I cracked!

This is not the blog post I thought I'd be writing tonight. I walked for three miles today and had something completely different in mind. It was very positive. Maybe I'll write that post another day. Now I think it's important to acknowledge that I cracked.

Since the start of the new year, I've been determined to get back on track. No more splurging "because it's the holidays." I did well last week. Exercised four days and lost 2.8 pounds -- a great way to start the year. But I felt like I was starving all week. Just ask people at work how much I was talking about being hungry. I ate in accordance with my Weight Watchers points allotment, which explains the weight loss. But I was starving all the time.

It wasn't a good week at work, which made it harder to stay on plan. I made it through Saturday, but I was hungry all day. I woke up this morning starving and craving pancakes. I tried to do the right thing. The walk this afternoon was even intended to distract me from eating.

I guess it didn't work. I finally broke down and ordered Chinese for dinner. That's something I rarely do ... just a few times in the past year. I was just so hungry. All things considered, I made decent choices -- steamed dumplings, egg drop soup and chicken with broccoli. I could have done worse.

I'm going to try not to beat myself up over it, but it's hard. I know giving in was actually probably the right thing to do ... as long as it doesn't happen very often. I have this constant worry, though, that once I go down that path, I won't be able to turn around and make myself stop. I'm doing OK and still losing weight overall. But the progress has been much slower and I know it's because of days like this. The splurging is happening far more often in the past couple of months than it did when I first started a year ago.

I don't know how to explain it. Part of it is probably because I've had to lower my food intake as I've lost weight. In the beginning, I could eat a lot more and still lose weight. Of course, it's much harder now. So to lose weight I have to be more restrictive about what I eat and how much. I think I typically eat enough, though.

I can't help but think that today's eating isn't about being hungry. It's related to my emotions. I know it's psychological. But I still can't stop it. And I don't like the fact that I ate the Chinese and I feel better. I guess I should be happy that I have it under control most of the time. I'm going to try to focus on that and, again, try not to be too hard on myself.