So I'm a day late (or technically two days late since it is 2 a.m. Sunday) reporting my weekly weigh-in results. At my official weigh-in on Friday morning, I had lost 1.4 pounds last week. That put me at 73 total. I didn't quite hit my goal of 75 pounds by Oct. 29, but I was so close. I feel good about it. I've come a long way.
What I don't feel good about is how far off track I've gotten in the past two days. I've eaten and drank way too much and way too many things that weren't good for me. I am on a mini vacation with my family, so I knew there would be splurging. I guess I'm OK with it. I just wish I had the will power to resist those bad things. And, unfortunately, once I get off, it's not pretty. I've made a few wise choices, but overall not a good couple of days. I'm really afraid of what the scale will say when I get back to Wilmington Monday.
I've also been facing some mental hurdles since arriving in Richmond on Friday afternoon. I've spent so much time working on my attitude and training my brain to be positive. It's really hard for me to be around negative people. I don't mean to offend anyone. I just don't have the patience for complaining and bickering. It's so annoying. If something's wrong, fix it. Figure it out.
Oddly enough, I've also had a lot of time to think. I feel like the noise in my head is getting out of control again. My brain was so quiet and calm for so many days, maybe even weeks. Now my brain seems to be obsessing about every little thing. That's something I've been fighting so hard. Just this once I wish there was a switch to turn off my brain or at least a way to erase the stuff I don't want to think about.
I'm sure that stuff is the reason I'm blogging at 2 a.m. instead of sleeping. I feel so tired and sleepy. When I close my eyes, though, my brain feels like it's going to explode. So many thoughts go through my mind at once. And they are so loud. When I get back to Wilmington, it looks like I've got some work to do to recapture my inner peace. But I'll get there again.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Why I blog
So I've been surprised several times lately to hear people make a comment about something I wrote in this blog. I didn't even know the person was reading my blog. Of course, I want people to read it, but that's not why I do it. I blog because it's like therapy.
Being able to express what I'm thinking and feeling is a huge step in my weight-loss journey. I've always been very guarded and I don't share stuff about myself easily. That's probably surprising to some people because it's something I work on every day now. I want to trust people. So I've tried to be open and honest with this blog. I've given away more about myself than I ever believed possible.
But it's not easy. I really struggle sometimes with the idea of exposing my weaknesses. And there have been times when I've written a post only to delete it minutes later. There have also been times when I've written something and regretted it later, but I didn't delete it. I think that's progress.
I've found that blogging helps me organize my thoughts, stay on track and face my fears. Sometimes just writing about something allows me to let it go. I was scared to death when I started. I was so embarrassed by every word I wrote. I stressed all the time about what I was saying.
Now, I just type. I write what I'm thinking and feeling. I still get self-conscious when people mention something I've written, but I also feel really good when someone tells me they could relate. I can only hope that others read my posts and realize that we all have issues. We all have weak moments. We all struggle to do the right thing.
Most recently, blogging has helped me stay positive. It's forced me to think about what makes me happy. I even had a great compliment from someone I truly respect today. He said he could really see a difference in my attitude. And I tried to tell him how good I feel about my life right now. I genuinely feel happy.
So I got to thinking today about who's actually reading my blog. I really have no idea. But it turns out there are statistics available. I don't know why I never noticed the tab. It's pretty prominent. And I love studying numbers.
Here's what I found out:
Being able to express what I'm thinking and feeling is a huge step in my weight-loss journey. I've always been very guarded and I don't share stuff about myself easily. That's probably surprising to some people because it's something I work on every day now. I want to trust people. So I've tried to be open and honest with this blog. I've given away more about myself than I ever believed possible.
But it's not easy. I really struggle sometimes with the idea of exposing my weaknesses. And there have been times when I've written a post only to delete it minutes later. There have also been times when I've written something and regretted it later, but I didn't delete it. I think that's progress.
I've found that blogging helps me organize my thoughts, stay on track and face my fears. Sometimes just writing about something allows me to let it go. I was scared to death when I started. I was so embarrassed by every word I wrote. I stressed all the time about what I was saying.
Now, I just type. I write what I'm thinking and feeling. I still get self-conscious when people mention something I've written, but I also feel really good when someone tells me they could relate. I can only hope that others read my posts and realize that we all have issues. We all have weak moments. We all struggle to do the right thing.
Most recently, blogging has helped me stay positive. It's forced me to think about what makes me happy. I even had a great compliment from someone I truly respect today. He said he could really see a difference in my attitude. And I tried to tell him how good I feel about my life right now. I genuinely feel happy.
So I got to thinking today about who's actually reading my blog. I really have no idea. But it turns out there are statistics available. I don't know why I never noticed the tab. It's pretty prominent. And I love studying numbers.
Here's what I found out:
- There are a lot more people reading what I write than I expected. My blog has had more than 800 page views so far this month and more than 2,600 since I started in July. Also, October is my best month so far. I think that's pretty good since I guessed that maybe a handful of people were reading each post.
- The two most viewed posts were the ones where I posted before and after photos. No surprise there.
- I get a lot of page views from people clicking on the links I post on facebook. In the beginning I felt weird about "advertising" my posts. But now it feels normal. How else will my "friends" know when I've written something new?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The wheels are turning
So several things have happened this week that have really got the wheels in my brain turning. I have so many things to think about that I don't know where to begin. Honestly, my brain is overloaded. And, interestingly, most of it's not bad stuff. It's just stuff. And it's new stuff. I know, I'm babbling. That's what it's like in my head right now. The neurons all seem to be firing at once. Maybe it's just too much caffeine.
The really good news is that I've stayed on track with my eating since last Friday. I haven't exercised as much as I should, but I've done better than normal. So that's good. And when I did a pre-weigh-in tonight, the results were good -- 1.4 pounds lost since last week. Let's hope the scale says the same thing on Friday morning ... or something even better. I'm so close to the 75 pounds lost mark. As of tonight, I'm at 73 pounds. Wow. Wow. Wow. When it comes to the big picture, I have a lot to be happy about.
I'm also starting to notice a few patterns now that I've been writing down my list for more than a week. Common themes include people who make me laugh, doing more physical activity, meeting new people, successes at work and losing weight. Yeah, those are pretty much the things that make me happy right now. Sounds pretty easy when you look at that list.
Here's my specific list for today.
1. For the first time in quite a few weeks, I dragged myself out of bed early enough this morning to walk before work. I've been so full of energy all day. I walked 1.8 miles, but could have done more if I had more time. I've been in a good mood all day and I think it's because of the walking.
2. For those not in journalism, this probably won't mean a lot. But it really made me happy. We had a designer at work put together advance layouts for Tuesday and Wednesday next week (Election Day and the day after). He's really fantastic. You give him vague instructions and he creates something wonderful. I'm so excited now for Election Day just because I know the papers are going to be so good.
