to understand the value of it. And even though I've had my share of emotional ups and downs through this journey, I've come to the end of the year feeling like a different person and feeling excited about everything that's happened in 2010.
As the year ends, I want to make one final list of things that made me happy this year.
1. Losing weight. Of course, that tops the list. Every time I fit into a smaller size or someone comments on the progress I've made, I feel good. And I'm probably the healthiest I've been since I was a kid.
2. Meeting new people. I'll never be a "social butterfly" but I've met some of the nicest people in the past year. I've been working hard at building relationships and trusting people. I truly appreciate the people who have come into my life this year. They inspire me daily.
3. Getting support and encouragement. This has been extremely important to my success. I have one friend who always knows the right thing to say just when I need to hear it. And that friend has been instrumental in getting me to embrace the change that has come into my life this year. But I've also found support from so many others, many of whom will never even know it. Everyone is always understanding of my efforts and just knowing that so many others struggle with the same issues I do has been helpful. Through my blog, I've also gotten encouragement from people I don't even know, which is truly surprising to me.
4. Trying new things. Where do I begin? This will sound crazy, but the one that sticks out most is oysters. I can't believe I ate them, and they weren't that bad. If you know me, you know I'm stubborn. I seriously would have never just eaten oysters before. The fact that I did it this year epitomizes my willingness to go outside my comfort zone. I've done so many things I would have never done before. Some work out well; some not so much. But all of the experiences have contributed to a fantastic year.
5. Being happy. I still struggle with this one from time to time, but overall I am a much happier person than I was a year ago. Losing the weight has been a factor, but it's really about changing the way I think about and approach life. And the feeling is addictive. Now, when I don't feel that excitement for the day ahead, I get upset with myself. I like thinking positive and feeling good.
So as this year ends, I'm hopeful for the future. I want to lose 40 more pounds in 2011. Unlike this time last year, I feel certain that I will do it. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. But I also accept that I am a work in progress.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tomorrow is the big day
In 24 hours, I will be weighing in for the final time in 2010. It will have been a full year since I began my weight-loss journey. I'm nervous, yet excited. A couple of months ago, I set a goal of reaching 80 pounds lost by the end of the year. Based on this morning's number on the scale, I won't quite make it. Depending on how today goes (I am eating dinner out tonight), I think I'll be at about 77 pounds. That's amazing!
A year ago, I didn't believe I could do it. In fact, if it hadn't been for my colleagues convincing me to join them in the Biggest Loser challenge at the office, I wouldn't have even tried. I would have continued down the same path I had been on. And it wasn't a good one. Instead, I've had an awesome year.
I thought I'd take this opportunity to review how I did it. The first week of January I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I spent the first six months of the year following the points system. I was strict and kept track of everything I put in my mouth. The success was immediate and steady. By July, I'd lost 50 pounds. I felt fantastic. A lot of the aches and pains I experienced previously had disappeared and I just felt better.
By the end of July, I knew it was time to get in shape so I started walking. The first time I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach, I thought I might pass out. But I stuck with it, walking The Loop or around my neighborhood a couple of times a week. My rate of weight loss slowed dramatically, but the shape of my body started to change rapidly. I've had to buy a new wardrobe twice in the past six months because everything keeps getting too big.
I've still been using the Weight Watchers online system to track my eating, but I haven't been as diligent in the past three months. It's obviously made a difference because I haven't lost a lot of weight. Keeping track is clearly the key to success. The good news, though, is that I've learned to make good choices even when I'm not keeping track. I am still losing weight, just much slower.
When I talk about how I did it, though, I have to stress that having support from friends, family and co-workers has been essential to my success. I've been surprised at how encouraging people have been. I was so afraid in the beginning to even talk about my weight and my goals. I was embarrassed and afraid I would fail. I didn't start this blog until June.
Now, I see that so many people struggle with the same issues. And those who don't clearly are more understanding than I thought they'd be. One of the great benefits of this journey is that I've made a bunch of new friends. I've used my weight loss as an excuse to make this year about trying new things. I can honestly say that this journey has resulted in me changing who I am and how I approach life (most of the time). I do all sorts of things now that I would have never done in the past. And I'm having the most fun.
Part of this journey also has involved finding inspiration and motivation. I've found both in the strangest places and sometimes from people when I least expected it. Most people probably don't even know that they've had a role in my success. All I can say is that if I've met you in the past year, you've probably inspired me in some way to keep at it. So thank you.
As I head into 2011, I want to return to the days of tracking everything. It's hard to do when I eat out a lot, but it's not impossible and I know it will help jump start my weight loss in the new year. I also want to step up my exercise. I'm still thinking about what my next goal will be. I'd like to get to 100 pounds lost by a certain date, but I want the goal to be reasonable, so I'm still debating what that date will be.
What's important is that I end the year knowing that I achieved something I never thought possible and I enter the new year believing that I will reach my next goal. I am at the point where losing weight is more about dealing with mental obstacles than physical ones.
A year ago, I didn't believe I could do it. In fact, if it hadn't been for my colleagues convincing me to join them in the Biggest Loser challenge at the office, I wouldn't have even tried. I would have continued down the same path I had been on. And it wasn't a good one. Instead, I've had an awesome year.
I thought I'd take this opportunity to review how I did it. The first week of January I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I spent the first six months of the year following the points system. I was strict and kept track of everything I put in my mouth. The success was immediate and steady. By July, I'd lost 50 pounds. I felt fantastic. A lot of the aches and pains I experienced previously had disappeared and I just felt better.
By the end of July, I knew it was time to get in shape so I started walking. The first time I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach, I thought I might pass out. But I stuck with it, walking The Loop or around my neighborhood a couple of times a week. My rate of weight loss slowed dramatically, but the shape of my body started to change rapidly. I've had to buy a new wardrobe twice in the past six months because everything keeps getting too big.
I've still been using the Weight Watchers online system to track my eating, but I haven't been as diligent in the past three months. It's obviously made a difference because I haven't lost a lot of weight. Keeping track is clearly the key to success. The good news, though, is that I've learned to make good choices even when I'm not keeping track. I am still losing weight, just much slower.
