Weekly weigh-in: Not a proud moment

Last week's weight: 189.2
This week's weight: 190
Difference: +0.8
Total weight lost: 81.8

I'm not exactly surprised that I gained a little this week. With the birthday celebrations and a visit with my family, I overdid it a bit the past two weeks. But I also fought really hard to overcome the food splurges by walking more and eating well the other days of the week.

My disappointment this week is in how I've approached food. Since Wednesday, I feel like I've been eating everything in sight. I don't know what's gotten into me. I haven't eaten really bad foods, but I everything hasn't exactly been good for me either. My concern is that I feel like I can't stop eating.

Today has been the worst and it started with me getting a bagel at Dunkin Donuts. I knew it was wrong and far more points than I normally eat for breakfast, but I simply couldn't stop myself. I snacked a lot at work today -- at least my choices were healthy, including an orange, a banana, a Kashi granola bar, Weight Watchers string cheese.

I hit rock bottom on the way home tonight. I couldn't figure out what I was going to eat for dinner. I weighed my healthy fast food choices. I considered stopping at the grocery store. I even thought about Chinese delivery. Then, I got in the drive-thru line at Zaxby's. There is nothing good for me there. I haven't eaten there since sometime in 2009. All I could think about was how good the chicken fingers, french fries, cole slaw and Texas toast would taste.

As I waited in line, I saw images of myself stuffing my face. I thought about how I'd feel. Initially, I thought I'd feel comfort. But then I realized I'd probably feel sick since I never eat that kind of food. And I would definitely feel guilty. I wondered if I ate that for dinner whether I'd be able to forgive myself.


Yes, there is good news. I pulled out of line and headed home. I still needed to eat something comforting, so I made a Kashi pizza. It's possible I'm going to eat the whole thing tonight, but at least the ingredients are good for me.

So the past couple of days I feel like I've been fighting a losing battle. I hope tonight's decision, though, means I'm winning the war.