My life ... starring me

I've spent most of today watching romantic comedies -- You've Got Mail, Love Actually and The Holiday. I've seen them all a million times and Love Actually is probably in my top five all-time favorites. Of course all three feature women looking for a happy ending ... and they all get it. One line from The Holiday stood out the most: "You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life."

I think that's exactly what this past year has been about for me. I've spent far too much time doing what other people want or simply not doing anything at all. Now, I do what I want. I try not to be too self-centered about it, but I am focused on what makes me happy. I hope that doesn't come at the expense of others' happiness, but I have to do what I think is best for me.

I want to be the star of my life. It's exciting and fun. And I don't need someone else telling me what to like, what to think, where to go, what to do. I actually think this is how I am the most different from a year ago. In The Holiday, it's called gumption. It's probably just confidence. Regular readers know I don't have it all the time, but I certainly display it far more often now than before. And I truly feel it.

The problem is that it doesn't always work out for me. I do something that I think takes courage on my part and then I don't get the desired result. That always makes me take a step back. But I'm starting to wonder if I should forget the little setbacks and keep jumping off those bridges. Yes, for me, many small steps feel like I'm leaping from a bridge. Sometimes, it's a short drop and I swim away unscathed. Other times, ... well, it's not pretty. I feel like I'm drowning in poor judgment, rejection and stupidity.

So how do I ensure that I continue to be the center of attention in my own life without losing perspective? And will my life have a happy ending ... whatever that might be?