When I talk about how I did it, though, I have to stress that having support from friends, family and co-workers has been essential to my success. I've been surprised at how encouraging people have been. I was so afraid in the beginning to even talk about my weight and my goals. I was embarrassed and afraid I would fail. I didn't start this blog until June.
Now, I see that so many people struggle with the same issues. And those who don't clearly are more understanding than I thought they'd be. One of the great benefits of this journey is that I've made a bunch of new friends. I've used my weight loss as an excuse to make this year about trying new things. I can honestly say that this journey has resulted in me changing who I am and how I approach life (most of the time). I do all sorts of things now that I would have never done in the past. And I'm having the most fun.
Part of this journey also has involved finding inspiration and motivation. I've found both in the strangest places and sometimes from people when I least expected it. Most people probably don't even know that they've had a role in my success. All I can say is that if I've met you in the past year, you've probably inspired me in some way to keep at it. So thank you.
As I head into 2011, I want to return to the days of tracking everything. It's hard to do when I eat out a lot, but it's not impossible and I know it will help jump start my weight loss in the new year. I also want to step up my exercise. I'm still thinking about what my next goal will be. I'd like to get to 100 pounds lost by a certain date, but I want the goal to be reasonable, so I'm still debating what that date will be.
What's important is that I end the year knowing that I achieved something I never thought possible and I enter the new year believing that I will reach my next goal. I am at the point where losing weight is more about dealing with mental obstacles than physical ones.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Letting it go: Day 17
It's been two and a half weeks since my post about trying to let go of a certain obsessive-compulsive behavior. My apologies, again, for not being specific. But I figured it was time for an official check-in. I was rating each day in the beginning on a scale of 1 to 10. The best day I had was an 8; the worst was a 2. Overall, I've had quite a few ups and downs. But I think I've slowly made progress. The bad days are now the 5s. Still, no 10s, but yesterday was definitely a 9 and today is headed in that direction.
My point really is that I was giving myself 30 days to break a bad habit. I'm not there yet, but if the past two days are any indication, I think I'm getting close. Something just clicked, I think. I've been in several situations in the past two days where I could have let my OCD win, but I didn't. In fact, I was quite calm about it and made conscious choices not to do the thing that drives even me crazy.
I feel good about it. The irrational side of my brain seems quiet for now. I hope this is a sign of things to come. And a sign that I am in control of my thoughts and actions. Of course, who else would be?
My point really is that I was giving myself 30 days to break a bad habit. I'm not there yet, but if the past two days are any indication, I think I'm getting close. Something just clicked, I think. I've been in several situations in the past two days where I could have let my OCD win, but I didn't. In fact, I was quite calm about it and made conscious choices not to do the thing that drives even me crazy.
I feel good about it. The irrational side of my brain seems quiet for now. I hope this is a sign of things to come. And a sign that I am in control of my thoughts and actions. Of course, who else would be?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Can we control our happiness?
A friend posted on facebook this morning: "Starting to allow myself to be happy." And that got me to thinking ... for hours since I was driving from Richmond to Wilmington.
Do we have the ability to allow ourselves to be happy or, in that case, unhappy? I've known happiness this year. It feels fantastic. When I try to think about what made me happy, it's hard to pinpoint one thing. Happiness is a feeling I get and I know when it happens. But figuring out what causes it isn't easy. And I'm not sure it's within my control.
Trust me. I've been trying to will myself to be happy for weeks now, and it's not working. I spent several months this summer genuinely feeling happy. I felt excited about life and the future. I don't know what's changed, but I do know that I don't feel that same happiness. Being happy is truly addictive. So how do I get it back and then sustain it over time?
I don't know the answer yet, but I intend to put all of my mental energy behind it. I'm tired of feeling mopey. And I know that finding happiness has to come from within. I cannot allow my level of happiness to be affected by other people. You know my motto: "Everything you do, you do to make yourself happy." If that's true, then happiness is within my control. I need to start living by that motto. What have I got to lose?
Do we have the ability to allow ourselves to be happy or, in that case, unhappy? I've known happiness this year. It feels fantastic. When I try to think about what made me happy, it's hard to pinpoint one thing. Happiness is a feeling I get and I know when it happens. But figuring out what causes it isn't easy. And I'm not sure it's within my control.
Trust me. I've been trying to will myself to be happy for weeks now, and it's not working. I spent several months this summer genuinely feeling happy. I felt excited about life and the future. I don't know what's changed, but I do know that I don't feel that same happiness. Being happy is truly addictive. So how do I get it back and then sustain it over time?
I don't know the answer yet, but I intend to put all of my mental energy behind it. I'm tired of feeling mopey. And I know that finding happiness has to come from within. I cannot allow my level of happiness to be affected by other people. You know my motto: "Everything you do, you do to make yourself happy." If that's true, then happiness is within my control. I need to start living by that motto. What have I got to lose?
Friday, December 24, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: A slippery slope
I spent about an hour in the bed this morning thinking about what I was going to write today. I had a lot I wanted to say about feeling sorry for myself and starting to wonder why I'm even bothering. The good news is that I've forgotten most of it already. It was clearly a low point.
It's been a stressful week -- in a lot of ways. As usual, my emotions (good and bad) affected my eating and drinking. So I knew the number on the scale wasn't going to be good. I gained a pound and a half this week, bringing my total weight loss to 77.2 pounds. Not surprised that I gained, but it's still disheartening. I've tried to have the right attitude. It's the holidays; a little splurging is to be expected. I want to enjoy time with my family and friends, and I don't want to be obsessive about everything I eat. Plus, I know it drives others crazy when I won't eat whatever is being prepared.
So I'm trying to be calm about the whole thing and just go with the flow. It's only a week. I'll get right back on track next week. Or will I? That's what worries me. Obviously, the backsliding has been occurring more and more. Overall, I'm still losing weight but the progress is quite slow and I can tell that mentally I'm not being as vigilant as I should be about what I eat.
As the one-year anniversary of this journey approaches, I'm simply hoping I will be able to recover and return to my good eating habits in 2011. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to tell myself that losing more than 75 pounds this year (not sure what the final number will end up being, but probably not the 80 I'd hoped for) is a major accomplishment and something to be proud of. If I keep the right attitude about it, I'm sure I will not continue to slip.