3. I did one more thing to learn more about my community and to try to understand the people we cover in the newspaper. I attended a summit of downtown business/community leaders. The event wasn't all that exciting. But I did get three story ideas and sat next to an excellent backseat commentator who kept me laughing the whole time. Have I mentioned that people who make me laugh also make me happy?
4. Weight loss seems to be going well this week. See my comments above for the specifics. But I am happy to see results. I can only hope I see them on Friday morning for my official weigh-in.
5. I wrote a note on my brother's facebook wall and he actually replied. For those who don't know, he's almost 21. We don't communicate much. The only way I know what he's doing is facebook. And I think it's just sort of understood that his 37-year-old, uncool sister won't be commenting on his posts. I was really beyond happy. He might even make time to visit with me when I go home to Richmond this weekend. That would be so amazing.
The really good news is that I've stayed on track with my eating since last Friday. I haven't exercised as much as I should, but I've done better than normal. So that's good. And when I did a pre-weigh-in tonight, the results were good -- 1.4 pounds lost since last week. Let's hope the scale says the same thing on Friday morning ... or something even better. I'm so close to the 75 pounds lost mark. As of tonight, I'm at 73 pounds. Wow. Wow. Wow. When it comes to the big picture, I have a lot to be happy about.
I'm also starting to notice a few patterns now that I've been writing down my list for more than a week. Common themes include people who make me laugh, doing more physical activity, meeting new people, successes at work and losing weight. Yeah, those are pretty much the things that make me happy right now. Sounds pretty easy when you look at that list.
Here's my specific list for today.
1. For the first time in quite a few weeks, I dragged myself out of bed early enough this morning to walk before work. I've been so full of energy all day. I walked 1.8 miles, but could have done more if I had more time. I've been in a good mood all day and I think it's because of the walking.
2. For those not in journalism, this probably won't mean a lot. But it really made me happy. We had a designer at work put together advance layouts for Tuesday and Wednesday next week (Election Day and the day after). He's really fantastic. You give him vague instructions and he creates something wonderful. I'm so excited now for Election Day just because I know the papers are going to be so good.
3. I did one more thing to learn more about my community and to try to understand the people we cover in the newspaper. I attended a summit of downtown business/community leaders. The event wasn't all that exciting. But I did get three story ideas and sat next to an excellent backseat commentator who kept me laughing the whole time. Have I mentioned that people who make me laugh also make me happy?
4. Weight loss seems to be going well this week. See my comments above for the specifics. But I am happy to see results. I can only hope I see them on Friday morning for my official weigh-in.
5. I wrote a note on my brother's facebook wall and he actually replied. For those who don't know, he's almost 21. We don't communicate much. The only way I know what he's doing is facebook. And I think it's just sort of understood that his 37-year-old, uncool sister won't be commenting on his posts. I was really beyond happy. He might even make time to visit with me when I go home to Richmond this weekend. That would be so amazing.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I just can't let it go
Something happened today that actually made me angry. In fact, my jaw muscles are still clenched thinking about it now. I don't get angry very often. I get frustrated. I get overwhelmed. I get flabbergasted. But I don't really get angry. Angry for me means I want to lock myself in a room and throw things. Of course, I've never done that. But that's what it's like in my head at that moment. Anyway, I'm having trouble letting it go. I'm just so mad. I want to stomp my feet. I want to scream. And then I want to kick myself because I could have prevented the problem a week ago and didn't. Yes, I blame myself.
All that said, lots of good things happened today. So here's today's list of things I'm happy about.
1. I went to a forum tonight for local candidates. I felt like a nerd for spending two hours of my time there, but I take voting very seriously. I want to be informed. Truth is, I laughed more during the forum than I do while watching TV. It didn't hurt that two of our reporters were there to help keep me entertained. I definitely found some candidates I like and some I don't. But it made me happy to see them in person and really try to pay attention to what they were saying.
2. I started my day amused and I'm ending it amused. I may have mentioned this before, but I'm easily amused. It's usually something witty someone said. That's really all it takes to make me smile or smirk. It's those little things that make the day more interesting.
3. This is really going to make me sound like a loser, but oh well. And I hope the people affected by this don't mind being part of the plan. I decided recently that I'm going to try to go to lunch once a week with someone who doesn't work at the StarNews. Three weeks so far and I made plans today for next week. I swear it's not as calculated as it sounds. It's just that part of my journey is going outside the box. Plus, the people I've chosen so far are important to my job. And it turns out it's fun to not work straight through lunch every day and to talk to people about other stuff, including what's important to them. So I'm happy to be focused on new people.
4. I was really happy this morning when I was trying to decide what to wear to work. I have a vest that I used to love. Of course, I haven't been able to wear it for about 10 years. I can't even believe I still own it. When I first started losing weight, I tried it on every couple of weeks. Too small. Then I went about two months without trying it on. For some reason, I put it on this morning. Too big. That felt so amazing. It was the one piece of clothing from way back that used to fit but didn't now. IT'S TOO BIG! Yes, I'm happy.
5. I asked one of my reporters for advice today and ended up with a solution to two problems. I'm happy that I trusted the person and I really feel like I got a different perspective on things. Maybe I should talk to the reporters more. Haha.
All that said, lots of good things happened today. So here's today's list of things I'm happy about.
1. I went to a forum tonight for local candidates. I felt like a nerd for spending two hours of my time there, but I take voting very seriously. I want to be informed. Truth is, I laughed more during the forum than I do while watching TV. It didn't hurt that two of our reporters were there to help keep me entertained. I definitely found some candidates I like and some I don't. But it made me happy to see them in person and really try to pay attention to what they were saying.
2. I started my day amused and I'm ending it amused. I may have mentioned this before, but I'm easily amused. It's usually something witty someone said. That's really all it takes to make me smile or smirk. It's those little things that make the day more interesting.
3. This is really going to make me sound like a loser, but oh well. And I hope the people affected by this don't mind being part of the plan. I decided recently that I'm going to try to go to lunch once a week with someone who doesn't work at the StarNews. Three weeks so far and I made plans today for next week. I swear it's not as calculated as it sounds. It's just that part of my journey is going outside the box. Plus, the people I've chosen so far are important to my job. And it turns out it's fun to not work straight through lunch every day and to talk to people about other stuff, including what's important to them. So I'm happy to be focused on new people.
4. I was really happy this morning when I was trying to decide what to wear to work. I have a vest that I used to love. Of course, I haven't been able to wear it for about 10 years. I can't even believe I still own it. When I first started losing weight, I tried it on every couple of weeks. Too small. Then I went about two months without trying it on. For some reason, I put it on this morning. Too big. That felt so amazing. It was the one piece of clothing from way back that used to fit but didn't now. IT'S TOO BIG! Yes, I'm happy.
