Struggling and rambling

For about a week, I've been on an incredible high. I spent a lot of time last weekend assessing where things stand with my journey and my life in general. There were certain things I just had to let go or else I was going to drive myself crazy. The week was filled with ups and downs, but I felt good every day. I was in a genuinely good mood. And I ended each day focused on the positive parts of the day. And there was not a single day where I let my brain be too obsessive ... about anything.

So what's changed? All afternoon I've been in a funk. Something feels off. I don't know what it is. I feel blue. I don't like it. I've also been starving all day and I've already eaten my Weight Watchers points allotment for the day. I thought all day about getting in a walk because the weather was so nice, but I never did it. And that just makes me feel worse.

I started the day formulating a blog post in my head about what an optimist I've become lately. There are always bumps in the road, but I've been handling them really well. I was starting to think that maybe I could be a glass-is-half-full kind of person. I want to be. I am a hopeless romantic and tend to look on the bright side. But then there's the side of my brain that prepares for the worst, or at least prepares for every possible scenario I can think of.

I know this part of my brain drives people crazy. It even makes me crazy sometimes. Do other people analyze everything as much as I do? How can I stop?

I think one of the things that is bothering is that I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how much I've changed. I love the new me. But the new me doesn't just happen naturally. I struggle constantly to accept the changes. And it's apparently difficult for others to accept that I'm different. People expect me to act a certain way or to respond in a certain way. When I don't, they seem confused and almost disappointed. Seriously. Shouldn't they be happy that I'm learning to deal with obstacles in a positive way?

I've also been thinking about how I've come to know quite a few new people in the past six months or so. I think I'm seeking out those relationships because those people don't know the old me. You know, the one who could easily become one of those people who never leaves the house (and I mean never). Of course, they probably think the new me is a little nutty. Sometimes even I feel like I'm two different people.

I'm not usually one for waffling, so why am I doing so much of it lately. I also don't like drama, but I seem to be involved in a lot of it. If I'm going to move forward, I have to decide which Sherry I'm going to be and make a real commitment. I'm giving myself until the end of October to figure things out. (Yes, I need a deadline for figuring out my life. I operate much better under pressure.)