It's been a stressful week -- in a lot of ways. As usual, my emotions (good and bad) affected my eating and drinking. So I knew the number on the scale wasn't going to be good. I gained a pound and a half this week, bringing my total weight loss to 77.2 pounds. Not surprised that I gained, but it's still disheartening. I've tried to have the right attitude. It's the holidays; a little splurging is to be expected. I want to enjoy time with my family and friends, and I don't want to be obsessive about everything I eat. Plus, I know it drives others crazy when I won't eat whatever is being prepared.
So I'm trying to be calm about the whole thing and just go with the flow. It's only a week. I'll get right back on track next week. Or will I? That's what worries me. Obviously, the backsliding has been occurring more and more. Overall, I'm still losing weight but the progress is quite slow and I can tell that mentally I'm not being as vigilant as I should be about what I eat.
As the one-year anniversary of this journey approaches, I'm simply hoping I will be able to recover and return to my good eating habits in 2011. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to tell myself that losing more than 75 pounds this year (not sure what the final number will end up being, but probably not the 80 I'd hoped for) is a major accomplishment and something to be proud of. If I keep the right attitude about it, I'm sure I will not continue to slip.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Swapping one addiction for another
If one more person comments about my facebook addiction, I might just scream. I know I'm addicted. Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe I've swapped eating with facebooking? I definitely think there's a correlation. In the past, I clearly ate when I was bored or frustrated or stressed or whatever. Now, I post on facebook. Instead of reaching for food, I dash off a comment or two about whatever is on my mind. What's wrong with that? Do I need to remind people that I've lost almost 80 pounds this year and am healthier now than ever? If you don't want to know what I have to say, hide my posts. I don't care. It won't hurt my feelings. I won't even know. I'm not hurting anyone and, more importantly, it stops me from eating. I have a lot of nervous energy. My brain spins all the time. It's an outlet for that anxiety. Why does it bother some people so much? I wish I could explain better how some random thread on facebook keeps one part of my brain busy, which actually helps me focus on other things. It's like when I was a reporter. I doodled in my notebooks all the time. You might have thought I wasn't paying attention to what people were saying or wondered how I got my quotes right. The doodling actually kept me more focused. Without it, my mind would be all over the place. Facebook does the same thing. It occupies brain space that would otherwise be spent running out of control (or to the fridge). Oh, and most of the time the people I'm friends with really make me laugh. I love the random posts that just make me smile or chuckle. It's like a little ray of sunshine in my day. Again, what's wrong with that?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
It happened again!
I was feeling pretty good yesterday and today and then, all of a sudden this afternoon, my mood changed. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have just one more day before vacation, so I should be downright giddy. What's wrong with me?
I think it has something to do with not wanting to disappoint people. I've had to make a couple of decisions lately that I know are right, but I also know some people will be disappointed with my choices. I really do agonize before I decide something. People don't always get to see that side. Why do you think I don't sleep at night? I'm always thinking, analyzing.
Of course, I also got to thinking that maybe the changing of the seasons has something to do with my mood swings. A friend was talking about his dog being mopey. Mopey -- that's exactly the word I've been looking for to describe how I've felt lately. I'm trying to recover, but I feel mopey. And I don't like it. I've been grumpy with people at work. I've been too harsh with friends. I've even been tempted to go off on a few strangers.
The worst part is that I feel like my mood could shift at any given moment. One minute I'm on top of the world. The next, I'm biting someone's head off. Something's just a little off kilter. I'd like to figure it out. I suppose if I'm honest with myself I already know the answer. I don't want to admit it. Ugh!
I think it has something to do with not wanting to disappoint people. I've had to make a couple of decisions lately that I know are right, but I also know some people will be disappointed with my choices. I really do agonize before I decide something. People don't always get to see that side. Why do you think I don't sleep at night? I'm always thinking, analyzing.
Of course, I also got to thinking that maybe the changing of the seasons has something to do with my mood swings. A friend was talking about his dog being mopey. Mopey -- that's exactly the word I've been looking for to describe how I've felt lately. I'm trying to recover, but I feel mopey. And I don't like it. I've been grumpy with people at work. I've been too harsh with friends. I've even been tempted to go off on a few strangers.
The worst part is that I feel like my mood could shift at any given moment. One minute I'm on top of the world. The next, I'm biting someone's head off. Something's just a little off kilter. I'd like to figure it out. I suppose if I'm honest with myself I already know the answer. I don't want to admit it. Ugh!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Am I being paranoid?
I hadn't planned on blogging tonight, but I just realized this evening that I've used the word paranoid to describe my mood twice in the past week. That got me to thinking about whether being suspicious is the same thing as being paranoid. I guess not.
By nature (or maybe just through my upbringing), I am suspicious of people. It's always been what I would consider a flaw. I simply don't trust people. I think that's what made me a good reporter and now a good editor. The problem is that it always makes it hard for people to be my friend.
My mind can be devious and manipulative. Yes, I can admit it. So I suppose I expect the same of others. I think I'm a good person. I try not to do things to hurt others and I genuinely would walk through fire for people once their loyalty has been proven. Until then, however, my suspicious nature, which sometimes seems like paranoia, is off putting for some people.
I know that I have this flaw, which is why I think I get paranoid. But am I really? Maybe I have good reason to be suspicious. Maybe being suspicious makes me smart. Maybe it means protecting myself against harm. Of course, it also could mean that I'm not as open as I should be.
If I trust people with what I'm thinking and feeling, what's the worst that could happen? In today's instance, it actually could cause me problems at work. But if the person is trustworthy, I might find that I have a friend who can actually help me solve my problems. Last week's situation was more of a personal one, but posed a similar dilemma -- trust someone with what I'm feeling/thinking and risk getting burned. How do I decide?
PS -- It's been a week since my effort at letting go of a specific obsession. I've had ups and downs. Overall rating for the week: 5. I wish the number was higher, but the low points were downright insane. But it's a new week. Today's rating: 6. It's hard to kick an obsession when it seems like a constant part of my life.