5. I asked one of my reporters for advice today and ended up with a solution to two problems. I'm happy that I trusted the person and I really feel like I got a different perspective on things. Maybe I should talk to the reporters more. Haha.
Monday, October 25, 2010
The happy list returns
I took a break from blogging over the weekend, so I didn't actually write down the things that made me happy each day. But there were plenty of things. I had a nice weekend. Very relaxing and I walked/jogged a lot more than normal. I also made a couple of new things to eat -- pumpkin smoothies and pumpkin crepes. Both were very yummy.
Anyway, here's today's list.
1. I had a nice lunch with a new acquaintance -- someone we often write about in the newspaper. I was happy to meet the person and get to know more about what he does. I definitely have a different perspective and genuinely enjoyed meeting someone new.
2. I was reminded by a note from a friend today of the moment I decided I was going to try to focus on things that make me happy. It's funny because I can remember asking the person (who was an intern at the paper this past summer) why he's so happy all the time. Somehow, his positive attitude rubbed off in just a couple of months. When I'm struggling to be happy and positive, I think about what he would say and I feel better.
3. I got a new picture taken today. It caused quite a bit of commotion in the office because I don't think it was very good and I didn't want to post the one where I'm really smiling. I eventually posted it on facebook, but I'm not happy about it. What I am happy about is how supportive so many friends were. There were so many compliments about how far I've come. Sure, I kind of asked for the attention by posting on facebook ... but people didn't have to say anything. So I was flattered and happy people took the time. It meant a lot.
4. I found myself in a frustrating and difficult situation today. I'm happy that I didn't lose my cool and I was the one who offered a solution. I really am happy when I get backed into a corner and I'm not defensive.
5. Finally, I'm happy I didn't have to cook dinner. I had leftover chicken with potatoes, artichokes and mushrooms. It was delicious and wonderful comfort food on this rainy night. Yes, sometimes something as simple as not having to cook dinner makes me happy. Oh, and I think I'm going to make more pumpkin crepes for dessert. Who wouldn't be happy about that?
Anyway, here's today's list.
1. I had a nice lunch with a new acquaintance -- someone we often write about in the newspaper. I was happy to meet the person and get to know more about what he does. I definitely have a different perspective and genuinely enjoyed meeting someone new.
2. I was reminded by a note from a friend today of the moment I decided I was going to try to focus on things that make me happy. It's funny because I can remember asking the person (who was an intern at the paper this past summer) why he's so happy all the time. Somehow, his positive attitude rubbed off in just a couple of months. When I'm struggling to be happy and positive, I think about what he would say and I feel better.
3. I got a new picture taken today. It caused quite a bit of commotion in the office because I don't think it was very good and I didn't want to post the one where I'm really smiling. I eventually posted it on facebook, but I'm not happy about it. What I am happy about is how supportive so many friends were. There were so many compliments about how far I've come. Sure, I kind of asked for the attention by posting on facebook ... but people didn't have to say anything. So I was flattered and happy people took the time. It meant a lot.
4. I found myself in a frustrating and difficult situation today. I'm happy that I didn't lose my cool and I was the one who offered a solution. I really am happy when I get backed into a corner and I'm not defensive.
5. Finally, I'm happy I didn't have to cook dinner. I had leftover chicken with potatoes, artichokes and mushrooms. It was delicious and wonderful comfort food on this rainy night. Yes, sometimes something as simple as not having to cook dinner makes me happy. Oh, and I think I'm going to make more pumpkin crepes for dessert. Who wouldn't be happy about that?
Before and after photos
So I've been having a photographer at work take a new headshot every time I lose 25 pounds. I'm not quite at 75 pounds, but pretty close. So he did the new photo today. I don't love it. And he wanted me to use one where I'm pretty much laughing. I just couldn't do it. Here are all four photos. I'm not feeling quite as good about it as I thought I would. Oh well, maybe I'll feel different when I get the next one taken.
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| 72 pounds lost |
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| 50 pounds lost |
.jpg) |
| 25 pounds lost |
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| 0 pounds lost |
Friday, October 22, 2010
The happy list
I know today's not over, but I am about to turn off my computer for the day. (Well, probably for the day.) So here's today's list of things that made me happy.
1. It's Friday. I got a lot of work done in the office today, which means I'm mentally prepared to relax for the next two days. And I left after only 8 1/2 hours. Yes, that makes me happy.
2. I'm happy that a week from today I'll be in Richmond visiting my family. The trip will be brief, but I haven't seen my dad, grandmother and brother since April.
3. I did a nice thing for one of my reporters today. He's been taking on extra assignments all week, which has made me very happy. Today, I did a small piece of his job.
4. I ate two bites of the most delicious crustless pumpkin pie. It was basically pumpkin pie filling baked inside pumpkins. It was so yummy and, apparently, pretty good for me. It was made from real pumpkin, honey, molasses and spices. The only thing that would have made me happier at that moment would have been to eat more ... but I didn't.
5. I lost a pound this week. I know I said I was disappointed in my post this morning, but overall I am happy. The big picture is that I lost another pound. As long as I'm losing each week, I'm making progress. And I wore a pair of jeans in a size I haven't worn since high school. And I got a lot of compliments. Very happy and flattered.
1. It's Friday. I got a lot of work done in the office today, which means I'm mentally prepared to relax for the next two days. And I left after only 8 1/2 hours. Yes, that makes me happy.
2. I'm happy that a week from today I'll be in Richmond visiting my family. The trip will be brief, but I haven't seen my dad, grandmother and brother since April.
3. I did a nice thing for one of my reporters today. He's been taking on extra assignments all week, which has made me very happy. Today, I did a small piece of his job.
4. I ate two bites of the most delicious crustless pumpkin pie. It was basically pumpkin pie filling baked inside pumpkins. It was so yummy and, apparently, pretty good for me. It was made from real pumpkin, honey, molasses and spices. The only thing that would have made me happier at that moment would have been to eat more ... but I didn't.
5. I lost a pound this week. I know I said I was disappointed in my post this morning, but overall I am happy. The big picture is that I lost another pound. As long as I'm losing each week, I'm making progress. And I wore a pair of jeans in a size I haven't worn since high school. And I got a lot of compliments. Very happy and flattered.
Weekly weigh-in: Disappointed, but not discouraged
So this morning's weigh-in didn't go quite as well as I'd hoped. I set out last Friday wanting to lose 1.4 pounds this week. I lost a pound. I'm disappointed, but still happy to be losing. I've now lost 71.6 pounds since the beginning of the year. Seriously, how could I not be happy about that?
After this week, it also seems less and less likely I'll reach my goal of losing a total of 75 pounds by next Friday. It's not impossible, but it is highly unlikely that I will lose 3.4 pounds next week. I've accepted it. I'm really close to the goal and that's good enough for now. I am proud of myself for simply making it as far as I have. And I'm proud of myself for recently trying to push myself to do more physical activity. I am still progress and that's all that matters.
