Am I being paranoid?

I hadn't planned on blogging tonight, but I just realized this evening that I've used the word paranoid to describe my mood twice in the past week. That got me to thinking about whether being suspicious is the same thing as being paranoid. I guess not.

By nature (or maybe just through my upbringing), I am suspicious of people. It's always been what I would consider a flaw. I simply don't trust people. I think that's what made me a good reporter and now a good editor. The problem is that it always makes it hard for people to be my friend.

My mind can be devious and manipulative. Yes, I can admit it. So I suppose I expect the same of others. I think I'm a good person. I try not to do things to hurt others and I genuinely would walk through fire for people once their loyalty has been proven. Until then, however, my suspicious nature, which sometimes seems like paranoia, is off putting for some people.

I know that I have this flaw, which is why I think I get paranoid. But am I really? Maybe I have good reason to be suspicious. Maybe being suspicious makes me smart. Maybe it means protecting myself against harm. Of course, it also could mean that I'm not as open as I should be.

If I trust people with what I'm thinking and feeling, what's the worst that could happen? In today's instance, it actually could cause me problems at work. But if the person is trustworthy, I might find that I have a friend who can actually help me solve my problems. Last week's situation was more of a personal one, but posed a similar dilemma -- trust someone with what I'm feeling/thinking and risk getting burned. How do I decide?

PS -- It's been a week since my effort at letting go of a specific obsession. I've had ups and downs. Overall rating for the week: 5. I wish the number was higher, but the low points were downright insane. But it's a new week. Today's rating: 6. It's hard to kick an obsession when it seems like a constant part of my life.