By nature (or maybe just through my upbringing), I am suspicious of people. It's always been what I would consider a flaw. I simply don't trust people. I think that's what made me a good reporter and now a good editor. The problem is that it always makes it hard for people to be my friend.
My mind can be devious and manipulative. Yes, I can admit it. So I suppose I expect the same of others. I think I'm a good person. I try not to do things to hurt others and I genuinely would walk through fire for people once their loyalty has been proven. Until then, however, my suspicious nature, which sometimes seems like paranoia, is off putting for some people.
I know that I have this flaw, which is why I think I get paranoid. But am I really? Maybe I have good reason to be suspicious. Maybe being suspicious makes me smart. Maybe it means protecting myself against harm. Of course, it also could mean that I'm not as open as I should be.
If I trust people with what I'm thinking and feeling, what's the worst that could happen? In today's instance, it actually could cause me problems at work. But if the person is trustworthy, I might find that I have a friend who can actually help me solve my problems. Last week's situation was more of a personal one, but posed a similar dilemma -- trust someone with what I'm feeling/thinking and risk getting burned. How do I decide?
PS -- It's been a week since my effort at letting go of a specific obsession. I've had ups and downs. Overall rating for the week: 5. I wish the number was higher, but the low points were downright insane. But it's a new week. Today's rating: 6. It's hard to kick an obsession when it seems like a constant part of my life.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
My life ... starring me
I've spent most of today watching romantic comedies -- You've Got Mail, Love Actually and The Holiday. I've seen them all a million times and Love Actually is probably in my top five all-time favorites. Of course all three feature women looking for a happy ending ... and they all get it. One line from The Holiday stood out the most: "You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life."
I think that's exactly what this past year has been about for me. I've spent far too much time doing what other people want or simply not doing anything at all. Now, I do what I want. I try not to be too self-centered about it, but I am focused on what makes me happy. I hope that doesn't come at the expense of others' happiness, but I have to do what I think is best for me.
I want to be the star of my life. It's exciting and fun. And I don't need someone else telling me what to like, what to think, where to go, what to do. I actually think this is how I am the most different from a year ago. In The Holiday, it's called gumption. It's probably just confidence. Regular readers know I don't have it all the time, but I certainly display it far more often now than before. And I truly feel it.
The problem is that it doesn't always work out for me. I do something that I think takes courage on my part and then I don't get the desired result. That always makes me take a step back. But I'm starting to wonder if I should forget the little setbacks and keep jumping off those bridges. Yes, for me, many small steps feel like I'm leaping from a bridge. Sometimes, it's a short drop and I swim away unscathed. Other times, ... well, it's not pretty. I feel like I'm drowning in poor judgment, rejection and stupidity.
So how do I ensure that I continue to be the center of attention in my own life without losing perspective? And will my life have a happy ending ... whatever that might be?
I think that's exactly what this past year has been about for me. I've spent far too much time doing what other people want or simply not doing anything at all. Now, I do what I want. I try not to be too self-centered about it, but I am focused on what makes me happy. I hope that doesn't come at the expense of others' happiness, but I have to do what I think is best for me.
I want to be the star of my life. It's exciting and fun. And I don't need someone else telling me what to like, what to think, where to go, what to do. I actually think this is how I am the most different from a year ago. In The Holiday, it's called gumption. It's probably just confidence. Regular readers know I don't have it all the time, but I certainly display it far more often now than before. And I truly feel it.
The problem is that it doesn't always work out for me. I do something that I think takes courage on my part and then I don't get the desired result. That always makes me take a step back. But I'm starting to wonder if I should forget the little setbacks and keep jumping off those bridges. Yes, for me, many small steps feel like I'm leaping from a bridge. Sometimes, it's a short drop and I swim away unscathed. Other times, ... well, it's not pretty. I feel like I'm drowning in poor judgment, rejection and stupidity.
So how do I ensure that I continue to be the center of attention in my own life without losing perspective? And will my life have a happy ending ... whatever that might be?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
About last night
Where do I begin? Friday had been a pretty good day. Very busy at work and a little splurging at lunch. I knew it was going to be that kind of day, so I had decided early to not worry about what I ate or drank too much. Turns out eating at drinking weren't problems. Don't get me wrong, I ate plenty at dinner and had a few beers after, but I didn't overdo it. The problem was the OCD thing I'm trying to let go. Yesterday's rating was probably an 8 ... until last night. Then the rating plummeted to a 2 or 3. Ugh! I was doing so well all week. Oh well. I'll regroup today.
The other thing about last night is that I felt old. It's my own fault really. I was hanging out with a bunch of twentysomethings. I had a blast, except for the fact that someone told me I'm really a bitch at work. He actually wasn't mean about it and tried to explain that it's just that I'm so serious and focused. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Despite the insecurities I write about from time to time, I know that I'm really good at my job. I work hard and I don't like to fail. I set high expectations for myself and for others. Again, what's wrong with that?
Anyway, I'm trying not to take it too seriously because I know the comment wasn't meant to make me feel bad. Well, and I know it's kinda true. I'm just not sure I see it as a problem. :-) And the important point about last night is that I wore my new dress. I had a lot of fun and I, once again, went outside my comfort zone. So it was another successful day.
The other thing about last night is that I felt old. It's my own fault really. I was hanging out with a bunch of twentysomethings. I had a blast, except for the fact that someone told me I'm really a bitch at work. He actually wasn't mean about it and tried to explain that it's just that I'm so serious and focused. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Despite the insecurities I write about from time to time, I know that I'm really good at my job. I work hard and I don't like to fail. I set high expectations for myself and for others. Again, what's wrong with that?
Anyway, I'm trying not to take it too seriously because I know the comment wasn't meant to make me feel bad. Well, and I know it's kinda true. I'm just not sure I see it as a problem. :-) And the important point about last night is that I wore my new dress. I had a lot of fun and I, once again, went outside my comfort zone. So it was another successful day.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: What did I expect?