Now, to the reason why I'm actually in a good place about today's weigh-in. I'm wearing a pair of the new jeans I bought last weekend. They are a size I haven't worn since high school. They make me feel fantastic (and, I must admit, a little self-conscious). Honestly, I've barely worn jeans in the past 10 years. Nothing ever seemed to fit right and they were just uncomfortable. But I love my new jeans and I can't wait until I can buy an even smaller size.
After this week, it also seems less and less likely I'll reach my goal of losing a total of 75 pounds by next Friday. It's not impossible, but it is highly unlikely that I will lose 3.4 pounds next week. I've accepted it. I'm really close to the goal and that's good enough for now. I am proud of myself for simply making it as far as I have. And I'm proud of myself for recently trying to push myself to do more physical activity. I am still progress and that's all that matters.
Now, to the reason why I'm actually in a good place about today's weigh-in. I'm wearing a pair of the new jeans I bought last weekend. They are a size I haven't worn since high school. They make me feel fantastic (and, I must admit, a little self-conscious). Honestly, I've barely worn jeans in the past 10 years. Nothing ever seemed to fit right and they were just uncomfortable. But I love my new jeans and I can't wait until I can buy an even smaller size.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Not feeling so happy, but sticking with it
I've been in a funk today. Nothing specific, except that I had a migraine for most of the day. And I have so much work to do that it's all just a little overwhelming right now. Anyway, I'm having trouble thinking of five things that made me happy today, but I'm going to try. I'm committed to finding the good in every day, so here goes.
1. Oddly enough, my headache went away after I came home, put on my pajamas and vegged in front of the TV. So I'm happy I no longer have a migraine.
2. I ate well today. Nothing off track.
3. I got a tour of the new Wilmington Convention Center, and I enjoyed the behind-the-scenes look. And I was happy a reporter took notes and photos and was willing to blog about it afterward.
4. I'm happy it's Thursday and one of my favorite shows is on TV -- The Big Bang Theory.
5. I wore a ring today that I've never actually been able to wear on my ring finger. When I bought it years ago, it would only fit on my pinky. I never wore it. Now it really fits.
I think writing the list is helping. I'm actually smiling after writing the last one.
1. Oddly enough, my headache went away after I came home, put on my pajamas and vegged in front of the TV. So I'm happy I no longer have a migraine.
2. I ate well today. Nothing off track.
3. I got a tour of the new Wilmington Convention Center, and I enjoyed the behind-the-scenes look. And I was happy a reporter took notes and photos and was willing to blog about it afterward.
4. I'm happy it's Thursday and one of my favorite shows is on TV -- The Big Bang Theory.
5. I wore a ring today that I've never actually been able to wear on my ring finger. When I bought it years ago, it would only fit on my pinky. I never wore it. Now it really fits.
I think writing the list is helping. I'm actually smiling after writing the last one.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Excess leads to exercise
The most amazing thing happened tonight. It was the start of Restaurant Week in Wilmington. I went to dinner with a friend and splurged -- linguine primavera and two glasses of wine. Oh, and half of a bruschetta appetizer and a salad. I could have made much worse choices and I really enjoyed what I ate. In fact, it was one of the best entrees I've had at that restaurant. Anyway, I splurged.
I was feeling a little guilty when I got home, especially since the scale was not my friend when I weighed this morning. So I was thinking about walking a couple of laps around my neighborhood. I really couldn't believe I was thinking about it -- it was almost 9 o'clock at night. I made a post on facebook and a friend quickly replied that I should walk The Loop at Wrightsville Beach again tonight. I felt great after last night's outing, but I didn't think I was up to it. Just knowing that my friend was going to do it inspired me to make three laps around my neighborhood (1.8 miles). I even jogged a little. It was an amazing feeling.
I don't think I burned off the pasta and wine, but I am so proud of myself for doing something. In the past, I would have eaten that way and spent the rest of the night on the couch. In fact, I might have even had another glass of wine at home. And I definitely would have ordered something much worse for me at dinner.
And I'm so thankful to my friend who spurred me to at least get in a little exercise today. Her comments were just the push I needed to head out the door. I also know that she's exercising a lot more than I am and she looks fabulous. If she can do it, I can do it. And I know I can do more than I am ... I just need a push in the right direction.
On a related note, here's my list of the 5 things that made me happy today.
1. See above. Exercising after splurging at dinner is a huge accomplishment ... physically and mentally.
2. Overall, it was a great day at work. Tomorrow's newspaper has a ton of interesting stories. I felt like every time I turned around today a reporter had another good story. Good stories and hard-working reporters always make me happy.
3. I had a nice dinner with a friend. I shared a secret I'd been keeping for a couple of weeks. And I'm happy she knows what's going on in my life, especially since it's ultimately a really good sign of progress for me.
4. I'm happy I keep bug spray in the car. After dinner, we sat outside for a bit. But a quick trip to the car kept most of the mosquitoes at bay. (When I was walking at home later, the bug spray didn't seem to be helping at all, though.)
5. Finally, I played catch with a 2-year-old (or maybe 3. He said he was 3 but held up 2 fingers.) at work. He's the son of our photo editor. The five-minute encounter brightened my morning because he was so adorable.
I was feeling a little guilty when I got home, especially since the scale was not my friend when I weighed this morning. So I was thinking about walking a couple of laps around my neighborhood. I really couldn't believe I was thinking about it -- it was almost 9 o'clock at night. I made a post on facebook and a friend quickly replied that I should walk The Loop at Wrightsville Beach again tonight. I felt great after last night's outing, but I didn't think I was up to it. Just knowing that my friend was going to do it inspired me to make three laps around my neighborhood (1.8 miles). I even jogged a little. It was an amazing feeling.
I don't think I burned off the pasta and wine, but I am so proud of myself for doing something. In the past, I would have eaten that way and spent the rest of the night on the couch. In fact, I might have even had another glass of wine at home. And I definitely would have ordered something much worse for me at dinner.
And I'm so thankful to my friend who spurred me to at least get in a little exercise today. Her comments were just the push I needed to head out the door. I also know that she's exercising a lot more than I am and she looks fabulous. If she can do it, I can do it. And I know I can do more than I am ... I just need a push in the right direction.
On a related note, here's my list of the 5 things that made me happy today.
1. See above. Exercising after splurging at dinner is a huge accomplishment ... physically and mentally.
2. Overall, it was a great day at work. Tomorrow's newspaper has a ton of interesting stories. I felt like every time I turned around today a reporter had another good story. Good stories and hard-working reporters always make me happy.
3. I had a nice dinner with a friend. I shared a secret I'd been keeping for a couple of weeks. And I'm happy she knows what's going on in my life, especially since it's ultimately a really good sign of progress for me.
