Effort counts

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

A friend of mine posted this quote on facebook a little bit ago and at first it didn't hit me. After about five minutes, though, I found myself thinking about it. This could be the motto for my life during the past year and a half.

When I first decided to try losing weight, I was scared. Mostly of failure and public humiliation. What if I told people I was going to lose weight and then I didn't do it? Those who know me best know that when I say I'm going to do something, I do it. I think you call that reliable and dependable. Sure enough, as soon as I committed to losing weight, I did it.

Then, when I decided to add exercise to my routine, I was scared. With my first visit to The Loop at Wrightsville Beach (almost exactly a year ago), my heart was pounding before I even started walking. What if I couldn't do it? What if I had to stop along the way? I did have to stop and rest and nothing bad happened. Eventually, I made it all the way around.

Then, as the holidays came and went and I noticed that my eating habits were headed in the wrong direction, I got scared. As the months dragged on, I really did nothing to change my habits. In fact, they got worse. Three days ago, however, I made up my mind to change. If I'm afraid of ending up back at 271.8 pounds, why aren't I doing something about it?

I know it sounds strange to think that I'm afraid of losing weight. I am afraid I won't be able to maintain what I've achieved. But I want these changes to be permanent and I want to feel as good as I do right now.

The scale hasn't budged in the past three days, but I feel great. I've told several people that walking each morning before work has really improved my mood and outlook on the day. Mentally, I feel clearer. And, of course, I'm managing stress much better. Those things are helping me make better food choices. I went over slightly yesterday, but Sunday I was right on target and so far today I'm under my Weight Watchers points allotment.

I want to be successful in this journey far more than I'm afraid of what it will take to achieve that success. In action is fear. I will not fail because I did nothing. At least I'm trying.