I was hoping for better, but I knew I would be lucky to lose anything this week. I lost a half pound, bringing my total to 78 1/2 pounds. And getting me ever closer to my goal of 80 pounds by the end of the year. The next two weeks are going to be filled with lots of holiday temptations, but I still think I can do it. Considering how much I've eaten and drank in the past couple of weeks, I know that losing even a few pounds this time of year is a miracle. But I've been enjoying myself and will use this as a sign that I can maintain my healthy habits for the rest of my life because even when I splurge I don't really overdo it.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
What a difference a week makes
This past weekend I found myself in a real slump. I spent two days feeling sorry for myself. I was thinking at the time that just a week earlier I was on cloud nine. I felt fantastic and full of hope. A week later, I felt like never leaving the house again. Now, almost another week later, I'm feeling great again. I've had ups and downs throughout this entire year, but this time seems particularly difficult.
It hasn't been easy, but I've been determined since Monday to turn things around. I've had four pretty good days. No, they haven't been perfect. But my emotions have been in check and the irrational part of my brain has taken over only briefly a couple of times this week.
One problem area is eating. As you know, I use the Weight Watchers points system to track what I'm eating. I haven't tracked in more than a week. I haven't eaten terribly, but it hasn't been good ... a lot of meals out and far more desserts in the past week than I've had in the entire year. I'm not kidding!
I went into the holiday season knowing that I needed to manage my expectations. That means I knew I'd probably overdo it from time to time and that my rate of weight loss probably wouldn't be high. My main goal has been to lose a few pounds, but enjoy myself. I think I'm doing that. I guess I'll find out for sure when I weigh-in Friday morning. I'm not sure what to expect. I've weighed every morning this week and the results have been wildly different -- varying by several pounds. I just hope I haven't gained.
Anyway, I'm going to try not to obsess about it tonight. Nothing I can do about it now. Speaking of obsessions, this entire week has been about letting go of an obsession. I'm still not ready to talk about it, but I'm doing OK. Today's rating: 6 -- not quite as good as Tuesday and Wednesday, but not bad and I feel I'm making progress.
Finally, I want to end this day thinking about what a good mood I've been in this week. Sometimes I have to fake it a little, but before I know it, I really do feel good. I have a work holiday party to go to Friday night, so I'm desperately hoping my good mood sticks around for at least one more day. I skipped it last year because I didn't want to go downtown and have to worry about walking and parking and socializing. Now, as most of you probably already know, I've fallen in love with downtown. I enjoy meeting new people. And I can't wait to celebrate a great year with my friends.
It hasn't been easy, but I've been determined since Monday to turn things around. I've had four pretty good days. No, they haven't been perfect. But my emotions have been in check and the irrational part of my brain has taken over only briefly a couple of times this week.
One problem area is eating. As you know, I use the Weight Watchers points system to track what I'm eating. I haven't tracked in more than a week. I haven't eaten terribly, but it hasn't been good ... a lot of meals out and far more desserts in the past week than I've had in the entire year. I'm not kidding!
I went into the holiday season knowing that I needed to manage my expectations. That means I knew I'd probably overdo it from time to time and that my rate of weight loss probably wouldn't be high. My main goal has been to lose a few pounds, but enjoy myself. I think I'm doing that. I guess I'll find out for sure when I weigh-in Friday morning. I'm not sure what to expect. I've weighed every morning this week and the results have been wildly different -- varying by several pounds. I just hope I haven't gained.
Anyway, I'm going to try not to obsess about it tonight. Nothing I can do about it now. Speaking of obsessions, this entire week has been about letting go of an obsession. I'm still not ready to talk about it, but I'm doing OK. Today's rating: 6 -- not quite as good as Tuesday and Wednesday, but not bad and I feel I'm making progress.
Finally, I want to end this day thinking about what a good mood I've been in this week. Sometimes I have to fake it a little, but before I know it, I really do feel good. I have a work holiday party to go to Friday night, so I'm desperately hoping my good mood sticks around for at least one more day. I skipped it last year because I didn't want to go downtown and have to worry about walking and parking and socializing. Now, as most of you probably already know, I've fallen in love with downtown. I enjoy meeting new people. And I can't wait to celebrate a great year with my friends.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Plus 1s everywhere
I got a little bummed at one point today when I was asking a colleague whether she was still planning to attend our newsroom holiday party Friday night. She said she was pretty sure she was still coming, plus 1. I don't know why the plus 1 comment was a problem today ... she is bringing her husband, so it wasn't exactly a surprise. But it made me think of the long list of "plus 1" responses on the facebook event page. Should I write "minus 1"? That's how I feel sometimes. It's a topic I've refrained from writing about in this blog mostly because I figure it's nobody's business whether I'm dating anyone. I talk about a lot of personal stuff. Some things just aren't for public consumption. But it's been on my mind this afternoon, so I figured I should write about it. I am, after all, trying to be less OCD about things. On that front, my Letting it go: Day 3 rating is an 8 ... again. I'm really proud of myself the past two days (and most of Monday). I made up my mind about something and I'm sticking to it. It feels good and healthy. And I'm not going to let the plus 1s bother me. I know I'm going to have a great time!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Controlling my thoughts
I had a bit of a meltdown over the weekend. I didn't eat poorly or anything like that, but mentally I was a mess. I think I've discovered that every now and then, I get a little crazy and then I'm OK. Monday wasn't so bad and today I feel like I'm back to normal. I feel fantastic and my positive attitude has returned. The irrational part of my brain took over briefly Monday night, but I was fine the rest of the day. And today I haven't let my obsessive-compulsive behavior get the better of me ... not even once. (Letting it go: Day 2 rating is an 8 ... I've had to work at it, but I've done well.)
Anyway, I'm willing myself to get past this bad patch. I refuse to let negative thoughts dominate. One of the things that helped me get refocused was a social event Monday night. I met about 20 fantastic women who were so nice and encouraging ... in ways that they probably didn't even realize. Many of them don't know about my weight-loss efforts, yet being around them inspired me to reshape my thoughts. Part of the evening focused on swapping clothes we no longer wanted. At first, I didn't even look at the clothes. I couldn't face the idea of seeing so much stuff that would never fit me or just having to think about it. But I got talked into taking a peek. To my surprise, I found a wool dress in my size and I really liked it. I didn't want to try it on and several of the women said it looked too big for me. But it's the smallest size I've fit into so far. So I took it and tried it on at home tonight. It is a little big. (I'll probably wear it anyway, though.) I was shocked. But I was encouraged by the thought that others clearly view me differently than I do myself. And apparently, they are seeing the real me. Those women knew the dress was too big. My brain told me it was going to be too small, which is why I couldn't try it on at my friend's house.