4. I'm happy I keep bug spray in the car. After dinner, we sat outside for a bit. But a quick trip to the car kept most of the mosquitoes at bay. (When I was walking at home later, the bug spray didn't seem to be helping at all, though.)
5. Finally, I played catch with a 2-year-old (or maybe 3. He said he was 3 but held up 2 fingers.) at work. He's the son of our photo editor. The five-minute encounter brightened my morning because he was so adorable.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Finding inspiration when you least expect it
For quite some time, I've followed @BruceBrownNC on twitter. Check out his blog. I met him a couple of times when the StarNews held blogger meet-ups last year. Each morning, he tweets about the forecast for the Wilmington area and he posts several inspirational quotes, some of which he writes himself. Without thinking, I look for them on twitter each morning. It's just a little something that usually puts a smile on my face first thing in the morning. Today's was particularly fitting.
He wrote: "Finding inspiration from an unexpected source is unexpectedly compelling." I feel like this sums up my life right now. I've blogged previously about getting outside my comfort zone and working to develop new relationships. What I'm finding is inspiration. I seem to be seeking out people who inspire me in some way -- whether it's weight loss, exercise, socializing, attitude, outlook and even work.
In the past, when I've met new people, I've tended to shy away from getting to know them. Now, I can name a handful of people I've become friends in the past several months who make me want to embrace the new me. In fact, they push me to fully develop the new me. And I'm drawn to them. They give me something that's keeping me going.
One of those people insists that I need to accept that I'm the one who's made the changes in my life. But I've tried to explain how important it is to know you are supported. I can only hope that there's something I can do for these people one day. And I hope they know who they are when they read this because I am so thankful for their support.
He wrote: "Finding inspiration from an unexpected source is unexpectedly compelling." I feel like this sums up my life right now. I've blogged previously about getting outside my comfort zone and working to develop new relationships. What I'm finding is inspiration. I seem to be seeking out people who inspire me in some way -- whether it's weight loss, exercise, socializing, attitude, outlook and even work.
In the past, when I've met new people, I've tended to shy away from getting to know them. Now, I can name a handful of people I've become friends in the past several months who make me want to embrace the new me. In fact, they push me to fully develop the new me. And I'm drawn to them. They give me something that's keeping me going.
One of those people insists that I need to accept that I'm the one who's made the changes in my life. But I've tried to explain how important it is to know you are supported. I can only hope that there's something I can do for these people one day. And I hope they know who they are when they read this because I am so thankful for their support.
5 things that made me happy today
As you probably know by now, I'm taking time each night to think about things that made me happy that day. I made a list of five things yesterday and it was kinda therapeutic, so I'm thinking I might try to do it daily. I'm only going to pick five, mostly because listing more would take more time. Plus, I think it's good to have a concise list. Sometimes, they might be really big important things. Sometimes, they might be little things just made me smile.
Here's today's list.
1. I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach tonight. It's really pretty unbelievable. I try to walk it every weekend, but I don't usually walk that far at night during the week. I usually tell myself that I'm too tired. I was a little slower than my friend, but she was nice enough to adjust her pace. And I feel fantastic. So thankful I did it. And, honestly, I'm happy to have made a new friend who inspires me and supports me.
2. I had to ask three reporters at work today to do things that aren't typically part of their jobs. With each assignment, I said: "I owe you one." I say that a lot. What made me happy is that all three accepted the assignments without complaint. The did what needed to be done. I can really appreciate that attitude. And I will pay them back one day.
3. This one's probably going to make me sound a little nutty. But we have these flash drives at work that are round and have our logo on them. I've wanted one for months. But apparently they were for other people. I just thought they were cool. And I wanted the cool toy. Anyway, one of the other editors walked up to my desk out of the blue today and gave me one. Yay for him. It made me happy.
4. I walked two laps around the StarNews building. The first lap came right after I tasted a seafood empanada and ate a piece of chocolate. Neither was very good for me. Instead of stewing about it, I walked right outside and took a lap around the building. The sunshine was invigorating. After a couple of hours at my desk, I decided to take one more lap. I don't know what made me do, but I bet you'll see me out there more often. Apparently, walking and being outside make me happy.
5. We had a bit of breaking news today. I was so happy to be the editor who coordinated the coverage, especially since we beat the competition. I love the news. And I love it even more when we're first. I got such an adrenaline rush today. And that made me happy.
Here's today's list.
1. I walked The Loop at Wrightsville Beach tonight. It's really pretty unbelievable. I try to walk it every weekend, but I don't usually walk that far at night during the week. I usually tell myself that I'm too tired. I was a little slower than my friend, but she was nice enough to adjust her pace. And I feel fantastic. So thankful I did it. And, honestly, I'm happy to have made a new friend who inspires me and supports me.
2. I had to ask three reporters at work today to do things that aren't typically part of their jobs. With each assignment, I said: "I owe you one." I say that a lot. What made me happy is that all three accepted the assignments without complaint. The did what needed to be done. I can really appreciate that attitude. And I will pay them back one day.
3. This one's probably going to make me sound a little nutty. But we have these flash drives at work that are round and have our logo on them. I've wanted one for months. But apparently they were for other people. I just thought they were cool. And I wanted the cool toy. Anyway, one of the other editors walked up to my desk out of the blue today and gave me one. Yay for him. It made me happy.
4. I walked two laps around the StarNews building. The first lap came right after I tasted a seafood empanada and ate a piece of chocolate. Neither was very good for me. Instead of stewing about it, I walked right outside and took a lap around the building. The sunshine was invigorating. After a couple of hours at my desk, I decided to take one more lap. I don't know what made me do, but I bet you'll see me out there more often. Apparently, walking and being outside make me happy.
5. We had a bit of breaking news today. I was so happy to be the editor who coordinated the coverage, especially since we beat the competition. I love the news. And I love it even more when we're first. I got such an adrenaline rush today. And that made me happy.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Fighting mental hurdles
I blogged Saturday about how the amount of weight I've lost this year might be starting to sink in. Not so much. I feel like I had a step backward this morning. I was getting dressed (in new clothes I've bought over the past couple of weeks) and I pulled out a belt. I hadn't worn it in years. I was feeling pretty happy about thinking I'd actually wear a shirt tucked in. I put the belt through the loops and it wasn't even close to fitting. Even the smallest hole was about 5 inches too big.
Yes, once again, I know I should be delighted. I should be jumping up and down with excitement. The problem is that it never even dawned on me that it wouldn't fit. This worries me because I know that unless I'm able to deal with the psychological aspects of my weight loss, I might not be able to sustain it. It's important to me that as my body gets healthier so does my mind. Why can't I see the changes?
