I'm having a good week -- on track with eating and exercise. I've even had a few mental successes. So why do I feel like I'm struggling? My sleep patterns over the past week have been all over the place. The one thing I know is that something feels off.
I can't quite put my finger on it. Given that my life these days is filled with all sorts of new experiences, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm having trouble establishing a routine. I feel like I start each day preparing myself for the unexpected. I'm fond of telling people that I don't like surprises. Really, though, I love good, fun, happy surprises. What I don't like are the surprises that involve stress or bad news and things that catch me off guard.
Luckily, I spend all my time analyzing possibilities in my head so I'm rarely caught off guard. But I also think that might have something to do with why I don't sleep well. Too many thoughts all jumping around in my brain at once. Sometimes I just want my mind to be quiet.
If I'm being honest, I think part of the problem is uncertainty and insecurity. And those things lead to anxiety. I also get impatient because my progress has slowed. I can see where I want to be and it's just not happening fast enough.
All I can do, though, is keep plugging along. I'm hoping that consistency will pay off. I'm also hoping that I'll find something that gives me that feeling of stability and comfort.
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This might be a little too personal, Sherry, and if it is I SO apologize! But maybe it's that "time"? It always threw me into chaos - One month I was depressed to the point of suicide, the next month I had such rage I wanted to kill everyone. But since I'm 52 I haven't had to deal with that since January, 2009! Yay!
ReplyDeleteHormones can certainly have something to do with it. You might want to read back over your blogs and Facebook and see if you see a pattern. Getting enough sleep is really important for me - if I don't, it screws up everything else. I take Benadryl if I don't feel sleepy and it's getting late.
ReplyDeleteAnd you might want to also reread the paragraph about analyzing possibilities in order to be ready for whatever, etc. That sounds like a lot of words to get around the basic concept of worrying, and my motto is that the only thing worrying gets you is ulcers. It sure doesn't let you sleep. Sometimes you have to worry about big stuff - but that's just worrying about whether you'll have something to worry about, and that's not good.
And I also take Vitamin B megadoses every day. I call them my happy pills, and really do think it helps - even if it's only psychosomatic.