So I feel better. I've still got work to do to get back to my happy place, but I'm so much closer than I was two days ago. Continuous progress ... that's all I can ask for.
Anyway, I'm willing myself to get past this bad patch. I refuse to let negative thoughts dominate. One of the things that helped me get refocused was a social event Monday night. I met about 20 fantastic women who were so nice and encouraging ... in ways that they probably didn't even realize. Many of them don't know about my weight-loss efforts, yet being around them inspired me to reshape my thoughts. Part of the evening focused on swapping clothes we no longer wanted. At first, I didn't even look at the clothes. I couldn't face the idea of seeing so much stuff that would never fit me or just having to think about it. But I got talked into taking a peek. To my surprise, I found a wool dress in my size and I really liked it. I didn't want to try it on and several of the women said it looked too big for me. But it's the smallest size I've fit into so far. So I took it and tried it on at home tonight. It is a little big. (I'll probably wear it anyway, though.) I was shocked. But I was encouraged by the thought that others clearly view me differently than I do myself. And apparently, they are seeing the real me. Those women knew the dress was too big. My brain told me it was going to be too small, which is why I couldn't try it on at my friend's house.
So I feel better. I've still got work to do to get back to my happy place, but I'm so much closer than I was two days ago. Continuous progress ... that's all I can ask for.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Letting it go: Day 1
Those who know me best already know that I have some obsessive-compulsive issues I need to deal with. A few examples: I don't use the tap water at home for cooking or drinking, but I use it to brush my teeth and I drink it elsewhere. I use my bath towels only once before I wash them again. I have to wear shoes or at least socks when I'm at someone else's house even though I rarely do at my own house. I rinse the silverware when I take it out of the dishwasher but not the dishes. I used to not even use the dishwasher because I felt like the dishes weren't clean. I've already overcome that -- somewhat. My obsessive nature extends beyond those types of things into what I think about. When I fixate on something, I simply cannot let it go. It's always in the back of my mind and often at the front of my mind. It could be a big thing or small thing. There's really no rhyme or reason to my obsessions.
I woke up this morning and decided it's time to let something go. And if you're a regular follower on facebook, you know I'm obsessed with the Zac Brown Band. One of my favorite songs is called "Let It Go."
The chorus goes:
You keep your heart above your head and your eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go
I don't want to say what I'm working on because I'm not sure I will be successful. I share a lot about myself in this blog, so I hope you'll indulge me and let me keep this to myself for now. But I am going to rate my success each day. A 1 means it was not a successful day. A 10 means I'm cured. Seriously, a 10 means this obsession was not part of my thought process and it was only thought about at the end of the day as part of this experiment. I probably won't blog about it every day, but I'll keep you updated throughout the week.
Today so far, I'd give a 5. Not top of mind, but I didn't exactly let the obsession go. And I'm headed to a friend's house for a little social gathering, which will make giving up the obsession even harder. My goal is to stay at a 5 for today. The good news is that I've felt better about myself today than I have in about a week, so I think this is going to be good for me. Wish me luck!
I woke up this morning and decided it's time to let something go. And if you're a regular follower on facebook, you know I'm obsessed with the Zac Brown Band. One of my favorite songs is called "Let It Go."
The chorus goes:
You keep your heart above your head and your eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go
I don't want to say what I'm working on because I'm not sure I will be successful. I share a lot about myself in this blog, so I hope you'll indulge me and let me keep this to myself for now. But I am going to rate my success each day. A 1 means it was not a successful day. A 10 means I'm cured. Seriously, a 10 means this obsession was not part of my thought process and it was only thought about at the end of the day as part of this experiment. I probably won't blog about it every day, but I'll keep you updated throughout the week.
Today so far, I'd give a 5. Not top of mind, but I didn't exactly let the obsession go. And I'm headed to a friend's house for a little social gathering, which will make giving up the obsession even harder. My goal is to stay at a 5 for today. The good news is that I've felt better about myself today than I have in about a week, so I think this is going to be good for me. Wish me luck!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Fighting self-doubt
This past week has really done a number on my self-esteem. I can't remember the last time it was this low. I've been trying for days to snap out of it, but it's not working. In fact, yesterday was the worst day so far. And I don't like the way I feel -- very calm on the outside, but a wreck on the inside.
Two quotes from my favorite book, "Winesburg, Ohio," come to mind:
"You are destroying yourself. You have the inclination to be alone and to dream and you are afraid of dreams. You want to be like others in town here. You hear them talk and you try to imitate them."
"You must try to forget all you have learned. You must begin to dream. From this time on you must shut your ears to the roaring of the voices."
I think there were a lot of things this past week that combined to let self-doubt creep into my head. One was a visit from my mother. I hope she will not take offense at my writing about it. I did, after all, try to tell her how I felt. I enjoyed her visit, which mostly included Christmas shopping and lots of eating out. It felt good to splurge and try new restaurants.
The problem is how many times she said something about how she's glad I'm different now. She had various ways of saying it, but it registered in my head the same way each time -- I was no fun to be around before. I'm sorry that I didn't try new foods before. I'm sorry that I didn't have as much energy before. I'm sorry that I never wanted to go to new restaurants before. I'm sorry that I was apparently a dud before. And she's not the only one who makes those sorts of comments. I know I'm different. I don't need you to point it out in a way that makes me seem like I was terrible to be around before.
We really came close to having an argument the last night she was here when we were at dinner. We were debating getting dessert. She actually asked if I was sure I wanted to eat dessert. I know I talk about the effects of splurging, but it's not the same hearing it from someone else. I've come all this way and don't need my mother questioning what I eat. I've lost 78 pounds by deciding for myself. Just hearing her say that made something click in my head.