As if that wasn't bad enough, it was not a good day at work. As usual, I'm not going into the details in a public blog. All I'll say is that a colleague I've respected and appreciated for years is leaving. So I'm sad. Combine that with the usual stress of my job and it just wasn't a good day.
All that said, I'm determined to fight against these mental hurdles. I've noted recently how I'm trying to end each day thinking about things that made me happy. So here's my list for today:
1. A meeting I was completely unprepared for got canceled early in the day. I know the idea of me being unprepared is shocking to those who know me best, but I chose not to do any work over the weekend. Even when Sunday night rolled around and I knew I was under the gun, I watched "The Big Lebowski." Yes, I'm pretty happy that I have more time to get prepared for the meeting.
2. For the first time since I've been in my job (eight months), we had no centerpiece planned for the front of our Local & State section when I came in this morning. Again, so unlike me. But I was really happy when the photo editor quickly had a solution. (Of course, now I owe him one.)
3. I had a nice lunch with a new friend. We sat outside, and it even included a brief walk through downtown Wilmington. That made me happy, because, for those who don't know, most days I eat lunch at my desk and our office has NO windows.
4. When I got home from work, I really wanted to go straight to bed and bury my head under the covers. Instead, I walked a couple of laps around my neighborhood. Making that choice made me very happy because I know I wouldn't have done that a year ago.
5. Finally, I'm happy because I am able to see the good in this day despite the bad. Just a few months ago, I would not have been nearly as calm as I am right now. And my stress level would have been very high. And I probably would have eaten terribly as a way to cope. But that's not who I am anymore. The new me makes me happy.
Yes, once again, I know I should be delighted. I should be jumping up and down with excitement. The problem is that it never even dawned on me that it wouldn't fit. This worries me because I know that unless I'm able to deal with the psychological aspects of my weight loss, I might not be able to sustain it. It's important to me that as my body gets healthier so does my mind. Why can't I see the changes?
As if that wasn't bad enough, it was not a good day at work. As usual, I'm not going into the details in a public blog. All I'll say is that a colleague I've respected and appreciated for years is leaving. So I'm sad. Combine that with the usual stress of my job and it just wasn't a good day.
All that said, I'm determined to fight against these mental hurdles. I've noted recently how I'm trying to end each day thinking about things that made me happy. So here's my list for today:
1. A meeting I was completely unprepared for got canceled early in the day. I know the idea of me being unprepared is shocking to those who know me best, but I chose not to do any work over the weekend. Even when Sunday night rolled around and I knew I was under the gun, I watched "The Big Lebowski." Yes, I'm pretty happy that I have more time to get prepared for the meeting.
2. For the first time since I've been in my job (eight months), we had no centerpiece planned for the front of our Local & State section when I came in this morning. Again, so unlike me. But I was really happy when the photo editor quickly had a solution. (Of course, now I owe him one.)
3. I had a nice lunch with a new friend. We sat outside, and it even included a brief walk through downtown Wilmington. That made me happy, because, for those who don't know, most days I eat lunch at my desk and our office has NO windows.
4. When I got home from work, I really wanted to go straight to bed and bury my head under the covers. Instead, I walked a couple of laps around my neighborhood. Making that choice made me very happy because I know I wouldn't have done that a year ago.
5. Finally, I'm happy because I am able to see the good in this day despite the bad. Just a few months ago, I would not have been nearly as calm as I am right now. And my stress level would have been very high. And I probably would have eaten terribly as a way to cope. But that's not who I am anymore. The new me makes me happy.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
It might be starting to sink in
I think I've loved to shop my whole life. I can remember going almost every Saturday with my grandmother when I was little. She always bought me the prettiest dresses and shoes. As I got older and gained more weight, though, shopping for clothes became more and more depressing. I still loved to shop, but I hated how things looked and that so many things just didn't fit right. Again, that didn't stop me. I own a lot of clothes and shoes.
I think I had a breakthrough today. Shopping today made me feel good about myself. I bought more than I intended to, but the best part was that I got two pair of jeans in a size I haven't worn since high school. It was such an amazing feeling, and just another reminder of my success. I also felt like I could see a difference when I looked in the dressing-room mirror. Usually, I don't feel like I can see any changes.
I still have a long way to go, but I know I will get there ... even if buying a new wardrobe every three months is sending me to the poorhouse.
I think I had a breakthrough today. Shopping today made me feel good about myself. I bought more than I intended to, but the best part was that I got two pair of jeans in a size I haven't worn since high school. It was such an amazing feeling, and just another reminder of my success. I also felt like I could see a difference when I looked in the dressing-room mirror. Usually, I don't feel like I can see any changes.
I still have a long way to go, but I know I will get there ... even if buying a new wardrobe every three months is sending me to the poorhouse.
Feeling guilty, but trying to move on
I know I shouldn't be, but I am feeling a little guilty about splurging yesterday. Pizza for lunch, dessert at dinner ... and wine. I knew it was going to be one of those days. The splurging was completely expected and the mocha cappuccino bread pudding was definitely worth it. I'm most frustrated with myself for giving in on the wine. Those calories are not worth it. But I did have fun.
I also feel guilty about not getting up to walk this morning. I fully intended to do it, but I couldn't make myself get out of the bed. I'm going to try to get past the guilt and stay focused on moving forward. So I'm planning several healthy, low-fat dishes for this weekend.
I also feel guilty about not getting up to walk this morning. I fully intended to do it, but I couldn't make myself get out of the bed. I'm going to try to get past the guilt and stay focused on moving forward. So I'm planning several healthy, low-fat dishes for this weekend.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: Diligence pays off
I knew that if I really started keeping track of what I was eating again, I'd see results. I lost 2.8 pounds this week, bringing me to a total of 70.6 since January. Wow. That feels pretty amazing. This makes me think I might even be able to achieve by 75 pound goal by Oct. 29. Losing 2.2 pounds each week for the next two weeks won't be easy, but it's not impossible.
The best part about this week is that I still ate plenty and I ate out several times. Once again, that proves to me that I'm in this for the long haul. I have changed my habits and I know how to make good choices (even when I'm splurging). The hardest part is that I gave up wine. I don't see that lasting, but I knew it would make a difference. And it was definitely worth it.
The best part about this week is that I still ate plenty and I ate out several times. Once again, that proves to me that I'm in this for the long haul. I have changed my habits and I know how to make good choices (even when I'm splurging). The hardest part is that I gave up wine. I don't see that lasting, but I knew it would make a difference. And it was definitely worth it.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
If you're happy and you know it ...
... blog about it. For a week now, I've been in such a good place. That's a pretty good stretch given that for weeks before now my emotions have been all over the map. And I've often blogged about being in a funk. I'm not now. Every time I take a minute to think about how I feel at that moment, I feel happy ... and very calm, cool and collected. I love the sense of balance I seem to have found. For the first time since I can remember, my brain is quiet. I'm not obsessing about anything.
