Fighting mental hurdles

I blogged Saturday about how the amount of weight I've lost this year might be starting to sink in. Not so much. I feel like I had a step backward this morning. I was getting dressed (in new clothes I've bought over the past couple of weeks) and I pulled out a belt. I hadn't worn it in years. I was feeling pretty happy about thinking I'd actually wear a shirt tucked in. I put the belt through the loops and it wasn't even close to fitting. Even the smallest hole was about 5 inches too big.

Yes, once again, I know I should be delighted. I should be jumping up and down with excitement. The problem is that it never even dawned on me that it wouldn't fit. This worries me because I know that unless I'm able to deal with the psychological aspects of my weight loss, I might not be able to sustain it. It's important to me that as my body gets healthier so does my mind. Why can't I see the changes?

As if that wasn't bad enough, it was not a good day at work. As usual, I'm not going into the details in a public blog. All I'll say is that a colleague I've respected and appreciated for years is leaving. So I'm sad. Combine that with the usual stress of my job and it just wasn't a good day.

All that said, I'm determined to fight against these mental hurdles. I've noted recently how I'm trying to end each day thinking about things that made me happy. So here's my list for today:

1. A meeting I was completely unprepared for got canceled early in the day. I know the idea of me being unprepared is shocking to those who know me best, but I chose not to do any work over the weekend. Even when Sunday night rolled around and I knew I was under the gun, I watched "The Big Lebowski." Yes, I'm pretty happy that I have more time to get prepared for the meeting.
2. For the first time since I've been in my job (eight months), we had no centerpiece planned for the front of our Local & State section when I came in this morning. Again, so unlike me. But I was really happy when the photo editor quickly had a solution. (Of course, now I owe him one.)
3. I had a nice lunch with a new friend. We sat outside, and it even included a brief walk through downtown Wilmington. That made me happy, because, for those who don't know, most days I eat lunch at my desk and our office has NO windows.
4. When I got home from work, I really wanted to go straight to bed and bury my head under the covers. Instead, I walked a couple of laps around my neighborhood. Making that choice made me very happy because I know I wouldn't have done that a year ago.
5. Finally, I'm happy because I am able to see the good in this day despite the bad. Just a few months ago, I would not have been nearly as calm as I am right now. And my stress level would have been very high. And I probably would have eaten terribly as a way to cope. But that's not who I am anymore. The new me makes me happy.