She said she only brought it up because she knows how hard I am on myself after the fact. But it's my decision to make. It came across as if one nice dinner, including dessert, was going to cause me to gain back everything I've lost. I question my decisions enough. I don't need others doing it. And I certainly don't need others watching what I eat. I'm self conscious enough and often worry that people are judging me when I eat a cookie or piece of cake. It's been almost a year. I think I've proven that I'm in control of my eating habits and my weight.
So another thing that happened is that I bought more new clothes. Buying clothes in smaller sizes should make me feel so good. And it usually does. But sometimes it messes with my mind. Looking at myself in the dressing room mirror isn't easy. Deciding to buy something that doesn't look like a tent is even harder. I know the clothes look good, but I constantly struggle with the idea that people are looking at me. Sometimes, I think that makes me sound self-centered because I know it's not all about me.
In some ways, my self-esteem issues stem from what I see in the mirror. Sometimes, I can see big changes. But mostly I don't think I look any different than I did a year ago. I know that's crazy, especially since I see pictures of myself and am surprised at how I look. I feel like I'm not even looking at myself.
Finally, my recent self-doubt also is linked to something not related to my weight loss. Of course, it's about work. My year of weight loss came at exactly the same time as a year of change in my career. I constantly struggle with the idea that I'm not good enough. I think I project confidence, but in my head it's a different story.
The self-doubt ultimately creeps in when I have too much time by myself, which means I spend too much time thinking about all of these things. I've spent a lot of time alone in my life. Even just a few hours seems to make my brain freak out. Why is it so hard for me now?
Two quotes from my favorite book, "Winesburg, Ohio," come to mind:
"You are destroying yourself. You have the inclination to be alone and to dream and you are afraid of dreams. You want to be like others in town here. You hear them talk and you try to imitate them."
"You must try to forget all you have learned. You must begin to dream. From this time on you must shut your ears to the roaring of the voices."
I think there were a lot of things this past week that combined to let self-doubt creep into my head. One was a visit from my mother. I hope she will not take offense at my writing about it. I did, after all, try to tell her how I felt. I enjoyed her visit, which mostly included Christmas shopping and lots of eating out. It felt good to splurge and try new restaurants.
The problem is how many times she said something about how she's glad I'm different now. She had various ways of saying it, but it registered in my head the same way each time -- I was no fun to be around before. I'm sorry that I didn't try new foods before. I'm sorry that I didn't have as much energy before. I'm sorry that I never wanted to go to new restaurants before. I'm sorry that I was apparently a dud before. And she's not the only one who makes those sorts of comments. I know I'm different. I don't need you to point it out in a way that makes me seem like I was terrible to be around before.
We really came close to having an argument the last night she was here when we were at dinner. We were debating getting dessert. She actually asked if I was sure I wanted to eat dessert. I know I talk about the effects of splurging, but it's not the same hearing it from someone else. I've come all this way and don't need my mother questioning what I eat. I've lost 78 pounds by deciding for myself. Just hearing her say that made something click in my head.
She said she only brought it up because she knows how hard I am on myself after the fact. But it's my decision to make. It came across as if one nice dinner, including dessert, was going to cause me to gain back everything I've lost. I question my decisions enough. I don't need others doing it. And I certainly don't need others watching what I eat. I'm self conscious enough and often worry that people are judging me when I eat a cookie or piece of cake. It's been almost a year. I think I've proven that I'm in control of my eating habits and my weight.
So another thing that happened is that I bought more new clothes. Buying clothes in smaller sizes should make me feel so good. And it usually does. But sometimes it messes with my mind. Looking at myself in the dressing room mirror isn't easy. Deciding to buy something that doesn't look like a tent is even harder. I know the clothes look good, but I constantly struggle with the idea that people are looking at me. Sometimes, I think that makes me sound self-centered because I know it's not all about me.
In some ways, my self-esteem issues stem from what I see in the mirror. Sometimes, I can see big changes. But mostly I don't think I look any different than I did a year ago. I know that's crazy, especially since I see pictures of myself and am surprised at how I look. I feel like I'm not even looking at myself.
Finally, my recent self-doubt also is linked to something not related to my weight loss. Of course, it's about work. My year of weight loss came at exactly the same time as a year of change in my career. I constantly struggle with the idea that I'm not good enough. I think I project confidence, but in my head it's a different story.
The self-doubt ultimately creeps in when I have too much time by myself, which means I spend too much time thinking about all of these things. I've spent a lot of time alone in my life. Even just a few hours seems to make my brain freak out. Why is it so hard for me now?
Friday, December 10, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: Pleasantly surprised
I had a few bad weeks, but the scale is once again working in my favor. For the second straight week, I've lost more than a pound -- 1.2 pounds this week. That brings my total to 78.2 pounds (and ever closer to my goal of 80 pounds by Dec. 31). Woohoo! I haven't done as well as I should keeping track of what I've been eating, but I've tried not to overdo it too much. The past two weeks have involved eating out a lot (and drinking) but I've tried to make smart choices. Still, five of the past seven days have included some sort of splurging (beer, wine, steak, cake, thai food, etc.). What I think I've done better this week (except for the one night when I gorged on thai fried rice) is not eat or drink so much. I'm also surprised about the number on the scale this morning because it's really been a bad week. I've been in a terrible mood pretty much every day since Monday and my stress level has been extremely high. But I'm going to try to put that behind me and just enjoy this week's success.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Thankful
I don't know how she did it, but a friend created a word cloud of my blog from this year. After reading my earlier post, she thought it might cheer me up. It did.
The biggest word: thankful. (click here to see the cloud)
I am thankful for how far I've come this year, personally and professionally. I've lost 77 pounds and I'm in better shape than ever before. I still have a way to go, but I know I will get where I want to be. Professionally, I've undergone a lot of growth as well in the past year. I've taken on a new job and learned a lot about different aspects of my profession. It hasn't always been easy, but it's been a journey -- just like losing weight.
I am thankful for the friends I've made this year, especially those who understand my low points and do whatever they can to help me get through them. Sometimes, all it takes is a positive comment from someone when you least expect it. Other times, it's been great to have friends (new and old) who let me prattle on about whatever is on my mind. The people I appreciate most are those who aren't annoyed when I get obsessed with a particular topic. Instead, they find it refreshing that I've chosen to trust them with what's important to me.