What's changed? Nothing really, except that I was reminded in a roundabout way that by nature I'm very centered and focused. I'm not letting stuff bother me. Or maybe I'm just in some sort of denial. Doesn't matter. I love the way I feel right now. Calm really is the best way to describe it, which is strange because I'd also say I'm so excited ... all the time.
I was telling someone at work that part of my strategy is to take time each night to think about what made me happy that day. I don't start each day thinking about what will make me happy, but I do end the day thinking about what did. And there are so many things. I also try to make sure I savor the good moments throughout the day. Sometimes, the simplest thing can make me smile. I love those moments best.
So, if you're happy and you know it, share the wealth.
What's changed? Nothing really, except that I was reminded in a roundabout way that by nature I'm very centered and focused. I'm not letting stuff bother me. Or maybe I'm just in some sort of denial. Doesn't matter. I love the way I feel right now. Calm really is the best way to describe it, which is strange because I'd also say I'm so excited ... all the time.
I was telling someone at work that part of my strategy is to take time each night to think about what made me happy that day. I don't start each day thinking about what will make me happy, but I do end the day thinking about what did. And there are so many things. I also try to make sure I savor the good moments throughout the day. Sometimes, the simplest thing can make me smile. I love those moments best.
So, if you're happy and you know it, share the wealth.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Is it time to push myself to do more?
I had lunch with a new friend today and I left feeling completely inspired. We talked about a bunch of things, but the upshot is that I think I might be ready to take on more physical activity. I know it would be good for me. I have enjoyed walking for exercise, but it is kind of boring.
An e-mail later in the day from this friend might be the push I need. She said: "You'll probably be surprised at just how much you can do." I know she's right.
The more weight I lose, the stronger I feel. And, of course, the better I feel. I know more physical activity would help shape my body. It's time to take the leap. I just need something to convince what the right thing to do is. Do a join a gym? Do I get a trainer? Do I keep trying to do it myself?
I'd welcome advice.
On a related note, this new friend is one of the few people I know who seems to understand that a big part of this journey is mental. Changing my entire view of myself and, in some ways, my world isn't easy. But it is exciting.
So, as I think about pushing myself to exercise more, I know I need to push myself outside my comfort zone in other ways. Socializing has always been incredibly difficult for me. I think it's generally been accepted that I don't like being around people. Turns out, that's not true. I'm finding that it's fun. They just need to be the right people.
The right people these days are those who make me laugh and inspire me in some way. Oh, and they have to be supportive of my weight-loss goals. I find that I'm inspired by people who seem to be enjoying life. We all have our ups and downs, but some people just have a more positive outlook than others. Interestingly, I'm one of those people now.
It feels great!
An e-mail later in the day from this friend might be the push I need. She said: "You'll probably be surprised at just how much you can do." I know she's right.
The more weight I lose, the stronger I feel. And, of course, the better I feel. I know more physical activity would help shape my body. It's time to take the leap. I just need something to convince what the right thing to do is. Do a join a gym? Do I get a trainer? Do I keep trying to do it myself?
I'd welcome advice.
On a related note, this new friend is one of the few people I know who seems to understand that a big part of this journey is mental. Changing my entire view of myself and, in some ways, my world isn't easy. But it is exciting.
So, as I think about pushing myself to exercise more, I know I need to push myself outside my comfort zone in other ways. Socializing has always been incredibly difficult for me. I think it's generally been accepted that I don't like being around people. Turns out, that's not true. I'm finding that it's fun. They just need to be the right people.
The right people these days are those who make me laugh and inspire me in some way. Oh, and they have to be supportive of my weight-loss goals. I find that I'm inspired by people who seem to be enjoying life. We all have our ups and downs, but some people just have a more positive outlook than others. Interestingly, I'm one of those people now.
It feels great!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The numbers don't lie
I know you've heard this before, but I'm feeling good and re-committed to my efforts (even though I haven't exactly gotten off track). Those who know me, know I love numbers. They tell the real story. So I started looking at my weight loss chart this morning. The rate of weight loss has definitely slowed -- from almost 2 pounds a week to an average of 1 pound a week over the past two months. I know that a gradual slowing is normal because the more weight I lose, the harder it gets to keep losing. If I'm being honest with myself, which I clearly have tried to be with this blog, I know it's because I haven't been very diligent about keeping track of what I'm eating and drinking.
It was a fun and interesting summer. Often filled with excess and emotional drama. In terms of my personal growth, it was well worth it. But it's time to be serious about what's important to me right now. For the past couple of weeks, I've been trying to buckle down and re-dedicate myself to my mission. It's not easy, though. This past week alone, for example, I had pizza twice ... numerous slices each time. In the beginning, I clearly understood the "all things in moderation" philosophy and I stuck to it. I kept track of every morsel of food and every sip of wine.
On one hand, I'm happy to realize that, for the most part, I am able to maintain my weight loss without a lot of tracking. That's a good sign when it comes to long-term maintenance. On the other hand, I know that if I really want to keep making progress, it's time to start writing it down again. No exceptions and no excuses. I am the only one responsible for what I eat and drink.
It was a fun and interesting summer. Often filled with excess and emotional drama. In terms of my personal growth, it was well worth it. But it's time to be serious about what's important to me right now. For the past couple of weeks, I've been trying to buckle down and re-dedicate myself to my mission. It's not easy, though. This past week alone, for example, I had pizza twice ... numerous slices each time. In the beginning, I clearly understood the "all things in moderation" philosophy and I stuck to it. I kept track of every morsel of food and every sip of wine.
On one hand, I'm happy to realize that, for the most part, I am able to maintain my weight loss without a lot of tracking. That's a good sign when it comes to long-term maintenance. On the other hand, I know that if I really want to keep making progress, it's time to start writing it down again. No exceptions and no excuses. I am the only one responsible for what I eat and drink.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: I should feel better
I was pretty delighted to see the number on the scale this morning. It was down 1.8 pounds from last week. Considering the past few weeks haven't been all that successful (and I did eat pizza twice this week), this is a great result. Total loss since January is now just shy of 68 pounds. Yes, that's very excited.
But I don't feel as excited as I think I should. I've been sick most of the week and I'm so far behind at work. That's making it hard for me to muster energy to be perky and happy this morning. I am glad and relieved for the weight loss. That's enough for now.
But I don't feel as excited as I think I should. I've been sick most of the week and I'm so far behind at work. That's making it hard for me to muster energy to be perky and happy this morning. I am glad and relieved for the weight loss. That's enough for now.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Feeling fantastic
This has been a crazy week. It started with a post on Sunday about how something didn't feel right. I was in a funk. I couldn't explain it. I still can't. But things have definitely been better since then. And it's weird because I've actually been suffering terribly from allergies for the past two days. Yet somehow I feel fantastic.
