It's been more than a month since I decided that there's an obsessive-compulsive behavior that I really wanted to correct. I wasn't very specific about it. And now I know why. I'm doing better, but it's taking much more effort and time than I anticipated to break this habit. I seriously can't believe I haven't gotten past this and simply let it go.
The good news is that it's been two weeks since my last real obsessive episode. I'm going to take that as a good sign. But I know I haven't overcome it yet. It's a struggle every day. I don't understand why it's so difficult. And the truth is that this obsession seems to influence my mood. I truly believe that letting it go would be a huge mental step in my journey.
OK, again, I apologize for being so vague. I just can't handle the fact that I feel like I'm failing in this one particular area. If I told everyone what I was talking about, then you'd see every day that I'm failing. That would make it even worse.
I'm going to keep trying. I'm not giving up. But I feel a drastic measure might be necessary soon. I've already been trying to focus on something else and that's helping some. But the cold turkey approach might be what I need. But can I do it? Ugh!
So, not entirely related, I am feeling so happy with myself after the past three days. I know that's not very long, but after being off track for so long, it's important that I feel confident about moving forward. And I really do.
I will admit, though, that I'm struggling with an emotional issue right now. I've got a personal goal that I simply haven't been able to achieve. There's a friend who might be able to help me, but I'm not a very trusting person. I want to talk to her, but there's always this worry in the back of my mind when I tell people personal stuff. My fear is that they will judge me or, even worse, share what I say with others. I've been getting better, but it's one area that just isn't easy for me.
Anyway, I am all about taking risks these days. Maybe I will in this case as well. Who knows what will happen? Maybe things will work out in my favor ... just this once. Wish me luck.
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If this person is a real friend - any of the people who have been cheering you along on your new journey - you should be able to trust them. You have a lot of people who care about you. I say go for it. You're braver than you think.
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