I am thankful that I'm a different person, the kind of person who can be having a bad day but still find things to be happy about. Today is one of those days, but I am ending the day thinking about the positive things that happened today.
So I am thankful.
The biggest word: thankful. (click here to see the cloud)
I am thankful for how far I've come this year, personally and professionally. I've lost 77 pounds and I'm in better shape than ever before. I still have a way to go, but I know I will get where I want to be. Professionally, I've undergone a lot of growth as well in the past year. I've taken on a new job and learned a lot about different aspects of my profession. It hasn't always been easy, but it's been a journey -- just like losing weight.
I am thankful for the friends I've made this year, especially those who understand my low points and do whatever they can to help me get through them. Sometimes, all it takes is a positive comment from someone when you least expect it. Other times, it's been great to have friends (new and old) who let me prattle on about whatever is on my mind. The people I appreciate most are those who aren't annoyed when I get obsessed with a particular topic. Instead, they find it refreshing that I've chosen to trust them with what's important to me.
I am thankful that I'm a different person, the kind of person who can be having a bad day but still find things to be happy about. Today is one of those days, but I am ending the day thinking about the positive things that happened today.
So I am thankful.
Emotional eating
Since I started this journey, I've fought hard against emotional eating. But today I just couldn't fight it. It's been a bad day. Lots of little things and when you put them all together, I just want to cry. I haven't. But I've felt like I could burst into tears at any moment today. Seriously. That's so not like me. I'd say that 99 percent of the time, I'm tough as nails.
I really can't believe how much I ate at dinner ... and I've already eaten the leftovers. I actually feel kinda sick, which then just makes me feel stupid for eating in the first place. I think the problem is that I've allowed my emotions to be affected by other people. That's not necessarily a bad thing, especially since I've spent a lot of my life not being affected by others. I think I need to find a happy medium.
When I have one of these moments, I usually spend time thinking about the cause or how I can respond differently next time. Mostly right now, though, I just wish this day didn't happen. And I wish I had some hope that tomorrow will be better. I don't think it's going to be bad. But I also don't see anything on the horizon that will put a little pep in my step.
I've said it before. Sometimes I just want something good to happen. I know. Good things happen to me all the time. I really have nothing to complain about. I even had a friend who I don't get to see that often tell me that she can't believe the difference in my attitude. She noted that we used to sit around and complain about everything. Now when we get together, she said, I seem so happy and upbeat and cheerful. That was nice because that's how I want people to see me. Well, and, of course, I really want to feel that way.
So what's going to make me feel that way? It's complicated. But I know it when it happens. And, apparently, everyone else notices as well.
I really can't believe how much I ate at dinner ... and I've already eaten the leftovers. I actually feel kinda sick, which then just makes me feel stupid for eating in the first place. I think the problem is that I've allowed my emotions to be affected by other people. That's not necessarily a bad thing, especially since I've spent a lot of my life not being affected by others. I think I need to find a happy medium.
When I have one of these moments, I usually spend time thinking about the cause or how I can respond differently next time. Mostly right now, though, I just wish this day didn't happen. And I wish I had some hope that tomorrow will be better. I don't think it's going to be bad. But I also don't see anything on the horizon that will put a little pep in my step.
I've said it before. Sometimes I just want something good to happen. I know. Good things happen to me all the time. I really have nothing to complain about. I even had a friend who I don't get to see that often tell me that she can't believe the difference in my attitude. She noted that we used to sit around and complain about everything. Now when we get together, she said, I seem so happy and upbeat and cheerful. That was nice because that's how I want people to see me. Well, and, of course, I really want to feel that way.
So what's going to make me feel that way? It's complicated. But I know it when it happens. And, apparently, everyone else notices as well.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: Lucky 7s
I have now lost exactly 77 pounds since January. Yes, 77 pounds!!!! This week's weigh-in went well -- 1.8 pounds lost. That's especially good news since my rate of weight loss has slowed significantly in the past couple of months. I know that's to be expected because I don't have nearly as much weight to lose now. I even gained last week. I know part of the slow progress has to do with me splurging a lot more than I did in the beginning. I'd like to think that I've been building muscle as well because I've exercised a lot more than in the beginning of the year. Anyway, I feel like this past week went well. I overdid it a little Thursday night for dinner (steak, mashed potatoes, wine ... and two cookies), but the rest of the week was pretty much on track. I didn't deprive myself of anything, but I made sure I kept portions small and accounted for all snacking.
As most of you know, I'm using Weight Watchers online to help me keep track of my eating. One problem this week is that WW completely revamped it's program. It still uses the points system, but the points have changed for just about everything. And I'm skeptical about how things that used to be multiple points are now zero. Supposedly it has something to do with the science of it all, but I'm not sold yet. It's really hard getting used to the new system. I had gotten to the point where I knew the points for just about everything and could keep track in my head all day. And the system was clearly working for me. Now, everything has changed. I don't like change ... even though I have spent most of this past year trying to get better at accepting it. So I will in this case, too.
Looking ahead to the coming weeks, I feel pretty good. I know I'll probably splurge from time to time. I've accepted that I won't be able to resist holiday cocktails and cookies. My goal is moderation. Just as a reminder, my short-term weight-loss goal right now is to have lost 80 pounds by Dec. 31. I'm feeling confident about it.
As most of you know, I'm using Weight Watchers online to help me keep track of my eating. One problem this week is that WW completely revamped it's program. It still uses the points system, but the points have changed for just about everything. And I'm skeptical about how things that used to be multiple points are now zero. Supposedly it has something to do with the science of it all, but I'm not sold yet. It's really hard getting used to the new system. I had gotten to the point where I knew the points for just about everything and could keep track in my head all day. And the system was clearly working for me. Now, everything has changed. I don't like change ... even though I have spent most of this past year trying to get better at accepting it. So I will in this case, too.
Looking ahead to the coming weeks, I feel pretty good. I know I'll probably splurge from time to time. I've accepted that I won't be able to resist holiday cocktails and cookies. My goal is moderation. Just as a reminder, my short-term weight-loss goal right now is to have lost 80 pounds by Dec. 31. I'm feeling confident about it.
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