I feel like my head is in a good place. No irrational thinking in days. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I've been thinking very rationally, which has helped me make several decisions that had been weighing on my mind. In the grand scheme of things, they are all minor concerns, but I was stressing so much. I see now that I was being stupid.
I am at my best when I just put all of the negative thoughts out of my head and jump in with both feet. If I want something, I figure out a way to get it. Right now, what I want most is to maintain my positive outlook. I'm excited to get up and go to work every day. I'm excited to walk my neighborhood. I'm excited to listen to my favorite songs. I'm excited to cook great meals. I'm excited to have a simple conversation with someone about something that makes me laugh. So many things make me feel good, almost giddy sometimes. And it's often the small things that make me smile the most. But I find that I'm generally in a good mood and I don't let stuff bother me like I used to.
There was a time when I would have beaten myself up about something stupid I said or did. Really. I would have probably spent hours thinking about whatever it was. Now, I think about moving forward -- continuous improvement. Nearly every thought is about how to solve a problem or how to make something better. I'm thinking about things that make me happy. And as a result I'm doing a lot more things that make me happy.
I feel like my head is in a good place. No irrational thinking in days. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I've been thinking very rationally, which has helped me make several decisions that had been weighing on my mind. In the grand scheme of things, they are all minor concerns, but I was stressing so much. I see now that I was being stupid.
I am at my best when I just put all of the negative thoughts out of my head and jump in with both feet. If I want something, I figure out a way to get it. Right now, what I want most is to maintain my positive outlook. I'm excited to get up and go to work every day. I'm excited to walk my neighborhood. I'm excited to listen to my favorite songs. I'm excited to cook great meals. I'm excited to have a simple conversation with someone about something that makes me laugh. So many things make me feel good, almost giddy sometimes. And it's often the small things that make me smile the most. But I find that I'm generally in a good mood and I don't let stuff bother me like I used to.
There was a time when I would have beaten myself up about something stupid I said or did. Really. I would have probably spent hours thinking about whatever it was. Now, I think about moving forward -- continuous improvement. Nearly every thought is about how to solve a problem or how to make something better. I'm thinking about things that make me happy. And as a result I'm doing a lot more things that make me happy.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Struggling and rambling
For about a week, I've been on an incredible high. I spent a lot of time last weekend assessing where things stand with my journey and my life in general. There were certain things I just had to let go or else I was going to drive myself crazy. The week was filled with ups and downs, but I felt good every day. I was in a genuinely good mood. And I ended each day focused on the positive parts of the day. And there was not a single day where I let my brain be too obsessive ... about anything.
So what's changed? All afternoon I've been in a funk. Something feels off. I don't know what it is. I feel blue. I don't like it. I've also been starving all day and I've already eaten my Weight Watchers points allotment for the day. I thought all day about getting in a walk because the weather was so nice, but I never did it. And that just makes me feel worse.
I started the day formulating a blog post in my head about what an optimist I've become lately. There are always bumps in the road, but I've been handling them really well. I was starting to think that maybe I could be a glass-is-half-full kind of person. I want to be. I am a hopeless romantic and tend to look on the bright side. But then there's the side of my brain that prepares for the worst, or at least prepares for every possible scenario I can think of.
I know this part of my brain drives people crazy. It even makes me crazy sometimes. Do other people analyze everything as much as I do? How can I stop?
I think one of the things that is bothering is that I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how much I've changed. I love the new me. But the new me doesn't just happen naturally. I struggle constantly to accept the changes. And it's apparently difficult for others to accept that I'm different. People expect me to act a certain way or to respond in a certain way. When I don't, they seem confused and almost disappointed. Seriously. Shouldn't they be happy that I'm learning to deal with obstacles in a positive way?
I've also been thinking about how I've come to know quite a few new people in the past six months or so. I think I'm seeking out those relationships because those people don't know the old me. You know, the one who could easily become one of those people who never leaves the house (and I mean never). Of course, they probably think the new me is a little nutty. Sometimes even I feel like I'm two different people.
I'm not usually one for waffling, so why am I doing so much of it lately. I also don't like drama, but I seem to be involved in a lot of it. If I'm going to move forward, I have to decide which Sherry I'm going to be and make a real commitment. I'm giving myself until the end of October to figure things out. (Yes, I need a deadline for figuring out my life. I operate much better under pressure.)
So what's changed? All afternoon I've been in a funk. Something feels off. I don't know what it is. I feel blue. I don't like it. I've also been starving all day and I've already eaten my Weight Watchers points allotment for the day. I thought all day about getting in a walk because the weather was so nice, but I never did it. And that just makes me feel worse.
I started the day formulating a blog post in my head about what an optimist I've become lately. There are always bumps in the road, but I've been handling them really well. I was starting to think that maybe I could be a glass-is-half-full kind of person. I want to be. I am a hopeless romantic and tend to look on the bright side. But then there's the side of my brain that prepares for the worst, or at least prepares for every possible scenario I can think of.
I know this part of my brain drives people crazy. It even makes me crazy sometimes. Do other people analyze everything as much as I do? How can I stop?
I think one of the things that is bothering is that I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how much I've changed. I love the new me. But the new me doesn't just happen naturally. I struggle constantly to accept the changes. And it's apparently difficult for others to accept that I'm different. People expect me to act a certain way or to respond in a certain way. When I don't, they seem confused and almost disappointed. Seriously. Shouldn't they be happy that I'm learning to deal with obstacles in a positive way?
I've also been thinking about how I've come to know quite a few new people in the past six months or so. I think I'm seeking out those relationships because those people don't know the old me. You know, the one who could easily become one of those people who never leaves the house (and I mean never). Of course, they probably think the new me is a little nutty. Sometimes even I feel like I'm two different people.
I'm not usually one for waffling, so why am I doing so much of it lately. I also don't like drama, but I seem to be involved in a lot of it. If I'm going to move forward, I have to decide which Sherry I'm going to be and make a real commitment. I'm giving myself until the end of October to figure things out. (Yes, I need a deadline for figuring out my life. I operate much better under pressure.)
Friday, October 1, 2010
Weekly weigh-in: Blah
I guess I knew it wasn't going to be a great week, but I thought it would be better. I lost just under a pound, bringing my total since January to exactly 66 pounds. I've also realized that I had a slight miscalculation last week when I said I needed to lose 8.8 pounds by the end of October to reach 75 pounds lost. I actually needed to lose 9.8. Ugh!
So, as of today, I have exactly four weeks to lose 9 pounds to reach my goal. Based on the rate of weight loss recently, I'm not feeling optimistic. I really need something to get me moving in the right direction and fast.
So, as of today, I have exactly four weeks to lose 9 pounds to reach my goal. Based on the rate of weight loss recently, I'm not feeling optimistic. I really need something to get me moving in the right direction and fast.
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